This is a really stupid idea. I don’t know what I’m even doing here and why I’m going to give this to him. We haven’t even talked in two years, two very long years. I always secretly hoped that we would talk again somehow, that he would call me or talk to me, but that never happened and eventually, I stopped hoping. Our friendship was lost I guess, so I moved on.
Though I don’t know why I think I should give him this letter. I guess just as a final goodbye and to tell him I miss him. At first he called and texted me but then the texts and calls got more spread out until they just stopped happening. It was heart breaking because he was my best friend. He still is to me, but I don’t know what he thinks of me anymore.
My hands shake with nervousness as I get closer and closer to the group of boys at the top of the stage. I was lucky that he was the first boy at the table so I could just give him the letter and go but I wasn’t even sure if I could do that. My stomach was rolling and doing flips and I felt as though I should just run away but I held my ground.
Only three more girls and then I’m up. God how I just wanted to turn around and run away but I know I needed this. This would give me a sense of finality so I could let it go. I could let him go. Another girl goes up and then another one only seconds later and before I know it, the man in the black outfit is pushing me up the small set of stairs. I gulp and try to calm myself and I clutch on to the letter more strongly. Now I’m in front of him and I slowly put my letter on the table.
“Hello! Oh my god, Kat! I haven’t- Wow!” He says. He smiles his warming smile and I immediately feel something inside me stir and I get the urge to just give him a hug and cry in his arms, but I don’t. I smile a small smile back, and then I just give the note to him.
“It was nice to see you Niall,” I say to him. He doesn’t have time to say anything else because I’ve already started walking away without glancing at the other boys. Once I’m off the stage and I’m walking out of the Shopping Centre, I feel myself start to break down a little, but I also feel a little better. It’s over; I’ve finally let him go.
As happy as I am to have let him go, I feel tears streaming down my face. Gently, I wipe them away and I come to my car. Slipping inside and starting the car, I start to drive towards my flat. While I’m driving, I start crying with pain and laughing with relief at the same time. Pain because this is finally it and that he’s officially gone, and relief that I can finally stop crying and killing myself over him.
I know I must sound like a complete and utter fangirl, but Niall Horan of One Direction, was my best friend before X-Factor and One Direction. I was the one who convinced him to go on X-Factor, and even though we lost our friendship because of it, I’m still glad he went on and is now living his dreams. Maybe now that I’ve done this I can go on and live mine as well.
We were best friends. We went to school together, we lived by each other and our dads were best friends with each other. We had practically everything in common and we got on so well, I mean we were best friends since we met when we were four months. Even then my parents told me we got along very well, and I guess it was true because we were best friends for seventeen years. I mean we hung out every day together.
After driving for what seems like hours even though it’s only been minutes, I arrive at my flat. I park my car and step out and start to walk towards the stairs. I walk up them and soon arrive in my flat and once I do, I go straight towards the bathroom and strip off my clothes and get into the shower.
While in the shower, I become somewhat relaxed. At least now he has the note and I have some sense of finality. I can finally stop thinking about him. I mean, I didn’t obsess over him. After we stopped talking I got on with my life. I moved from Ireland to London, got an amazing job, and made new friends. My life was great, except for the fact that lost the closest person to me. I thought about him sometimes, but I tried to think of other things though eventually, my thoughts would run back to him.
After washing my hair and cleaning myself, I turn off the water and step out of the shower. I dry off and walk to my room and throw on some pajamas and walk straight to my bed. I slip under the dark red duvet and close my eyes. I feel at peace, I gave him the letter, I gave him my goodbye, and now I can move on.
Niall’s POV
I cannot believe I just saw Kat here. I didn’t think I’d ever see her again, I mean I might have, but I just can’t believe it. In my hands is a letter, and even though I know I will read it whether I want to or not, I’m scared of what it says. I slip it in my back pocket and glance at the guys who are all staring at me.
“I’ll tell you after,” I say to them. They all nod and then we go back to signing autographs, though I’m not as into it as I was before. I guess I feel, sad now as I think back on the friendship we have, or had. Spending the next three hours signing autographs is absolute hell for me. I wish that it was over and I could just go back to our flat, go into my room where I can be alone and read the letter.
After what seems like years, we sign the last autograph stand up and wave and say our goodbyes, and then we are hustled towards the back of the mall where our car is waiting for us. We are ushered towards our cars and then put inside and made sure that we are safe and unharmed. After we are deemed okay, we are driven home.
“Wasn’t that the girl from the photo in your room?” Zayn asks me. I guess they have seen that picture before. I didn’t realize that people would notice it.
“Um… Yeah, that was. My best friend,” I murmur sadly.
“I knew she looked familiar! She’s a real pretty one, is she your girlfriend?” Harry asks me.
“No,” I answer flatly. Harry gets the message and stops talking though Liam scoots over towards me.
“She gave you something, I saw. What was it?” He asks me. I’ve told Liam about her once. I told him how she was my best friend in the whole world and the one person I could go to with anything no matter how stupid it was.
“A letter,” I answer simply. All of a sudden, the letter in my back pocket weighs about a million pounds.
“Did you read it yet?” He asks.
“Nope, I think I’ll read it in my room.” I reply. The rest of the ride home is in silence while we either text, go on Twitter, stare at our hands, or go through some of our gifts. But for me, I just sit and try to imagine what’s on that letter. Maybe it’s a letter of saying how much she hates me. That’s what would make the most sense, but who knows. Kat always surprised me.
Once we arrive at our flat and we’re all ushered inside, I don’t go directly to the fridge like I usually would. Instead I rush into my room and go to my wall and pull off the picture that I’ve always kept of her.
The picture is of us when we were fifteen and it was my birthday. I was wearing a crown atop my head that she made for me out of ribbons and sticks. She was smiling next to me with her black hair falling in waves down her shoulders and her beautiful blue-green eyes staring at the camera. We were both in mid-laugh and she looked so god damned beautiful. She was always beautiful, with the face of an angel and a goddess put together, and beautiful olive skin.
I pin the picture back on my wall and I go to sit on my bed and pull the letter out my pocket. It’s neatly folded and has her neat handwriting written on the front. Niall, it reads. I set the letter on my leg and I’m about to open it when Liam walks in.
“Hey, are you okay?” He asks me. He can probably see it in my eyes that I’m dreading reading this letter.
“Yeah, never been better.” I lie.
“Are you going to read that letter?”
“Yeah, I mean I want to, but I’m afraid of what it inside.” I explain to him.
“Well, if you need anyone to talk to, you can talk to me,” He says as he pats my shoulder.
“Thanks Liam, that means a lot.” I say truthfully.
“No problem mate.” He says as he gets up. He walks towards the door and waves as he steps out and lightly closes the door.
I have to steal my courage and open this letter, even though I’m afraid to read it, I know I have to. I really want to read it, just so I can finally move on. Even though I know that’s impossible. Finally I steal my courage and open up the letter.
Dear Niall,
You probably don’t remember me, but maybe you do, I’m not sure. But just in case you don’t, it’s your old best friend Katalaya Farron. From back home in Mullingar, you know how we would hang out together and play in the yard and play football with all of our friends? If you remember me than, thanks I guess.
Even though it’s most likely that you’re not reading this, I just want to say I miss you. A lot, god I miss you so much. Every day. I miss talking to my best friend, I miss going to Nando’s and eating everything and laughing with you all the time and I miss telling you everything.
I can honestly tell you that I am so glad that you have achieved your dreams and that you’re a singer now, and even though we don’t talk anymore, I’m glad you’re happy. But, I know that this letter is probably a buzz kill, but I do have a question. What happened to us?
I know that this is probably a clichéd question, but I would like to know what I did wrong! What I did to make you stop talking to me and calling me. What did I do? What did I say? We were best friends and we hung out all of the time and I understood and still understand that you’re famous now and I understand that you can’t call me and text me all of the time, but why did you stop?
Even if I did something that you didn’t like, could you have told me so I could have stopped drilling over every moment to think of what I did wrong? Maybe you just lost interest in me as a friend when you met more people who were famous like you, but I can’t help feeling that I did something wrong that turned you away from me.
If I said something that hurt you, or offended you in any way, I am so, so sorry. I didn’t mean it, or anything. I just wish I could go back and fix whatever I did. I wish that I could talk to you face to face with no one around and just apologize for whatever I did to make you hate me and not speak to me.
You were and still are (to me anyways, you may not feel the same) my best friend in the whole world. I told you everything and even though we weren’t friends forever like we promised when we were five, I’m still glad I was your best friend for some time.
Even though you hate me or dislike me or whatever, thank you for being my friend for some time and listening to me and talking to me for a while even after you got famous. I just wish that whatever I did to make you stop talking to me, I could undo. And even if I can’t do that just formally apologize.
So, if you’re reading this letter and taking time out of your day or night, whenever you’re reading this, thank you and I’m so sorry. And I want you to know that I’m not writing this letter out of anger, I guess wrote this letter as a goodbye, so I could stop thinking about you all the time. So, goodbye and thank you for reading this letter.
I’ll always miss you. Forever and always, like we used to say.
-Katalaya Farron
Once I finish reading the note, I burst out into tears. How could she think that it was her fault!? It was never her fault. I can’t believe how much pain I felt while reading this note. My pain and her pain. My pain that she would actually think that it was her fault and her pain for thinking it was her fault and that I hated her. I don’t hate her or dislike her, I love her.
Of course I would remember her. I would think about her almost every day but I would do everything that I could to make her get out of my mind because I love her. I need to talk to her and tell her that it’s not her fault, because it’s not. I need to talk to her.
I wipe away the tears that have streamed down my face and I try to silence the sobs that are coming from me. As I stand and put the letter on my desk, I pull out my phone and punch in a number that I have never forgotten, even as much as I tried. It rings once, twice, and three times before the phone gets picked up.
“Hello?” A familiar soft voice says.
“Kat? It’s me, Niall.” I say softly into the phone.
A/N: Thank you for reading! The girl in the picture is how I picture Katalaya, just with blue-green eyes instead of brown.This is my first fanfiction that I've ever published, so please tell me what you think! I have more to come for this story so please tell me if you like it! I lub you!