Cinderella's part II, neither Gregory nor Xenia imagined it would give the situation they were in now. Time slipped away just like Xenia did from Gregory's mansion every weekend.
"Douglas will drive you to the airport."
Xenia turned to leave, ready to head down the footsteps of the mansion.
"Eh, where's my kiss?" Gregory pulled the woman back.
The kiss was slow; for this, at least, they always took their time as if there wouldn't be a tomorrow. Xenia pulled away, went down a few steps, and came back to kiss Gregory again. Gregory was two seconds from protesting about her departure, but the arguments, even small, exhausted him.
Xenia still lived in Paris with Sia, and he in London. Round Trips between Paris and London were weekly routines.
Xenia refused to live with him. Gregory found it unfair when he thought she was ready to follow Andrew to New York and get married.
The woman rejected both arrangements to Gregory, leaving the man with bitter thoughts roaming free. When Gregory asked Xenia why she refused to live in London, the answers were always the same:
"I want us to exist as individuals. You have an empire to attend to, and I'm not easy to live with."
And Gregory would reply, "Xenia, I live in a three-floored mansion. The chances of us stepping on each other seem pretty slim."
The woman would retort, "Your house is too big. There are too many maids, butlers, gardeners, and whatever."
"I'll get an apartment."
The verbal tennis match could go on for hours as Gregory, too, had answers to everything, and Xenia conjured reasons out of thin air.
"It will be difficult for Sia to learn English and all," she'd say.
"You know as well as I do that she should learn at this age."
"Gregory, please, I don't want us to lose each other."
"So this is your solution to maintain the flame?" Gregory would ask.
"Yes."
These moments were where Gregory experienced system malfunctions and would glitch by blinking in disbelief before exploding, "It sucks, I don't believe in that bull, seriously, Xenia, what are you afraid of?"
"Everything, Gregory, absolutely when it comes to you."
So they lived apart, and when Gregory spoke of marriage:
"I wanted it before, but now it seems old-fashioned and overrated; we don't need it," Xenia explained.
Gregory would lift a quizzical eyebrow and dig deeper, "when you say before, you mean with Mark and Andrew, but with me, you can't?"
"It's just if we married; we'll have to live together."
"Xenia, please. Actually, okay, forget it, I too have my limits."
For Gregory, it was like living in reverse. Until then, the man was sure it was what Xenia wanted. Guarantees and proof Gregory could not see what other concrete contracts he could offer. Now Xenia yawned at his suggestions as if she was uninterested, and she just desired a relationship where either one could bail out whenever.
No matter who interrogated Xenia, the results were the same as Niki found out when she met up with Xenia.
"So, what's the deal Xenia, do you love him?" Niki asked.
"Like crazy."
"Do you want to spend your life with him?"
"Till death do us apart."
"Then, why? Xe, why do you have to be such an emotional yo-yo?"
"Niki, I've never loved someone like Gregory. The man is flawless. I just feel I'm not good enough and that he'll regret and leave."
"Then marry the man for God's sake. Marriage isn't a guarantee, but one usually thinks twice before breaking the vows."
Xenia shook her head, "no, I can't. I want Gregory to be free to leave if he wants without having weighing engagements."
Niki lifted her eyes to the ceiling, "that's dumb, Xenia; you are stupid. You are anticipating something which might never happen."
"But it could."
"Or it couldn't," Niki retorted. "The man loves you, and I have 55K followers who share the same opinion."
"By the way, how is the writing going?"
"I'm glad I quit Astoria, I couldn't make the publishing deadlines working there full time, and the public is waiting for the 3rd book of the trilogy."
"I still can't get over the fact you live off my life."
"Oh, come on, Xenia, we've been through this."
"I should have an incentive."
Niki laughed, "Ha-ha, oh God, you are serious?"
"Of course I am. You are selling Gregory's and my love story. We should get some props."
"You want a dedication in the last book."
"No, I don't want the world to know."
"You are a living contradiction, Xenia."
XY XX
As always, despite appearances, something bothered Xenia. The fear was there, taunting the woman. Failure, Xenia didn't want to fail again, not with Gregory.
She wished she could love him less; making decisions would be simple. Making choices wasn't her forte. Also, Xenia was afraid to impose her resolution on Sia. So she decided to ask whom it concerned.
"Sia, would you like us to live with Gregory?"
"Yes."
"But it would mean leaving, granny, aunty Gloria, aunty Louise, and your dad."
Sia pondered, "can't I take the plane or the train to see them?"
"You'll have to speak English if we go and live in England, Sia."
Sia scrunched her face, "but I still want to be with Gregory."
"Can you tell me why, Sia?"
"Because Gregory is part of the family. We can't leave him on his own; he's sad without us, mom. He has no one to talk to in his castle."
Xenia chuckled nervously, for the little girl Gregory's mansion was immense with its gardens and parking lot size garage where every sports car one dreamt of collected dust.
"Who said Gregory was sad?"
"Gregory told me."
"So, you want to live in London?"
"Yes, mom."
"Sia, why do you like Gregory so much?"
The little girl shrugged. Xenia didn't push the conversation any further. She knew better than anyone; there was no reason needed to love the man.
XY XX
Xenia found herself confronted with a new dilemma, one where she feared losing Gregory to the routine. From the beginning, the couple hopped in and out of each other's apartment. Now it's was Xenia who went to London, bringing Sia once every two weeks.
The formula worked, and things were almost perfect. Their relationship had never been this intense, and they were on their way to jumping the jinxed 3-year hurdle. L'amour dure three [love lasts three years] say the French Xenia was cautious about maintaining their relationship at this blissful stage. Restless in Paris, Xenia picked her phone and dialed.
"Hello."
Xenia sighed, "I just wanted to hear your voice. I couldn't get to sleep."
Gregory switched on his lamp on the nightstand and picked up his watch; it was 2 AM GMT. He was glad to know the woman thought of him at this hour. He sat up to listen.
"Xenia, are you there?"
"Yes, I'm just thinking."
Gregory wiped his eyes; something told him he should be attentive even if Morpheus called him "about?"
"Us, Gregory, do you stillㅡ."
"I love you."
Gregory was stingy with words of affection made an effort for her. Xenia had to hear his feelings loud and clear, emotions which hadn't changed despite the back and forth between Heathrow, Charles the Gaulle or St Pancras and Gare du Nord.
Gregory found himself in the usual position where he seemed to want more from their relationship. He desired more than calls a 2 AM and weekend crossovers, and so regularly, he tried his luck.
"Xenia, don't you think it be better for both of us to live together. I mean, it's a lot of energy the time we spend going ㅡ."
"Gregory, we made a deal."
"That was over a year ago, Xenia, you had doubts, and I accepted your conditions, but don't you think we're beyond that now."
Gregory was right; they were far beyond and where they were in a scarier place than anywhere Xenia had ever been in a relationship.
The love she had for Gregory made her wonder if she even loved someone else before him. It embarrassed Xenia when she recalled how she called him a prick. What made her sink was the feeling of not being able to live without him, and it made her feel insecure.
The distance could kill their relationship, but so could the proximity. Though for many London and Paris are pretty close, it was a small breathing space for Xenia that now choked her.
Confusion roamed as Xenia didn't know what to do.
"I want you to wake up next to me, your legs intertwined with mine with your curls blocking my view of Oasis sitting on the chair observing us. I want Sia to dash in the room, jumping on the bed, begging you to make the oatmeal she likes, and the only oatmeal I like."
"Gregory."
These were the kind of sentences that made the woman melt, yet she refused to yield.
"I know you, Xenia, you're still afraid, and so am I, but I want to take the risk because it's you."
Xenia sighed; here she was with the kind of man almost every woman dreams of having. Intelligent, rich, handsome, and rich, filthy rich. Gregory was the full package, and he wanted to have everything with her.
Why was she so frightened?
The reason was the same: Gregory was the full package of perfection, and she still felt unworthy thanks to Britain's high society, where a few made sure she never forgot she was at level zero while Gregory touched the stars. Xenia didn't want to bother Gregory with her doubts, which the man would probably find ridicule. So she opted for the easy words that stalled explanations.
"I love you, Gregory."