"It's over. I'm done for. I'm ruined. My spark is gone. My lucky flower finally died on me. This is the end. I give up. I've lost. There's no hope."
Jisoo sunk deeper into the couch and touched the back of her wrist to her forehead like a fainting damsel. In the kitchen, Lisa was making ramen over the stove.
"Is she being over dramatic again?" she called from the kitchen. Rose, who was scrolling through Tinder on her phone, didn't answer.
"No, I'm not," Jisoo replied. "I'm... being realistic for once."
"Yeah? How's that going?" Lisa dropped the dried ramen noodles into the boiling pot. Jisoo pouted.
"Reality sucks," she said. After the disastrous interview, Jisoo had come home to the apartment she shared with Jennie, Lisa, and Rose and vented to the girls. Rose immediately got to work setting up a profile for Jisoo on Tinder and a number of other dating sites, much to Jisoo's chagrin. As a firm believer in serendipity, destiny, and fate, Jisoo was strictly against online dating. But desperate times called for desperate measures.
Rose always insisted that she was a regular, down-to-earth college girl, but Jisoo knew that she came from old money. She drove a red Mustang and was the CEO of her own cupcake startup, liked wearing pearls, revered her mother's dating advice, and insisted that she and Lisa call Jisoo "unni" even thought Jisoo said her first name was perfectly fine. Rose was the more conservative girl in their foursome, which was why Jisoo was taken slightly aback when she suggested online dating.
She sat with her knees crossed on the blue couch that her parents had donated to the girls' apartment, carefully examining each profile and occasionally asking Jisoo if she liked any of the guys that popped up. She had curlers in her hair and was wearing a red silk bathrobe that an old boyfriend had bought for her.
"Oooh! What about this guy?" Rose said, turning the screen to Jisoo. "His name's Taecyeon. His profile picture is of him in the Bahamas. He's shirtless, and I like what I'm seeing. What about him? Left or right?"
Jisoo took her hand from her head and looked at the screen.
"Hmm. He sorta looks like a meathead, not my type," she said before leaning back into the cushions. Rose looked hurt.
"What? He's cute, and check out the six pack!" Rose said.
"Left," Jisoo said, pointing her finger to the left. Rose swiped left and another profile came into view.
"Ok, well how about this guy? He's cute." Jisoo looked at the screen, at yet another solid, muscular boy at a beach.
"Left," she said.
"What about this guy? Wait, never mind. Too old," Rose said. All of a sudden, Jisoo's phone chimed. She reached for it and her lit up at the notification.
"Ooh, someone matched with me," she said, sitting up. Rose put her phone down and scooted up next to Jisoo to see the screen.
"Really, who?" Rose said. She looked down at the photo and raised a brow. "That guy?"
Jisoo scoffed. "There is no need for that tone," she said. "I'm the one who's going to date him not you."
"I thought you said 'meathead' wasn't your type?"
"What? How can you say that?" Jisoo said, slightly offended. "He's not a meathead, look, he's holding a camera. He's probably a photographer or something. It's artsy! And his arms are nice. And we matched!"
"Ok, fine. Then send him a message."
"No!" Jisoo said, holding her phone against her chest. "I'm not going to message him, he's going to message me. That's how it works, right? There, see? He messaged me. And he said hi, so I will say hello back."
Lisa ran over from the kitchen and looked over Jisoo's shoulder as she typed into the chat box: "Hi." She added a smiley face for good measure. The girls held their breath as three little dots danced on the screen, indicating that he was texting back.
"What are you up to?" the stranger said.
"What am I up to?" Jisoo said, looking to Lisa and Rose. "What should I say?"
"Uh, tell him you're just relaxing at home," Lisa suggested, and Jisoo typed:
"Nothing much, just relaxing at home. You?"
Sent. A minute later, the stranger wrote back: "Relaxing at home, too. Wanna see?"
"See what?" Jisoo asked, but before she could even ask him that question, he had sent a photo. Of himself, completely naked with one hand wrapped tightly around his...
"I hate online dating," Jisoo said, rolling her eyes so hard, she was sure she'd give herself an aneurysm. Both Lisa and Rose groaned as Jisoo exited the chat room.
"Seriously? What part of 'I'm just relaxing at home' makes him think that means 'please send me a picture of your junk?'" Lisa said. "Men are literally the worst. I've suddenly lost my appetite. Anyone want ramen?"
"Block him," Rose said, taking Jisoo's phone and hitting the "block" button. "Just move on to the next profile. There's tons of hot guys in this area, we're smack dab in the middle of college town. Don't worry, unni, we are going to get you a date."
"I don't think I can do this," Jisoo said, standing up and going into the kitchen to eat Lisa's ramen.
"Yes, you can!" Rose said, following her. Jisoo took a pair of chopsticks from the drawer and began eating the noodles straight from the pot.
"I'm an old lady by today's dating standards," Jisoo said, leaning against the counter. "And we already know that these guys aren't going to be into me. No one has before. I should just give up."
"Hey!" Rose said, snatching Jisoo's chopsticks and holding her gaze with steady intensity. "I will not tolerate this disgusting display of low self-esteem! My mama always said that a girl's best feature is her confidence. Come on, let's keep looking. Half the population of this city are men, we are going to find one for you to fall in love with, and you are getting that job!"
"Hey, you know what?" Lisa said, jumping up onto the counter and chewing on a granola bar. "What about Jaebum? Your cute TA?"
Jisoo's eyes widened. "No," she said. "Hard pass."
"Why not?" Lisa asked, waving her granola bar at Jisoo. "You already like him and—"
"I know, but... I don't know, I just can't," Jisoo said, taking her chopsticks back from Rose. "I'm sorry, I'm crazy. I think he's cute and he's smart and he's really cool, but I just can't think straight when I'm around him, I don't need that kind of stress."
"Just out of curiosity, unni, why haven't you ever dated anyone?" Rose asked, taking a chair from the dining room and sitting in it like it was story time. Jisoo shrugged.
"Because boys don't like me," she said.
"Hey!" Rose said, wagging a finger at her. Jisoo took a deep breath and was silent for a second.
"I don't know. I guess I just... I never found the right person," Jisoo said. She poured the ramen into a mug and sat down at the dining table.
"You know me, I'm a 'ready, set, go' kind of person, I see what I want, I want it, and I go after it," Jisoo continued. "But I just never felt that way toward anybody."
"No one?" Lisa asked, tossing out the granola bar wrapper.
Jisoo shocked her head.
"I mean, I've had crushes, I've been on plenty of first and second dates," she continued. "But nothing ever happened after that."
She sloshed the noodles around in the mug and listened to her heart beating. The other girls were waiting for her to continue.
"I may not always know what I want from my life," Jisoo said slowly. "But I know what I don't want. What I don't want is to be stuck doing a job I hate, and likewise, I don't want any kind of romance that isn't the real deal. I know what kind of man I want, and I know what kind of love story I want my life to be. I know some people might think that's harsh or stupid of me, but that's where I stand and I'm going to keep standing there."
As a show of her determination, Jisoo sat up straighter in her chair and crossed her arms. Neither Lisa nor Rose spoke for a while. Jisoo stood to put her mug in the sink and Rose turned in her chair to face her.
"While I admire your commitment to your own beliefs, unni," Lisa said carefully. "This is the 21st century. We're not princesses sitting around in ivory towers waiting for handsome princes to rescues us from dragons anymore."
She jumped down from the counter and started to help Jisoo load their dishes into the dishwasher.
"You said so yourself that you're the kind of girl who goes after what she wants," Lisa continued. "If you want love that badly, it's not enough to just sit around and wait for the right person to walk into your life."
"You want true love?" Rose said, joining them at the counter. "True love isn't like it is in a chick lit novel, unni. What if the prince never comes? What if your dark, brooding, mysterious male lead only exists in your romance novels? What'll you do, then?"
She was right, of course. They both were. Jisoo admired the heroines in her books who took charge. The ones who made the first move and texted a boy first. Rose, Lisa, and Jennie were all girls like that. They'd all had dates and boyfriends before. Jisoo was one hundred percent a supporter of girls making their own destinies and carving out their own paths in love.
But Jisoo couldn't help it. It was what she wanted. She wanted the fairy tale, she wanted the kind of sweeping, glorious, breathtaking romance that people wrote about and read about. And if it didn't exist... then...
"I'll adopt some cats, I guess," Jisoo said, trying to lighten the mood. "And I'll sign up for a monthly wine subscription."
Lisa and Rose giggled, but the fun was cut short when Jisoo heard her phone buzzing from the couch. She quickly dried her hands and hopped over to the living room to check the caller ID. It was coming from a number she didn't recognize. Normally, she would have just ignored the call altogether, but then she realized that Julie Kiyoko did say she would be in touch soon. A week had passed, surely this must be her.
"Oh my god," Jisoo said.
"Who is it? Oh my god, what if it's that creep?" Rose asked. "How'd he get your number?"
"I... I think it might be Julie Kiyoko, or someone from Embrace!" Lisa and Rose both gasped in surprise. Jisoo shushed them and ran into the hallway. "Guys, quiet! Hello?"
"Hello?" said the male voice on the other line. Jisoo furrowed her brow.
"Ms. Kiyoko?" she said carefully.
"Uh... Jisoo?" said the voice again. A man. It's definitely a man. Oh god. What if it was that creep from Tinder?
"This is Jisoo. Is this Julie Kiyoko?" she asked, just because.
"No," he said. "It's Park Jinyoung."
"Oh," she said, trying not to panic. She didn't recognize his name or his voice, it must be the weirdo. "Are you her secretary?" Don't freak out. Just calmly pretend it's the wrong number and end the call.
"No. I'm not a secretary," he said, a slight tinge of irritation lining his voice. "It's me. Park Jinyoung."
"I think you have the wrong number, then, sorry!" Jisoo said.
"Wait!"
But she had already ended the call. Disaster avoided. God, online dating really was the worst. Jisoo was about to rejoin the other girls in the dining room when her phone began to ring again with a call from the same number. Jisoo braced herself to answer and tell him again that he had the wrong number.
"Hello?"
"Jisoo?" said the voice. Jisoo was going to shout at him, but something about the way he said her name that time was strangley familiar. It made her stomach twist up into a knot.
"Who is this?" she asked.
"Park Jinyoung! Remember?"
"I seriously think you have the wrong number," Jisoo said.
"From middle school!" he said just as Jisoo was about to hit the end call button again. Jisoo paused a moment, the stranger's voice taking her back in time. Ten years back to the first time she heard that voice calling her Kim Peachu on the first day of school. She bristled. He couldn't be.
"Jinyoung?" she said, quietly so that the girls couldn't hear.
"Yes," he sighed. She could practically hear him rolling his eyes over the phone.
"How...?" she said, closing her eyes and clenching a fist. "What do you want?"
Jinyoung scoffed over the receiver: "Yeah, nice to hear from you, too."
"How did you even get my number? Have you been stalking me?" she said.
"What? No. Of course not," Jinyoung said defensively. "Your dad gave me this number."
Jisoo's eyes widened at the thought of Jinyoung talking to her dad. Jinyoung at Kim's Peaches and Plums, walking around the grove, going inside the house she grew up in, and talking to her dad about her, no doubt gathering more ammo for insults to hurl at her. The image made her blood boil. How dare he?
"You talked to my dad? You have been stalking me!"
"I just..." she could hear his frustration over the phone. "Never mind, whatever. Anyway, you've heard about Mr. Hong haven't you?"
Her shoulders relaxed at the mention of Mr. Hong. He was a sweet man. She had his class when she was thirteen. That was the year she finally decided she wanted to become a writer. He was one of her most fervent supporters. She may not have had the confidence to do it if it weren't for him.
"Yeah, of course, I have," she said, her voice sad. "Cancer, right? So awful."
"Right," Jinyoung said, his voice going soft, too. "Actually, he passed away."
The room went cold and silent.
"What? When?" she asked, her voice shaking.
"A few weeks ago."
Jisoo bit down on her lip. Everything was so quiet, all she could hear was her own pounding heartbeat and Jinyoung's breathing on the phone.
"He was one of my favorite teachers," she said, mostly to herself. "I'll miss him."
"Me, too," Jinyoung said.
No one said anything for a few seconds, and just when it was becoming awkward, Jinyoung cleared his throat: "Anyway," he said. "I went back home to go to his funeral, and his wife passed me this envelope. Apparently, he wrote letters to the both of us before he died."
"A letter?" Jisoo said, switching the phone to her other ear. "I didn't get anything."
"No, you didn't. Yours is with me, his wife passed them both to me."
"Oh," Jisoo said, not liking the direction that this conversation was going. "Well, do you have a pen. Just mail mine to me."
"Yeah. Actually... Mr. Hong wanted me to give it to you in person."
Jisoo closed her eyes and groaned silently. She was afraid he would say that: "That won't be necessary," she said.
"No, it's not," Jinyoung said. "But he specifically said, in writing, that I'm supposed to give it to you in person. The last thing he wrote in his letter to me was asking me for a favor. He wants the two of us to grab lunch and catch up."
Jisoo almost burst out laughing at the thought: "Why? There's nothing to catch up on."
"I don't know, that's just what he wrote to me," Jinyoung said. He hesitated before continuing: "Mr. Hong was my favorite teacher, too."
Jisoo raised her brow at him.
"That was kind of a dark time for me and he helped me get through it, I owe him a lot," Jinyoung said, his voice getting deeper. "I'm just trying to honor his memory by carrying out this one last thing he's asking of me. You think I actually wanted to talk to you right now? Considering all the shit I've already been through this month?"
"Don't talk to me about having a shitty month," Jisoo said, mustering as much venom as she could into her voice. "I've been through enough shit this month to last me until well past graduation."
"Are you free tomorrow afternoon?" he said suddenly.
"What?"
"Are you free tomorrow afternoon?"
Was this supposed to be a joke? Jisoo scoffed. As if she'd actually agree to get lunch with him, her nemesis from middle school.
"Maybe. But I—"
"Good," Jinyoung interrupted. "Your dad told me you go to Eastern University. I go to Southern Tech. I made a reservation at Heather's, it's on 12th and Pine, halfway between our two schools. 12:30 tomorrow. Be there. Or don't. It's on your conscience, but I'm not gonna be the one disappointing our dead teacher."
He hung up as soon as the last word was out of his mouth, and Jisoo was furious. What a joke. She loved Mr. Hong with all her heart, but this had to be some kind of cruel joke. If Jinyoung actually thought that his guilt tactics would work on her, he had another thing coming.