Chapter 6
Practice
*Derek*
I watch as Mr. Gilinsky looks over my resume, his expression unreadable. A bad feeling settles in the pit of my stomach as I already feel this interview going badly.
"Mr. Knight, I see that your resume is lacking in almost every way possible." Mr. Gilinsky finally says. "You've acquired your GED, and you have a degree in engineering. That's great, but you've never been previously employed so you have no references. Then there's also the problem of your record." An image of Frank suddenly appears in my mind and I suddenly feel queasy. "It says you were incarcerated for involuntary manslaughter. Because this job obviously requires the use of various tools, this raises my concern. What if you come here while having a bad day, and injure another employee due to your lack of emotional control."
He leans back in his chair and folds his hands as he examines me with a raised brow. What does he want me to say? My record already speaks for me. Nothing I say will change the assumptions he's already created about me. The record is, and will always be, the deciding factor.
"My emotional control is perfectly fine." I defend myself, despite losing all hope for getting the job. "That criminal act was the result of something that went far deeper than an argument or a bad day. One terrible act doesn't define me. We all make mistakes."
"Even so, Mr. Knight." He sighs with a shake of his head as he sits up in his chair. "I can't risk my employees or my company. You don't have prior work experience, you don't have references, and your record leads me to believe you're too big of a risk. I'm sorry, but I can't give you the job." He gives me an apologetic look as he stands from his chair and extends his hand towards me. I stand and force a smile as I shake his hand. "Good luck." He says. I nod before leaving his office.
I walk down the hallway feeling more and more frustrated with each step. I loosen the tie around my neck as it suddenly becomes warm in here. This is the third time I'll have to give Arabella bad news. This will be the third time she'll force a smile and tell me to keep trying. It's been a week since I've been released from prison. I should have a job by now and be helping Arabella support us. Instead I'm turning into the good-for-nothing boyfriend sitting at home on the couch. One step closer to becoming Frank.
The temperature in the building suddenly becomes stifling and I fumble with the tie around my neck before eventually ripping it off. I look at the grey tie in my hands and am hit with a wave of anger. All I do is waste my time wearing this stiff suit and this ugly tie trying to make myself appear like the ideal employee. It pisses me off that for the rest of my life, my record will be the deciding factor for everything. My entire life is completely screwed.
***
I finally arrive home and change out of my suit into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I run my hand through my neatly styled hair a few times before it returns to it's usual naturally dishevelled look. The anger I was feeling before slowly disappears as I recognize my normal self. The clean cut look has never suited me.
I head into the kitchen and start making a snack for John. It's already after three, which means he's out of school and on his way here. I shouldn't be this nervous about a little kid coming over, but all I can think about it screwing up somehow. What if I say something that makes him cry or accidentally let him get hurt. I can only imagine Arabella's reaction if I make her baby brother cry.
I just finish making John's PB&J sandwich when the buzzer sounds, announcing John's arrival. My heart skips as my nerves multiply. I take a deep breath before moving towards the door and letting him in.
"Just don't make him cry." I say to myself as I unlock the door and wait for him to come up. I take one more deep breath just as the door swings open.
"I'm here!" John exclaims as he runs in, his backpack flopping behind him. He collides into me before wrapping his arms around me in a hug. "I already started my homework on the bus so I don't have to do so much." He says excitedly as he rushes to the dining room table. He sits and pulls out his homework. "I'll finish quick so we can do stuff."
"Uh, okay." I say, slightly shaken from his excessive energy. "I made you a sandwich. Do you want it?"
"Yeah, brain food! I'll finish even faster!" I can't help the small smile that appears at how excited he is. Does this kid really like me that much? I don't even think Arabella likes me this much.
I place John's sandwich on the table beside him and he gives me a quick "thank you" before going back to his work.
"Do you need help?" I ask.
"No, I can do it."
"Okay. Just ask if you do." He gives a quick nod before taking a bite of his sandwich and going back to his work. Hopefully the next few hours will go this smoothly. As long as he stays happy, the next few hours should go by smoothly.
*Arabella*
I shut down my computer and grab my purse before leaving my office. I switch on my phone as I walk to my car, expecting there to be messages from Derek, but there are none. A smile forms on my face as I imagine how well things must be going with John.
"Arabella." Someone says. I pause, startled by the unfamiliar voice. I turn and see a tall man with dark curly hair with hints of grey and stubble around his jaw. His sunglasses hide his eyes, and I shiver as a red flag goes up and a strange feeling enters my stomach. He smiles as he starts towards me. I move back and he takes that as a sign to stop. "Don't be scared." He says, putting his hands up in calming gesture. "We've met before, remember?"
I look at his grey dress pants, light blue button up, and brown Gucci leather loafers. His outfit is expensive, perfectly tailored to fit him. He's obviously wealthy. I'm sure I'd remember a man like him.
He removes his sunglasses and I'm met with brown eyes. The slight wrinkles around them are somehow charming. The red flag stays raised as I still don't recognize him. I move further away, closer towards my car in case I need to escape. Despite being right outside my building at the end of the day, there's no one out here but us.
"I know it's been years since we briefly met, so I don't blame you for not recognizing me." He continues, the smile still on his face. "I'm Derek's friend, Gavin. You might remember the time Derek needed a place to hole up for a while? I was the one who helped get him that place." His brow raises slightly as he looks at me, waiting for me to remember.
The red flag slowly lowers as I remember the fully stocked apartment Derek stayed in briefly downtown. He was the one friend who was kind enough to help. Though there's not much that's changed, the small details that have aged him make a difference.
"Right." I say with a small nod. "Thank you for that by the way."
"Ah, it was the least I could do. He's like a son to me." I narrow my eyes. If he's really that close with Derek, where has he been all these years? Why has Derek never mentioned him besides that one day? Who exactly is Gavin, and how does he know Derek? "How is Derek doing?" He asks. His smile disappears and is replaced with a mask of concern. "When I met up with him last weekend he didn't seem to be doing so well."
He met with Derek last weekend? Derek had just been released from prison. We spent the entire weekend together. When did he manage to meet with Gavin?
"When did you meet with Derek?" I ask.
"Late Sunday night." His brows furrow with confusion. "He didn't mention it to you?"
Derek said he went for a walk to avoid the attention. If he really went to meet with Gavin, why would he lie? Is there a reason he doesn't talk about his friends? It's been nearly a week since I met Jackson at the bar. I've been holding off talking about him in hopes Derek would mention him himself, but turns out he's been hanging out with his friends and making sure it's kept secret.
"No, he hasn't said anything." I respond. "Why do you say he didn't seem well? He's doing fine."
"I find that hard to believe." He takes a few steps towards me and I let him. "He nearly had a breakdown that night. I told him to go home and talk to you. He really didn't say anything?" I shake my head. If Derek really is feeling stressed, he wouldn't let me know. He rarely ever lets me know his true feelings. I want to believe that it has something to do with his rough childhood, but the truth is that he just doesn't trust me. He talks to his friends about his problems and tells me nothing. "It was nice seeing you again, Arabella." Gavin says, breaking me from my thoughts. "I'll see you around." He flashes me a smile before replacing his sunglasses and leaving.
I give him a small smile and turn to head to my car. If I confront Derek, he would have to tell me the truth right? He wouldn't pile on anymore lies, would he? If he did, would I really know? It's like we're teenagers all over again. I'd hoped things would change now that we're older, but I guess I was wrong.
*Derek*
John sits on the couch engrossed in a videogame as I sit beside him and watch. While I'm interested in videogames, I'm not as obsessed with them as John is. Growing up I could only play them at the hideout, but most of the time I was doing work for Gavin. I'm sure I would have been a lot like John if I had a normal childhood. He survives off of videogames. If Arabella hadn't told me he wanted a career in law enforcement, I'd think he'd want to be a professional gamer.
"Were you scared while you were in there?" John suddenly asks, his eyes still glued to the screen. "Ari never told me anything after she visited you, and she would never let me come. Was it really that scary in there?"
John is ten. I'm not sure what a ten-year-old should and shouldn't know. Would it be okay if I told him my experience in there, or would it be something that's too much for him to handle? These are the things I need Arabella to help me with. I just don't understand kids.
"It was scary sometimes." I answer hesitantly. "There's a lot of really bad people in there, and being in there doesn't always stop them."
"What does that mean?" He pauses the game and turns towards me, ready to listen to my explanation. "Jail is to stop the bad people."
"Jail is meant to reform people, to fix the bad people. But some people can't be fixed or don't want to be fixed. Some of us have the chance to finish school or get counseling, but that doesn't do anything if you don't want to get better. Some people just can't change, and so they get creative to continue on their path." He stares at me as if he only half understands. My explanation is too hard for someone his age to grasp. "I'm going to show you something your sister hasn't even noticed yet." His confusion disappears as his eyes grow excited. I lift my shirt just a bit and point to the small line on my lower side, the scar slightly lighter than my skin tone. "It's hard to see, which is the only reason I think your sister hasn't noticed it yet."
"What is it from?"
"Let's just say I made someone in there upset, and they decided to get creative with their spoon handle. I had to get ten stitches."
"And Ari doesn't know?"
I shake my head. "It'll be our secret, okay?"
"Okay." He says with a large smile. "When I'm older, I'm gonna be a detective. I'll find the bad people and put them in jail so they can get fixed and be like you."
My breath catches for just a moment before a smile comes to my face. He really thinks I'm perfect now that I'm out. He thinks I'm cured of the crime disease and can do no wrong. If only he knew how easy it is to fall back into the life of crime. He has a few years left of his innocence. We'll see what he thinks of people like me in when he's older.
*Arabella*
I arrive home and find John and Derek sitting on the couch laughing about something. The sight brings a smile to my face as I see how well they're getting along.
"Hey beautiful." Derek greets me as he gets up and comes to kiss me. "How was your day?"
"Long." I say with a sigh. "How was your day? How was the interview?" His smile disappears and it's all the answer I need.
"I didn't stand a chance for this one." He says. "The only good thing was my degree, but there was more bad than good. I'm sorry. I know I should be helping out around here."
"No, no, it's okay." I take is hand in mine and give him a reassuring smile. "We're doing fine right now. There's no rush. Just keep trying, okay? The perfect job is just waiting out there for you. I know it." I reach up and place a soft kiss on his lips. "Don't worry." I smile.
"Hey, Ari." John gets my attention. He comes over and wraps his arms around me in a soft hug. He smiles up at me and I ruffle his hair a bit. "Can I come over everyday after school?"
I look at Derek for his reaction and my heart warms as I see him smiling down at John. He's really taken a liking to him. I was nervous about today, but only because Derek was doubting himself and he has zero experience with kids. It makes me so happy to see a relationship forming between them.
"How about we start slow, okay? We'll stick to a couple times a week. I'm sure Mom and Dad would love to see your face once in a while when they get home."
"Aw." He pouts. "Can I at least sleep over this time? Mom and Dad won't care." A large smile spreads across his face as he looks up at me. "Please?"
"Um." I look to Derek with raised brows to find out his thoughts and he shrugs. "Sure." I respond. "I'll make up the guest bed."
"John, you can help me start dinner." Derek says before leading an excited John into the kitchen.
"Can we have pasta?" John asks.
"Whatever want. I'm putting you in charge of dinner, so make it good."
"Awesome!"
My smile grows as I watch them easily get along. While I hoped, I'd never imagined Derek and John getting along as well as they are. Derek isn't an open person. I learned that again today. But seeing him so openly happy and somewhat playful with John makes me feel like I'm seeing another side of him I didn't know exists. It makes me wonder how many more sides there are that he hasn't shown me yet.
***
After dinner and a movie of John's choice, I send him to bed. He yawns as he reluctantly goes into the bedroom.
"I'm really not tired." He says for the fifth time since leaving the couch. "I want to stay up. I don't have school tomorrow." He looks at me with tired, pleading eyes.
"You were fading in and out during the end of the movie." I point out. "Go to bed. Derek and I will be right across the hall if you need anything, okay?"
"Yeah, okay." He says glumly before stripping down to his underwear and climbing into bed. "Good night."
"Goodnight buddy." I place a kiss on top his head before leaving.
I meet back with Derek on the couch and lay down so my head rests on his lap. He smiles down at me as he begins to play with my hair.
"Do you have plans this weekend?" He asks.
"Camping. I think it'd be good to get away from here, even for just a minute. Just the two of us with no distractions. We need time for just the two us. It's been a week and I barely get to see you between being at work all day and going to bed early to repeat the cycle."
"We had that beach date remember?"
"Yeah, until you had to go home and get ready to hang out with your friends again. I know you had a life out here while I was away, and I'm just trying to fit into it. Can you just give me one full day of your attention?" His tone is slightly playful, but I can see in his eyes that he's serious. He's feeling left out and neglected, and it's my fault. It's no wonder why he doesn't feel comfortable talking to me about anything. I haven't been putting enough work into our relationship and it's starting to show. "So, what do you think?"
"I think it's a great idea." I smile. "We'll cut ourselves off from the world. It'll just be the two of us. You'll have my full attention."
"Good." He leans down and places a kiss on my lips. "I have a lot of things I've wanted to show you." He winks and my cheeks warm at the innuendo.
"Why don't you show me now?" I bite my lip as my nerves start to get to me.
He laughs and the sound makes my smile grow. "Because I don't want you to wake up John." He answers. My breath catches and he notices causing another laugh to escape his lips. I sit up as I feel the blush on my cheeks deepen. "Aw, did I make you blush?" He places a kiss on my cheek. "You're so cute. How can you still be so innocent after everything we've done?"
"It's late." I say as I get up. "I'm going to bed. Apparently, I'm going to have a long day tomorrow." I smile.
I haven't been the best girlfriend, and after talking with Gavin today, Derek proved it. It's only been a week, and already Derek is feeling pushed the sidelines. Hopefully this weekend together will help reassure him that he's the most important person in my life. Otherwise I may lose him forever, and I couldn't bear that.
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Hey guys! As always, thank you for your patience. I'm sorry that this chapter is a bit all over the place. I wrote it, then rewrote it, and rewrote it again. IT just wasn't come out the way I wanted it to, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Don't forget to leave some comments and tell me what you think.
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