Chapter 5: What Love Is
I slowly opened my eyes and found myself inside an emergency room. No machine connected to me. Wala rin akong nararamdamang masakit sa katawan ko and... oh, there was a bump at the side of my head, probably when I hit the pavement. Napadako ang tingin ko sa lalaking nakaupo sa gilid ko. He was sleeping while sitting, his head was placed against the wall.
It was Semper. He got a bruised face, but I was the one on bed. We're supposed to trade positions. Dahan-dahan akong gumalaw. I leaned closer to him and closely examined his face. He was close to perfection, alright. But only if his eyes are a little bit lively. Sayang kasi ang makapal niyang kilay, it would be best if it was placed above lively eyes rather than a lackluster one.
His nose was pointed, that everyone would be envy, even me. His skin neither white nor dark. Just the right combination. Mapula rin ang kanyang labi na mas naging kapansin-pansin dahil sa sugat. I wonder if he would flinch if I will touch his wounded face. Wait, why am I always assessing his physical features?
"Do you really have to be that close?"
Bigla na lamang siyang nagsalita na ikinagulat ko. I almost jumped out of bed in surprise! His eyes were still close, and he didn't move even a little.
"Hindi ka ba tulog?" I blurted out to hide my embarrassment.
"Hindi."
"Eh bakit ka nakapikit?" I asked. His eyes were still closed, which gave me a view of how thick his lashes are. Damn, I don't need mascara with those lashes.
"I'm enduring the physical pain," sagot niya. Ibinuka niya ang kanyang mga mata at tumingin sa akin ng diretso. And now it came to my mind!
"You tried to kill me!" I started hitting him with my curled fist, but he caught my hand. Sinubukan kong makawala at nagtagumpay naman ako kaya pinagpatuloy ko ang paghahampas sa dibdib niya. He didn't flinch or move, hinayaan niya lang ako ngunit napapangiwi siya sa ginawa ko. I continue hitting him until I felt my own fist to throb.
"Pwede ba huminahon ka muna saglit?" Kalmado man ang boses niya, it is still very dominating. Natagpuan ko na lamang ang sarili ko na naging kalmado gaya ng iniutos niya.
"Hindi kita pinagtangkaang patayin," wika niya. It sounds convincing but I won't believe him.
"You did."
I heard him sigh and pulled his hair. "It wasn't me."
"Hindi ako naniniwala." It was a lie. Naniniwala akong hindi nga siya iyon, but the fact that he was the one who brought me there, the motorcycle, the outfit. It all points to him. But... why do I find myself contradicting my belief?
"Listen, Violet." And so, I did. Damn, why do I follow his instructions? "Hindi kita tinangkang patayin. In fact, I was the one who saved you."
My eyes met his but it's hard to tell if there's sincerity or none in his eyes. Nevertheless, I believed him. "Kung hindi ikaw, sino?"
"Aalamin ko pa. I have a hunch, but I cannot tell you for now." Napangiwi siya nang bahagya siyang gumalaw. "My body hurts so much. So, this is physical pain."
"Aren't you supposed to be treated?" tanong ko sa kanya. Fine, nag-aalala ako. If he saved me, I would also return the favor. May ilang galos sa siko at braso niya.
"Hindi pwede."
"Bakit hindi?"
"I just don't want to," wika niya at ini-stretch ang katawan. "I will naturally heal for a day or two. Humans are weak, hindi ko akalaing ganito pala ang sakit na nararamdaman ninyo."
I caught him with his own words. "So, you're not human." It's not a question.
He just looked at me. Walang sagot. Walang reaksyon. Just pure dull gaze.
"Hindi ka ba tao?" This time, I asked but he avoided my gaze.
"Maybe."
"Ano ka?"
"Stop asking questions for now," sagot niya. Ayan na naman ang kanyang tono na tila ba sinasabing kailangan kong sundin ang sinabi niya.
"Could you at least give me a little detail?" I'm taking chances, I know. Baka mainis ito at sakalin ako ng walang pag-aalinlangan pero tinanong ko pa rin. "Like wat you really are. Just a little."
"I'm in the good side," sagot niya. He was serious with his tone. It could also be that he is serious with his words.
"Good side of what?"
"I thought you want only a little. Siguro ay tama na iyon," wika niya at tumayo. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla ko na lamang siyang hinila. He was taken aback and wasn't able to maintain his balance kaya napaupo siya sa kama.
Naalala ko ang sinabi niya kanina. He wanted to talk to me. "Ano nga pala ang gusto mong pag-usapan natin?"
"It's about Daven."
I suddenly became interested. "What's about Daven?"
"Huwag kang lalapit sa kanya. Do not go anywhere with him."
"Why?" gulat na tanong ko. Ano naman ang pakialam niya sa amin ni Daven? And hey, not being with Daven is the last thing I wanted for now. There's no guarantee na susundin ko ang sinabi niya.
"Just don't. Huwag mo munang alamin ang rason ngayon."
Tinitigan ko siya ng matagal at pilit na inaalam kung ano nga ba ang rason but I couldn't find any. Sa halip ay pinili ko na lamang ibaling sa iba ang usapan.
"I think you need rest. T-thank you for saving me, good side," wika ko. Maybe I will find the one responsible for this at the right time. I swear I will find him whoever he is.
***
Do not expect me to be the totally good Samaritan. After I made Semper rest at the hospital yesterday, agad din akong umalis. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung nakapagpagamot ba siya o nahiga lang siya doon. Wala akong balak na bantayan at alagaan siya.
Habang nire-review ko ang mga notes ko kinabukasan ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin ang mga nangyari kanina. It was an attempt of murder. Balak nga yata akong sagasaan ng kung sino mang sakay ng motorsiklong iyon, if only Semper was a minute late, malamang ay malamig na bangkay na ako. Hindi ko na ipinagpaalam sa mga magulang ko ang pangyayaring iyon dahil ayaw kong mag-alala pa sila.
Ngunit sino nga ba ang nasa likod ng pagtangkang iyon? Alam kong marami ang naiinis sa akin sa campus but it wouldn't take them that far. Hindi ko akalaing aabot sa puntong iyon. If Semper was the one who saved me, then who was trying to kill me?
"Hi."
Napaangat ako ng tingin sa lalaking nagsalita sa harapan ko. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that it was Daven. Napatayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo at binati siya.
"H-hi...." Okay, let's face it. I'm still a teen and I have all the right to act like one. I crossed my legs and lowered my face. I also placed some loose hair beneath my ears.
"Can we talk?" Tanong niya sa akin. Inilibot niya ang kanyang paningin sa paligid. Iilan lamang ang nasa canteen at abala pa sa kanya-kanyang ginagawa.
"Ngayon na?"
"Yes, but not here," he said at hinawakan ang kamay ko. I was shocked when he did it. His fingers slipped on mine and I felt the warmness of his palm. I clasped his hand, matagal ko nang pinapangarap na mahawakan ulit ang kanyang kamay. I missed holding his hands. I miss his lips pressed against my forehead. I missed him so much.
Naghintay akong umalis siya ngunit nanatili lamang siyang nakatayo roon. His eyes were on the table at saka ko pa lamang naalala na nagkalat pala doon ang mga notebook at papel ko. I was reviewing for my other classes and his presence made me lose my mind. Bumitaw ako sa kamay niya at nilagay sa bag ko ang mga gamit. Saka pa lamang siya naglakad palabas ng canteen at sumunod ako. Nanghinayang pa ako dahil hindi na niya hinawakan ang kamay ko. I should have left my things if I knew that he will not held my hand again.
He guided me towards his car. Ah, Daven is just the perfect boyfriend. Maalaga, maalalahanin, may respeto, gwapo, mayaman, may kotse...
Name it, Daven has it. Marahil nga ay hindi talaga kami magwo-work, gaya ng sinabi niya sa text noong nakipaghiwalay siya.
He opens the door for me at bigla na lamang pumasok sa isip ko si Semper. Er, why did he appear in my mind?
Nagpasalamat ako kay Daven at pumasok sa kotse matapos iwinaksi sa isipan si Semper. Pumasok din siya at akala ko ay aalis kami doon ngunit hindi niya binuksan ang makina ng kotse.
"Hindi tayo aalis?" Tanong ko.
"No. Gusto kong kausapin ka rito," wika niya. He held my hand and looked at me worriedly. "Alam kong wala akong karapatang diktahan ang buhay mo Violet but I really wanted to say this at sa tingin ko ay ito na ang tamang pagkakataon."
Okay I hate this. I don't want serious confrontation like this. Is this the closure that I wanted before or is this a new hope?
"Do not trust Semper. Alam kong magkasama kayo kahapon."
Daig ko pa ang nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig at may kasama pang ice cubes na tumama sa ulo ko. It wasn't a closure or confession, pero hindi iyon ang inaasahan ko. What's the deal with him and Semper?
"Ha?" Pilit kong itinago ang pagkadismaya. Inalis ko rin ang kamay kong hawak pa rin niya. "Sandali, magkaaway ba kayo ni Semper?"
"No. Hindi kami magkaaway. Sinasabi ko lamang ito sa'yo dahil nag-aalala ako," his voice really sounded worried. It's one of the things I miss about him. His voice when he is worried. The sound of his voice was soothing, and I think I can sleep peacefully even if he talks all day.
"Nag-aalala? For what?" Alam ba niya na hindi tao si Semper? Is that what he means?
He cupped my face with his warm hands, and I felt my cheeks blushed. Tiningnan niya ako sa mata. "Basta. Just do as I say." He stared at my face, like he is memorizing every corner of my face. When he stared at my lips, I saw him dampen his lower lip with his tongue. I swallowed hard. For six months of being together, Daven had never kissed my lips even once. He loved to hug me and kiss me on the cheek or forehead. At isa iyon sa mga bagay na nagustuhan ko sa kanya. He respects women and I love him for that.
I know it sounds crazy, but I was thinking that Daven wanted to kiss me on the lips. And I was right. His face was moving closer to me. Nakatingin lamang siya sa mga mata ko. And in a blink, his face was only an inch away from mine. I closed my eyes and waited. The car is tinted at walang makakakita sa amin. I almost feel his lips on mine when we heard a loud revving of engine. May ilaw din na nagmumula sa labas and even if the car was tinted, kinabahan pa rin ako kaya naitulak ko palayo si Daven. Sabay kaming napatingin sa harapan kung saan nasa harap ng kotse ni Daven ang itim na bigbike, which continuously makes an annoying sound of a revving engine.
The driver removed his helmet and I was surprised to see Semper. His face was serious, as usual, and his eyes were staring directly at me. Iignorahin ko sana ang tinging iyon dahil tinted naman ang salamin ng kotse but no, I can't. It was Semper, and he really is staring at me. Paano niya ako nakikita gayong tinted naman ang kotse?! Sa sobrang kaba ay tinangka kong buksan ang pinto ngunit pinigilan ako ni Daven.
"Don't. Stay here, please," wika niya.
Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa kanya at kay Semper na nasa labas. Una kong tiningnan si Semper na nasa labas at nakatingin pa rin sa akin. It's creepy to know that the car is tinted yet he is looking directly at me. Lumipat naman kay Daven ang tingin ko. His expression was also serious, hindi ko alam kung ano ang nalalaman niya tungkol kay Semper to act this way. Sa isipan ko ay mas pipiliin kong manatili dito kasama si Daven. I was hoping that maybe, he will realize that he still loves me.
Nakarinig ako ng papalayong tunog ng motorsiklo at nang tumingin ako sa harapan, wala na si Semper. Saka lamang kami nakahinga ng maluwag ni Daven.
"It really bothers me to know that you are going out with that guy," komento niya.
"I'm not going out with him."
"I saw him follow you everywhere," sabi niya na ikinagulat ko.
"What?!" Semper is stalking me? Now that is creepy of all creepy.
"That's one of the reasons why I asked you not to trust him."
"So, there are others?" I asked. Alam kong gaya ng mga babae, may kanya-kanya ding prejudice ang mga lalaki. Pwedeng hindi nila gusto ang isang tao sa isang tingin lang. What if ganoon lang ang nararamdaman ni Daven kay Semper?
"Yeah, but I won't tell you for now," sagot niya. I looked at him, trying to find a little something to spark up the hope within me. Maybe it's about time that we should talk about us. About what happened to us and what will happen to us. I let out some air few times before I was able to find the courage to speak.
"Daven, can we talk about—"
The loud ringing of his phone stopped me. Kinuha ni Daven ang kanyang cellphone mula sa dashboard ng kotse and the caller ID shows that it's Iradessa. Wow. Ang lakas din naman niyang man-timing. I was just few words away and there she is, calling to prevent me. Siguro nga ay may sandemonyo si Iradessa. Whops.
Daven excused himself at lumabas ng kotse upang sagutin ang tawag. My chest began to hurt na para bang pinagtutusok ako doon. Ayaw kong mas lalo pang saktan ang sarili ko. Lumabas ako ng kotse at agad na naglakad palayo doon. I was heading towards our department building.
"Are you done talking to him?"
Halos mapasigaw ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Semper. He was standing behind my locker, at kanina lang ay wala siya doon. Or maybe I was just preoccupied. The first one seemed unbelievable pero iyon yata ang nais kong paniwalaan.
"Pwede ba, wag kang basta-basta manggugulat!" Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. I must really be surprised to have this fast heartbeat.
"Hindi kita ginulat."
"You did," sagot ko. He only moves his head a little, like saying that he didn't. Naalala ko ang sinabi ni Daven sa akin. I shouldn't trust him— No. Hindi ko iyon iisipin dahil mababasa niya ang iniisip ko. He bumped his arm against mine as he reached for a book inside my locker. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at inilayo ang sarili ko sa kanya. I don't want to feel his skin on my skin.
"Or that's what you think." He scanned through the pages of my Cassandra Clare's City of Bones.
I made a face and tried to grab my book from him, but he was fast. He scoots on one side, his eyes maintaining a straight look in my eyes. "Your face tells me that Daven and you talked about me."
"Nice guess." Oo, medyo natakot ako. Siguro nga ay hindi utak ko ang binabasa niya. I kept my poker face and tried to grab the book again ngunit naiiwas pa rin niya iyon.
"So, this one affected your imaginations," binuksan niya ang libro at sa pagkakataong ito ay nahila ko na iyon mula sa kanya. Maybe he meant to let it go. Inayos ko ang libro at ibinalik iyon sa locker. I am one of those "touch my book and you're dead". Never mess with my books.
He pulled something from my locker at binasa ang pirasong papel. He moved swiftly that it was too late to realize that he got my schedule.
"Akin na!" Just like the book, I tried grabbing the piece of paper ngunit itinaas lamang iyon ni Semper. "Ano ba!"
"You have a community service now," he said. Napansin ko ang bahagyang paggalaw ng labi niya, and then it hit me that I was almost clinging to his body. Even if how hard I tried not to blush, I still did. Inilayo ko ang sarili ko sa kanya at sinipa ang kanyang tuhod.
"Akin na sabi eh!" Alam kong may community service ako. 12 hours, isn't it great? At araw-araw ay halos isa't kalahating oras lamang ang vacant ko kaya ilang araw kong kailangang icomply ang 12 na oras. With Iradessa and her minions.
Hinablot ko ang papel sa kanya, isinalampak iyon sa locker at padabog na isinara. Semper successfully got under my skin. At galing pa ako sa sobrang pagkainis dahil kay Daven at Iradessa. Naglakad ako palayo sa kanya matapos isara ang locker ko.
My thoughts were about Daven. Bakit niya ginawa iyon kanina? I feel like he really wanted to kiss me. He even held my hand kaya bumangon ang pag-asa sa dibdib ko. But shortly, it shattered.
I felt someone on my back kaya nilingon ko iyon. As expected, he was following me. His black eyes dig into my face and before I remember that he said he reads me through my face, nakapagsalita na siya ng mga opinyon niya.
"He doesn't love you."
"What?" Narinig ko naman talaga ang sinabi niya ngunit iyon pa rin ang sinabi ko. I think I know now what he is best at. Annoying people. Especially me.
"Gusto mo ba talagang ulitin ko?"
I took heavy breaths and took few steps back to him. "Paano mo naman nasabi?"
"It shows."
"Shows what?" God, his expressionless face is irking me. And if ever his facial expression changes, it is more of a mock and smirk and the likes, which is very annoying. At all times.
"That he doesn't love you." Okay Semper Galvez. Strike two ka na.
I let out a fake laughter. So fake that even I, myself didn't like the sound of it. "What do you know with the word love? I don't even think that you've experienced it. Sa tingin ko nga ay wala kang girlfriend."
My last statement is when we talk about his attitude because physically speaking, imposibleng hindi ito nagka-girlfriend.
"I have a girlfriend." Sa unang pagkakataon ay napansin kong tila nagkaroon ng buhay ang mata niya.
"I don't think so. Kung may girlfriend ka, hindi ka sana bumubuntot sa akin ngayon." Mayabang mang isipin, posibleng kaya siya lumalapit sa akin ay dahil gusto niya ako. Uh. Not really sure but it could be.
"I'm doing this for her," mahinang wika niya ngunit narinig ko pa rin iyon.
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"
Hindi niya sinagot ang tanong ko. Sa halip ay hinarap niya ako. Gone was the little spark in his eyes, the dullness dominates it.
"I just know that he doesn't love you because if he did, gagawin niya ang lahat upang magsama kayo. Even if it means putting his life into danger, he will do everything so that you two will be together. In your case, he left you."
His lips started tilting again, which made me want to punch him right there. How could he say it directly to my face?! I took a few steps backward, give him a deadly glare before I turn to walk away bago pa man mawala ang self-control ko at masapak siya sa mukha niya.
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