Eruriren Weekend ~ Present
Eren had finished college last year; he hadn't visited his parents since. It wasn't that he didn't want to. He always wanted to. For the length of his childhood, his father had been too busy with work to spend prolonged periods of time with him and his mother was a missed stability in his life.
He was driving down for Christmas: his foot gently pressing on the gas pedal and the windows rolled down despite the harsh breeze. He welcomed the noisy streets, it was dark and if his sight was lessened, he would rather his ears be heightened. It brought back balance. Eren had had enough chaos for a lifetime, he was ready for some peace- and maybe later, some quiet.
The icy roads, despite Eren not finding them all too hard to drive on, had caused a few accidents and the highway only minutes from his parents' house was no longer road, the once empty concrete replaced by the colourful plethora of cars, full of bristling children, steaming adults and bored teenagers.
All on their way home for Christmas.
Eren had to admit that Christmas was his favourite time of the year, the lights, the giddiness and bringing the family back together after a long time apart was his dream. He had hit homesickness hard when he first went to college and even his mother's phone calls had not been enough to solve it.
But, he had gotten on with his life. After months of moping, he finally made it outside and into the college life. He had gained sudden popularity, most likely because of his large pranks on his roommate Jean, which were no less severe when being thrown back at him.
That didn't lessen his excitement to going home. Despite his boredom, he was still trying to quell that buzz in his stomach as he thought of returning. Along with his parents, Armin would be there- with his grandfather- and Mikasa too, who lived near enough to their parents that she visited every Christmas. And never, ever, managed to make Eren not feel guilty about not going.
He inched forwards, his car jolting as he gave it another shove. Another half an hour later, he had finally managed to pull out onto the smaller roads and down the few blocks it took to reach his parents' house.
It was a small home at first sight but, as child Eren had believed, was a TARDIS on the inside. With three bedrooms, it already managed to impress most visitors, seeing as the exterior consisted of a door and four windows over two, rather thin, floors. The old brick building was crumbling but his mother never failed to make the inside immaculate. She liked cleaning, it passed the time for her now that she had retired. It was a long time now since she had worked at The Survey Corps, retired now for around five years or so, but she never failed to go to the work does. She had a lot of time on her hands and she was insistent on filling it. Eren liked that about her, she never busied herself with a pointless task, everything she did have a meaning but nevertheless, her calendar was packed with things that would be useful to her.
At the business does, she would make new friends and question if there were any small jobs that she could help out with. At home, she made sure the home was always in a perfect state yet warm enough that visitors didn't feel scared to touch things. In the streets, she would compliment strangers and make there day and then go to the far away shop and get the freshest produce for the best dinners.
Carla's cooking was a dream.
That didn't change a thing, though, when it came to how strict she was.
'Eren Jaeger! Where have you been for the last three years! And here I was saying come at four, expecting you to be a little late and then you come at ten anyway!' She stormed up to him, tugging at his ear. 'You mister are not getting any lasagna.' His mother's lasagna was his favourite.
He whined enough that when he got inside, he was gifted a small bowl. Even when reheated, the gooey dish was delicious. His mother, in the end- and after a few persuasive words from his father- gave him a more friendly welcome and they caught up on his college years. He managed to talk for hours without mentioning his pranks once nor about the nagging from his grumpy lecturers.
His mother sounded delighted and at the end of it he had gotten a major in Engineering so, so was he. His father was especially proud. Even with little time, he had taught Eren to be the best. He may have pushed too hard at times but Eren was nevertheless grateful. It had gotten him to where he was.
Armin, his grandfather, and Mikasa arrived when he was about halfway through the meal and gave him a warm welcome before letting him continue with his college stories, Mikasa and Armin holding in laughs when they realised he was missing out big chunks.
They both knew about his shenanigans. He had to brag to someone.
The evening was nice and Eren walked out of the dining room with a beaming smile on his face. There was still a few days until Christmas and Eren was leaving on boxing day but he couldn't wait to spend the upcoming days with his family- Armin and his grandfather included in that mix.
Armin and his grandfather had come not only because of their invitation. When Armin's parents had died and he had been put in his grandfather's care, his grandfather was already a little too old for caring for such a small child. But, over the years, my parents were happy to help and they had spent every Christmas from over a decade ago in the Jaeger family house. They were apart of the family now and that meant helping each other out.
Eren bounded up the stairs at around eleven o'clock, Mikasa in tow. They were sharing his old room, Armin and his grandfather in Mikasa's old bedroom and his parents in their own. The arrangement had always worked and they had never bothered to change it. Even in the small house, there was plenty of room to spare. Although there were no more beds, there were still two seats left at the table and a few armchairs left in the living room. Carla loved all sorts of furniture and had maybe packed the house with a little too much. It only made it cosier.
Eren had nightmares that night. He didn't care anymore. He shouldn't have expected his parents' house to save everything. Despite all the warm feelings, nothing could force the scolding oil to run away. It poisoned him, his mind, with images he didn't want to see.
These weren't normal nightmares. He wasn't normal.
That's what so many people said. That he wasn't a normal kid. Not in a bad way. In a good way. They always thought he was far more well-rounded than any other kid with a determination that was unmatchable by anyone else.
It wasn't because of him, though. It wasn't this world that had made him this way. Those nightmares, those dreams- they were memories. Memories of a life once lived. They showed him images, images of him, somewhere else. Sometime else. It was him but not quite.
He had grown up differently there.
He was determined but undoubtedly slower than the rest of his classmates, he had made up for it in this life by learning all he could. He read and he studied and he did his best. He didn't have the time nor the will in his old life to do that.
All he wanted to do was 'kill all the Titans'.
Now, he laughed at his words. What an impossible dream. He had almost accomplished it. Not quite. The Titans weren't demolished but they were controlled. They were out of the humans' way and by the time he had died, the thirteen-year timer up, his powers had been passed to the next. And like that, the Titans had stayed away.
And now, they were locked away. The Survey Corps did that. They kept it secret. They kept them away. Carla had told him. Carla had told him everything when he spoke of his nightmares. She remembered to. Grisha didn't. Nor did Armin's grandfather.
She said only those who had a reason to remember, remember.
He wondered who else remembered.
He looked down at this hands, searched for scars. Nothing. His palms were clean, of blood and from cuts. He lived in a different world now, he had to remind himself of that. His eyes caught the door, he had the urge to run to his mum, to check she was alive. He pushed it down.
This was what had caused his homesickness. He had learnt ways of dealing with it.
Preferably, walking. Burning muscles and biting morning wind always did well to blind him of his emotions.
Blind him of the images of his mother being torn apart in the jaws of a monster larger than a modern skyscraper.
He threw a t-shirt and jeans on and tugged his flimsy jacket over it. It was late enough that the shops would be open by now but early enough that none of his family would be awake.
His mother would know where he was, anyway. She was the one who had advised that he walked the dreams off.
He stumbled outside blearily, watching as the snow-coated floor soaked his trainers. It would be best to change his shoes but after rustling around his pocket, he had found that he hadn't brought out any keys. He didn't want to risk waking anyone up and decided to continue walking.
Much to his shame.
Five minutes in, he was freezing. Although the snow had stopped falling, the wind hadn't frozen. It blasted into him past ridding himself of memories and to the point where he couldn't remember anything at all. His nose was a violent shade of red and his fingers were frail enough to be broken.
His windbreaker did nothing against anything, his thin t-shirt protecting none of this arms and his jeans too soaked to do anything but make him uncomfortable. This was the coldest he had been since Jean had buried him in snow...on his dorm bed...whilst he was naked.
Looking frightfully around him, Eren was glad he found himself on the high street and immediately flung himself into a generic, independent cafe. The place was warm, at least, but a little bare. But, without hesitation, he ordered a coffee and sat in on a rickety chair, staring at the other three chairs with disdain.
He hadn't brought anything but his phone and he was feeling rather lonely. He couldn't even text anyone. They were all asleep. With a still sleep-muddled brain, he played some brain-killing phone game that only managed to make him more frustrated than he was. But, in time, he had become engrossed- as the apps were made to do- and had failed to see the two people sitting opposite him. One looking mildly confused and the other a little too arrogant, or happy, Eren wouldn't know- he wasn't looking.
The raven-haired man with the steely eyes and arrogant posture coughed obnoxiously and gathered Eren's attention.
Eren looking up, couldn't help but drop his phone, his phone case chipping at the corners. He really needed to get a new one, this one was old and destroyed.
'Hi, brat.'
'Captain.'
Eren stumbled, throwing himself from the dirty wooden stool and onto his feet, his fist managing to reach his heart. A salute. For his captain. The blonde one looked even more confused now.
Eren wished he hadn't been stuck in the habit and had done something better than salute at Levi after all this time. Thousands of years. Thousands of years and all he could muster was a salute. At least with Mikasa and Armin, they had still known each other from birth, even Jean who had followed him to college from the same old town.
He hadn't met anyone else just yet. From what he had heard from Jean, though, he had met Marco- who didn't remember. It was the first person Eren had heard of that was in the 104th squad that didn't remember. He remembered feeling so queasy at the thought.
Only those who had a reason to remember, remember.
Marco didn't remember. He didn't need to. He had been innocent in that life and had died too horribly. It would only ruin him to remember. For Eren, it had made him more determined. For Armin, it had made him insightful. For Mikasa, it had made her more relaxed. For Jean, it had made him more modest.
For Levi, Eren didn't know.
But, Eren was shocked to see the man crack a smile, his raven hair falling back as he didn't make an effort to hide it. It was clear by the dark circles that reminded Eren of his own that Levi had nightmares too. And that glint in his eyes, the one that told him who knew and who didn't.
Who knew of a world 2000 years ago.
Who knew that one and not one of a 1000 years ago.
Or 500.
There were many people who remembered pasts. It was well-known. But, Eren had met very few that could reach as far back a lifetime as 2000 years ago. Most people were born 1000 years from their death. Some 500.
2000, it was often said impossible.
The people who were, didn't come out with it.
They didn't want to be reminded of that time.
A time of blood and monsters.
'Levi.' Eren corrected himself. Levi wasn't his captain in this life, he hadn't been for millennia.
'Eren, glad to see you remember my name.' The words dripped with sarcasm but Eren was too used to it by now to be offended. Although he didn't often see his higher-ups relaxed, he did see Levi crack a joke or few. Even if he never smiled as he did so. The knowing smirk that appeared now definitely helped him recognise it.
The dark, crude humour was something Eren never thought he would experience again.
Then, as if he had forgotten, he turned to the other one. The blonde one. The one without the glint in his eyes and confusion on his face. Eren sat, feeling slightly numb.
'Eren, this is Erwin. Erwin, this is Eren.' They shook hands from across the table. Eren shook hands with his commanding officer. The one who didn't even remember had held that role. Eren was close to vomiting. He didn't know why and he didn't want to know, all he knew it that he was close to hurling into the toilet only metres away, tucked away in a nook at the back of the cafe.
Eren could suddenly feel the chill seep through.
'Nice to meet you.' Eren's voice was dead.
'It's nice to meet you too, Eren.' Erwin sounded much better. Of course he was, he had probably slept the night before. He wasn't plagued with nightmares. He wasn't plagued with images of the slaughter the three of them caused.
They caused a massacre.
And he didn't even remember.
Only those who had a reason to remember, remember.
It echoed like a curse, those words. Those words taught Eren one of his most vital morals. It was being destroyed right in front of him. Because Erwin needed to remember. If not for himself then for the rest of them. Erwin needed to remember.
Maybe it was cruel that Eren wished his pain upon others but he didn't, not quite. He only wished to share his feelings. He could talk to Levi but he wasn't an open person and maybe it would feel weird to talk to either of them about it.
But he couldn't talk to anyone else. They didn't know what it felt like. They didn't know what it felt like to be your fault.
Erwin led people to their deaths. Eren was the monster that caused those deaths. And Levi was the soldier with the largest amounts of kills.
Even if he was killing monsters.
It didn't matter.
Inside those monsters, there were humans.
None of them had ever forgiven themselves.
They talked, quietly at first but soon they were entrapped in a tight conversation. Their heads leaned in and they talked almost urgently, as if everything they had to say would be there last, more important words.
Levi and Eren knit a lie that they had met when Levi was in the military, which in this life- luckily- he actually had been, over in France: his home country. Eren hadn't but he easily replaced the year before his college with military training and then his first year with service.
He had been born in Germany so it was not too hard to conceive that he had worked in France for a while. Erwin wouldn't dare to argue anyway. What was the point in denying what he was being told?
Erwin only fought when there was a fight worth fighting.
'So, brat, anyone else around? Mikasa? Armin?' Eren was surprised to hear their names but he nodded. Erwin quickly leant back and let them have their catch up. Mikasa and Levi may have been cousins in a previous life but it seemed, now, they were not related at all. It made sense, Mikasa's last name had not been Ackerman when they adopted her.
'Yeah, Mikasa- my adopted sister' he made sure to add in the extra information with the least awkwardness possible, 'lives here and Armin is visiting for Christmas, same as me.' Levi nodded politely to show he was listening.
'Jean I met too.' Levi snorted. 'Yeah, we were at college together.' Levi raised an eyebrow, curious.
'Did you beat him up there too?' A sly attack but undoubtedly good jab.
'Kind of...' Eren trailed off, he would rather not talk about the time his fist had connected with Jean's nose. When Jean had tried to kiss him...
Levi smiled again, not wholly, that just wasn't Levi. His lips twitched upwards into an awkward kind of smile. Eren realised, then, just what the memories had done. For Levi, he was determined to be happy in this life.
'I also hear Jean and Marco are going out now!' He interrupted, trying to keep the conversation going. 'How about you, though?' Levi's face fell. He inclined his head almost minutely towards Erwin and Eren got the message. He knew it would be a painful topic for Levi and decided not to confront it.
'Hange was the first person I met, quite a while back now. She bounded up to me, the shitty four eyes, and tried to squeeze the life out of me. But, you know...' He couldn't say she remembered, Erwin would be too suspicious. They were tiptoeing around glass, careful in their word. But, curiosity edged them forwards.
'Petra too.' Levi paused and took a deep breath. He shook his head. She didn't remember. Eren's gut twisted.
Only those who had a reason to remember, remember.
Erwin and Petra should have remembered, for Levi. They should have stopped this pain that was ripping his heart apart, again. In this life, it was clear he was trying to mend himself but with the people he loved most on the other side of a glass wall, the hope was useless.
Petra, the girl who loved Levi, and Erwin, the man who believed Eren and Levi were the key to humanity. The man who trusted them with everyone. The man who, in his own way, loved them both.
So why didn't they remember?!
Eren's eyes flickered up and met Erwin's. It was a match of wills where only one knew what they were fighting for. Blue met green, one full of life and another dull, dulled by clouded memories. A man stuck on the other side of the glass.
Erwin gasped, it wasn't loud, nor all that noticeable. Levi certainly didn't turn around, staring into the cup of tea he had ordered somewhere into their conversation.
Eren started, watching as Erwin grasped his head in one hand and shut his eyes closed tight. 'Erwin...are you-' He was cut off by the loud scrape of Erwin's chair against the floor, making no less than the entire cafe wince.
'Excuse me.' He muttered before practically running to the toilets, locking it before anyone even had a chance to question it. There was only one bathroom, he had privacy now.
Eren tried to ignore the mess and looked back to Levi, whose exhaustion looked much more pronounced with Erwin by his side. Steam billowed into his face but he didn't seem to mind, maybe it was the fact he had killed Titans in another life or maybe it was just a heat resistance he had gained in this one but Eren was sure it wasn't that comfortable.
'Why do you still hang out with him if he doesn't remember?' Eren suddenly blurted, he was never that good at hiding his thoughts. Or his curiosity. He only hoped this time that his curiosity didn't kill him.
Levi didn't speak for a while. He pursed his lips and leant in closer to the steam as if welcoming the distant pain whilst he gathered his thoughts. 'I do it because he's still him. He's almost better, not remembering that. I know you probably feel angry that he doesn't remember. I did, at first. You get used to it, having Petra too and apparently, Hanji only remembered when she saw me... it's not that hard anymore.' Levi looked, if only for a second, vulnerable. Eren had to resist comforting him; he knew it would only be patronising.
'But is Erwin not different? He grew up differently here, I suppose.' Levi shook his head, looking up and meeting Eren's eye.
'He didn't, really. We all knew he grew up well back then, now is no different. He just became a businessman instead of a soldier. Nowadays, the stress is hardly different.' Eren had the energy to snort at Levi's attempt at a joke. It wasn't very funny. Eren had experienced the stress of a soldier, the fear. He was sure nothing could be the same nowadays, even modern warfare. They had guns now, they shot from a distant. They didn't have to fight monsters either or not that same ones, anyway.
'You know, though, Erwin still dreams of his past life.' Eren's attention peaked. He leant in, desperate to hear more. 'He doesn't believe any of them, naturally. He thinks he has a mental illness, waking up with nightmares. I haven't told him that I have them too, it would be too obvious. I'm letting him figure it out on his own. I doubt, with the way things are going now, that he will ever fully know the truth. You have to accept it to see the full picture.' Eren agreed. He had resisted for years but curiosity, as always, had gotten the better of him. He had let himself believe it, his mother had told him it was true. Everything had then fallen into place.
'I guess it's for the best, isn't it?' Eren asked, his maturity seeping through.
'You know, it's weird seeing you older. It's better, in a way. You're not as bratty.' Levi smirked, letting himself taunt the younger boy. Even if now, they weren't all that far apart in age. 'How old are you actually?'
'25.' Eren answered.
'Huh, I'm only 29.' Eren smiled.
'Can I call you a brat now too then?'
'Definitely not.'
Silence fell quickly and effortlessly but there was no need to fill it with speech. They didn't need to catch up. They had spent a lifetime together already, they didn't need to learn another. In simple terms, they were both the same. They could see the new quirks, the little differences but they were still them. Nothing could change that, not even 2000 years.
Eren's head finally snapped up when they heard the toilet door fling open. Erwin looked a mess. His hair was tousled and his eyes looked slightly puffy. Had he been crying? Eren wondered why. He wracked his brains for any sort of explanation and found nothing. He hadn't done anything and he was sure Levi hadn't either.
Although, Levi had mentioned Erwin's fragile state. Maybe the uncertainty was playing with him. Eren couldn't be sure. Until...
Levi looked up and his eyes immediately locked. He stood, formally but swiftly. His hand doing the exact same thing that Eren had done earlier. 'Commander.' Hardly a whisper. A word representing nothing more than shock.
Eren stood frantically, copying Levi. The people in the cafe had stopped to gawk at the awkward trio who were now saluting at a man who had just stopped crying whilst he had locked himself in the bathroom.
Silly in any normal case.
This was not a normal case.
'I remember.' Erwin whispered, taking his seat again. Levi and Eren took that as their cue to sit down and resumed their previous positions.
'Everything? Levi asked skeptically. Erwin didn't answer but nodding his head was enough. 'Wow, Eren, you really made the impression.'
'Huh?' Eren finally let himself look at the two of them, one of which looked rather uncomfortable as he wiped his eyes.
'When I met Hange, she didn't remember. Not for a couple of minutes. I called her shitty glasses and the exact same thing happened. Except she...' he jabbed Erwin's shoulder, '...didn't lock herself in a bathroom and decided to greet me. Even if rather forcefully.' Erwin looked guilty for a second but didn't speak up, accepting the punishment.
'What did I do?' Eren was confused, what could he have said that triggered anything. Or was it just his presence? How did that even work?
'I saw the determination in your eyes.' Erwin didn't look up from the table, his cheeks a violent shade of red. He clearly hadn't gotten over his actions. He had acted a little too like a teenager who had just been told that they were ugly by their crush.
Not that Eren would know what that would feel like.
Totally didn't.
Not at all.
'Huh,' Levi broke the silence, sounding disinterested. He was clearly invested, though, he just had a good poker face. He always had. Then, with sudden intensity, his gaze travelled to Erwin. 'Are you really going to sit there moping? Could you at least cheer up for five minutes so we can have a conversation without you crying at the table.' Erwin looked up, a little shocked. He clearly hadn't heard the brunt of Levi's humour in a while. He wondered how careful Levi was around him before he had remembered.
He wondered how they met.
'Sorry, it's just...' Erwin trailed off and Eren gave him a reassuring smile.
'Don't worry. I remembered when I was sixteen and cried so hard that I blacked out and my mum sent me to hospital.' Eren tried to laugh but the story hit him a little too personally. He knew the others understood, though, when they gave their own attempts at laughs.
'How about we get out of here, brats? This cafe is shit.' Erwin laughed suddenly, his smile becoming more real by the second.
'Oh, so now I'm a brat too?'
'Of course, you're younger than me now.' Levi smirked and pushed himself up, leaving Erwin and Eren to catch up behind him. Despite his short stature that he retained, he walked fast.
'You're younger than him?' Eren asked with sudden curiosity. He had always assumed Erwin was much older but even then, he didn't really know.
'By two months. He still doesn't let it go. I kind of understand why now.' Erwin's eyes weren't looking at Eren. He was staring right through him. It was an odd feeling, to know the person you are speaking to it looking at a different world but Eren didn't mind. He needed to let Erwin adjust. This would all be very sudden.
'You're going to understand a lot of things now.' Eren spoke cryptically. It was true, though. All those little things that never quite made sense clicked into place. The feelings that weren't quite his. The emotions that didn't quite correlate to current situations. Waking up in the middle of the night with no recollection of a present world, only one which you believe is your own cruel imagination.
They followed Levi little more than a block or two before they found themselves in a park. The sun was still rising and the chill was beginning to quell but Eren still had to stuff himself into his jacket to retain his warmth.
'I can't believe I met you guys,' Eren muttered under his breath. 'It seems unreal. I mean, I never thought it was impossible but...I just...I never thought it would happen.' Eren stared at the snow-laden trees and watched as the brisk wind threw white upon white and lifted up the frail ground, a beautiful bomb of snow.
'I'm sorry that you had to remember now, though, Erwin. This late. I've learnt to accept it by now but I remember when I first got those memories. I remember how much it hurt.' Eren tried to be kind about it, tried not to sound too direct or rude. He couldn't know just how vulnerable Erwin was right now. He could be anything from obsidian to dust.
'It hasn't settled in just yet. It's as if I've been told the whole plot of a book but haven't read it yet. I know I should feel guilty and don't deny that I should. I'm the reason thousands died, I made that happen. But, I don't. Not yet.' Erwin didn't meet either of their eyes. He was still sorting it all out. He was trying to read the book faster than his brain could process. He was frustrated.
'You know, I have known ever since I was born. I grew up with thoughts far more mature than was I was. I ran away from the shit bag Kenny when I was six and went to find the Titans. I was set on it. It took me another fifteen years to accept that that just wouldn't happen.' Levi somehow managed to ignore the fact that he had lived alone since he was six; he didn't like dwelling on it. He only ever talked about it in passing, he saw no reason to do anything but that.
'Titans are still on here, you know?' Two pairs of eyes snapped to him at once. 'That's what the Survey Corps do. They hide them away.' Erwin suddenly laughed out loud, almost unlike him. It was abrupt and bordering on rude.
'It all makes sense.' The statement was vague and only made to confuse the shorter pair more. 'At Survey Corps, they picked me not because I was good but because I was Commander. They kept on talking about the things they were locking away. I assumed it was criminals. I wondered why they never told me. Shadis, he runs the institution. He must have been waiting for me to remember.' Eren gaped at him. He shouldn't have been surprised, really, that Erwin had landed at the Survey Corps again, no doubt in a high rank if he was wondering why secrets were being kept from him. 'I should probably get there, work started five minutes ago. I'm sure Shadis wouldn't mind but I don't think I've ever been late before.' Erwin stood up, turning back to the other pair who still hadn't had a chance to put a word in. Erwin looked tense, not yet comfortable with Levi and Eren. What he had once seen was being distorted, he needed to let his eyes adjust.
And, they would let him.
'If you need to call me, Levi you have my number.' With that, he walked off briskly as if they were mere strangers and nothing more.
'That is the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.' Eren muttered, confusing contorting his face.
'I have to agree.'
Another silence fell and they sat in the cold, getting lost in their thoughts. 'You know, I've wanted to ask this for a while but I felt like I shouldn't but...are you and Erwin, you know, a thing?' Silence fell again and for a second, Eren thought Levi wasn't listening but the hostility held in his posture was clear that Levi had very much heard.
'You're right, you shouldn't have asked but if you need to know, no. Just friends.' Something in that made Eren believe there was much more to it than 'just friends'.
'Sorry... anyway. I should get back too. My mum will be wondering where I am.' Eren smiled and stood up, brushing the imaginary dust off his jeans.
'God, you sound like a bloody teenager again.' Levi purposefully held back on making a mum joke. Eren would most likely still be sensitive about it.
Eren laughed and gave him a gentle smile, waving timidly before scurrying off, leaving Levi sitting alone on the bench. He didn't seem like he was going to move anytime soon. If Levi had retained anything like Eren had, it would be the love of outdoors. Levi had always wanted to ride a horse, as had Eren but both had had their setbacks. Levi didn't have the money. Carla thought it was better that Eren avoided things from his past life.
But, the love of outdoors never left. The rush of wind in your hair and the sun beating down on your skin. Levi had grown up underground in another life and even in this one, he still savoured the sun, even if it was masked by clouds.
But with that, Eren returned home, back to the warmth of his childhood home where Carla lectured him for staying out so long but ushered him in eagerly to check he was okay. He decided not to mention Erwin or Levi, not yet.
-
Erwin looked far better than the day before. Despite the familiar bags under his eyes, all too similar to the ones both Levi and Eren wore with shameful pride, he looked more alert and more accepting of his fate.
If Erwin could do anything, it was to adjust to the circumstances. He didn't dwell. Or, at least, he didn't look like he did. Eren didn't know much about Erwin's private life. Even the strongest of men could be weak when left alone but Eren trusted that Levi was there for him even if they were 'just friends'.
Something within Eren burned to fill Levi's role.
'Hi!' Eren waved from his seat, lighting up the room with a bright smile, a flash of teeth as part of a toothy grin.
'You're certainly more cheery today.' Levi didn't sound too happy about that. Or was he faking it? The lines between sarcasm and reality were blurring again.
'Well, you caught me at a time that isn't six in the morning this time. And! It's Christmas tomorrow!' Eren felt far too excited for the upcoming holiday as he looked at the other two men sitting opposite him, one sporting an almost smug grin and the other a scowl that could surely kill him. 'And your birthday, Levi. Couldn't forget that, could we?' Eren taunted. If there was one thing he had learnt about Levi in his past life was that he hated his birthday with a passion. The reasons were never quite given but Eren could only hope it hadn't been as deep knit as self-hatred.
'Ugh, don't remind me.' Levi scoffed, folding his arms defensively and motioning over a distant waiter.
'But Levi, I thought you loved your birthday?' Eren snorted as Erwin leant forward and batted his eyelids like some little girl. Holding his laughs behind one hand, Eren watched the interaction. It was amazing to see Erwin so relaxed already. Surely it was just a distraction from the night terrors. Maybe it was. But, Eren was still glad that he got to saw some happiness from Erwin. Even if it did come from taunting his friend.
Levi whacked his tall friend, hard. Erwin clearly was used to it, though, he hardly flinched. Eren wasn't surprised. Nor would he be surprised to learn that Erwin's arm was made of only muscle. Seeing the man again now, more alert, he took it in. He took both of them.
His superiors.
Dare he call them attractive?
Levi with his dark looks and an aura so mysterious that you could barely see through the black smog. Whilst Erwin, bright but intimidating- tall yet relaxed. Imposing yet calm.
They set Eren on edge in the very same way they relaxed him. Eren was conflicted, something about them messed with his mind. He realised it was the two world colliding into one.
In an old life, he had been afraid of them. He had respected them, yes, but he couldn't say he thought of them as any more than his superiors. Now, there was something far different. Friendship. He felt like a friend, an old friend. A very old friend.
'Eren?' Erwin broke Eren from his thoughts, waving a hand gently in front of his face with a small smile on his face. Eren faltered as he looked up, his eyes focusing on his lips. The smile, if it could even be called that, was faltered. Erwin was putting on a show.
Eren didn't mention because as he met his eyes, the smile flashed back again. Real, this time. They locked eyes and both smiled. 'You zoned out for a bit then, you okay?' Erwin asked kindly, his voice informal but nevertheless polite.
'Yeah, I'm just... still getting used to this is all.' Erwin's chuckle reverberated around the thin walls, bouncing back at them with as much warmth as it left with.
'Aren't we all?' Erwin didn't look upset by it, though. Maybe there was something Eren was missing, something he had never had himself. Acceptance. Erwin had found the truth but he had welcomed it rather than pushed it away.
That was where he was more clever than the rest of us. He knew which battles to fight and this wasn't one of them. This was a miracle and he would make the most of it, Eren realised that. They all had the knowledge of two worlds, even if they conflicted at times. There were ways to work around that.
Eren found himself accepting it too.
Erwin really was messing with his head.
'Oh shut up. Don't start on all that sappy stuff because I know you're going there.' Levi warned, pointing an accusatory finger at his friend, his raven hair shuffling ominously over his eyes.
It no longer scared Eren; it was like watching a puppy growl.
Eren laughed and brushed his hair away before scraping for new topics. His mind came up blank apart from one very generic topic. It would do. 'So, what are you guys doing for Christmas?' Levi huffed but Eren seemed to have gained Erwin's attention.
'Not much. I mean, Levi refuses to celebrate but neither of us has anywhere to go unless I want to go all the way to the UK to see my father. It's not worth the effort. So we'll probably just watch some films and I'll at least cook a turkey.' Levi looked put off by the idea so did Eren.
'You can't just not celebrate Christmas! That's not allowed!' Eren argued, his arms flailing dramatically in the air.
'What else do we have to do?' Erwin shrugged nonchalantly and Levi looked at least a bit pleased that Erwin had given up almost as much as he had.
'Come to mine! We have room at the table! My mum would surely be happy to have you over. You probably know her, Erwin. She worked in the Survey Corps for over a decade.' Eren smiled at his new found plan, chuffed with himself.
'Who is she?' Eren forgot that neither of them had actually ever met his mother. She had been such a strong force in both of his lives that he hadn't even thought about it.
'Carla Jaeger.' Eren smiled. He was always proud to say his mother's name. It had almost become a statement that she was still alive. It didn't make all that much sense, he would say her name even after he died. But it made her human. It made her there. A force in his life.
Erwin gasped quietly. 'Cara Jaeger is your mother?' Eren nodded. 'Wow, you're right. I know Carla. Well, in fact. I know Grisha too.' Erwin clenched his head for a second. 'This all feels very weird. Do you think she knew who I was?' Eren nodded and shrugged.
'Probably. She knows a lot about you two. I idolised you as a kid, you know? Not here but there. You two were the strongest people in the world.' Levi smiled, his hair not quite hiding the light rosiness of his cheeks. Erwin only chuckled again, his voice deep and rumbling.
'I'm not that surprised. When we asked you to join the Survey Corps, you didn't put up a fight.' Eren smiled shyly.
'I wanted to join since I was about eight. Even if the circumstances were bad, there was no way I was letting that opportunity down.'
'Well, I'm glad. You did a good job.' Erwin smiled down at him, warm and kind. The Erwin here was different to the Erwin then. He had lost the knowledge that he wasn't allowed to love, that he couldn't love. In this world, he could do what he wanted. He could seize the world and fall in love at the very same time.
Eren knew that in this world, if he wanted to be, Erwin would be unstoppable.
And, Levi would be the same. Levi had always been that way.
'We all did.' He paused. 'I'm going to text my mum, ask her about tomorrow.' He smiled and pushed himself from the table, his phone in hand.
'Are you sure, kid?' Levi interrupted, looking unsure. Eren understood Levi was the stranger in all this. But, he was sure he would fit in just fine. Even if the tension between him and Mikasa would never dull below a thousand.
'I'm not a kid anymore, you know. And yeah, I'm sure. Although, I can't say you'll be getting any gifts this late.' Eren shrugged and went to walk away outside where the service was better and he wouldn't interrupt anyone with his loud chatter. He always talked loudly down the phone.
'The only gift we need is you.' Erwin winked. Eren didn't look back as he rushed off.
-
Carla was delighted to have two more people at the table. She always had too much food, anyway. It was early when the family woke up on Christmas day and Carla seemed as excited as Eren was. She had been delighted when Eren had told her.
'Erwin! I haven't seen him in years! I'm so glad he remembers! And Levi! I've heard so much about him!' Eren couldn't say Mikasa's reaction was the same. She had given little more than an annoyed grunt when Levi had been mentioned. She respected the man as much as Eren but that didn't mean that his rude, abrasive way of speech didn't set her on edge. She had, at least, perked up a little when Erwin had been mentioned. Now him she had much more respect for.
Armin was delighted although he showed it with a little more restraint. He had always looked up to Erwin. In a world of uneducated, they were two of the few people that knew anything more than how to read. And Levi had led them through peril after peril as the team leader and they had almost always come out of it alive. Erwin had sacrificed himself for Armin and Levi had let Armin live to the fullest afterward, not holding any grudges.
Eren could admit, though, behind the happiness he could see the fear that still resided in Armin. Erwin really had died for him, in his place. All because the three of them had been selfish. Eren knew from the moment Erwin remembered, though, that he held it against none of them. And, neither did Levi.
It was the past.
And, with what Armin accomplished after his death, he might even say it was worth it. Not that he knew that, not yet. But, Eren doubted Erwin didn't think Armin was capable of great things.
Grisha and Armin's grandfather were still asleep when the doorbell rang, a little past nine o'clock in the morning. Eren was ecstatic. They were just on time.
Eren rushed to answer the door, opening with a gleeful grin. He beamed, as always. There were too many reasons to be happy in this life and he made sure to show it. He suffered enough in this life but in comparison, it was like a paper cut in comparison to being gutted.
Erwin and Levi stood there, as presentable as ever, both in casual wear that looked far too good on them. Erwin in his Christmas sweater that was neither cheap nor tacky and Levi in his black t-shirt and trench coat. Eren wondered where he got one in his size. The woman's section, maybe. Eren laughed at the thought.
'You brought gifts?!' Eren exclaimed as he looked down to the three perfectly wrapped boxes in each of their hands- six, in total.
'One for all of you, for letting us stay.' Erwin smiled one of those smiles that could send anyone to the floor below their feet. Since when had Erwin pulled out these cards? Was he... flirting? Eren didn't dwell and ushered them inside, out of the cold, and told them where to put their shoes and coats.
Levi looked around pleased. Carla had put extra effort into cleaning the day before. Eren had told many stories about Levi's clean-freakish nature and with that in mind, Carla was happy to get her hands dirty and clean the place top to bottom under the pretense that a 'tidy home is a tidy mind'.
Carla rushed out of the kitchen to greet the new guests. 'Erwin!' She exclaimed, her smile ever so similar to Eren's. Identical, almost. She pulled the much taller man into a hug and pushed herself back onto the tip of her toes. 'It's so nice to meet you, it's been too long! And congratulations on...' She didn't have to say it out loud, resorting to tapping her head ominously before moving onto Levi, who looked far from comfortable as he was wrapped into a hug.
'I'm Carla. I've been told a lot about you, Levi.' She smiled and then, as if a light had been switched, her face darkened. 'I want to thank you both for looking after Eren before now. I am glad that he joined the Survey Corps and I'm glad that you were there for him.' Before either could reply, the smile was back on her face and she was bounding out of the room.
All three of them had just had some sort of emotional whiplash.
It was another few hours when they all sat at the table, everyone now present. Erwin and Levi took the two chairs on one side of Eren whilst his mother and Armin's grandfather took the heads of the table and the rest opposite the trio. Eren was still curious as to why Carla had forced Mikasa to sit opposite Levi. Maybe she recognised the tension. But then, why didn't she split them?
'So, how did you three meet?' Grisha asked politely, Erwin and Levi had already been told that he didn't remember and they were glad. None of them wanted to speak to the Grisha of the past. Erwin's view of him was far too distorted and Levi knew too much of the truth. It was for the best.
Only those who had a reason to remember, remember.
'It was at the gym, actually. A couple of years back. We have kept in touch ever since.' Carla grinned at Erwin's well-made lie. All three of them clearly went to the gym and it was quite plausible that they had met there. Grisha would know no better. Eren wondered if Erwin had rehearsed the line. Eren wouldn't have been able to make anything half as plausible up.
'Yeah, we've known each other far too long.' Levi butt in slyly, the words meaning a thousand things more than it appeared.
'Way too long.'
It went unsaid just how long that was.
word count: 8018
published: 14.10.17