❝sunt lacrimae rerum.❞
the next day, seokjin had returned to jungkook's door, per jungkook's request. the pain on his arms was no longer peeling, brighter than before, newer and clean and fresh. by the time seokjin left, however, the paint had been picked at.
seokjin had stayed for an hour, whispering to jungkook about words that rhymed and his favorite tea and why autumn was such a pretty season. jungkook wondered why seokjin was trying to be quiet.
"pink is such a soft color," seokjin mumbled. he held out his paint-lathered arm. pink overpowered the other colors. he looked jungkook in the eyes, his arm still hanging limply in mid-air. "thank you. for allowing me to see it again."
jungkook brushed his fingertips along the pink parts of seokjin arm. he couldn't remove his eyes from the scar that was hidden beneath the paint. "i hope you don't mind me asking, but where did you get the scar from? do you paint your arm to hide it?"
"it's from when i stepped off of that bridge. you must have not noticed in whatever state you were in." seokjin stared at his own arm. "i paint it because i'm scared to think of what happened to me, why i made that decision. were you scared?"
jungkook felt his eyebrows knitting together. "what do you mean?"
"when i made that forever decision. were you scared?" seokjin whispered, shifting his gaze slowly to jungkook's eyes. jungkook felt his breathing stop for what felt like a minute. he was terrified when seokjin jumped. he remembered his throat going raw from screaming, his eyes stinging with tears, his lungs burning from heat and running, his toes going numb in the water that contrasted to the temperature of the summer heat.
seokjin pulled his arm back, resting it in his lap. "i'm sorry."
jungkook stared at his coffee table, two mugs of burning liquid going cold sat on the wood tabletop, his eyes tearing up. he was stuck in his past, confused between remembering and forgetting it all. forgetting seokjin's beaten and bloodied figure. remembering seokjin's faint but almost not-there breaths hitting his arms as he continued to bawl and scream. he decided to put that memory to the back of his mind so he could remember something else.
"when you were in the hospital, still asleep, your mom told me you like to sing." seokjin lifted his head, both of their eyes meeting, seokjin's eyes shiny and filled with unshed tears. "sing for me."
❦
jungkook's heart dropped when he saw taehyung approaching the bridge the next night, but he couldn't say he was surprised. he stepped out of his window like he usually did, bare feet pounding against the grass and gravel. sharp rocks stabbed into his skin, but he paid no mind to that as he got closer to taehyung.
he didn't call his name until he was a few feet away. taehyung responded by whipping around, cheeks flushed and splotchy.
"your advice was shit, jungkook," he seethed. angry tears were streaming down his face. jungkook imagined they were sweet gumdrops instead of the sickly salt-water that they were. "your advice was shit, and it didn't work!"
jungkook took a deep breath and closed his eyes. all it took was one phrase, six seconds, and taehyung would either step off of the bridge or step down from the bridge. that was all it took.
"my parents don't love me. they don't care about me. they gave me more appointments. they want me to jump, jungkook! i'm 'pathetic, weak, cry too much and for no reason whatsoever, therefore i need help'," taehyung yelled, quoting his parents. a silver, moonlit tear slid down his face and dripped off of his chin. jungkook stumbled over his words. say something, you idiot. he's going to jump.
"there are tears for things."
taehyung, in his furious state, paused. his face showed no emotion, but his eyes conveyed pain and sadness and confusion. "jungkook, you should know that half of the time, i don't understand a single thing that spills from your lips."
"you aren't pathetic or weak for crying." jungkook took a step forward, curling a gentle hand around taehyung's arm. "there is always a reason why you cry, even if you don't know what it is. mental disorders are like predators. and humans are the prey. they can attack at any time. it's not your fault that you aren't sure why you're crying, so nobody should blame you for it.
"and like i said, mental disorders are like predators. prey doesn't always get killed by their predators, however, if they fight back for long enough and never give up. you don't have to let this predator kill you, taehyung. fight it. i'm not guaranteeing that you'll walk about of that battle without a couple of wounds. you wouldn't be human if you didn't."
taehyung closed his eyes, pressing his palms firmly into his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. he did something that surprised jungkook, something that nobody who came to bridge ever did to jungkook. taehyung wrapped his arms firmly around him, crying gently into jungkook's shoulder.
taken by surprise, jungkook slowly wrapped his arms around taehyung, inhaling slowly. taehyung's sweet aroma wafted through the cool autumn air, jungkook's stomach clenching with hunger at the pleasant smell as it reminded him of sweet, honey rolls. he could imagine a warm, fluffy bun dripping with amber-colored liquid. he tried to focus on the other scents in the air, like the earthy smell of cool rain or the salty tang of the ocean that was just a few miles away.
taehyung pulled away from the warm embrace, eyes closed and breath shaky. he breathes like he has made it an art form, his chest rising and falling with what was equivalent to the sedative qualities of a lullaby. the night is so quiet around them that jungkook can hear each breath with ease. a small smile blesses his lips and he simply lets it sit there, warming his face against the newly cooler air of the middle of fall.
taehyung opened his eyes. they were shining and bright in the dim light from the moon. jungkook found himself lost in taehyung's eyes. without thinking, he leaned forward and planted a small kiss on the other boy's forehead.
"i studied astronomy for a while," jungkook said, ever-so softly. "i thought i knew every galaxy. i didn't realize i was missing one until i saw your eyes."
❦
jungkook didn't take a nap during the day like he had expected, sitting awake next to his window, smile plastered on his lips as he blended paints. the paintbrush gently scraped along the canvas, forming a shape he was growing familiar with but he hadn't ever seen in paint before.
his tongue poked against his cheek as he focused, trying his best to—for once—paint something that actually had an identifiable shape instead of simple, large blots of random color splattered here and there. he leaned back, smiling at what he had accomplished so far. a pair of soft brown eyes stared back at him.
jungkook had easily decided that taehyung's eyes were just as pretty on paper, painted from imagination. but it was nothing compared to seeing them in person, pale moonlight bathing them in a silvery glow.
he chewed on his thumb, teeth gnawing gently on the skin as he contemplated the painting. he put the paints away, letting the painting continue to sit on his window sill, deciding that he wanted to paint the blue boy while he was sitting right in front of him, so he could feel his face. he wanted to know exactly how to move his brush.
jungkook smiled when he heard a knock on his door, the sky becoming a light pink and fluffy with clouds. he almost forgot that the older boy with arms painted the color of cotton candy offered to make him dinner.
❦
1,332 words
ugh i feel like this story doesn't make any sense n that the concept is terrible and nobody is going to read it uGh but i don't want to delete it or un-publish it bc i wANT it here and i worked so hard on it and this is a terrible run-on ew
i talk about how much i hate run-ons but uh, i used a lot of them in here i think,, wOW aren't i hypocritical haha please kill me. +what kinda angst is this story?? i feel like some of the lines are extremely n terribly cheesy
-di