.:Author's Note:.
Winston at the top. 🤤
I honestly hated how the last Chapter 15 came out. I felt like it was rushed and it wasn't content that I could be proud of. So, I took it down, fixed it up, added a lot more details, and ta-dah! 🤗
I feel like this was how the chapter should've been in the first place, and I just needed time to work on my story (which I finally got to do after weeks of school work).
I hope you enjoy! ❤️ Please excuse any mistakes; this is unedited.
***
Jonathan's POV:
Excitement coursed through my body as I ripped my key out of the ignition and hurried back to Winston, half-mindedly locking the car doors behind me. I wasted no time in planting my lips back on his, cupping his face so that he couldn't escape the intimate contact. He walked backwards into his house, pulling me with him, not once separating from our lustful kiss. I used my foot to shut the door behind me before stripping him of his jacket.
My feet moved on autopilot as Winston continued to blindly guide us towards his bedroom. We undressed each other, discarding piece after piece of clothing determinedly. I didn't have to look behind me to know that we had left a trail of garments as we kissed, only pausing a few times to catch our breaths.
In no time, we made it to Winston's bedroom entrance, both only covered by our underwear now. I paused, licking away the saliva that connected us before staring at Winston's flushed faced. He whined slightly as he tried to fuse our lips back together, but I tugged lightly on his soft strands of hair, catching his attention.
"Are you sure about this, baby?" I asked lowly, wanting to get the clear go-ahead for me to indulge myself and explore every inch of his body. My cock stood at attention between us like a well-trained soldier, pressing against Winston's taut abdomen. There was nothing more that I wanted at the moment than to be buried deep inside of him, feeling his tight ass squeeze me like a vise, but I knew that I would have to control myself if he truly wasn't up for it.
"I need this." Winston replied just as quietly after a moment's hesitation. "I need you... please." He continued, pressing a chaste kiss to my neck, followed by my cheek and then my lips.
I groaned as I absentmindedly nodded my head and took control of the kiss, plunging my tongue into his mouth without warning. He moaned, which was music to my ears as my cock twitched in my boxers. I ushered Winston into his room and onto his bed, breaking the kiss momentarily so that he could get comfortable in the center of the queen size.
Once he settled, I drank him in entirely, taking note of how flushed he was from his face to the tent forming in his underwear. I licked my lips hungrily as I watched him shiver in anticipation, eyes hooded with obvious lust. He nibbled on his bottom lip and stared wantonly up at me.
I took my time getting onto the bed, stalking my prey. Hovering over Winston's shaking body, I pressed a short kiss to his forehead.
"Relax..." I coaxed before burying my face in the crook of his neck. I sucked on his sweet spot, enticing small puffs, and moans from him. With a grin, I settled between his legs and gyrated against him, feeling the wet spots that formed on both of our boxers.
"J-Jonathan." Winston panted, spreading his legs wider for me.
"Yes, Winston?" I answered before nipping his earlobe. My hands skimmed down his sides to grip his thighs, folding him a bit so that my hardened membered nestled between his covered ass cheeks.
Almost immediately, I felt him tense underneath me. He quickly sat up and pushed me back so that I was no longer pressed against him. His breathing faltered as he scooted as far away from me as possible with a panicked, "Wait!"
I watched as his eyes widened and a thin layer of sweat spread across his skin, making me frown with worry. My arousal vanished once the severity of the situation really kicked me in the face. He was having a panic attack, and I wanted to comfort him, but it was also obvious that he did not want me touching him right now.
"Hey, hey. Come on, now. Follow my breathing." I said instead, causing Winston's suddenly unfocused gaze to settle on me. I inched closer to him just so he could mock my respiring pattern, but I kept my hands to myself. He looked terrified as he stared at me and took in as much air as possible. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides and his knees were drawn up to his chest.
It took some time, but once Winston finally worked through his panic attack, he looked away from me sadly. I took that as my chance to move next to him and wrap my arms around his tense body. He buried his face into my chest and began to cry again.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled as I laid us down and placed his head on my chest. "I thought I'd be able to do this, but I just can't. I'm so sorry."
"You don't need to apologize. It's okay. We can just talk." I replied, placing a chaste kiss on his head top.
"I feel like such an idiot." Winston sighed after a few silent minutes passed. I continued to play with his hair while somehow feeling his pain as he remained tense in my embrace. I didn't like it.
"Why are you so hard on yourself?" I questioned, not wanting to belittle him, but needing to understand what was going on in that head of his.
"I'm not." He answered instantly.
"Yes, you are. In the weeks that I've spent with you, I've heard you call yourself a fuck up, an idiot, you've degraded yourself, you've said God hates you, and you've apologized more times than not. Why do you hate yourself so much?"
"I don't hate myself. I've just spoken to myself in a way that I see fit. You wouldn't understand."
"So help me understand then, Winston, because as much as it hurts you, it hurts me, even more, to hear you constantly diminish how great you actually are and not be able to do anything about it than offer my words. Why can't you see that you're amazing, kind, sexy as fuck-" I paused as he chuckled. "-and an all-around ideal partner to have?"
"You give me too much credit." Winston sighed as he finally looked up at me. "But I appreciate it. Maybe God doesn't hate me if he gave me an amazing man like you."
I grinned as I leaned down to kiss him, unable to suppress my craving for him. However, I didn't let it get too far despite how much I wanted to. We needed to seriously lay everything on the table because I didn't want what happened tonight to happen again. Winston didn't need to take three steps back every time we took two steps forward. So, with a final peck, I stared longingly at the man laying semi on top of me.
"What?" He questioned with bright eyes and tinted cheeks.
"Talk to me." I replied, making him sigh sadly, seeming to get the meaning behind my words.
"Okay. Where should I start?"
"Wherever you see fit."
"I guess I should start with my ex-boyfriend, right?" He questioned, but he looked away from me and laid his head back on my chest, so I assumed he didn't need me to answer. "Diego and I started dating in the tenth grade. He was the new, openly gay, student and I was my grade's president, so it was only right for me to be his peer mentor. I personally felt like we clicked the moment we made eye contact and I decided there and then that the boy was mine. He had to be smitten by me too or else he wouldn't have asked me out just two weeks after he had arrived.
God, he was so sweet. He took me out on nice dates. We could talk and be real with each other. Whenever we fought, our anger would only last a day before one of us was running back to the other to apologize. I thought we were perfect. For the rest of high school, we were together and I just thought he was my soulmate.
Unfortunately, when senior year came around, and it was time for us to pick our colleges, we had the first biggest fight of our relationship. I've always dreamed of being an architect, and I was offered the most amazing scholarship for a school in New York. However, Diego was completely against me leaving Indiana and tearing our relationship apart, so he guilted me into not going.
I don't know why I listened to all the dumb shit he would tell me every single time I brought up leaving. I was stupid, and supposedly in love, and I definitely didn't want to be the cause of us falling apart. So against my parents', and my own, better judgment, I stayed in Indiana and went to school for design instead. I figured it was the next best thing since architectural school in Indiana is ridiculously expensive."
"Do you regret it?"
"Is that even a real question?" Winston answered with a painful laugh. "It's the second thing I've regretted the most in my lifetime."
"The first being?"
"Oh, I'll get there. Anyways, fast forward into my and Diego's relationship four years after senior year. We've moved in together and I'm doing paid internships for my program to become an advertiser while Diego can't seem to finish college. Basically, I'm supporting the both of us.
I was completely submissive. I bent to Diego's every wish and command, giving him money like a parent would to their child. My family began to absolutely despise him. They didn't like how he was living off of me, but I believed that he just needed some help and time to get on his own feet. Again, young and stupid.
Diego no longer treated me the greatest either. He got mad at me for the simplest things, and somehow always made me believe that it was my fault that he was upset. For instance, one time I received a cut in my pay because the company I was interning for was literally crashing to the ground, and Diego got so pissed at me for being unable to support his sudden betting habits. He told me that I needed to stop being a little pussy and demand a raise or leave that shitty office - which I did - because it wasn't supplying me with any benefits."
"Winston..."
"I know. I know. But can you really blame me? Looking back at it now, Diego was so mentally abusive and I just could not see that. I always tried to ignore his bad qualities and convinced myself that he was still a good person and just doing what's best for me.
I was with that man for eleven whole years, Jonathan, and I am so mad at myself for being down for him each year that passed while he got worse. I finally realized that I didn't deserve any of it the night of our eleventh year anniversary. After a long and tiring day of work, all I wanted to do was come home to my boyfriend and spend the rest of the night in bed, whether it was sleep or sex, I didn't care. But instead, I found him passionately making love to another man in the same bed we shared.
Instant heartbreak. God, if only you could see it. They were so intimate, even I felt like an intruder for watching, and I couldn't have been watching for more than ten seconds."
Winston paused to take a much-needed breather. I knew he was crying again by the tremors in his body and the little droplets that landed on my chest. I hugged him a bit tighter, just to let him know that I was still here. How could a person be so... cruel? I wanted to tell Winston that he didn't need to continue, but I was completely unable to fathom words.
"I left and went to a bar that night where I met a man who was too charming for words. His name was Charlie and he – as well as a few drinks - made me forget about Diego in an instant.
I shouldn't have been so drunk and openly ready to fall into bed with another man after such a deep heartbreak. I was even stupider for returning from the bathroom and drinking from the glass I had left on the bar counter. Charlie drugged and raped me that night, leaving me to bleed out in the backseat of my car in the bar's parking lot."
"Oh, God. Winston is that how-"
"Yeah, that's how I got HIV. I feel like I should've confronted Diego that night instead of running off and turning into a slut."
"You didn't turn into a slut!" I snapped. "You were taken advantage of in a moment of weakness."
"Then why do I feel like it's all my fault?! You can't possibly convince me that I wasn't in the wrong! Jonathan, I let my guard down for some minor affection and look what it cost me."
"Baby..."
"Would you believe that that's not even all of it? Tonight, at the restaurant, I ran into Diego." Winston laughed humorlessly. "He's married, to the same man I had caught him cheating on me with; ten years. Apparently, they tied the knot right after we broke up. I was with him for eleven years, and I never received a single proposal. Who knows how long he had been cheating? That guy must be seriously special and I must've been a horrible person to be with."
"Don't. Don't you dare say something as crazy as that. Diego is a good-for-nothing asshole who didn't see your worth. You gave up your dream for him. You took care of him when he was at his lowest. You dedicated a decade of your life to him."
"So why wasn't I enough? Why did he treat me so horribly?"
"I don't know, baby. Maybe we'll never know. But one thing is for sure, he definitely didn't deserve you."
***
By the time Winston and I stopped talking, it was the wee hours in the morning and we were both experiencing an emotional turmoil. The sheer anguish Winston portrayed as he cried and recalled the night made my chest tighten. He admitted to this being the second time he has actually cried about it in ten years.
I offered my words of comfort, but I knew that they couldn't have been enough. Still, Winston welcomed them despite not responding.
My throat was tight with emotion as everything finally made sense. I finally understood why Winston was so against starting anything with me in the first place. I understood why he was so upset at the restaurant. And most importantly, I grasped why he had panicked earlier when we were in the midst of a special moment.
I felt like an ass for pushing him to talk about his past, but he assured me that he needed to get everything off of his chest, and he was happy he did. Once his crying had seized, I could feel his entire body relaxing on top of mine. It was like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulder, allowing him to succumb to the land of sleep with no hindrances.
I stayed awake long after Winston had started snoring. I was still reeling from the aftershocks of his past. No wonder he felt like God hated him. He was constantly dealt a bad hand. I wanted to punch something or someone, but Winston needed me more, so I stayed where I was.
My mind was still racing by the time I finally felt myself falling asleep. I knew that I wouldn't be able to change Winston's past, but I sure as fuck was going to make him the happiest he's ever been from now and well into the future.
***
I rolled over in bed, pausing as my body collided with another. Opening one of my eyes tiredly, a content grin appeared on my face once I saw that Winston was sound asleep beside me. He had his arms wrapped tightly around his pillow while most of his face was buried in the crook of his arm.
I watched him as he slumbered, taking in his relaxed features. Instinctively, I reached out to sift my fingers through his hair. He twitched in his sleep before moving in closer to lay his head on my chest and wrap his arm around my waist. The simple action made me so serene.
Winston slept for another hour while I laid there and played Panda Pop. Once he began to stir and rise up, I put my phone down and placed my sole attention on him. His deep, unhappy-to-be-awake, frown made me chuckle. After realizing that he was, in fact, conscious, he groaned and buried his face in my chest once again.
"What time is it?" He questioned grumpily.
"It's almost nine o'clock." I answered while playing with his hair again.
"Seriously? God, why is it so early?"
"You'd think we would sleep longer after being up so late."
"Yeah. I have a headache." Winston groaned. "Maybe from all that crying last night. Sorry about that."
"No need to apologize, baby. It wasn't how I planned to spend a Saturday night, but it was most definitely worth it." I teased, making Winston groan again.
"Don't make jokes when I'm in pain. It hurts when I laugh."
"How about I serve you some breakfast in bed then?"
"You'd do that for me?" Winston questioned in shock, placing his chin on my chest to properly look at me.
"I will after I get my good morning kiss."
"Ew. Morning breath." Winston shook his head with a small chuckle. I rolled my eyes before giving him a few quick pecks, making him smile despite his playful rejection earlier.
"Yum. I'll go make us breakfast now."
Winston rolled onto his back so that I was able to get out of his bed. I could feel his eyes on me as I stretched, working out the kinks in my legs and back. Once I was done, I grabbed my phone before sending a teasing wink his way and headed for the bedroom door.
"Hey, Jonathan?" He called out just before I left the room completely.
"Yes, Winston?" I answered, turning to face him.
"Things won't go downhill for us, right?"
"With my entire being, I will work my hardest for us to be happy together." I answered truthfully, not even needing a moment to think about it. "I'm crazy about you, Winston Monroe."
With pure pride, I watched as color filled Winston's cheeks. I didn't expect a response, knowing that he was easily flushed, so I moved to head out once again. However, the man full of surprises, caught my attention as he uttered his next words.
"I just might be crazy about you too, Jonathan Russell."
And for now, that was okay.