CHAPTER TWO!
NEW MAP M83
A SCREAM RIPPED me away from my dreams. When my eyes popped open, bleary from sleep, my gaze fell upon several people.
But I recognized the scream, of course. Ivy. She was rushing toward me, as I lay confused on Benny's couch. And then she dropped to the floor, just in front of me, plugging my view with her grin.
"You thought you could keep it a secret forever?" Ivy grinned.
Rubbing at my eyes and smiling, I said, "Not forever. Just until today."
Ivy laughed. "That's messed up. But you know what? You chose a really good time to come back. Tonight—you're coming with us to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery."
I sent Ivy an odd look. "Why are we going to a graveyard? Are you trying to get into, like, witchcraft or something? 'Cause my grandma—"
She laughed loudly, shaking her head so that her tight curls bounced wildly. "Definitely not."
"It's an outdoor cinema thing," a new voice said, and Leah dropped next to Ivy, a bright smile on her face. "Hey, Makayla."
A grin broke onto my face, and I sat up to pull both girls into my arms. They hugged back tightly.
"Kat got sick," Ivy said, "so you're taking her ticket. And we're staying the night there—at the cemetery. Trust me, you won't regret it."
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WHEN Ivy had mentioned a "we" and Leah had shown up, I was not surprised to find that Kenny was coming as well. He and Leah had started dating soon after my departure and had been together for nearly a year. But I had not expected Benny and Brandy to be coming as well.
After the news of the event, I'd gone to my house, showered, and allowed Ivy to pick out my outfit. In payment, she answered the one question that nagged at my mind. Why did no one tell me about Brandy?
"No one wanted to hurt you like that," she'd explained. "It wasn't really something we agreed upon, but...I guess no one really wanted to mention it."
She had asked if I was angry, and I'd shaken my head. I wasn't angry. Probably it would have hurt worse if I'd found out sooner. That he had started to grow distant around the time that he and Brandy started dating.
"But you'll get him back," Ivy had assured. "I know Brandy's a nice girl and all, but he belongs with you."
I hadn't responded to that. As much as I missed Benny, as much as I loved him...he was probably happy with Brandy. Clearly he no longer wanted me, so I would have to accept that.
Now I stared into the mirror of my bathroom, proud of my appearance. Ivy had dressed me in a black The 1975 T-shirt, tucked into a tight denim skirt, fishnets, and my only pair of Doc Martens, black and long, sides lined with roses. My hair was a long curtain of curls, as black as night. All of this was contrasted starkly with my pale skin, but my eyes—a mixture of blue and green and gray—popped with color.
Ivy stood behind me in the mirror, obviously pleased. "You seem a lot more confident than you used to be. I love that. Hey—can I do your makeup, too?"
I looked at Ivy's reflection and smiled. "Do you even have makeup light enough for me? I'm so pale."
"As a matter of fact," Ivy said, "I do. Leah got as pale as you in the winter, and that was around the time she started letting me practice on her regularly. I still have it."
Ivy was right: I had become more confident. Well, not precisely confident, but I had learned to appreciate myself. In Tennessee, I'd worked to achieve a fitter body, and now I was comfortable with myself. I'd come to like the features I'd previously viewed as flaws.
She disappeared into my bedroom, and when she returned bearing her makeup bag, a grin grew on her face. "I'm going to have so much fun with this."
"Nothing too wild, please," I begged. "I don't think I'll look right with a lot of it."
Ivy waved a hand at me, and pushed me to sit on the floor. "Oh, you'll like what I have in mind. Don't complain until you've seen it."
In moments, Ivy went to work. It seemed to pass much quicker than I'd believed it would, and when she finished, she stood me up and smiled at the mirror like a proud mother. And, to my surprise, I did like it.
Thanks to the makeup, my skin looked airbrushed and creamy. The gray in my eyes stood out with the black and silvery eye makeup. And my lips looked much fuller, sharper than usual, painted with a deep red. I almost looked...seductive.
"Do you like it?" Ivy winked. "I know you do. How's Benny ever going to resist you now?"
"Oh, my— Ivy," I sighed, shaking my head. "I am not trying to win him back or anything. If he's happy, then he deserves to be. I wouldn't want to hurt him."
Ivy rolled her eyes. "He'd be happier with you. Don't fight me on this. Just be yourself. And, using your thought process, if he wants you anyway, he'll come to you. And I think he will. So deal with it."
I couldn't help but to laugh.
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IVY prepared herself, somehow making a black tank top, camouflage pants, and a pink fur jacket extremely cute. Then we gathered with the others—Kenny and Leah, Benny and Brandy—and luckily, I got the passenger's seat of Ivy's car.
The two couples fit themselves in the back; Brandy ended up in Benny's lap, and so I kept my gaze anywhere but there. Just knowing that she was close to him like I used to be...it hurt deep in my soul.
Due mostly to the fact that Benny was in the backseat of the car, directly behind Ivy, the ride to Hollywood, though short, was a bit tense. I tried to play it off, however, by speaking in a casual manner to Ivy and Leah and Kenny.
Ivy parked a couple of blocks away from the cemetery, because getting in and out would be a pain. Before everyone could gather up the bags containing blankets and snacks and such, Ivy insisted that Kenny take a picture of her with me and Leah.
Kenny rolled his eyes and smiled. "Sure. Let me see your phone."
"Can you take one with mine, too?" I asked.
He laughed then, shaking his head. "Of course. Man, you girls are something else."
Surprisingly, Ivy put me between herself and Leah. Ivy turned to the side, popping out her hip, and rested her hand and chin on my shoulder. And I was surprised when Leah got as close to me as possible, putting her arm around my waist—usually she was not a very touchy-feely person. For the picture, I simply smiled a close-mouthed smile.
It wasn't until Kenny clicked away with both cameras that my eyes flickered to Benny and Brandy. They stood beside the trunk. While Benny's eyes locked with the ground, Brandy watched us, looking sort of left out. Inwardly I sighed.
"Brandy, why don't you come get in the picture?" I called.
"Oh," she said, voice higher-pitched, eyes brightening, "okay."
I pitied her. Brandy truly was a sweet girl, and if she was anything like Skylar, she did not show it yet. Every harsh thought in my mind was uncalled for. I had no right to treat her unkindly because she was dating a boy I'd dated a year ago. We never even met until I moved back.
Still, I could not rid myself utterly of every negative thought. I would have to work on it. It was easier said than done, feeling only kindly for the girl who claimed the boy you loved.
Brandy rightfully moved to stand beside Leah; Ivy was muttering under her breath. I just laughed. And when I looked up, Benny was looking at us. For a second, I could have sworn that his eyes were on me—but no, that could not be. We had not spoken a word more to each other after our awkward greeting.
Suddenly I remembered the necklace that adorned my throat. The crystal pendant threw bright, pretty colors in the sunlight. Probably Benny wondered why I still wore it; after all, it had been a gift from him while we were dating, over a year ago. But it had become a part of me, as comfortable to me as my own skin.
After the pictures, the boys gathered up the bags, refusing to let us girls help. I'd asked Kenny to lend me a bag, and he denied me. And then, thinking that Benny felt too awkward to do the same, I offered to take one of his bags. He denied me as well.
So we traveled the two blocks with ease, and entered the Hollywood Forever Cemetery with our tickets. We found an empty space, large enough to lay out two enormous blankets, which we connected together to make one.
"So what are we seeing?" I questioned.
Ivy's eyes glittered, as she settled beside me. "Stand By Me."
A gasp ripped from my throat. "What? I love that movie!"
"Thank Benny," Brandy said, snuggled against the boy's side. "He's the one who chose it."
My eyes flickered to meet Benny's, and I caught the smile that left his mouth. The sky had darkened to a deep velvet, sprinkled with stars, but there was enough light to notice the pink glow of his cheeks.
"Yeah," he said, avoiding my gaze. "I remember...It's a good movie."
My heart skipped a beat. Probably Benny had been about to mention the fact that I had introduced him to the movie. That we had watched it together, lying side-by-side on my bed, throwing popcorn into each other's mouths. He had laughed at me when I held back major tears at the end, and then loosened when I explained why the ending was ironic, though humorless—
I shoved the thoughts away. "Yeah," I agreed. "It's one of my favorites." And, Benny, if you remembered all of that, you already knew.
Internally I sighed. These thoughts should not have been running through my mind so often. Just then, my phone dinged, providing a distraction from the awkward air.
One of the pictures Kenny had taken on my phone was now posted on Instagram. Luke had just left a comment.
You better turn yourself right back around and exchange that skirt for some sweatpants!!
Despite myself, I laughed.
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STAND By Me neared the end, and my eyes grew heavier and heavier. I hadn't slept well on Benny's couch, despite its comfortableness. It was the fact that Benny was upstairs, probably talking to his girlfriend on the phone, that had kept my mind alive.
Propped upon pillows I lay, just beside Ivy. While Kenny and Leah sat at the corner and ate a few more snacks, Benny and Brandy lay together on the opposite blanket, but still on my left side.
Benny was nearest to me, giving a perfect view of Brandy leaning up to press soft kisses to his cheek. I tried not to look, but I could still see them from the corner of my eyes. And even if I couldn't see, I could hear.
His arm was around her shoulders, but otherwise Benny seemed to be focused on the movie. When she would lean forward for a kiss, his eyes would flicker briefly to her, before returning to the screen.
I tried to feel neutral about the whole situation. However, I could not focus on the movie any longer, due to the wrenching at my heart. Perhaps unrightfully so, I imagined myself ripping Brandy away from Benny, because I had loved him and stuck by his side in his worst time, and—
And it did not do to dwell on these things. In attempt to hold my heart in one piece, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift away.
B E N N Y
point of view.
SHE was so beautiful that it hurt to look at her. So I tried not to, and with Brandy clinging to me like a sloth, this was easy.
Some part of me wondered whether she still felt anything for me—and that thought made me feel absolutely horrible. Makayla should not ever have crossed my mind like this. It had been a year, for Christ's sake, I should not have thought of her at all. Wasn't time supposed to heal?
But time did not heal, at least not within a year. Every time she entered my sight, it was like I was seeing her for the first time again. The piece of me that had been ripped away, that had rendered me helpless, left my heart ragged and sore, had returned. But she had not returned to me—she couldn't.
Not that I believed she wanted to. Although she still wore the necklace, she very clearly did not take much interest in me anymore. Perhaps it was my own fault—for not speaking to her when Brandy and I started getting serious, because I felt so horrible for being with anyone but my Kayla. It felt like a betrayal, even to me.
Now she lay asleep, and I could no longer keep my eyes away, not for long. Kayla...she looked so different, yet the exact same. The same black curls, the same long eyelashes, the same shape of mouth and nose, even her eyebrows. Everything about her was so perfect to me.
I wished she wouldn't wear makeup. Her natural beauty alone was amazing. Even still, the makeup suited her—it turned her into some sort of dark angel, seductive, mesmerizing. But aside from all of that....
She slept peacefully, and my heart ached terribly, especially when Brandy cuddled up to my waist. I just wished....
No. These thoughts should not have been crossing my mind. I refused to be the unfaithful guy, even if....
I sighed and closed my eyes. She would never leave my head. Never.
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before i give you my story, i'm letting you guys know that i'm writing a stranger things fic. and i love the plot i've come up with. who would read it?
a lot of you will most likely think lowly of me for this, but let me tell you all a little story. comfort yourselves in the fact that i r e g r e t it.
last thursday, the day i published chapter one, i snuck out of my house and got high with a couple friends. i know what you're thinking—don't do the weeds. the weeds are bad. okay, i've done it a few times, and all of my experiences were great...except for fucking this one.
first of all, i smoked too much. and this was not the good kind, not for me. this made me paranoid as shit. it felt like i was trapped in a scary video game. i felt like i was jerking back and forth constantly, and i could hear shaky breathing—the kind you hear when running from a serial killer, but louder—on repeat. my mind raced at a million miles an hour, and none of my thoughts made sense. even high a'f, i was apologizing to God and begging for it to be over.
my mom was p i s s e d, but i had to tell her. i guess she took pleasure in my suffering, though, bc she wasn't that mean to me, actually. we ended up going to walmart. for my travels, i brought along two bags of chips and a hershey's bar for a drink. yeah, you read that right.
and let me tell you something ELSE. usually, when you're high, your sense of taste is enhanced. food always tastes better. but i couldn't fucking taste anything, not for ab an hour. or i think it was an hour. this is coming from a me who thought i'd been high for decades. anyway, i'm obsessed with takis, but when i tried to eat one, it literally felt like someone released poison gas into my mouth. i thought the takis were eating me.
anyway, we get to walmart, and i'm convinced that it's christmas and that i've been on earth for almost a hundred years. bless my mother, bc she got me every kind of food i wanted and this ugly ass christmas sweater. pretty sure i fell asleep on the floor of walmart, too, at one point.
and the worst part is, the next day in school, i was STILL FUCKING HIGH. i didn't start feeling like myself until my last period.
moral of the story, kids: don't do the weeds. unless you know it isn't going to turn you into a paranoid psycho who thinks it's year 2100 and tries to drink hershey's bars.
x kayla
stay gold
11.16.17