Metanoia [met-uh-noi-uh] Noun: The Journey of changing one's mind, heart, self or way of life.
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[[You]]
My heart is beating so fast because of what Taehyung said. Boyfriend? Taehyung out of all people want to be my boyfriend? I always thought he hated me. Hold up. This could be all a prank and I would not know it. Well, he has been really nice to me lately, so I highly doubt that. Then what about Nana? My chest tightens. Isn't she his girlfriend.
Right, I better ask him first.
"Then, how about Nana...?" I mutter. The question sounds better inside my mind than when I said it out loud.
"Na...na?" Taehyung ask confused
"Yes... I didn't mean to eavesdrop you last time when you call her. Isn't she your girlfriend?" I turn my gaze away to the ground. This is so embarrassing. I could listen to Taehyung snickering in front of me and he burst into fits of laughter.
"Why are you laughing?" I ask him, not sure why he is laughing. What is so funny about that question?
"You really want to know who Nana is?" He asks me in between laughs.
"Yeah." I furrow my eyebrows and crosses my arms. "Well?"
"You are so funny." He tells me, still sniffling a laugh.
"Fine, don't tell me. But I am not going to wait all night for you to stop laughing like an idiot." I complain and walk away, but he automatically steps in front of me, blocking my way.
"Okay, Okay fine, I'll tell you." he takes a deep breath. Holding his laughter. "Nana..." He huffs.
"She is my Grandma." He burst out laughing again. What? Grandma? Is he lying to me?
I gaped at him. Feeling so much more embarrassed. "I-I Have no idea." I stutter.
"Of course you don't. You should have just asked me before you assume that Nana is my girlfriend." I could see him cringe saying it. My eyes landed at his features, once again my face is heating up, from all the embarrassment. I must have looked like a mess. Taehyung gave me a huge grin, but his eyes soften, and right at that moment, I was deceived into thinking that he actually wants to be my boyfriend.
"So?" He asks me, breaking my chain of thought.
"So what?"
"Will you be my girlfriend?" I am way too nervous to look him in the eye but his tone became serious and I could sense his eyes are drilling holes on me. I stand still in silence, not sure what to answer him. He sighs, "I am not going to wait here forever you know?" again, I stayed silent, not uttering any words and he grunts, probably feeling very frustrated. "Nevermind... Forget I even asked." He turns his heel the other way.
"I'll be your girlfriend," I mumble the words, hoping he won't hear me but he did. He stops on his tracks and twirls back around. "What did you say?" I look at him straight in the eye and he is smiling, ear to ear. God, maybe I do like this guy. I mean he will be my first boyfriend. Ever. Will I regret this?
"I said I will be your girlfriend." I said it again, louder this time. His eyes go wide and so does his smile. He instantly wraps his arms around me, hugging me to his chest. My heart is beating too fast and I find it hard to even breath. He lets go of the tight hug. "Let's go on a date right now." I could see the gleam that flashes through his eyes.
"But it's almost midnight." I fail to look into his eyes and is still in a state of 'Am I trippin balls right now?.'
"Yeah, and we did just become a couple, we should go on a date right now." he whines as he pouts like a 5-year-old. Is this how he acts when he is in a relationship with someone? Where is the badass Taehyung? The Taehyung that swears and is mean all the time?
"Okaay... What do you have in mind?" I ask him.
"We can just walk to the convenience store and eat cup noodles?" he suggests already clutching onto my hand. I stare at our hands, intertwining each other and I could not help but feel very shy. His hands are so much bigger than mine and damn it's warm. Not as good as a hand warmer, but I could live with this. "Okay." I swallow the sudden bad feeling that I had and coyly agrees.
"So what did you talk about with Jimin?" he asks as we walk, side by side.
I thought we are already passed this topic. "Nothing really," I answer and he pouts.
"I don't believe you." Of course he doesn't...
"It's a secret, you don't have to worry about it." I assure him with a smile.
"That is what makes me more anxious. Come on babe, tell me." he begs.
"Oh no no no, I refuse to be called 'Babe'." I pull a disgusted face and he chuckles.
"What's wrong with calling you babe? Babe, babe, babe, baaabeee."
"This is all going to fast don't you think? I mean we just became a... couple like 30 minutes ago." A couple... Boyfriend... All this still sounds so foreign to me. And with Taehyung out of all people. I must be insane.
"We have been friends since we were babies, I don't think this is fast." he shook his head no.
"Yeah... Minus the bullying part and not talking to me for more than 6 years or so." I say, making a point.
"Not this again... I was wrong okay. No one is perfect y/n. I was a teenager going through puberty and I regret that things that I do, like most teenagers." He explains.
"What do you regret on doing?" I ask him, curious.
"A lot." his short answer is making me more curious. "What do you regret?" he asks me back.
"Hmmm..." I think about the things I regretted most. "Well, I regret not sticking up for myself." I say. These days, I have been so much more courageous and brave on talking back to Mina. I wonder what will actually happen if I fight her and the others. My school days would probably still be like hell, but there are a lot of things that I want to let out. Even to Taehyung...
We reach the convenient store after the longest walk ever. Though it doesn't really feel long, conversing with Taehyung has made me lose track of time. My stomach is grumbling the moment the smell of msg from the cup noodle enters up my nostrils. We both finish eating in a flash. Cup noodles are the best snack for the cold weather.
"Let's take a picture," Taehyung says as he pulls out his phone. He angles his phone. "Say cheeese." he says. I am smiling, but my eyes are focusing more on Taehyung in the phone screen He smiles widely, showing his teeth and he takes it.
He looks satisfied with how the picture turns out. He puts back his phone into his pocket. "Let's go."
We walked back, his hand on mine again the whole way. He even waited for me to enter into my apartment first.
What just happened? I find myself awake in the middle of the night, again. I probably had a problem with sleeping, but I think it's just that there are a lot of things on my mind that just can't seem to shut up. "I am Taehyung's girlfriend." Those are words that I have never thought that I would ever say.
What am I suppose to say to Sojin?
She would probably freak out and I know that she will be happy for me. Soon, my parents will know, Taehyung's friends will know. I let out a long sigh. I just hope that I did the right thing.
***
I wake up by the loud alarm beside my bed. I reach out to turn it off. I dress with more layers, since it is getting colder and tie my hair into a bun. I walk out my apartment and is immediately greeted by a messy-haired Taehyung. "Morning." he says with a yawn. "Morning Taehyung." I say back, still in a daze after yesterday.
"I brought an umbrella for us." he shows the umbrella hanging on his right hand. It's raining? I look out to the window beside the elevator and the sky looks dark and gloomy, the weather forecast in my phone said that it's going to be sunny though. Rain is a hassle. I never liked the idea of my clothes and shoes getting wet. I love how it sounds though, but that is when I am inside.
"I hate rain." Taehyung groans as soon as we reach outside.
"Me too."
He opens up the umbrella. It's only one umbrella, though. "What are you doing? Let's go we are going to be late if you keep slothing up." He looks back at me, with sleepy eyes. And it made me smile. I he back to the normal Taehyung?
I join him. "Slothing is not a word btw." I correct him.
"It is now." he wraps his hand around my shoulder and pulling me near him. "You are going to get wet if you are so far away from me." his hand is firmly on my shoulder and my heart is racing from his body touching mine. I will never get used to this.
*****
"Are you going to tell your friends about us?" I ask him as we walk into our campus grounds
he shrugs. "Maybe."
Maybe? Does that mean that he will or not?
"So you won't?"
"Oh Tae!" Jimin calls from afar and walks towards us. He gave me a smile but it disappears when he notices Taehyung's hand wrapped around mine. Taehyung pulls me closer to his side. "Jimin, meet my girlfriend." Taehyung said and both Jimin's mouth and mine goes wide.
"G-girlfriend?" Jimin stutters. Probably still processing what Taehyung just said. Jimin glances at me and I give him a sheepish smile. "When did this happen?" Jimin asks, eyeing the both of us.
"Yesterday." Taehyung answers coolly.
"What? When? Is it before the festival? Why didn't you tell me?" Jimin pouts.
"Uh... I'll be going to my class then. You guys can talk." I excuse myself.
"Oh no, I am not going to be stuck here with Jimin, I am coming with you." Taehyung also leaves him. "Oi Kim Taehyung! I am older than you! You have to tell me the details!" I could hear Jimin shout. "Shut up! You are only older by 2 months!"
Taehyung sent me off to my class and we have been receiving a lot of stares from people walking by.
"Come meet me outside Campus after your class?" he asks as he gave my hand a squeeze before letting it go and right away, my hand feels empty.
"Yeah, I'll see you later."
I manage to finish my last class and a big smile crosses my face when I remembered that I will be seeing Taehyung after this. "Ooooh, what are you smiling at?" Sojin looks at me with big curious eyes.
"Sojin-ah..." I should tell her. She is my best friend after all.
"What's wrong?" she asks me.
"Nothing is wrong. It's just..." Why do I feel so embarrassed by this?
"Why, why? tell me."
"Taehyung and I are going out" I could feel my face heating up and Sojin squealed. "Oh my god really? since when?" her eyes wide. "Yesterday." I mutter. She squeals louder, making the students in the classroom look at us from being too loud. "I am happy for you! I knew you are going to be with Taehyung!" she beams.
"Well, I need to go now." I tell Sojin. "You are going to meet him?" she teases with a cheeky smile. I just nudge her. "I'll text you." I say to her before walking away.
I walk along the hallway to where the exit is. Then I notice Mina from the distance and she notices me too. What is she doing here?
She smirks, walking towards me. "Look who I have found."
"Why are you here?" I ask her, suddenly my mood that was once 100 is now 0.
"I can be wherever I want and it's none of your business." she said still showing that intimidating smile. "Oh actually, sweetheart, I want you to tell me where Tae Oppa is."
Taehyung?
"Why do you need him for?"
"I have to discuss things related to you with him." her eyes bore into mine, making me step back. Things related to me? What does she mean?
"You can tell me instead Mina." I tell her, warning signs are already popping in my head, but I shove them away.
"Have you always been a stubborn bitch?"
"I am, so tell me Mina." I demand with a glare.
"You asked for it...but oh look who decided to show up." she grins and her eyes travels behind me. I turn around to see Taehyung walking towards us and I can tell that he is furious.
He pushed Mina's shoulders and slam her into the hard cement. "Why the fuck are you here? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL HER!" he shouts so loud that it made me took a couple steps back. The last thing I want now is a crowd gathering around here, but no, people are just way to nosy.
Mina scoffs, "I didn't tell her anything."
"Don't you fucking open that mouth of yours or our deal is off!" What is this deal anyways? Am I involved in this?
"You know what happens when you cancel our deal." Mina grins at Taehyung. Taehyung slams his knuckle into the wall beside Mina and she flinches "Taehyung!" I pull his arms away from her. Before he could do something he will regret. His eyes are bloodshot from the anger and there are veins popping out of his neck. "Let's just leave." I drag Taehyung away from Mina and I could feel his tense muscles.
I sit him down on the bench and wait for him to finally calm down. "Didn't I tell you where I will meet you?" he asks, his voice low and raspy. "I was walking, but then I saw Mina..."
"What did she tell you?"
"She didn't tell me anything."
"Fuck y/n." he tugs the roots of his hair.
"You came just before she said anything. Is it that bad if she have told me something?"
he stayed silent, his eyes staring into the ground.
"Answer me Taehyung. What if she did tell me something?" why isn't he answering me?
"I can't y/n."
I sigh. We just started this relationship and I don't want us to be fighting already. "Alright, let's just get you home so I can treat that wound in your hand after slamming it into a wall." I chuckle, "Doesn't it even hurt?" I ask him and he smiles.
"Well now that you mention it, it does hurt."
.
.
.
To be Continued