{ c h a p t e r s i x t e e n }
lauren's pov ;
The first thing that Grayson asked for was her.
She could see the hurt in Ethan's eyes as he stared desolately into the ward. He was intently biting down on his bottom lip while he told Lauren to go inside. He said he didn't feel like intruding, but she knew that he had no idea what to do with himself now that his brother was awake. She felt sorry for him. The poor guy had been through a lot.
Lauren wrapped her fingers around the cold doorknob. Merely turning it took almost all the energy from her body. Her heart thudded in her chest as she pushed the door open.
Grayson was lying on the bed.
Awake, of course.
His cheeks were still pale and the usual rosiness to his face still hadn't returned. His eyes were dull; the iridescent flecks of green in amidst the hazel were almost impossible to find.
"Lauren." He said, but it came out more like a whimper.
Lauren couldn't speak. Her feet were planted just a little away from his bed, but she couldn't move much further. She simply stared at him.
He had changed so much.
The left side of his head was wrapped tightly in bandages. He had a cut above his eye which had now turned to the color of ground coffee- perhaps due to an ointment of some sort. He had the ghost of a smile on his lips, like he was trying to smile but he simply couldn't.
He looked like all the life was drained out of him.
Her breath was trapped in her throat, and she could feel a wall of tears forming that were ready to collapse.
Grayson looked up with a smile that was unfitting. "That was one hell of a power nap." He said with a lopsided grin. "Remind me not to have a slumber party any time soon; I'd be a horrible host."
Grayson laughed a little. A small, undeniably forced laugh that felt odd in the air. It was a dry sort of chuckle, one that differed from his usual obnoxious laugh. Perhaps he laughed to make her feel as thought everything was okay. All it felt was unnatural.
Lauren shook her head, trying to get rid of her tears. It was obvious why he was joking. He didn't want to talk about what happened. Grayson's smile fell when he noticed that she didn't like his attempt at a joke. He saw how upset she was and averted his gaze.
Her insides filled with rage as she could feel the foundation of her wall of tears beginning to collapse.
"You don't get to do that, Grayson." She said, her eyes filling up with tears. "You don't get to joke and laugh about what happened. Do you understand how scared I was?"
She took a deep breath, biting her lip to refrain from sobbing. "I thought you were going to leave me, Grayson. I heard some nurses talking about your excessive bleeding; how if they didn't stop it you'd go into hypovolemic shock.
"Shock leads to heart failure." She said in barely a whisper. "Those hours I spent waiting in that room and looking through this window seeing you completely still- all I could think about was what my life would be without you.
"I thought you were going to die, Grayson."
"I'm sorry." He said, his eyes stuck to the bed. "I should've been better. I should've handled the situation with Ethan properly. I wasn't thinking."
Grayson's eyes filled with tears as he looked down shamefully, like a child being scolded.
"I always mess things up. Not only with you; with Ethan, with my parents- everyone. I always let people down, I always fuck things up, I make a mess everywhere I go. I'm a problem child."
"You're not a problem child, Grayson." She said indignantly.
Grayson finally looked up at her, his eyes softening. She noticed the redness that was apparent again, complimented by fresh tears.
"Did Ethan tell you?" Grayson asked. Lauren nodded and he bitterly laughed. This laugh wasn't forced. "Like I said; problem child."
"No." Lauren shook her head. "No, you're not. Your mom and dad- they didn't listen to each other. They didn't attempt to understand where each one was coming from. They didn't ask you once what you wanted or how you felt about your situation. Their divorce was their own fault. And Ethan? Ethan loved you. He still does. He couldn't handle stepping up to the role of a father figure and that's why he left; it had nothing to do with anything that you did."
He shook his head. "You don't know that, Lauren."
"I do know that. Ethan told me so himself."
Grayson looked up in surprise. "He did?"
"He did. Look, Grayson, you don't mess up everything. We're human; part of it is making mistakes and feeling vulnerable. It's okay to fuck things up. It's okay to make mistakes and it's inevitable that we'll let people down sometimes. That doesn't mean you're not worth anything. You're worth everything to me."
She pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, her lips lingering there for a second as her eyes fluttered closed. She wished she could stay there forever.
In her peripheral, she saw Ethan's dark head of hair leaning against the outside of the ward. She knew she should leave and give them a chance to sort things out with each other.
"You've got an apologetic visitor outside." She said, eyeing Ethan as he tried to discreetly glance inside.
Grayson sighed. "I suppose he could come in for a little while."
"I'm glad you're willing to give him a chance." She beamed, giving him a final kiss and leaving the ward.
Ethan was waiting outside in the same spot. He was cautiously staring at the ward, as though he wasn't sure if entering was a good idea.
"He doesn't bite, you know." She said, rolling her eyes.
"He does punch though." Ethan muttered under his breath. Lauren laughed, pushing him towards the door.
"Go." She said. "You'll be fine."
* * *
Ethan had been in the ward with Grayson for a little over a half hour. Lauren watched them from the waiting area with a smile playing across her face. They seemed to be getting along.
This time, instead of sobs emanating from the room, it was loud laughter that rung in the air; somehow made the dreary hospital alive again. Lauren looked through the window to see them messing about and grinning like idiots. Ethan was throwing grapes at Grayson and teasing him about how he couldn't catch a single one in his mouth. Grayson protested that he was in a hospital bed and that the second he got out of it he would beat his ass like he did before. They seemed to find that pretty amusing as they laughed until they were in stitches.
Seeing such happiness after a time of grief comforted Lauren in more ways than one. For the first time in forever, everything felt like it was going to be okay.
After a while, their laughter died down. The ward became silent. Not the tense silence that it once was between the brothers. This silence was one of forgiveness.
Grayson was practically glowing as he smiled down at his lap. She could tell just by a single glance how happy he was that his brother was finally back in his life again.
"I love you." Ethan spoke up, breaking the silence.
Grayson looked up at his other half with a soft smile. The twinkle in his eyes returned once more.
"I love you too, E."
* * *