Chapter 7
“Your cell phone is ringing,” Ted, one of my colleagues said.
I picked it up and said a casual, “Hello,”
“Jordan?”
Taylor’s concerned voice had me jerking up in alertness.
“Is something wrong?” I asked uneasily.
“No, nothing is wrong. I’m caught up in a meeting and I didn’t know who else to call,” Taylor said.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Yeah, would you mind picking Angie up from school?”
It was weird that I would feel so honored for Taylor to trust me with the care of her child. “I wouldn’t mind at all,” I said.
I was pleased she'd feel comfortable enough to ask me for help.
“I know it’s not part of your job, it’s that she trusts you and you two get along. I don’t have a babysitter yet…” Taylor continued trying to explain herself.
“Taylor, its fine, it is no trouble at all.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, now please give me the address and tell me what time she leaves school.”
Taylor gave me the details and shortly after hanging up, I got up to leave. “Ted, I’m putting you in charge. Something just came up and I have to go.”
“Okay,” Ted said.
I walked out, leaving him working on the floor of Angie’s bedroom.
**
“Where is mommy?” Angie asked when she got in my jeep.
“Your mommy is caught up in a very important meeting.”
“I like your car,” she said after putting on the seatbelt.
“Thanks. Now, do you want to go straight home or do you want to grab some ice cream.”
Angie excitedly said, “Ice cream. I want ice cream.”
“Ice cream it is then,” I said, then drove out of the parking lot of the fancy little school.
**
“Okay, now that your homework is done, you’ve showered and had dinner, I think we should get you to bed.” I told Angie later on that evening.
Taylor had called to say she’d be running late and since I had not made any plans that night, I had reassured her that I didn’t mind spending time with Angie.
She was a wonderful kid and the more time I spent with her, the deeper I found myself growing attached. Henry was an old fool for neglecting his family. He didn’t know what he had, that was probably why he didn’t care.
“Will you read me a story?” Angie asked.
I reached for a book from the shelf filled with children's books and flipped through the pages. After tucking in the little girl, I began the story.
I watched Angie while I read and her vigor and joy encouraged me to read on. Half an hour later, she got drowsy and an hour later, she was sound asleep.
I kissed her forehead and pulled the covers warmly over her and then dimmed the lights before I walked out of the room.
I didn’t want to think of the effect Angie was having on me and since I couldn’t sit around and do nothing, I went to the bedroom I had been working on for over a week now and resumed with my work, while I waited for Taylor to come home.
My colleagues had gone home hours before and the workers employed by the Langford’s were sound asleep.
It was an hour later when Taylor got home. I had come to learn that Henry was away on business, but I hoped Taylor would not get so busy that she would neglect Angie as well.
“I didn’t hear you come in,” I said when I saw Taylor standing at the door.
That tinge of self-consciousness overcame me because as always, the woman was dressed like a model out of a fashion magazine and compared to how I was dressed, it made me feel like a peasant.
“I can’t believe you’re still working.”
“I had nothing else to do and didn’t want to leave before you arrived in case Angie woke up.”
“That was very thoughtful of you.”
“She’s a wonderful little girl.”
“She is. Thank you for doing this. I really appreciate it.”
“It was no trouble.”
“Wow! I haven’t been in here for a while,” Taylor said as she took a look at the walls I had been working on.
I had finished applying the paint and was now painting unicorns and rainbows as Angie had requested. It would have been much easier to put stickers, but in time, they would have worn off, so I had decided to hand paint the walls myself. So far, the resulting effect was magnificent.
“I knew you were talented, but wow! This is amazing.”
“Angie helps too,” I said, a little bit embarrassed by the praise.
“Yeah, what did she paint?”
I reluctantly looked at Taylor and then moved some stuffed boxes that were leaning against the wall to reveal Angie’s painting.
“That’s you,” Taylor said, looking at the amateur crayon-like drawing with my name.
“And you,” I said, moving the boxes further to reveal the rest of the drawing.
Angie had drawn herself in the middle of the two of us, holding our hands.
Shrugging it off, I said in nonchalance, “I’ll paint over it once I’m done, I just thought she’d like to see it around while I’m still working on the room.”
Taylor walked over to the wall and ran her perfectly manicured fingers over the images. “I’d like for it to stay,” Taylor said, surprising me with the remark.
We stood there in long silence until I thought it was time to leave. “I should get going.”
“Have dinner with me,” Taylor said when I started preparing to leave.
“Sorry?” I said, not sure I’d heard correct.
“Stay a while longer and have dinner with me.”
That was one invitation I wasn't sure I could turn down. “Okay.”
I followed Taylor to the dining room. The household cook must have woken up when Taylor had come home because when we sat down, she brought over our meals and once we were satisfied, she left us alone.
I silently watched Taylor and wondered what she was thinking. In all my lifetimes, I had never imagined a time would come when we would seat across each other again. It had always been a distant thought; one that had always been too much to hope for, but then again, this wasn't the same woman I had known five years ago.
“Thank you, for today, for Angie.”
I heard Taylor say and nodded in acknowledgment.
“It's a little bit hard balancing my roles as a mother and a career woman.”
I noticed her lack of mentioning Henry but pretended I hadn't.
“Henry suggested a nanny, but I don't want to grow apart from Angie.”
I silently nodded in understanding.
“Anyway, tell me what has been going on in your life.”
The sudden change of subject made me a bit nervous. What could I say? Comparing the changes that had occurred in my life within the past five years to the changes that had occurred in hers made my achievements feel so little.
“I don't really know what to say.”
“Well, you can start by telling me about your job,” Taylor suggested.
“There isn't much to tell. I'm a senior interior designer for Thompson and associates, which I assume you already know.”
Taylor nodded. “How is Kayla? I've been meaning to call her but I'm a bit ashamed about how I left.”
“She's good and I don't think she blames you.”
“When Henry and I discussed moving here, in the back of my mind I thought about you guys but I wasn't sure I wanted to reconnect with my past.”
“If my firm hadn't been hired to work on your penthouse, you never would have come looking for me,” I said quietly and Taylor nodded.
I didn't know why the knowledge afflicted me despite already having known it for a fact. If I had been in Taylor's position, I probably would have done the same thing too. “Well, I apologize for the intrusion. When I took the project I had no idea I would be working for you. If I had known, I would have handed over the project to someone else,” I said.
“Are you and Tracy still...” she trailed off but I understood.
“No,” I said quickly and added, “It never happened again.”
It never happened at all. Well, at least not during our relationship and a long time after, but I carried on with the charade because I wanted to make my heart understand that I had no chance with the elegantly gorgeous Mrs. Langford.
“I'm proud of you, Taylor. You got everything you ever wanted.”
She had the life she’d one day envisioned for herself.
“Not everything,” Taylor said with a hint of sadness and I looked at her, wishing, hoping, praying, but it all came crashing down on me when Taylor added, “I haven't been to Iceland.”
There was nothing left, I painfully noticed when Taylor looked at me.
“You have all the resources, I'm sure it's just a matter of time,” I said. After a moment of silence, I asked, “Doesn't Henry's absence bother you?”
I saw something move in Taylor’s eyes and realized that she wasn't used to being questioned about such delicate issues.
“No,” Taylor said.
“Doesn't his absence in Angie's life bother you?”
This time Taylor looked at me. “He loves her, he just has a different way of showing it.”
“Does he love you?” I knew I had crossed the line but I couldn't help myself.
I had seen them together and had noticed that their only interest in conversation revolved around their work, not their daughter and certainly not each other.
“In his own way,” Taylor said.
She’d gotten so good at concealing her emotions, that the questions and her answers did not reveal even the tiniest hint. It appeared that years of practice came in handy.
“His indifference towards you doesn't bother you?” I said, this time deliberately provoking her. I wanted to break the thick glass Taylor had frozen herself in.
“I do not go seeking his attention or affection,” Taylor said, breaking the stare as she took a bite of her meal.
“What happened to you?” I asked in disappointment. “Who are you?” I asked again, wishing I had not accepted the invitation for dinner.
“What do you expect from me Jordan?” Taylor asked, suddenly showing her discomfort.
“What do I expect from you? I expected better. Why are you in a marriage that doesn't make you happy? How can you sit there and accept Henry's neglect for his own child? How can any of it not affect you?”
Taylor stood up at the questions I hurled at her and asked, “You want to know why?”
“Yes, I want to know.” I stood up as well.
“Because the worst possible thing that could ever have happened to me already has and there is nothing that can hurt me more than that. Nothing that will ever hurt me more than that and it's all thanks to you,” Taylor said in a composed and controlled voice that did not betray her.
I felt like she'd just taken a gun, aimed it at my heart and mercilessly pulled the trigger. I knew I had hurt Taylor, but I had never really thought about the level of damage I had caused. I had never quite imagined the extent of that pain.
Hearing her say those words, watching her as she composedly said them, made me realize that I had completely destroyed the only woman I had ever loved. The woman standing before me was the shell that had emerged as a result of the damage I had caused.
“It's getting late,” she said.
My lips stiffened in a blank smile and without saying anything, I turned and left.
**
Taylor’s POV
Taylor sat back down and noticed how fast her heart was beating. She was a master at concealing what she felt but when she was alone, she couldn't help letting it out. Of course it bothered her that Henry wasn't a good father. It should have bothered her that their marriage was just a signature in a contract, but it didn't.
The only thing that did was the fact that his absence hurt Angie. Apart from that, nothing else emotionally affected her.
After what Jordan had done to her, she'd promised herself that she would never love again and over the years, almost none to very little things got to her due to that one great painful lesson.
After the terrible rebound, she’d left New York after accepting a job offer in London. She'd wanted to get as far away as distance could allow and one night, she'd met Henry at a dinner party.
She'd promised herself that she would never get involved with another woman and when Henry had started flirting with her, taking her to ravishing dinners and spoiling her with his wealth, she'd allowed herself to be distracted because she'd desperately needed it.
Henry had been good to her. He had treated her with kindness and had showered her with luxury. And then one night, he'd taken her out on his yacht and that night, they had consummated their relationship. On her part, it had been an attempt to completely free herself from Jordan but it had taken more than just that.
On the same night, Angie had been conceived. She had always wanted a child of her own but she'd wanted to mother that child with Jordan. The fact that she'd been pregnant with a man she'd barely known and barely loved had come as a shock.
She'd been used to being with Jordan so much that the use of protection while having sex had been a far thought from her mind. After endlessly debating on whether or not to tell Henry, she'd ended up deciding that her child needed a father and eventually, she'd told him.
To that day, she never could tell if he'd been happy or saddened by the news because he'd shown no reaction. But being the gentleman he was, he'd gone ahead and done the right thing. After marrying her in a private ceremony, he'd announced the news of his child a few weeks later, protecting Taylor from being called a gold digger or other insulting names.
Although people had questioned their courtship, Henry had continued being affectionate and had tried to be there during the pregnancy. After Angie's birth, his business trips had become minimal and during the first few months, both Henry and Taylor had been good together as a married couple.
Things had changed after Henry had relocated her back to America. His business, Langford Group had opened another branch in the country and his presence there had been of vital importance. His duties and responsibilities had multiplied overnight and soon, Taylor hadn't seen him for weeks and months at a time.
A year after the birth of their child, she'd decided to go back to work and Henry had given her a position in the new branch as the senior regional marketer, saying he needed someone he could trust to run the company while he continued with his other businesses.
The position had come with challenges because she'd desperately wanted to be there for Angie and still work but being the boss's wife had come with advantages. As Angie had continued to grow, her responsibilities at the company had continued to increase but by then, she'd become an expert at balancing her time between home and work.
The rift in her marriage had been caused by an affair she'd had with her personal assistant. For a long time after meeting Henry, she'd thought she'd silenced that part of herself but after hiring a new beautiful personal assistant, those feelings had resurfaced.
Her name had been Leslie Carson. Their affair had been brief and had ended before it had even begun. They had only slept together twice before Henry found out. Taylor had not known until then that he'd had people watching her. She'd considered leaving him for invasion of her privacy but he had insisted on them staying together for Angie's sake.
From that moment on, almost two and a half years past, they had never been together again as man and wife. Taylor had never been bothered by their lack of sexual intimacy and Henry's attitude towards her had never really hurt her, but his attitude towards their daughter got to her.
It was his punishment for her infidelity. She knew that he slept with other women during his many business trips, but that never bothered her either. She'd slept with other women during the marriage, but just like his affairs, which they were both aware of, there were no strings attached.
She'd never asked anything of him and he'd never asked anything of her. When he'd uprooted them to New York, she'd agreed without much thought or concern for anything. When she needed a sexual release, it was never hard finding a woman to be with but since getting back to New York, her sexual urges had died down and memories had taken over.
She'd met Jordan in New Jersey on her third year of high school and had instantly taken a liking to her. Jay-Jay, as she still thought of her, had been wild, beautiful, bold and openly gay. Every teacher and student in school had been aware of her sexual orientation.
Taylor had been gay herself, but she'd never been confident enough to face that fact. When she'd met Jordan, the carefree, beautiful girl who both teachers and students alike found appealing, she'd been afraid. First, to be her friend because everyone would think she was also gay, second, to be outed when she was still not sure of herself, and third, because she had liked Jordan so much.
She had formed an easy friendship with Kayla who had received a little less attention. Kayla had been Jordan's best friend and had not cared much about what people thought.
They had grown up together, just a few houses apart, as Taylor had later on come to learn and that had made it easier for her to understand why it had never gotten to Kayla what people thought of her.
Jordan had always had girls hanging around her, whether gay or straight but her popularity had never gotten into her head because she'd still treated Kayla with love and respect in and out of school.
Jordan's parents had been very comfortable with her sexuality and Kayla's parents and siblings had never seemed to mind it either. Being around the two girls so much had made Taylor want to come out but she'd always been afraid. Would her parents be okay with it? Would people view her differently? So many doubts had crossed her mind, scaring her into being content with just being the way she was. A coward.
One night, at a party, Jordan had approached her and taken her to the rooftop of the house where they could be alone. Taylor had been nervous because she'd never been alone with Jordan and also because she'd liked her so much.
“Why are you always so afraid of me?” Jordan had asked her.
“I'm not afraid of you,” Taylor had answered.
“How come whenever you're alone with me you always make up an excuse to leave?” she'd asked and Taylor had been at a loss for words. “You think I never notice how you look at me when we're in a crowd? How you yank away your hand whenever I accidentally touch you? Or how you pretend you were not looking when I find you staring?”
Embarrassed that Jordan had noticed so much, she'd not known how to explain herself.
“What? Does being around someone like me disgust you so much?”
The question had startled her.
“Disgust me?” she'd asked in shock.
“Yes, I've noticed how you are around me,” Jordan had stated.
“It's not disgust,” she'd said.
“Then what is it?”
She'd never thought she'd be brave enough to say it but that night she'd taken a stand because she couldn't stand letting Jordan continue thinking that she resented her.
“You make me nervous and the reason why I'm like that around you is because I...” She'd hesitated and then turned to look away because she hadn't known how Jordan would react to her confession. “I have a stupid crush on you,” she'd admitted.
“You have a crush on me?” Jordan had asked in utter surprise.
“Yes and whenever I'm around you, I get nervous because I like you so much.”
“How come you never said anything before?” Jordan had asked.
“Because you always have someone hanging around you,” Taylor had said.
She’d been about to run when Jordan had stopped her and said, “I wouldn't normally care what people think of me, but somehow, thinking that you resented me, that you couldn't stand being around me, it got to me. Not because you're just any other ordinary person, but because I like you too.”
The confession had surprised her.
“Yes, I know there is someone always hanging around me. It doesn't mean I'm with them,” she'd explained. “I know I have a dubious reputation but I hope you believe me when I say that I'm really into you. I know you won't believe me but I've never said that to anyone else before.”
Taylor had believed her and from that moment on, she'd not cared about what the world thought of her. Her first kiss had been with Jordan, on that rooftop and it had been absolutely amazing. They had started seeing each other after that and only Kayla had known about it.
When she'd been comfortable to come out to her parents, Jordan and Kayla had been there for her. They had not taken it well in the beginning, but eventually, they had warmed up to her. Throughout the rest of high school, they had come out as a couple and Taylor had adopted the ‘I don’t care attitude’ which had served her well. Slowly, but eventually, she had learned how to become bold and confident and had nicknamed Jordan, Jay-Jay.
Afraid they would be separated through college, Jordan had surprised her by announcing that they were going to the same school. She had always talked about how she would go to the same school with Kayla but had ended up joining Taylor in the college of her choice.
From that moment on, they had been inseparable. Taylor had loved her so deeply, she'd never thought she'd ever feel that way about a person. Jordan had loved her as intensely in return and still not caring about what people thought, she'd openly displayed romantic gestures, taking her out on picnics, to dinner, to theaters, to movies and road trips. She'd even changed her roommates and moved in with Taylor and together, they had shared so many dreams and a life so purely blissful.
Taylor had always known she'd found her love in Jordan. She'd never wanted or desired anybody else. Jordan had been loving and attentive. She'd never concealed her boldness and confidence even through college.
There had been incidences, like a male student in one of Taylor's classes had been very interested in her. He had aggressively and openly pursued her and despite showing her disinterest and endlessly telling him that she did not like him, he'd not stopped. It had gotten to Jordan and it had been the first time Taylor had seen her jealous over someone.
She'd taken the student's forced courtship lightly until one night during a party when he'd followed her into the ladies room and locked the door. The wicked look in his eyes had frightened her and she'd thought he'd hurt her, but Jordan had gotten some guys to break down the door before he'd even touched her. Taylor had reported him to the administration and gotten him expelled.
“I'll never let anyone hurt you,” Jordan had promised Taylor that night.
Another incident had occurred during their second year of college when a new female student had shown deep interest in Jordan. She'd followed Jordan everywhere, flirting with her every moment she got and making passes at her whenever they were together.
Taylor had been bothered by the attention the student had showered Jordan with, but to Taylor’s surprise, Jordan had barely even noticed it. She'd told Taylor over and over again, that she loved her and only her and that she had no interest in anyone else.
There had been more incidents but instead of hurting them and drawing them apart, they had only made them stronger. They had been so much in love that nothing else had mattered. Jordan had not only been her soul mate or her lover, she'd been her closest intimate friend.
After college, they had made plans to move in together but somewhere in between something had happened. Tracy had always been in their lives since Kayla had gone to college. She hadn't been the easiest person to get along with but she'd been a good friend.
Taylor had started working shortly after college. It had been a little harder for Jordan to get a job, but she'd always been loving and supportive. Taylor had suggested moving in together and financially supporting them both but Jordan had refused, saying that when they did move in together, they would both contribute half of everything.
Taylor had argued with her, telling her that she didn't care about their finances as long as they were together but Jordan had been so stubborn that whenever the subject came up, it would always end up in a fight. In time, the fights had become frequent and bigger.
Taylor had always believed they could work it out and find a solution, until she'd walked in on Jordan in bed with Tracy. At first she'd not thought anything of it because she'd known Jordan enough to know she would never cheat, but with the strain in their relationship and Jordan confirming that indeed she had slept with Tracy, everything had taken a brutal turn.
Taylor had been completely heartbroken and for weeks she'd locked herself up in her room believing it was the end of the world. Her parents had tried to be there for her, even Kayla had gone around to see her, but the wound had gone so deep she'd thought she'd die, she'd wanted to die. She'd never thought loving someone could hurt so much.
In an attempt to divert her heart from the pain, she’d allowed herself to get into a relationship with a girl who had shown interest in her. Deep down she’d known it was because the sexual distraction kept her from thinking about Jordan, but ultimately, she’d ended the brief relationship and left town.
She’d promised herself that she’d never look back. Though the heartache had always been a shadow away, she'd lived through it and she'd always remembered. She'd always remembered the girl in high school, the protective lover in college and the love that had ended up almost killing her.
It had taken her a short period of time to move on, but it had taken her longer to let go. Essentially, she’d just forced herself to block it all out because she could never get over it.
God, looking back now, recalling the memories, she couldn't believe how madly in love she'd been. Years of boundless love, unimaginable joy, complete contentedness and pure and untouched bliss had forced her to live through five years of silenced heartbreak, emotional turmoil and suffering.
When Angie had come along, she had eased away the pain and replaced the bad memories with her laughter. She had brought so much joy to Taylor that the heartache had faded into a faint memory.
Seeing Jordan again after five long years made Taylor yearn for the life they could have had together. She had resented Jordan for hurting her, but the love she'd felt for her had always crashed that resentment. She didn't know how that was possible, but it just was.
When she'd introduced Angie to Jordan, she'd been stricken by nostalgia and for a second she'd imagined how easy and beautiful it would have been to share Angie with her but memories had a way of bringing back all the pain.
She might have been with other women but deep down, only one woman had conquered her heart. She may not have acted like it, may not have been physically or emotionally able to show it, but after years of loving someone so deeply, so unrestrainedly and so purely and selflessly, it was hard not to feel something when they were in the same room.
When Jordan had confronted her that night, it had triggered back a series of memories and emotions. She resented the fact that she was still so weak; so weak when it came to that one particular person. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to see her so often. The familiarity of it had been comforting in the beginning but now that the portal she'd shut down was opening up, it was in her best interest to distance herself from Jordan.
She went to Angie's bedroom and watched her as she slept. She always gave her peace of mind. It was still hard to believe that something so beautiful had come out of her; harder to believe that Angie had bonded with Jordan so much and so quickly. Taylor would have expected to see Henry in the drawing Angie had made on the wall, instead of Jordan. Their closeness scared her.
**
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