A/N: At the time of this one-shot, Ronet and Sylvan are not yet lovers, but they are good friends who are falling in love with each other.
To give a bit of background, Sylvan is Chinese, and Ronet is half Japanese, half Chinese.
~
Sylvan grinned. "Catch me if you can." He pushed off with his skates and flew across the ice.
Ronet grumbled. Sylvan was being so unfair. Ronet had only just learned how to ice skate. Despite how much Sylvan liked to downplay his own ice-skating skills, he was still terrific compared to Ronet. It was also night time, so light came only from the moon and the street lamps in the park near the pond.
Ronet called out, "I can't catch you! How can I?"
Sylvan laughed from a long distance ahead as he shouted back, "That's too bad! You need to try anyway!" And he continued to zoom towards the opposite end of the frozen pond.
Ronet cursed and stomped towards the other boy. That handsome and aggravating, and adorable, boy.
"Sylvan!" Ronet yelled out in protest.
Sylvan had reached the other end of the icy shore, and he waved with a teasing grin on his face.
Ronet stomped on clumsily, and hopelessly, while Sylvan kept moving so that he was always on the furthest side from Ronet.
Sylvan. That little, beautiful beast.
But it was too scary for Ronet to glide on his skates like he was supposed to, rather than to just walk awkwardly as he was doing now. And hey, at least he still hadn't fallen.
That was when it hit him.
Hiding a mischievous smile, Ronet cried out, wobbled desperately, and fell onto the ice. His hands and knees hurt immensely, and the ice felt harder and colder than he had remembered.
Triumph leapt into his heart nevertheless when he heard the swish of skates shooting towards him.
"Ronet? Ronet!"
Sylvan was right there. He bent down, gazing at Ronet with a very concerned expression.
"Ow..." Ronet continued to moan.
"Are you okay?" Sylvan asked. "Do you need help getting up?"
Ronet nodded, of course.
"Kay." Sylvan stuck out his hand, which Ronet took.
When Sylvan had hauled Ronet back onto his feet, Ronet beamed. "Got you!"
Surprise came into the beautiful boy's eyes, and Sylvan pouted. "No fair! I came over here because I was worried you were hurt. You can't take advantage of me like that."
Ronet was still chuckling, however. "You're right. Bad me. Bad Ronet, poor Ronet."
At the statement of "poor Ronet," Sylvan's pout turned into a smile. "Hee! Yeah, poor Ronet," he said. "Come on, I will motivate you to skate better if it's the last thing I do."
"Would you be really happy if I manage to do this one day?" Ronet asked.
Sylvan shot him a glance full of mirth. "Hmm...maybe." By this time, Sylvan had threaded his arm through Ronet's, pulling him leisurely across the pond of ice.
Ronet couldn't help giggling. "This is so gay."
Sylvan grinned. "It is! And delightfully so. Plus, gay means merry, doesn't it?"
"Gay means marry?" Ronet said, looking nervously at the other boy.
But Sylvan was staring straight ahead. He said, "Yeah. We could hold hands instead, if you want it to be less gay."
Ronet laughed. "You are probably the only person in the world who would consider two guys holding hands as less gay than two guys linking arms!"
Sylvan winked at him. "Yeah, because bros are generally too full of macho BS to care for arm linking."
Ronet grinned, feeling both warmed and soothed in his soul. "Macho BS is for losers. We don't need that kind of negativity in our lives."
Sylvan chuckled softly. "That's right."
In this time of gliding over the ice together, Ronet had a strong desire to rest his head on Sylvan's shoulder, even if that would make them topple into a heap on the glacial pond. But Ronet resisted the urge. For now.
"Hey, Ronet."
Sylvan's voice broke through the glassy maze of Ronet's thoughts. "Yeah?" Ronet stammered.
"Do you—want to go for a barbecue next week?" Sylvan said.
Ronet swallowed. "Who else are we inviting?"
"No one," Sylvan answered. He shot Ronet a grin. "I hope you know how to set up a barbecue, because I have no experience doing it myself."
Ronet sighed in relief, as he had expected a more challenging question. "Even if we get stuck, I'm sure we can Google tips and instructions."
"True," Sylvan said, his eyes focused on the distance once more.
Before long, Ronet said, "I'm tired. Are you?"
Sylvan chortled. "Not really. But we can stop if you want." Their arms were still linked.
Ronet nodded. "Please."
~
The boys settled down on a bench and stretched out their legs, chatting about this and that. Their conversation topics were light and easy, but it felt like they were dancing around something they both yearned to talk about.
It was then that Sylvan asked, "Ronet, what's your favorite planet?" His voice was soft like a gentle star in the night.
Ronet leaned back on the bench rest, attempting to look relaxed and comfortable. He chuckled at first. "I sure as hell won't choose Mars. You know, the whole men are from Mars, women are from Venus bullshit."
Sylvan snickered. "I sure as hell wouldn't choose Venus."
Ronet agreed and said, "Of course you wouldn't. You're not a woman, anyway." Sylvan smiled silently in approval. Ronet continued, "Though men are perfectly able to like Venus too." Sylvan chuckled but didn't reply to that, as though he wanted to hear Ronet say more first. Ronet went on, "I might change my mind in the future, but my current favorite planet would be Mercury. Its name sounds nice, you know?"
Sylvan laughed. "It's the closest to the sun."
"Right. And I know that as a metal, mercury is poisonous and lethal. But I think the Chinese name for metallic mercury, 'Shui Yin,' is beautiful."
"Water Silver," Sylvan translated, and beamed at him. "Or Water Star, 'Shui Xing,' if we translate Mercury the planet over to Chinese. Either way, we think of water, don't we?" Sylvan added, "Do you like water, Ronet?"
"Guess I do," Ronet said. "Water makes for great visual effects in video games."
Sylvan smiled at this and they engaged in a little chat about video games.
Then Ronet nudged him. "What about you? What's your favorite planet?"
Sylvan was silent for a moment. "I don't want to say Uranus, because it's so popular, even though I do love Uranus. Neptune is pretty cool too. Hmm, how about Pluto?" Ronet couldn't hold back a snicker and Sylvan frowned, saying, "I don't really want to debate about whether Pluto is a planet or a dwarf planet, and whether dwarf planets are just a special subset of planets..."
"Or how to define a planet in the first place," Ronet laughed.
Sylvan grimaced. "Let's not go there."
"Then why Pluto?" Ronet asked.
Sylvan chuckled. "Should we go back to translating terms into Chinese? Pluto is Ming Wang Xing."
Ronet smiled. "And how would you go about translating that?"
Sylvan sent him a mischievous, yet endearing grin. "The Dark Lord Star."
At this, Ronet burst into laughter. He said, "I know your translation is technically right, but...Dark Lord star...The phrase Dark Lord has such interesting connotations in our North American culture."
"Indeed. Darth Vader was a dark lord, wasn't he? And given how important the Death Star was to Vader, I would say there is some mysterious, sinister connection between Darth Vader, Pluto, and the Chinese name for Pluto," Sylvan said.
"Because Ming Wang sounds like Yan Wang, which means Ruler of the Underworld, or the Guardian of Death, right?" Ronet said.
Sylvan nodded.
Ronet laughed. "How morbid you are to like this planet so."
Sylvan shot him a cheeky grin that was almost luminous. "What? You don't like it?"
There were many times like these when Ronet wasn't sure whether Sylvan was aware of all the double entendres he was making. Ronet said, "I do like it. It's original."
Sylvan laughed. "Is it? All I did was fish out a string of very obvious associations, at least, associations that should be obvious if you're familiar enough with the Chinese language and Star Wars."
Ronet giggled, and he thought about how lucky he was to have the knowledge needed to connect with Sylvan on this deeper level. It was a special privilege. A private clubhouse that only a few could enter. He didn't know if Sylvan was trying to imply that Ronet was special to him, or if Ronet was just over-thinking it; but either way, he was glad. He ended up answering, "As you said, the connotations aren't obvious to everyone. But Pluto definitely has a lot of—cultural depth behind it. Yet, we don't need to talk about Pluto or Hades, do we?"
Sylvan shook his head in a way that was awfully cute. Sylvan was the kind of boy who could actually make head shakes look cute. He tilted his chin up to stare at the night sky.
"I understand why you would consider that morbid of me, but I personally don't see it that way. It—"
Ronet interrupted, "Wait, are you offended that I called you morbid?" Because Ronet needed to know.
Sylvan turned a dismayed stare at him. "Oh! You thought I was offended?"
Ronet blinked with embarrassment. "Um..."
The boys were silent for a few seconds, before Sylvan shattered the awkwardness with a laugh and patted Ronet affectionately on the shoulder. "You're so cute, Ronet."
Was Sylvan flirting with him? Or maybe he was just being generous. Sylvan was probably a very appreciative person who was determined to see the good in everyone, whether the person deserved that appreciation or not.
"What are you thinking about?" Sylvan's voice snapped Ronet out of his maelstrom of thoughts again. Sylvan's hand was still on his shoulder, and he stared steadily at Ronet with a curious expression.
Did Sylvan know how his touch—his remaining touch—affected Ronet? Sylvan himself didn't seem to be affected by the physical contact, since he most likely viewed this as a purely platonic, brotherly gesture. Right? It drove Ronet crazy, this constant vacillating between believing that Sylvan had feelings for him too, and believing that Ronet was just imagining things and engaging in wishful thinking.
Ronet cleared his throat. "I just—I was thinking about the concept of morbidity. In the past, you said that I was—and still am—quite morbid too, and that I think about dark things all the time. Yet, despite that, you don't hate me, so being morbid can't always be bad."
Sylvan gazed at him in a certain way. "Yeah, I don't hate you at all."
The two stared at one another, with Ronet frozen and hoping (and fearing) that something would happen.
But after a few seconds, Sylvan blinked, took his hand off of Ronet's shoulder, and coughed. Sylvan looked confused for a while, then he said, "Morbidity, darkness." He smiled. "Yes, I've always liked that about you. Hell, loved that about you. Your darkness!"
It would be hard to blame Ronet for hearing a deeper meaning than what the words meant literally. Nevertheless, Ronet didn't want to lose his cool, not now. "Can you say more about that? My darkness?" Ronet stared straight ahead as he uttered this, because he was afraid he would break down if he looked Sylvan in the eye.
Sylvan laughed lightly. "Mmm, I don't know. Maybe the reason why I like you—like your darkness—is the reason why I like Pluto and all of its cultural baggage."
"Baggage?" Ronet exclaimed, and glanced at the other boy in alarm. He swallowed and tried not to let his voice shake. "You like me because I'm flawed?"
Sylvan looked at him uncomprehendingly. "Ronet, why are you so upset all of a sudden? Didn't we just say that Pluto has all of these cultural associations and that's what makes Pluto so interesting and appealing to me?"
Ronet breathed deeply. "Yeah, but that's not the same as—baggage..."
Sylvan's eyes then dimmed as though with sadness or regret. "I'm sorry, Ronet. Did you think I was implying that you're broken and that I'm the only one who can like you?"
Ronet widened his eyes.
Sylvan waved his hands. "Wait, wait, I apologize again. I'm terrible with words. Please let me rephrase. Um, did you think I was suggesting that you were broken and—bad?"
Ronet let out a heavy sigh. He ventured to answer, "No, not exactly. Maybe the word 'baggage' makes me feel that I'm, I don't know, a faulty human being, which makes me inferior to everyone else. And—and it sounded as though you liked me because I was inferior."
Sylvan's expression filled with shock. "Wow, no, it's not like that. I certainly find your darkness very interesting, but why would darkness be inferior? Wouldn't it be superior?"
"Superior?" Ronet cried out.
"Yeah." Sylvan glanced at him uncertainly. "Hey, we don't need to talk about this if this topic makes you unhappy."
Ronet shook his head adamantly. "No, I'm fine. I—I want to understand this, though. What makes you think darkness would be superior? And what's with my darkness, and—"
Sylvan nodded with sympathy. "It's a confusing topic, I guess. I do think darkness is superior, in a way. I obviously don't endorse evil or the dark side. Yet, there's something so intriguing about dark things. And since you have a lot of it, I find you fascinating."
Ronet frowned. "That doesn't sound pleasant."
Sylvan frowned too. "Please be patient with me. I'm still trying to find the words to say how I feel about this. Don't you think there's something captivating about darkness?"
Ronet said, "No." But he was just being stubborn, and he hoped Sylvan could see that.
Sylvan went on nevertheless, "Maybe I have a more positive view of this dark stuff, with Pluto, Ming Wang Xing, and all that. Hades is pretty awesome in his own way, don't you think?"
Ronet laughed drily.
Sylvan continued, "Yeah, well, I just really like that kind of stuff, and you have an abundance of it, so I love that about you."
"Hmph," Ronet said. "Why do you keep saying I have a lot of 'that stuff'? Whatever it is?"
Sylvan shrugged. "Maybe it's the things you talk about sometimes. For example, you once said you were 'so dark that you would consume my soul.' "
Ronet gawked. "I said that?" He amended, "Okay, so maybe I do say those things sometimes, but—why would you like that kind of thing?"
Sylvan shrugged again. "I don't know. I just do."
Ronet stared at him. "You're weird!" he said at last.
Sylvan beamed and said, "If I wasn't weird, I wouldn't be able to be friends with you." He paused, then gazed seriously at Ronet. "Do you really hate this kind of thing?" Sylvan actually looked sad as he asked this.
Ronet exhaled, and said, "Kind of." Sylvan seemed almost crushed at his answer. Ronet said, "Sylvan, don't get me wrong. I like you, I really do, and this darkness thing...Maybe we truly don't perceive darkness in the same way. For you, darkness sounds like an exciting haunted house you can explore and enjoy, whereas for me, darkness is...scary? Painful? Something I want to run away from? But at the same time, something about darkness keeps me coming back again and again." He chuckled bitterly. "Like I'm a very dark Pluto who has the ability to draw in the sun and all its light." He grimaced. "Gosh, what am I even talking about? I mean—I don't like how dark things make me feel, but I keep returning to it and I feel an inexplicable attraction towards darkness. Does that make sense?"
Sylvan was staring at him with wide eyes, as though Sylvan was looking at an odd, giant star. He murmured, "It makes sense. Maybe this is why I feel an inexplicable attraction towards you?"
Ronet opened his mouth in shock, but before he could speak, Sylvan said in a frantic voice, "I'm sorry. That must have crossed a line. Ha, I must feel too comfortable talking to you that I just say whatever's on my mind, eh?" He laughed awkwardly. Sylvan continued, "Anyway, I want to clarify that I wouldn't want you to go through pain and fear. Just because I like this darkness thing about you, doesn't mean I want you to suffer in this darkness, you know?"
Ronet breathed in and out deeply. "I know," he said quietly. He folded his arms across his chest.
The two boys were silent for a long while, and then Sylvan said, "Hey, Ronet, I hope that the talk we're having isn't decreasing your opinion of me." He gave Ronet a rueful, embarrassed smile.
"Why would it?" Ronet replied. He hesitated. "Besides, I'm glad we had this talk."
"Same here," Sylvan responded softly. He beamed at Ronet then, though his beam was less bright and energetic than before. It was as though the moon had dimmed. The sight made Ronet's heart break.
"Hey," Ronet said. Sylvan raised his eyebrows. Ronet paused before continuing, "You really don't need to feel bad about talking to me on these subjects. Yes, I don't like the darkness that much, though I do experience some sort of 'fatal attraction' towards it." He laughed drily. "But I truly don't mind you talking about it. If we are to be friends in the long term, we should know about each other's thoughts on this darkness topic sooner or later." He shrugged a bit timidly.
Sylvan grinned. "I'm happy to hear that." But his manner still seemed subdued.
Ronet frowned inside, suddenly feeling powerless. "Sylvan..." He stopped. Ronet tried again. "We can return to this topic anytime you want. It's good for us to understand each other more," he re-emphasized.
Sylvan nodded. "I agree."
Ronet clutched his arms more tightly, feeling the cold of the night air.
"Why don't we get dinner now?" Sylvan said, clearly having noticed Ronet's gesture.
Ronet gratefully accepted the suggestion.
~
The boys trekked through the park in a serene, tranquil way, so peaceful in spite of the intense talk they had earlier. They chatted about more lighthearted topics, laughing at various things. Yet, Ronet longed (and dreaded) to return to the subject of darkness. Perhaps it really was an all-absorbing, fatal attraction that Ronet had; and by Jove, Sylvan seemed to feel a similar kind of attraction. Of course, Ronet wouldn't mind at all if Sylvan was attracted to him, but if Sylvan was actually drawn to Ronet's darkness rather than to Ronet himself....
When the pair sat down opposite one another at a restaurant booth, and had briskly ordered something to eat, Ronet braced himself and brought up the subject again. "So, Sylvan, if you don't mind, can you be a little more specific on what you mean by my 'darkness'?" He added quickly, "If you're sick of discussing this, we can talk about something else."
Sylvan held up his hands. "It's okay, Ronet. It's an interesting topic, all things considered." He smiled a little wistfully. "I was actually afraid that you were sick of this talk."
Ronet heaved a sigh of relief. "Good. Then we're both open to discussing this more."
Sylvan nodded with warmth. After a moment, he answered, "Darkness, to me, is a constellation of things. No pun intended." Ronet laughed at that and Sylvan grinned. Sylvan continued, "The dark comprises of all sorts of connotations and images for me. Pluto, Hades, Yan Wang, Ming Wang Xing, the color black, dark places—dimly lit places, pitch black darkness, evil, danger, mystery, dread, sadness, horror, profundity, unfathomable things..."
Ronet let out another laugh. "Are you trying to show off your broad vocabulary?"
Sylvan scoffed at him, but in a playful, friendly manner. "More images and connotations I can think of, include the moon, stars, the night sky, even the Milky Way, beautiful black cats, arcane stories..." Sylvan chuckled. "You're right. I am showing off my vocab."
"I knew it," said Ronet.
Sylvan grinned widely. "What do you think of my list of images connected to darkness?" he asked.
"Your idea of darkness certainly sounds a lot more appealing than my idea of it," Ronet answered.
"Oh, what does 'darkness' mean exactly to you?" Sylvan said, his voice filling with genuine curiosity.
Ronet pondered for a bit before responding, "Darkness is crushing, overwhelming, powerful, drowns and drags you down like a black hole, just evil, scary, the real life version of horror movies, painful, full of deep and endless misery, despair, no way out..." Ronet paused to catch his breath.
Sylvan glanced at him with concern and compassion. "Oh...I'm so sorry to hear that this is what darkness means to you. And to think that I said you had a lot of it and that I liked your darkness. That must have been so insensitive and hurtful for me to say."
Ronet's body grew tense, then relaxed, as if he had swallowed a black fire, and then spat it out again. He hastened to say, "Sylvan, none of this is your fault. It's my fault, my problem."
Sylvan looked alarmed. "Ronet, why are you blaming yourself? You didn't do anything wrong. The effects of darkness on you aren't something you can control, right?"
"How do you know they're something I have no control over?" Ronet shot back. At Sylvan's hurt face, Ronet said, "I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm just frustrated at the way things are, you know? Like they're never going to change. Well, I know they will change, one day, but it's an awful lot of waiting. And I believe I have some power over how that darkness affects me. I—" Ronet gripped his fists, in pain, concentration, confusion, and in the sheer sense of being lost inside a nebula. Not the breathtaking, gorgeous kind of nebula, but the hideous, murky kind.
His conversation partner was silent for a while, and then he said, "Ronet, is there anything I can do to help?" Sylvan added, "As I'm asking this, I'm afraid you'll say no." His voice sounded small at this moment, as if he were truly fearful that Ronet would turn him down.
Even if Ronet had wanted to say no, he couldn't now. So he said instead, "It honestly helps me to—see you from time to time." He smiled, even though it was a tight smile. "Maybe I still have problems, and maybe I'll always have problems, but I always feel happier when you're around." In a burst of panic, Ronet realized that he had said too much, and the sight of Sylvan's widened eyes only heightened his apprehension. Ronet scrambled to say, "What I mean is, you're a good friend. And I'm sure many others have told you what I said earlier."
A grin slowly formed on Sylvan's face. But it wasn't a teasing grin. It was more like a shy one. Sylvan said, "No. No one has said it this candidly to me before. So thanks for giving me such a direct compliment."
It wasn't merely a compliment, Ronet thought. He said, "Anyhow, I'm just saying that your friendship and companionship are very helpful to me; they'll always be helpful. Yet, I also don't want you to get the impression that I'm relying on you."
"Why do you think I would mind that?" Sylvan asked.
Ronet swallowed. "Because you hate it when others cling or rely on you too much, right?"
Sylvan looked at him pensively, then shook his head. "Maybe in general, but with you, I don't mind. It gives me pleasure to hang out with you too." He smiled affectionately again.
Sylvan's words warmed Ronet's heart to the core.
~
Their burgers and soft drinks soon arrived, and Sylvan said, "If there's anything else you want me to do to make things better for you, don't hesitate to tell me, okay?"
Ronet nodded. He couldn't ask for more from Sylvan, even if Sylvan sometimes seemed to...feel the same way about him. Nevertheless, Ronet didn't want to get his hopes up. He wasn't sure if he would ever recover if Sylvan rejected him; if this vulnerability made Ronet a pathetic human being, so be it. He said at this point, "What else do you want to know about this—darkness of mine?"
Sylvan paused. "Have you always felt like this, or was there a time when you didn't feel this much darkness? I mean, for your definition of darkness, not mine."
Ronet sighed. "Maybe. Once upon a time in my childhood, things might have been purer and happier."
"Then what happened to change it all?" Sylvan asked.
Ronet frowned. "I don't know. It just happened."
"No triggering event?"
"Nothing in particular that I can recall," answered Ronet with some irritation; but the irritation was directed at himself, for not knowing more about his feelings or history, such that he had nothing of substance to share with Sylvan.
Sylvan must have sensed his aggravation, because he said, "Sorry, I must have been too pushy. I should stop asking now."
Ronet folded his arms tightly, and then loosened them, and said, "Don't apologize. It's good that you're asking me these things. Maybe I'll learn something to solve my problems if I just figure all of this out."
"There's no rush, though," Sylvan said with a sympathetic smile. "I don't want you to feel pressured or stressed by my questions."
"I don't feel pressured. These are matters that I need to confront sooner or later anyway." Ronet didn't mention that he hadn't felt motivated to deal with these "dark matters" seriously until Sylvan asked about them in depth today. Sylvan would think him either a wimp or an idiot with no independent ability to self-reflect.
Sylvan nodded softly. Hopefully he wasn't mindreading and nodding at Ronet's thoughts. As much as Ronet criticized and looked down on himself for many things, he did hope, and to some extent expect, Sylvan to view him in a more positive light, to give him some reassurance about himself as a person. Sylvan said, "Okay. Then maybe we can talk about more philosophical matters? What do you think made us both so drawn to the darkness? That strange attraction you described earlier. And do you think our feelings of attraction towards darkness are driven by the same reason?"
Ronet broke out into a laugh. "Those are some difficult questions."
Sylvan grinned. "But what do you think?"
Ronet smiled at him. "Why don't you go first?"
Sylvan put his fingers on his chin. "Though you say my idea of darkness is more appealing, I know that most people wouldn't like dark things. Maybe I'm attracted to the mystery of it. The dark represents the unknown, yeah? There are also a lot of scary things in the darkness, and there is something inherently fascinating about horror. I don't like horror movies that much, but they do intrigue me." He paused. "What about you? Why are you drawn to darkness?"
Ronet furrowed his brows. He had held out the hope that Sylvan wouldn't ask him. Ronet thought for a while. "Um, I don't know." He tried to verbalize the feeling. "There's something so alluring about melancholy, sadness, and even fear. So I hate these negative emotions, yet I'm also drawn to them. Does that make sense?"
"Well, I don't feel drawn to those emotions myself, but maybe it's like my weird fascination with dark, unknown, and scary things. Maybe we can't explain why we're pulled towards darkness at all," Sylvan said.
Ronet let out a chuckle, suddenly unwilling to give up on this mystery. A mystery of great import to both Ronet and Sylvan. Ronet said, "I'm sure there must be some reason. I mean, some reason beyond 'it was decided by my genes' or something like that."
"And not decided by childhood or early life experiences either?" Sylvan asked.
"We could explore those too," said Ronet, "but I would rather not." He hoped Sylvan wouldn't hear the slight nervousness in his voice.
Sylvan nodded with a thoughtful expression, but raised no objections.
Ronet took this as a sign of approval, and continued with a surprising, kindling enthusiasm, "Sylvan, I—" He forced himself to slow down, so that he could actually express himself properly. "There's something oddly satisfying about feeling sad. Even if that may sound wrong. Same with fear. Fear feels like an intense excitement, despite how unpleasant it is." He grimaced. "Gosh, I must sound like the weirdest guy you've ever met."
Sylvan laughed. "Believe me, I've met much weirder guys. Don't worry about it."
A bit of jealousy rushed through Ronet at Sylvan's words, especially as Sylvan seemed to fancy the bizarre as well as fellow bizarre people. Ronet felt a strange desire to outdo everyone else in their weirdness. He presently replied, with an awkward laugh, "Maybe it's best to explain nebulous things with metaphors. Sorrow is being submerged in a tub of hot water in the dark. It's unpleasant yet comforting, like a kind of indulgence. As for fear, it shocks you with hot electricity. It's frightening, you want the searing heat and electrocution to stop, but at the same time, you want it to keep going, because it energizes and thrills you." He looked down and grimaced. "Man, this is so twisted and deranged, even by my standards."
But Sylvan shook his head. "Though I don't experience what you do, I don't find it twisted. I'm happy that you shared that with me. You're so interesting, Ronet." The boy beamed again.
Ronet chuckled. "I worry sometimes that you only like me because I'm a weirdo, and you're fond of weirdos."
Sylvan snorted. "Don't think so poorly of me. Yes, I like 'weird' people, but that's because I'm eccentric in many ways too. It's a comfort to talk with someone who's similar to me." The smile that Sylvan gave Ronet was so sweet and soothing.
Ronet said, "Is that so?"
Sylvan nodded pointedly, and with a pout. "You've got to believe me when I say these things to you."
"Say what things?" Ronet blurted out before he realized what he was asking. At Sylvan's astonished face, Ronet hurried to say, "Sorry, I didn't mean anything by that." He swallowed. "You're right that I have a hard time believing it when someone says kind things to me." Especially if that someone was Sylvan, as Ronet wanted the other boy's approval so much.
Sylvan's expression changed to one of relief. "It's good that you know that about yourself. So gradually, you'll be able to accept nice things more easily." He was quiet for a moment, then he asked, "About the negative emotions, um..." Ronet glanced nervously at him. Sylvan said, "I truly don't think it's twisted or deranged that you feel this way, but is it harmful to stay with those dark feelings?"
Ronet pressed his lips together. "I—"
Sylvan added swiftly, "I don't mean any offense. Just speaking as a friend, I want to know if you feel that it's harmful at all. I'm not trying to criticize you."
The tension in Ronet's chest relaxed a bit at that. "Sorry, Sylvan, I must have had a moment of defensiveness. My parents, and generally a lot of people, keep thinking that my emotional tendencies are wrong and that I need fixing. Maybe it is bad and pathological, how I feel and think. But I'm also so fed up with people picking at me for this."
Warmth and tenderness flowed in Sylvan's gaze. "I see. I just want you to know that I'm not trying to fix or pick at you. I was only worried if it would be beneficial for you to stay so long with sadness and fear." He added emphatically, "But, if you think it's no problem, then that's good. I'm not you, after all. I have no right to decide what's best for you."
Ronet sighed in relief at Sylvan's announcement that he would leave Ronet's...quirks alone. Ronet said, "I do think that my emotional tendencies are problematic, actually, but I also feel that I can deal with them myself. Support from good friends like you gives me the strength to do so. Plus, it's—not that bad. It doesn't feel good, but I'm surviving, which counts for something, right?" Ronet glanced at Sylvan, yearning for the other boy's reassurance.
Sylvan gave him a sorrowful smile. "Yeah, you're surviving. And I'm glad that support from your friends gives you strength, but if you ever want further help, I'm here, okay?"
Ronet nodded. "Thanks for that." He then shrugged. "It genuinely isn't as bad as what one might expect, though. At least I'm highly trained in the art of bearing heavy emotions."
"Oh...," Sylvan said, with a forlorn look. "True, you must have a lot of experience with these hard emotions, more experience than the average person." He went on, "I don't know if you're one of those who hate receiving pity from others, but what I'm giving you is not pity. I just see that you're going through so much. I want to make it lighter for you, but I know that since I'm not you, I probably would be more of a hindrance than a help. So I feel sad about that."
Ronet exhaled. "Yeah, perhaps no one can give me any direct help. It's a road I have to walk alone."
Sylvan furrowed his eyebrows. "Do you have to walk alone?"
Ronet nodded with determination, and almost stubbornness.
Sylvan was silent, and then he said, "Okay, I get that I can't intrude into something I don't experience personally. Nevertheless, you don't have to be alone." He elaborated, "Even if I can't interfere in matters I don't comprehend, I can still be with you emotionally." Ronet's heart leapt at Sylvan's words, though he knew that Sylvan must have meant that in a platonic way. Sylvan said, "But aside from giving you the strength to go through all of this, I can give you extra support too, so you won't need to be alone." Sylvan frowned. "Geez, I'm so clumsy with words."
Ronet replied, "No, I understand what you're saying, and thank you for that extra support." He tried to steady the tense, yet palpitating and energetic feeling in his chest and heart. He heaved out a long breath of air, and said, "I think it's helpful that you're talking through these things with me. This way, I can understand these issues better."
Sylvan gave him an adorable little smile. "It's great that you're willing to discuss these issues with me, though. I would be helpless if you were reluctant to share."
Ronet nodded solemnly. "Likewise, if you ever have anything you want to talk about, I'll be happy to go through it with you."
Sylvan beamed at him in a way that reminded Ronet of a soft, fluffy kitten. A kitten full of sun and joy. "Thanks for the offer, Ronet. I'll take you up on that one day."
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