*Music suggestion : Gavin Degraw – Not Over You
What should I do to make her stay tho? It's the hardest task from Jihyo Unnie ever. If only Jihyo Unnie knows about my relationship and how awkward it is, she will never say that I am close to her. As I think about it too, she somehow only talks to me first about her renewal contract. It doesn't mean we're close tho. I am just scared of her lately. Her and her push and pull act scares me. When she's pulling me, she will be pulling me hard. When she's pushing me, she will close all the doors. How can I persuade her to stay?
The thoughts of not being able to see her again also evade me. I don't know her plans yet, but she said that a theatre in Japan wants her. Even though our relationship is so tough, I used to see her in the morning and used to her again before I close my eyes every day for the past 7 years. I'll be damned if I couldn't see her in the future. But, It cant be the reason. It feels like I am confessing to her that I love her. Do I still love her? I don't know either. Oh, God. It's resetting all over again. I don't want to lose her as well. I'm scared, I am confused, I don't know.
I ask her to meet her at the coffee shop near our apartment building. It's small and lovely.
"Unnie!" I wave at her.
She then sits in front of me.
"What do you want to drink?" I ask.
"Usual"
"Okay, I'll order it" I take her order. I bring her a hot caramel macchiato. It's snowing outside.
We take a sip of our drink. I am really scared now.
"Jihyo, already told you isn't she?"
"Hemm" I answer her with humming.
"And you're here to change my mind? Jihyo's order?"
"You know that without you, Twice isn't Twice, right Unnie?" We've been together for 7 years, through thick and thin. I still remember the first time you came here. As I saw you, I know that you will suit our team, you make it perfect even. And we become the best team ever. We won so many awards together, Unnie. And I like our time. I just want you to think again about your decision, Unnie. Don't you like our team? Our time together is precious isn't it?"
"With me having a thought of not renewing my contract is making me bad women, isn't it? Because all of you seem to want to stay together, while I want a way out"
"Unnie, trust me, whatever your decision is, we will support you. We started as a kid who was trying to reach our dream together right? To debut, we totally get it if you want to pursue another dream. Women can have a bunch of dreams. But I am sure, we want you to stay too. We will become even greater this year"
Mina Unnie just silent.
"Jihyo Unnie told me that she will take care you problems within our entertainment, she will beg the entertainment to let you do musical the way you want to do. You know her, she has this power"
"To be honest I never see Jihyo Unnie so worry in my life, she's kind of cool type, I never saw her helpless like that, she's so scared of losing you" I say it again.
"How about you then?" Mina ask me.
"What about me?"
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Of course, as I said I like our team Unnie" I smile at her, while she's no near giving me smile.
"Give me one good reason Chaengie, a good one that makes me want to stay and have this all over again with you guys"
"We need you the most, Unnie. We will conquer the world. We will chase our dream together. Without you, it's not perfect anymore"
"No, I want you to give me a reason to stay, not us, not Twice. You, Chaengie"
I take a big gulp.
I'm so afraid of losing you, I can't live without you. I can't wake up in the morning not seeing you. I don't mind that we will have an awkward moment as long as I can see you everytime I am home, you are my home, Unnie. I really love you and don't want to lose you.
I really want to say those words. Really.
"You don't have a single reason for me to stay, huh?"
"I want you to be happy Unnie, that's all"
"Then let me go. That will make me happy" She's half crying. I don't want her to cry. She storm off, she's gone.
Unnie, if you love me back, I will give you a reason to stay. I will keep you, I will make an effort for you. I will sit on my knee and tearfully lookup to you.
Have you ever like your heart all of sudden stop and it feels like a knife stab you. Even though you don't know how it feels to be stabbed by a knife in the heart. She succeeds again, succeeds to make me suffer. I don't want to lose her, but I can't even say that. Even the words are at the tip of my tongue, I can't even say it.
A tear comes down to my face. I cry. I give up, there's nothing I can do to make her stay. Yes, she's right I can give her one reason to stay.
I talk to Jihyo Unnie a lot after my failed encounter with her. I failed, but Jihyo Unnie always gives me an update. JYPE will be issuing our renewal contract this March, that's a month away. If this problem doesn't settle first, we have to prepared to lose one member. I am not ready to lose her, to be honest. I don't want that, but I feel helpless. Real helpless. Jihyo Unnie and I are the only 2 members who know about this since we are always seeing each other at the office. We don't want to even tell the others about Mina's situation. They will hate Mina Unnie if they know that Mina wants to separate herself.
This past month makes me even forget that I already have a boyfriend. But then I think about someone else's in mind. Am I crazy? Samuel will come home at this 20. A week after then I will visit him. We never stop text each other when he's in the U.S. It keeps our relationship alive.
Today is the day I will meet my boyfriend after 2 months not seeing him after our anniversary. We miss a lot. From anniversary, Christmas, new year and his birthday. Lately, I've been sleeping in the office or going home since I am so scared of facing Mina Unnie. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to face her either. I go meet Samuel, driving from my office to Bundang. His friend's restaurant. It's been 2 months. I miss him badly. I park my car at the basement.
First thing first, I should meet Samuel first.
Can't help it but hug him after 2 months not seeing each other. Actually, we weren't that often seeing each other, but I just need him right now. I need him the most.
"Do you miss me that bad?"
I nod. I hug him again. He caresses me in his embrace. We then seat and having proper dinner. I can't help it sit beside him and keep clingy to him. Keep looking at him, I need to look him close as I need to be thankful every day that I have him in my life. But why do I feel empty too? No, it's just because of what happened recently. I really watching him talking to me, I love when he always brings me new stories after coming home from LA. He brought me a 49ers jersey with my name on it, this time. He managed to watch NFL there with his friends. His friend then giving me a cue. I stop him from talking as staffs bring him cakes. 4 of them. I order for different cakes for a different occasion.
"What' with the cake?"
I laugh "One for our anniversary, one for Christmas, one for New Year, and one for your birthday. Happy birthday, my Sammy"
He also laughs.
"I am speechless now. Thank you, Chaengie"
"Now you can blow and make a wish on every cake"
He closes his eyes as he prays, then he blows all the candles. He kisses me afterward. All the staff and Owner Oppa claps for us. We then take a sit again and having the cakes all in front of us.
He laugh, "Never got four cakes in my life, now I am confused, which one should I eat first"
He then slices our anniversary cakes.
"I pick this first because It's the day where I should be thankful to have a perfect girlfriend like you" He eats that.
"Are you happy, Sammy?"
"No matter how much you ask me, my answer is always going to be, yes I am"
"That's the most important thing for me" I smile at him.
"I don't have a present for you, guess I am still traumatic over a present" We laugh. I am happy that now I can even make a joke out of it.
"YA CHAENGIE, Sure you hold grudges to me" He then take my hand, "Really I could never ask for more, to me this is perfect"
"I love you, Sam"
"Me too"
Sammy that eats his cakes. We talked again for a while. Owner Hyung wants him to stay for a drink. I need to go back at the dorm, it's been 2 days I've been avoiding my dorm. I let Samuel play then, he needs his time too.
Before I got off. Jihyo Unnie calls me.
"Chaengie"
"Yes, Unnie?"
"How long you've been away from dorm"
"2 days Unnie, I sleep at my parent's, why?"
"Me too"
"Then?"
Jihyo Unnie has a lot of worries lately.
"I am at dorm now, one of Mina's luggage is missing, I checked her closet, she took so many clothes, I called her phone, but it's off. I don't want to make our members worry. Chaengie, what should I do?" Jihyo Unnie ask me with a scary tone. Where is she?
"Unnie, let's not think negative okay? Mina Unnie could be in Gangneung, his best friend lives there, right? Or she could be in the hotel somewhere, I don't know. Never gives up on calling her okay, I will contact her friends as well, we will find her. Let's not make other worries, okay Unnie? Be calm"
"Yes, Chaengie. Please help me, Okay"
"Okay"
I hang up. My body feels weak. I have to be strong in front of Jihyo Unnie. Where is she then? Oh my God. My body trembles, my hands are shaking. I stare at my speedometer. I need to think clearly, I need to find her. I open my phone, I open my contact. Who should I call to search for her then? Oh my God, who? I stop at Bam Oppa's number. No, I need to go there. I need to ask him personally. He could lie on the phone. I need to see him. He must know where she is.
I drive crazily to Bam Oppa's house. GOT7 members decided to live all by themselves now. Bam Oppa's purchased an apartment in Sinchon. I drive there. I need to know where she is, and I don't expect him to lie to me.
I knock at his apartment. He opens it without asking who am I.
"Come in" He let me in.
I come to his house and take a sit at his living room. I take a deep breath. He waits for me to say a word.
"Oppa" I call him
"Chaengie, to save your time, I'm not gonna tell you"
"Oppa........"
"Don't you know? That Mina is hurting now?"
"I know. That's why I want to meet her, I need to, Oppa"
"Why?"
I can't answer. At this rate, even that I found her now, I don't know what to say to her.
"Do you want her to stay, Chaengie?"
"Of course"
"Then give her a reason to"
"She also said to me like that. I don't have a good one"
"You know you have one, but you just don't want to tell her"
Bam Oppa may seem a going out person, but GOT7 oppas always told me that he's kind of scared when he's mad.
"Argh, Chaengie" He feels frustrated towards me too, well I feel frustrated towards myself.
"If you really want her to stay, use that Chaengie! I really hate that you both are so naive!"
"Tell me, that she's not the only one, isn't she? Tell me!" He say it again.
I get confused at his statement.
"You love her Changie. You love her. Why didn't you say it to her?"
"You don't know that" That's my first denial.
"I know, I confirmed it when you knocked at my door. Twice this time, right? You also went through my door too when the scandal broke between me and her. No other members did that, Chaengie. You wouldn't knock my door in the first place, you know that I know where she is"
"Congratulations Chaengie, she also feel the same towards you"
"You don't know that either"
"Maybe, she never like actually telling me. But, her situation it's just like your situation. You both are stupidly waiting for each other. When I shoot this to her, she does not deny it, neither are you"
I just swallow all the things that I could swallow, my ego, my pride. I can't even deny his statement cause all of them it's true. What I couldn't believe is her feelings towards me.
"If you don't believe me, you should check it with herself"
"In my life, I never made a regretful decision. I always make a good one, that's why people told me that I am living my life to the fullest. You should do that too, Chaengie. You love her. Don't deny that, you should tell her. Cause if you're not, you're going to lose her forever"
I just silent. I can deny it. I am going to lose her forever. That words echoing inside my head.
"Tell me where she is" I look him in the eyes. I will make sure that I will chase her even on the edge of this world. I will find her. I love her, I really love her, no matter at how many times I'm denying it, I love her.
"Home"
I immediately call someone, I am deadly serious.
"Hi, yes it's her. Could you book me a ticket to Osaka, an immediate flight? I am one hour away from Incheon Airport. Text me the flight okay?"
I call Jihyo Unnie, I am deadly serious about this as I still look Bam Oppa in the eyes. "Jihyo Unnie, tell our managers that I will go to Japan, keep it to yourself. It's emergency. I promised that I will bring her back. I promise that I will take care of this. Unnie, don't lose hope. Please take care of things in Korea while I am gone okay? Especially with JYPE" I hang up my phone.
Next thing I know, I am in Osaka now. I wait until the dawn, then I'll go to Kobe first thing in the morning. I think I still remember Mina Unnie's home. I take a taxi to go there. Thank God that we learned Japanese because we got to promote album here. I have no difficulties talking in Japanese now.
She's been away for 2days. She must be home. I arrive at her home. I get off from the Taxi. It's 7 am in the morning. For some odd reason, I am so nervous to knock. I've been thinking a lot about what to say on the plane, I can't even sleep at the airport prepared for my big speech. But I ended up staring at her house cause I am too afraid.
"Chaeyoungssi?" Someone calls my name, I turn to her.
"Oh, hello, Mrs. Myoui" It's Mina Unnie's mother, I bow to her. She's just going back from the market I assume, I see some vegetables in the plastic.
"What are you doing here, Chaeyoungssi?"
"I want to see Mina Unnie, is she home?" I ask
"No" She's not home?
"Oh, I think........"
"She did 2 days ago, but she went away, yesterday for a trip"
A trip? "Ah, Okay Mam" I nod. "Mam, did she say where she was going then?"
"She said she's going to northernmost. Wakkanai. I only know that she left home yesterday" I am silent. It's cold, she goes to the place even colder. Mina Unnie, what are you doing?
"Chaeyoungssi, Is there a problem?" She asks out of concern.
"Ah no no, Mam. I arrived at Osaka for some business, and my members told me that she's home. Just that. I thought I could meet her here" I don't want her to get worried.
"Ah okay"
"If so, I'll go then. Please send my warm regards to Mr. Myoui as well, Mam"
"Okay. Bye Chaeyoungssi, take care"
I called her cellphone, still can't reach her since yesterday. I immediately Google how to go to Wakkanai, I don't want her Mom to get worried. I couldn't ask for more details. I will find her, I promise.