I felt a pain in my side, my chest, and head. My body went weightless. My heart seized up. I was twirling through the air. Then, the ground got closer and closer. I passed out before I hit the ground.
I woke up feeling the same terrible emotion filled way. I felt incredibly sad but nothing at all. I was exhausted. Then I realized I was touching someone; they were touching me. I couldn't open my eyes; they were too heavy. I was leaning back against someone. Their arm was around my stomach, cradling me. I was moving, like I was on a horse. I wanted to run. I wanted shadow travel. I wanted to get away. Then, I realized something good. Rosemary. Warm. Armin. I felt horrible, but having him near me made it better. At least, until the voices in my mind started arguing.
Left Brain: That's it. Stop it.
Right Brain: Why?
Left Brain: We'll get nothing other than hurt.
Right Brain: You don't know that.
Left Brain: He'll take our heart.
Right Brain: He can have it.
Left Brain: He'll break it.
Right Brain: He wouldn't. He's too sweet.
Left Brain: We'll get hurt.
Right Brain: So? It's worth the risk.
Left Brain (rolls eyes and turns): I've kept us safe for this long. Listen to me.
Left Brain (turns too): Listen to me. Survival mode is turned off except for when we're in combat. We need him to survive everything else. He's worth the risk.
Everything except the feeling of Armin's soft, warm skin and the smell of rosemary faded around me. I was going to be okay. Armin would protect me from anything and everything. He had all of my trust. I don't just give that out. I slipped asleep thinking about all of his small things: the way he looked at me, the way his Iris pattern seemed to move back and forth when he was thinking, the way he smiled at me, the way he laughed, the way he held himself, the way he held me...
Finally, Right Brain won over Left Brain. I love him. I can't lose him. I'll protect him the way he protects me. I'll try to be there for him the way he is for me. I'll do everything I failed to do before. I'll tell him about my past if he asks. I'll do everything for him. I care about his happiness more than my own. I need him. I love him more than I love anything or anyone, maybe even Nico. I love him.
I woke up and saw Wall Maria nearing. I felt much better. I still felt shaky from being weightless in the air. I could manage flying on Agro, tall buildings and the walls. I could not handle being weightless three-ish meters above the ground. Nope. I realized I was still against Armin's chest. He really was a fantastic pillow. His arm was around my stomach. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. His hair was flying back behind him. Ugh so beautiful. He was looking ahead. I looked back at Wall Maria. It was close.
I finally decided to let Armin know I was awake rather than just stare at his face [although it was a pretty good way to spend time]. "You are a great pillow."
He looked down at me his face was slightly red. "I-I didn't th-think you being alone on Agro was a good i-idea, and I-I don't fight and Will's got people to heal and..."
"You're a great pillow." I put emphasis on great to get my point across. I snuggled closer against him. "Thanks for everything." I meant it. I meant for the first time we met, the hugs, the kindness, the acceptance, the everything he did for me.
He looked at me like he didn't understand completely. "Your welcome. I'd do anything for you."
"Oh..." I forced down the red that attempted to rise to my cheeks. I looked at Armin, and he looked at me for what felt like hours. It was probably only a few seconds, but I got myself lost in the details of his face: the way his eyes curved, the lines around them, his little nose, his mouth, and the way shadows fell across his face.
"I'll never let you go if you don't want me to." I heard my heartbeat in my ears. Blood rushed through me and roared in my ears. Do you have any idea what that means to me? Do you have a single clue? How are you doing this to me? Gods, I love you.
I put my arm over his and laid my fingers across his. I wanted to tell him to never let me go, but in reality, he'd have to. Dad said we probably wouldn't be able to take them back right away. I loved him and that was the end of it. That meant I had to be willing to hurt myself to save him. Why????
I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly. "We're going to be okay aren't we?"
"You and me are going to be okay. I know it." I felt all tingly.
We were at Wall Maria now. We stopped for a few minutes. Will ran over to me. He started looking me over. Nico ran over. "You're okay?"
"Of course." I looked over to Armin. Will had a smirk. Nico was trying to look both like I-ship-it and I'll-break-you-if-you-hurt-her. Once Will was done checking me over, he hugged me and went around to other people. Nico talked to me for a while. He was sleepy and sat down after a bit. Will sat down next to him, and they leaned over each other. I went over to Annie.
"I heard you got hurt."
"Yeah."
"Then your boyfriend took wonderful care of you." She smirked a little.
"Not my boyfriend but yeah."
"Your boyfriend."
"Does that mean he's your ex?" She looked at me angrily. "Fine whatever, Annie."
"Go talk with your boyfriend." She smirked a little again.
"Maybe I will." I turned on my heel dramatically and flipped my hair as I sashayed away. I slayed her like Queen Shane. I stopped after a few steps. Armin was looking at me. I went over to him. I didn't know what to say. I looked at his hair, his eyes, his nose, the lines and shadows of his face, and finally my eyes stopped at his lips. I suddenly wanted to kiss him. I couldn't though.
"Hi."
"Hi yourself." I became aware of how cold I was. I pulled my cloak around me tighter. Armin's eyes moved slowly around me. I desperately hoped he was doing the same thing as me. He lightly touched my hair. The purple was fading out, but he still looked at it with amusement. "Like it much?"
He didn't answer at first. He just twirled it a little and smiled. "Yeah." His voice was soft. He slowly moved his eyes up to mine. His eyes didn't show the same emotion as his face. They had a little bit of emptiness in them from past trauma. I knew the look well because I saw it every morning in the mirror.
I smiled at him. It wasn't forced. It felt natural. His eyes shined a little bit before he wrapped his arms around me. The way he held me didn't make me feel trapped. It felt warm and protective. His arms invited me to get closer, but there was no insistence. Warmth seeped into me like I had come in off the streets and received hot chocolate. I held my arms around his lower back and leaned on him a little. He held my upper and middle back. When I finally let go, he put a hand on my face. I felt myself flinch a little. "Sorry."
"It's not your fault." His voice had a note of melancholic truth. "No one's gonna hurt you ever again. I-I won't let them." He sounded diffident but sure.
"I know." The way his fingertips felt and fit against my cheek made me think like they were shaped to be together. His other arm was around my waist.
This is the part when, in a less fucked up world, we would've said I love you to each other and kissed. Unfortunately, my life was about as nice as New Orleans three days after mardi gras dumpster sludge. So pretty horrid. That's supposed to mean I'm gonna be some inspirational super famous person in the future though, right?
I felt my mind raging. Stupid wars behind my head and above my throat. I ignored it and did what I wanted. I looked into his eyes and felt myself smiling.
"I like it when you smile."
I laughed softly. "My smile likes you too."
He laughed a little. His eyes moved from emptiness to amusement and maybe even joy. I breathed in his smell of rosemary. "Sina, I-"
He was cut off by a loud whistle. It was Reyna. I told Armin I was sorry before joining her. Nico and Will pulled themselves up. Nico stalked while Will strolled. He poked Nico. Nico smiled faintly despite himself. Jason came up looking like the pontifex maximus he was. Percy and Annabeth came up together.
"We need to rework our strategy. Everything will be the same except Annabeth will be ready to protect anyone who needs it and Sina will stay with Levi. Nico will move towards the center to make up for her lost territory."
We nodded and left to ready ourselves.