As his eyes focused onto mine with deep hopes, another surge coursed through my darkened veins and into my chest.
A cry exited my throat as I crippled over and into Bain's strong-held arms.
The stabs subsided once again and I looked upon Bain, his expression grim and his eyes filled with grief, disbelief and betrayal.
"Why did it not take effect!" Bain's voice loudened with frustration at the man.
I remained facing Bain, still within the hold of his arms, my head upon his chest.
It fell hard and came back fiercely with every labored breath.
I maneuvered my head so I was able to see the Bloodman.
His face was taken by the same expression as Bain's: Disbelief.
"It's not," he paused. "True." He lowered his head at the misfortune, for he knew one of us did not feel the same. One of us had a deep passion driven by love, the other did not.
I curled back into Bain's chest as his arms wrapped firmly around my back.
"That cannot be! My heart is upon her in every way of it's allowance! For it bears me where the stars dance in the night and the sun sways in the light of day." He snarled with passion.
"I don-"
Bain sharply cut in upon the man's words. "Love does not always have to be shown, it just has to be true!"
"But-"
Bain stopped the man's words short again. "What must I do!"
"An act of true love!" Beren explained. "On her part. It is her lips that have to kiss another, not your own, Bain. T'is a simple act of purity, love! "
"True love." I whispered under my cold breath as I looked upon Bain, his head came to face mine.
"Yes!" He exclaimed quietly, his nose placed atop mine as he bent down. "I wish to see the colour back in your smooth cheeks, the brightness of a thousand stars back into your eyes, the complexion back in your otherwise corpse-like skin, and the light of your heart given back, I long to see your life returned to you. This love will be our start. You must."
I slowly reached up to his gentle lips, but as I was, I thought of the love I now had. Or what it may be. I had not the courage to love truly as he did. But, his gentleness assured the thoughts.
But I still was not enchanted by him as I was another.
Not in any way was I to say I loved him as I truly did another. My heart's beats were for another, not him. My eyes were set upon one, but not him. My lips drawn to another's, but not his.
I pondered the thoughts more, ensuring that I was not delirious.
But, in fact, I was not.
I yearned for someone else.
I stopped abruptly before our lips touched, and lowered my head.
"I, cannot." I admitted with embarrassment. "I love you not as the way you do I."
His face flushed of colour. I had not felt such a grieving feeling in a long while. His face drained, not just of colours, but of hope, as if all was lost.
"I loved you as the fire burned bright, now it is merely coals." My eyes met his as I looked up. "I truly did."
"Hot, burning and unquenchable! Is that not what you mean, my love?" He scoured my eyes hoping to find a touch of love left behind them.
"I do not." I lowered my head once again in anguish against my bitter heart.
"You acknowledge that you said 'forever', right?" He nodded distraughtly.
"Perhaps this was our forever." Tears began to simmer within my eyes, but I would not let them fall.
"T'was not meant to be ever on." Beren interrupted our state into each other's eyes.
"My eyes glistened at your very sight, Madeira. I would have sworn you looked upon me in the same manor of love."
I nodded slightly and released my grip of his chest.
"I must go for the truth of my love. I go now to where it is of great worth! To Ered Luin." I began walking out the door.
"You cannot go this night!" Bain interrupted. "Be off in the morning hours! Stay one more night."
"I have not that amount of time to spare."
"He is right! Set off in the morning." Beren said.
"Do not speak a word amongst me, fool!" I snarled with what little energy the pain allowed.
"Please! It is far too late! The pain will not let you!" Bain pleaded.
"But I must!"
I looked upon his eyes.
Care still lurked among them.
I nodded, agreeing.
"You!" Bain barked. "As for you! You placed her life upon a thin line! Had this not happened, her love would still be upon I! And you promised her memory, yet it has not come! None of this had of happened if not for your witchcraft!"
The next thing I recalled was Bain holding an arrow upon the man's chest.
~
We walked, companied by harsh silence in the night.
The grief hung above me.
"I cannot say sorry, for it will heal nothing of the damage I created." I admitted.
Bain nodded and kept a stride in the rain.
~
I sat upon the bed in the room I had last been in with Thorin. Images of his strong body upon the floor danced in my head. The corners of my mouth slowly lifted at the thought of returning to him.
I was not about to get any sleep that night as the stabbing and aching had increased.
The fate of my life was at stake, upon a thin line.
One wrong move and my heart would stop, one wrong calculation of time and I was gone.
I rested my hands upon my lap and gazed upon them, pale, colorless things they had become, as had the rest of me.
A great, sudden shot of pain gathered in my chest and flowed through my veins.
The pain had gotten more.
But I must sleep some before departure.
Thoughts continued to flood my mind beyond an ocean.
Beren has perished, or so I believed, though I had only seen the arrow drawn back and placed at his chest, I had left beige it could be released.
I could not see more death, as I had already seen enough in myself as I stated upon the mirror.
The next death could be mine.
I had few days to reach Ered Luin, few days that would mean life or death.
But even then, the love may not be returned, I was destined to my fate. Thorin may be set upon another as I him. The flames of war would begin, battling death and destiny, both cruel in length. It was not in love to die for one, it was not romantic, it is the absence of presence, nothing more. The endless forever of not returning. And not returning to the one the heart is set upon. An endless gap you cannot see an end to. Just an endless forever.
I lay upon my side with my head rested on my arm for support, and after a struggle of morals of my fate, fell into a deep slumber.
~
I awoke to a heart-wrenching dream flooding my mind. The mace being thrown forcefully into my side. Azog, the Pale Orc, throwing me off of the rock and unto the hard ground. Thorin battling him soon after, and my attempts to constrain my will against bringing their conflict to a halt.
All to save the great Dwarf Prince.
All made sense.
Thorin telling me of the battle, and I, foolishly disbelieving, then abandoning him.
I remained awake, staring upon a blank wall as the dream flew through my head.
The pain grew bolder and bolder with every new come.
But sleep did not escape my heavy eyes. Forcing them to remain open was a decision I had not enough power to make.
And into sleep I fell.
~
Once more I had awakened in the darkness. And nothing filled my mind again. There were merely unclear traces of everything.
I could not remember what I had seen but, I knew their wrath, I knew their drowning bitterness, and suddenly, I no longer prayed for their surrender.
I quickly gathered my strength and urged my body to begin moving. My veins ached and stung.
I slipped on another dress, dark blue with armor-like diamond-shaped designs all upon the corset I placed over the dress. This armor would serve me better than none. The sleeves were long, it flowed to about my knees in the front and went slightly longer in the back. The bottom, the sleeves and the turtle-neck portions had little golden designs and branch-shaped pieces spiraling out. A black belt rested on my side to hold my sword. I grabbed black pants and my boots and quickly began to ready.
I pulled on my dark cloak and took one last look in the dreaded mirror.
All of what I was, was now hollowed. My eyes deep within their socket, my cheeks even more defined, and my spirit looked drained. Though it was not.
I ran down the stairs towards the door after taking in one last sight of the room.
Bain interrupted my frantic sprint.
"Madeira." he grabbed my arm as I placed it on the door to the city. "May luck ever be a friend to you and trouble an unknown foe. I will not forget you."
"As I will not you." I bowed my head as I left.
It was the wee small hours still. I had not an hour to spare. I must get to Ered Luin. T'is my only hope, if any.
I ran through the quiet streets, heading for the stables.
The rain still fell hard, it splashed the already soaked ground on impact and splattered.
The roofs of the city creaking under the pressure of the hard hits.
I came upon the stables and quickly entered.
All ponies and horses were on alert from the rain hitting the roof.
Baleu stood quietly in her stall and chewed on some hay. A loud chewer, she was.
I walked into her stall to untie her as another pain shot through my veins and caused me to shriek, touching her as a form of comfort. She looked back and made a sweet little noise.
a smile plastered unto my face and I patted her back.
Then I thought of Éoden, he placed the care of this beautiful creature into my hands and I was taking her away. I ran back out to the main portion of the stable and found a piece of sheet to write on:
I thank you for your generous deed, placing Baleu in my full care. Rest assured she will be well spoiled along with me in the Blue Mountains. She will be back many times in the future. Though I cannot thank you enough, I hope her well being and happiness will be enough for yours. Please take care.
I released Baleu from her stable and saddled her soon after. Her saddle was beautifully crafted by the finest of hands. I grabbed food for her and placed it in the large bags upon her saddle. Her comfort was at best with this saddle, she neighed happily and bounced her head up and down as I climbed on.
"We can do this, Baleu." I said as I patted her soft head.
We set off through the city once again.
~
The rain shot down hard and the trees fluttered.
Baleu galloped powerfully through the vast forests, her gaits strong and bold.
Baleu would love her new found home, many ponies, but her size, rested in Ered Luin.
She had taken my heart along with her gaits. Her beauty astonished me. And her heart even more everyday. She was the type of pony who would stop abruptly while a thrush crossed the path she treaded. Kind hearted soul.
I buttoned my cloak as to fasten it so the fierce wind would not blow it off.
I trailed off in thought in the darkness as Baleu galloped.
I may have been upon my last leg, the end of the line, the ever fading light into darkness, but I was still there.
Bain had cared of me, I would forever be in his debt for his actions of love that I did not truthfully return. Oh, I had left his heart in ruins! But what was I to do, season all with my heart that love does not taste? I could not. My heart ached to think his did at my fault. My foolishly selfish lies, trying to love him as I did another. T'would not work. I tried with all I had to preserve a love that had never been love at all. My heart still dearly ached as I looked upon the star-filled sky, because they were the same stars I had been under as I wished upon the heart of another, not the one who wished upon me. Foolish!
What was left of my heart rejoiced at the knowledge that I was returning to Thorin. There was no certainty that he would accept nor return my enchantment, if he did not, I was destined to death. Believe. I must believe, that his heart will not be as dark as mine, not as cold as the ruins of Moria as my own.
But after all I had done, I was not sure I would fight death should it come.
Truly, I was in the presence of death, stepping closer to it with every breath.
Within it all, I smiled knowing I was to return to Thorin. The Dwarf I had done wrong, but would travel upon the ends of Middle Earth and back for. In a heart beat.
My eyes shot down to my chest as a spark lit upon my heart. It was as though dry sticks in the hot autumn wind began to burn and spark. I remembered having such a feeling, but for what, I could not recall. But it sparked bright in the night as it began to settle the pain.
I shook my dazed head as another coursing pain interrupted my thoughts and blew out the spark.
Baleu stopped abruptly without warning in the darkness and reared, nearly throwing me off. I looked up to see a company of Orcs staring back at me and blocking the path.