CHAPTER ONE!
YOU THE 1975
THE FAMILIAR ROADS sent shards of warmth into my heart. The sight nearly hurt, I was so happy.
Luke sped down the highway, positively beaming. His skin seemed to glow with joy, and I would be surprised if I didn't look the same way, because finally I was home sweet home. Even if I had grown up in Tennessee, California seemed to hold most of my dearest memories.
"Liz is going to shit herself," Luke laughed.
A similar laugh escaped my throat. "I can't believe you want to surprise everyone. They'll think they've seen a ghost."
"Ghosts," Luke corrected, "plural. You didn't tell anyone, did you?"
"Of course not!" The thought of seeing the boys' incredulous faces forced a grin onto my face. "I love surprises. And surprising people."
Luke glanced briefly at me, eyes twinkling, before turning his eyes back onto the road. "I can't wait to see her," he sighed, his smile lessening, but somehow warmer than the others.
I opened my mouth, with the intention of mentioning Benny—and closed it. Benny no longer seemed to care for me; if he had, then he probably would have texted me at least once in the past few months.
After a lengthy moment of silence, I finally spoke. "I can't wait to see everyone. They've all grown so much, the boys. Smalls...I don't think I should call him 'Smalls' anymore. He's so big."
Luke choked back his laughter. "I know you didn't mean it that way, but you sound like a real creep."
My smile returned, and I smacked Luke's chest. "Shut up. Idiot."
Utterly unbothered, Luke laughed and cried, "Oh, I can't wait to see her!"
Of course, I was happy for Luke, happy for his happiness, but at the same time it sort of made me uncomfortable. Envy—that was what I felt. And fear.
By the time the cul-de-sac rose into view, my heart had swollen dangerously. At any moment I would burst. Especially when, a few houses down from my former and current home, I spotted a familiar boy.
Smalls hauled a full bag of trash toward a red bin, nose crinkled in disgust. Luke passed him, but before he could go any further, I demanded that he stop.
The car rolled to a stop, and I turned to smile at Luke. "Smalls. I'm going to say hi."
My brother returned the smile. "Have fun."
I jumped out of the car, and he continued down the road. My eyes briefly scanned the area; not much had changed. Not my house or Benny's, and the sight tightened my throat.
Before Smalls could disappear into his home, I jogged to meet him. He was now struggling to lift the bag and drop it into the bin, head turned away. He looked as though he might throw up.
"Jesus," I said, stepping into Smalls' yard, "what's in there?"
The bag tumbled from his hands, landing not-so-neatly into the bin. Smalls turned to look at me, with a blank but slightly surprised expression. For a moment, I feared that he had forgotten me. And then his face lit up like a Christmas tree, albeit confused.
"Makayla?" Smalls gasped, eyes widening to the size of saucers. "Is that you?"
Internally, I smacked myself. Of course he hadn't forgotten me. Contrary to Benny and similar to the remainder of the boys, Smalls had not lost touch with me.
Providing a weak smile, I curtsied. "The very same."
Smalls quickly closed the gap between us; his legs were so long how, he only had to take a few steps. Then he pulled me into a hug, and I was startled to find that he was taller than me.
"My God," I said, "you're a man now."
The boy pulled away from me, hands gripping my shoulders. He met my smile with one of his own, although his was incredulous—just as I had expected. It was so odd to look upon his face now, much sharper and more defined than before. His strawberry-blond hair fell over his forehead, separate strands resting near and between his eyes. He was handsome, rather than the adorable he had always been.
"What are you—?" Smalls spluttered. "I mean— When did you—? What?"
A peal of laughter escaped my lips. "I wanted to keep it a surprise."
Hardly able to contain himself, Smalls said, "Well—I'm surprised! Did you just get here? Have you seen anyone else?"
"Yes, and no. Where is everyone? Are they at the sandlot?"
Smalls grinned from ear to ear. "Where else? Of course they're at the sandlot. Come on, I'll take you to them. But wait—let me tell my mom first—"
Holding out a finger to me, Smalls released me from his grip and darted for his front door. After poking his head inside and yelling to his mother, he returned to me.
The dying sun proved that whatever game was going on at the sandlot now would not continue for long. Smalls joined me on the sidewalk, and together we set off.
The path to the sandlot was as familiar to me as my own heartbeat. Despite the time that had passed since my feet last touched these sidewalks, it felt as though I'd never left them.
"How is everyone? Anything new pop up?" I questioned.
"Not really," Smalls shrugged. "Yeah-Yeah got grounded again. He broke another window. Oh, and Squints swears up and down that he's been meeting with Wendy Peffercorn, but even I can say that's a load of crap."
Smiling, I said, "Well, don't be too sure. It's a little creepy, but there were times I could have sworn she was staring at him. And every time he looked over, she would start putting lotion all over her legs. Layers and layers of lotion."
Smalls laughed. "Well...If he's telling the truth, it is pretty creepy. She just graduated, and he's only about to be a sophomore."
"He's a handsome little boy," I shrugged. "But yeah...that'd be like Skylar going after him."
His face twisted in disgust. "Somehow that's a lot worse than Wendy Peffercorn doing it. Did you know Skylar got pregnant? And she got an abortion."
Although I'd known Skylar was horrible before, a gasp of surprise ripped from my throat. "What? Are you serious?"
"Well, I think so," Smalls shrugged. "Everyone says that's what happened, but she hasn't said anything about it herself. I'm just glad it wasn't Luke's. He's lucky to have Elizabeth. She's faithful. Nothing like Skylar."
"Yeah, I think so, too," I agreed. "He was so excited to see her, he couldn't even think of anything else. Still, don't believe everything you hear—even if it's Skylar."
Our conversation of the others continued, but all the while I was curious of only one. I wanted to ask Smalls why Benny never texted me anymore. Why he'd dropped his interest so suddenly, without an explanation. Out of everyone, all of the friends I had made, Benny was the last person I had ever expected to lose contact with so quickly.
Soon we arrived at the sandlot. Smalls led the way through a clearing, and in moments the sandlot broke into view. Spread across the lot were several boys, and a wave of shock crashed over me. It was as though I'd found myself reliving an altered memory, and I hadn't truly realized this was all actually happening until now.
"Come on, Benny man, just 'cause you hit a homer don't mean you gotta walk it!" Squints cried—and his voice had deepened so much, I hardly recognized it was him.
And now everything was crystal clear, yet still surreal. For a year, all I had ever dreamed of was this moment. To see him again, and there he was—picking up his pace between first and second base.
From the outfield, he looked mostly the same—his dark hair hidden beneath his old Dodgers cap and the bare skin of his arms. He had not noticed my arrival—no one had. And my gaze should have touched upon everyone here, but the truth was that Benny's presence alone could capture me completely.
Smalls stopped ahead of me, and turned to smile back at me. He opened his mouth to speak, noticed what my eyes were locked upon, and paled.
"Oh, Makayla—"
A gasp cut through the air, and a moment later someone screamed my name. I managed to turn in time to find Bertram, as tall and lanky as ever, darting toward me, abandoning his place in the outfield. Before I could do more than widen my eyes, he barreled into me, knocking me off balance, and we both tumbled into the dirt.
The breath knocked from my lungs, and I was too surprised to do anything but gasp. Bertram's arms were wound around me, and he did not bother to pull us up.
"What the fuck?" Bertram yelled. "When— Is it really you? Am I dreaming?"
After managing to regain my breath, I said, voice high-pitched, "Well, it would suck if it wasn't, huh? 'Cause you would have just rammed into some other girl like a bull. And I can barely breathe."
Seeming to understand for once that running into me might not have been the greatest idea, Bertram leaned up and jerked me effortlessly into a sitting position. Dirt surely coated my white V-neck, and I cursed internally. But at the same time, I'd never felt so wonderful. A smile broke onto my face, to mirror Bertram's.
"I saw you and Smalls come in," he explained, still holding onto me. He seemed to be searching my face, making sure it was really me. "I thought it was you immediately, but...When did you get here? Why didn't I know you were coming?"
Behind Bertram the boys were speaking lowly to each other, trying to make sense of Bertram's outburst. Trying to determine whether the name that left Bertram's mouth belonged to the girl he now sat on the ground with. But it didn't take long for them to recognize my dark curls. Soon, most of the boys were sprinting to meet me.
Everything came at me like a blur. The first to reach me was Squints, who had been in the outfield as well. And then Bertram pulled me to my feet just as everyone reached me, before they could pile on top of me.
In a swirl of exclamations and hugs, my eyes searched for Benny. But the boys had grown too tall. If he had come with them, and surely he had...I could not see him.
The attention was overwhelming. Luckily, I was not claustrophobic. Eventually, I had to peel a few of the boys off of me, so that I could properly explain myself.
"Okay, listen, guys, I'm only saying this once," I said. "I just got here. I'm here to stay. And I wanted to surprise you all. And yes, it's really me."
All of the boys were beaming. Kenny, who had not gotten a chance to reach me, stepped forward, all warm eyes. My heart caught in my throat, threatening to escape, and I choked it back, the smile on my face brightening.
"I must be a fortune teller," he grinned. "I recall saying we would see each other again soon."
Laughter bubbled in my throat. "And I recall Bertram telling me that he was ready for the day we'd go rolling in the dirt. Well, I wasn't."
Kenny laughed and moved forward, arms closing tightly around me. "I can't believe you're actually here," he whispered, hand resting against the back of my head.
Again I laughed. "I can't believe how much taller you've gotten! Leah told me you grew, but I didn't know it was this much."
"Yeah," he chuckled, "you're definitely a lot shorter than you used to be. Compared to me, at least. And when did you get so pale?"
The laughter simply would not cease. "Oh, don't you remember how pale I was when I first moved here? I'm not meant to keep my tans."
"I can see that," Kenny laughed, pulling away to get another look at me. "I can see your freckles better, too. They suit you."
"Oh, no." I clapped both hands over my cheeks. "Don't remind me. I hate them."
Before Kenny could say another word, someone tapped my shoulder. I turned to find Squints; his eyes flickered past me meaningfully. And when I followed his line of sight, I found that Benny was standing a few feet to the side.
He did not stand alone. A short, brunette girl stood beside him, holding his hand. It was like being shot through the heart with an arrow. I felt myself go limp, and I could only hope that my features did not betray my feelings.
Trying very hard not to acknowledge the girl at his side, I said, "Hey, Benny." Fortunately, my voice contained nothing of the pain I felt.
It shouldn't have mattered that Benny had a new girlfriend. We had come to an agreement. But then I hadn't expected to come back, not so soon. Either way, Benny was no longer mine; I shouldn't have had a right to be hurt.
But my heart belonged to him. It always would. Of course I was hurt.
"Hi, Makayla." Benny's voice sounded nearly the same. His voice was already deep before, but now the boyish tint was gone. Still, his voice was light, betraying his shock.
The girl beside him smiled; she was quite pretty, actually, but I did not want to dwell on that. "Hi," she chirped. "I'm Brandy. I've heard a lot about you. You're kind of a legend with these boys."
"Really?" My brows pulled together. "That's weird. I've never even heard of you before."
Brandy's smile dampened, and I turned to glance at Kenny. His mouth was pressed into a firm line, and he did not return my look. With a sigh, I turned back to look at Brandy.
"Sorry," I sighed, "that sounded mean. I'm Makayla—but I'm sure you figured that out already."
Breaking free of Benny's hand, she skipped forward, smile brighter than it had started out as. She was maybe an inch shorter than me, so it startled me that she seemed so short beside Benny. I hadn't realized—
Brandy took my hand and shook it. "It's so good to meet you," she said, still smiling sweetly. "It doesn't even feel real. You have no idea how much they talk about you. It's like you're a celebrity."
A smile curled at my lips, and my eyes flickered to Benny. "That's not even the second time I've heard that."
Benny did not return the smile. He simply stared at me, as if he could not believe his own eyes, his ears.
Without really thinking, I moved toward the boy. Toward Benny. His cap was backward, and some of his dark hair escaped the tightening strap. He was so handsome, even when his olive skin glistened with sweat.
"Well, don't I get a proper hello?" I asked, fearing the answer.
Benny's eyes flickered to Brandy, and then he moved forward, slowly. His eyes dropped to rest on something below my face. I looked down, following his gaze.
A crystal pendant rested between my collarbones: The necklace he had given me for Christmas. I'd forgotten that I was wearing it, because I never really took it off. The piece of jewelry was like a chunk of my own skin. A piece of me.
Benny's eyes—so beautiful and familiar, emerald and gold—rested on mine and seemed to gloss over. A smile tugged at his mouth, and he pulled me into a hug.
Arms closing around Benny's waist, I closed my eyes. He had definitely gotten taller. Now there was no way I could even touch my chin to his shoulder, not when he stood straight. He smelled of cologne, despite his sweat—but there was a trace of perfume on his shirt, and I pulled away abruptly.
Instantly I regretted the action. But there was no way I would pull him back into the hug. Benny's arms dropped slowly, and I backed away to smile up at him.
"Well...the day isn't over yet," I said. "Is there room for me?"
Ham moved forward to touch my arm. "There's always room for you."
ღ
"HE'S got a fucking girlfriend."
Luke's eyes widened and mouth pressed together. "Yeah...Elizabeth just told me about that. I was going to text you, but...I guess you found out for yourself."
I dropped my head into my hands. "And she's so sweet. I acted like a bitch to her."
He shrugged. "Maybe she deserved it. I mean, Skylar seemed sweet at first, too. Then she turned into a psycho slut."
Despite the situation, I smiled over at my brother. He sunk back into the cushion of the couch. "There was a time when you couldn't admit that. Liz really is the best thing that's ever happened to you."
Luke laughed, "Yeah."
Suddenly my smile vanished. "Mom and Dad won't be here for, like, a week. And you're just going to let me sleep in this empty house all by myself."
He pursed his lips. "Well...I don't have a bed here anymore. Maybe you could crash with us. Hey, it could be part of a scheme. Sneak into Benny's bed, make him—"
"No!" I squealed, gaping at Luke. "What the hell, Luke, I'm not that big of a bitch."
"I was joking!" he laughed, and then, features going flat, he pointed a finger at me. "I better not catch you in bed with him at all."
"You've seen us sleep together—"
"I mean bed bed," Luke clarified. He gave me a meaningful look, but all I could do was laugh. "I mean it. Never. Ever. In your life."
"You lost your virginity at fourteen," I countered. "I'm sixteen, and I've never done anything like that. And, quite frankly, I don't want to. So calm down."
Luke rolled his eyes, still smiling. "Really, I'll see if you can stay over. Probably on the couch or something, but their couch is actually really comfortable."
I flashed a sad smile. "I know."
A knock sounded at the door. Luke fell back into the cushion, eyes falling shut. "I'm asleep," he said. "You have to get it."
Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. I smacked Luke in the chest, but stood up nevertheless. "You are so childish."
Moments later I pulled the door open—and my breath hitched in the back of my throat. Dark blue eyes and dirty-blond hair and a cute smile. Like everyone else, Jordan Phillips had grown. He had really grown into his looks, though. I could not look away from him.
Jordan smiled sheepishly, moving his hands to present a bouquet of white flowers. "Heard you came back. Bertram. I didn't really believe him...."
I returned the smile. "Are these for me? They're so pretty."
He nodded, and while I took the flowers, he said, "Yeah, it was the quickest thing I could get."
"Thank you," I giggled—and I instantly wanted to smack myself for it. I took a moment to compose myself. "I'll go put these in some water. Do you want to come in?"
"Actually," Jordan said, "I can't stay. I'd love to, but I'm sort of grounded right now and not supposed to be out. But...I'll see you around, okay?"
Jordan flashed a smile that sent my mind into a frenzy and rendered me speechless. He seemed to notice this and chuckled, before waving and turning to leave.
Moments later, he hopped into a silver car—his car?—and peeled off. Unable to truly comprehend what had just happened, I slowly closed the door.
Still on the couch, Luke laughed. "Well, it looks like you've got more than Benny to worry about."
"Oh, Jesus Christ," I sighed, rubbing at my temples.
ღ
welcome to the first chapter (asshole)! ... 'it' reference, i'm sorry.
for this book, i plan to maintain a regular updating schedule. that way i can't leave you all hanging for months without updating at all. i've already got seven chapters written, and every thursday, i'll publish one chapter.
thank you all for reading. it means the world to me. (:
x kayla
stay gold
11.09.17