"How many more riddles do you intend on asking?" I scowled at the lovely woman flying about my head on moon silver wings. Each riddle seemed to show me darker and darker truths, truths I would much rather have remained hidden. I shuttered to even imagine what else she wished to show me.
"Just a few more. These are the last. I swear it." She landed before me without sound. Her long hair fell slowly around her, cascading about her shoulders and trailing in a stream behind her. "What's wrong? Are you not enjoying yourself?"
I rubbed circles into my brow in an effort to clear away the heartbeat pounding in my skull. "Just get on with it," I muttered.
"I am greater than God and more evil than the devil. The poor have me. The rich need me and if you eat me you shall die." She said. She swooped around me, drawing ever closer. Her feathers brushed my cheeks and her breath stirred my hair. Her pale face filled my vision and her dark eyes drew my gaze like a moth to a flame. In them, I saw all and I saw nothing, the world, all of existence itself and nothing but utter darkness. Those eyes were pieces of the void, prisons unto themselves.
The answer came to me like a lightning strike. "Nothing," I answered.
She surged forward with a piercing laugh. I felt her move through me, her power dragging through my muscles and shaking my bones. The world around me flickered and dimmed in quick succession. Then, slowly, shadowy forms took shape amidst my world of gray until finally, I was clearly standing in the middle of a crowd on a London street. The people around me shouted and snarled venomous words of hate and disgust, calling for someone's death. Their eyes were wild and spittle foamed at the corners of their rabid, horrid mouths.
I shuttered in my skin. "No." I breathed raggedly. I staggered on my feet, backing away from the gallows looming ahead of me. It cast a long shadow. I could feel its darkness touching my skin, felt its evil twisting my guts. When a broad-shouldered man with dark, thinning hair was karted up onto the platform to meet the hangman, I could do nothing but turn my face away. "Not this." I pleaded, glaring up at Athane through my lashes. I grabbed Athane's pale skirt, clawed at it with my trembling fingers, barely registering the sickening feeling of warm flesh they were met with. It was as if her clothes were not made of fabric or thread but of flesh and blood. "I do not want to see this again. I don't care what it is you wanted to show me. I will not watch him die all over again."
"You don't have to." She smiled almost warmly. "You already saw what happened to him this day. The truths I show, are things you did not." In an eerily motherly way, she stroked my head, brushing my golden locks. "Look closely." Gently, she touched my shoulder, coaxing me into turning around.
My eyes scanned the crowd, passing over the murderers' disgusting faces. My eye was drawn to a familiar figure near the back of the crowd. A man clad all in gray. A noise shook its way out of my lungs, something between a drowning person's first gasp of air, and a happy sob. I know not which it was.
That noise was followed swiftly by his name. It rushed from my lungs like a song over and over again as I ran as fast as I could towards him, giving not a care to all the spirits through which I passed.
I knew I wouldn't be able to touch him or speak to him, yet my hand reached for him all the same, the fingers aching with the want to run through his mousy hair and stroke his sunken cheek. Just to feel his familiar cool skin, to lay my palm against his chest and feel his heart beating beneath it.
He was standing just beneath the awning of a fruit vendors' stall. His back was against one of the poles holding up the scrap of shabby cloth. His arms and ankles were crossed nonchalantly, his entire being relaxed and at ease amidst the crowd of blood-thirsty heathens. He plucked an apple from the stall's counter and took a bite of the shiny, red fruit. His teeth gave an audible snap as they pierced the fruit's skin and sank into juicy flesh. He smiled as he ate, watching the festivities with the same joy as a child playing a game. Just as I was a breath apart from him, he turned his head.
And looked straight at me.
I stopped cold, my feet sticking to the ground. My heart fluttered. "Knut?" I called to him. I reached out. Pangs of disappointment shot through my chest as my fingers passed through his cheek. Could he see me? I wondered. He was looking straight at me with his dark eyes. His smile had fallen. His mouth was now slightly open with an expression of awe. The apple slipped from his hand and rolled about our feet.
There was so much I wished to tell Knut, words I'd never dared to utter before that now begged to be said. How I hated how stupid and stubborn I was not so long ago. If only I'd had the courage to say then what I feared I'd never be able to now.
Athane whirled around us, her body made of dark chimney smoke. "You have always wondered why he chose you over all others. What was it about you that drew his eye? Here's your answer." She rushed passed my head, moving in the same direction as Knut was looking. My eyes followed.
From the middle of the crowd, a bright light blazed like a flame, white and blinding. A shriek emanated from that spot. The sound was that of rumbling earth and cracking thunder. All power and ferocious rage. The shriek grew in its terribleness until I could feel the sound in my bones. As it grew in strength, the light began to transform. Gray tendrils shot up like wiggling vines, wrapping themselves around the light as if to stifle it. The tendrils absorbed the light, turning black as ink. They writhed and reached towards the heavens, growing taller and darker, until that was all that remained. Inky blackness where once there had been nothing but light.
Knut gave a shuttering breath as he lurched forward. He passed through me, leaving an aching feeling in my guts. He ran towards that darkness and I followed, each of us seeking the source.
I could already guess what it was, for I recognized the sound of that shriek.
It was me.
My seven-year-old counterpart, clawed at her ears to stifle the sound of her own screaming. She shook in fear and hatred, afraid of herself and hating every one of those murderers that dared to still breathe while they watched her father choke.
Knut stumbled to a stop beside her, taking his place opposite my eldest brother. While Jasper stood frozen and staring at his father's flailing legs, Knut's focus was on me and me alone, his very soul captured by the beautiful sight of my once pure soul turning as black as the void beyond The Hollow's branches. The look on his face as he stared at that small, thin, blond-headed child...it was like he was looking into the face of God. Tears of awe dripped from his deep black eyes and I felt wetness on my own cheek.
He'd been there. The day and moment I'd felt most alone in the world, he'd been right there beside me, but I hadn't known it. I knew he'd spotted me that day, but I'd never dreamed he was so close. So close I could have reached out and taken his hand.
"Your soul going dark was the most beautiful sight Knut has ever seen." Athane peaked around at me from behind Knut, smiling softly at my tear-stained face. "When you screamed, it was not a child's voice he heard, but a she-goblin's demanding roar. You called to him just as assuredly as The Hollow itself. And when he saw you, he saw that small, frail child transform right before his eyes into the all-powerful goddess she would one day become. In you, he saw his past and he saw his future. From the moment he first laid eyes on you, he knew you. You would be his wife and queen, and the person that would make his fate possible." She laid her hand on top of Jasper's head. Her fingers had begun to whither and knot, growing claws. She slipped them through his soft black ringlets. "Your fate and Jasper's are intertwined. You were born to be goblin queen. Jasper was born for the sole purpose of helping you achieve your destiny. He was the hammer, your sad life the flame. Together, they forged you into who you needed to become. Goblin Queen."
Agi's words from my nightmare roared in my head. "Those dreams I have...Tova tried to tell me that they were only dreams, but I've always believed that they were some sort of message from The Hollow, warnings, insight, a glimpse into my future." My eyes narrowed at her. "I was wrong, wasn't I? You sent the dreams."
Athane's beauty melted away until only the hag remained, stroking my brother's head while my father danced at the end of a rope. "Of course it was me." She cackled. "You mortals give my younger sibling far too much credit. Its gift was creation. It knows how to make entire worlds from nothing, but it is not all-knowing. That talent is mine and mine alone." She cupped Knut's chin in one hand, rubbing a claw against his chin as she admired his unique features. "Upon creation, the nature of a goblin's soul is set into stone. They are what the king chooses for them to be and this does not change, not even when they are given free will. They will always be goblins, always drawn to dark corners and darker deeds. Humans, however, are different. Your souls have the ability to transform. Rarely, does a human die with the same soul it was born with. A man can be born with one as black as pitch and die with one as white as snow. A human soul must be cultivated to achieve the desired result. That is why Jasper was born. Rather than shield you from the sight of your father's death, he kept you there, made you watch to sow the seeds of your hate. He taught you to steal, taught you to use your beauty as a weapon and see others as nothing but targets. He made you love him so that when he betrayed you it would hurt all the more. Each act was a blow of a hammer, beating out the imperfections of your soul. Now, it is time that you become the hammer and your influence will the fire that together will forge Knut into what The Hollow wants him to be. Goblin kings vary in quality as does the world that will one day sprout from their guts. With your malice and your greed, you will help to form him into a strong new world tree that will not sway even in the strongest storm's winds."
My blood ran so cold I could feel it standing still in my veins. My heart refused to beat for a moment as her words settled in my ears. I didn't know what to feel about what she'd said. The Hollow had turned my life into a hell to turn me into a suitable goblin queen. Every suffering I'd endured was its doing, yet every happiness I'd felt since meeting Knut it was also to blame for. Had it not made me who I am, I probably would never have met him. Maybe I would have lived a happy, normal life, married a decent looking fellow, become a housewife.
I doubted I would be as happy. Even if I was an entirely different person, I was certain I'd be bored out of my mind.
I could not imagine that other me. Could not even begin to.
"At least that was what The Hollow intended for you." Athane laughed. Her eyes glinted strangely. The darkness swirled like disturbed pools of murky water. "Believe me, girl, if The Hollow truly knew what fate had in store for you, it would never have let you draw a breath."
The scene of the gallows was snuffed out like a candle. The world of gray flickered for just a moment before it brightened into Athane's nest. We stood before the fireplace, surrounded by piles of knickknacks and junk. My legs and feet ached as if I'd been standing there for hours.
Athane rocked back and forth in her chair, humming Knut's lullaby while she grinned at me. "Your future is very interesting. If you only knew where your life is going to take you." She chuckled darkly. The writhing flames in the fireplace reflected in her dark eyes. "You would die of anticipation."
I sank into the chair opposite of her, my breathing coming quick and labored. "What would The Hollow have to fear from me?" I asked.
"Humans," She sighed heavily, rolling her eyes. "Always so impatient. You will see when you get to it. Bad enough that I've given you all those hints in those dreams. I'll tell you no more."
"Can you not tell me anything?" I asked. "Not even something small?"
"Not a thing more, I said." She wagged her finger at me.
She made more tea and produced a tray of meat pies from thin air. The thing popped into being above our heads and floated around us until we each had our own pie. "Was that the last riddle?" I asked, biting into my meat pie. It was full of savory roast, peas, and potatoes. I ate half of it before she answered.
"There is one more. However, the truth it reveals is not one that I am capable of showing you." She bit down into her pie. As she pulled away with her mouth full of meat, her lips were coated in dark blood. It dripped from the now incomplete pie, slipping down her fingers, turning them red.
I grabbed the nearest vase and promptly filled it with my latest meal.
"Oh, dear, what's gotten into you?" Athane dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. "Are you not feeling well? I suppose popping through the world's memories can leave one who isn't used to it with a sour stomach."
"What are you eating?" I managed to sputter before another wave of nausea sent me face first into the vase yet again.
"A cherry pie." She replied. She held it towards me, let me look closer. Sure enough, what I had thought were chunks of meat were cooked cherries, the blood the cherries' juices. "Do you need to lie down? We could resume tomorrow if you wish?" She handed me a fresh napkin.
I took it graciously and wiped my face clean. My belly still ached at the memory of what I thought I had seen, still unsure if I'd been mistaken or if she was lying. "No, go ahead. Let us finish our game."
"Splendid." She bounced a little in her chair, overjoyed that her game was not yet done. Leaning in close, she recited her last riddle. "I am both mother and father but never have I given birth. I never wander, but rarely do I stand still."
I listened carefully and repeated it over and over beneath my breath. I could not make sense of it, especially the first line. So, I looked instead at the last. 'I never wander, but rarely do I stand still.' What could move without leaving? Several minutes passed while I thought it over, trying out answers in my mind only to have them proven wrong by the first half of the riddle. The sour feeling in my belly was making it hard to think. I still could not shake the sight of that gore oozing out of Athane's pie.
"Tick tock, my dear, have you given up?" Athane asked, taking another bite of her cherry pie.
I did not doubt this claim. I was deeply curious what it was that she could not show me. I did not want to lose my opportunity to find out.
"It would be a pity if you guessed wrong. This truth is mighty important. You'll want to know it for sure, especially for what's coming next." She muttered through full cheeks, her lips painted red with cherry juices. "A storm is coming, Goblin Queen, and you will need every bit of help you can get to weather its winds."
Her taunting suddenly reminded me of my purpose. I was to be the hammer that would forge Knut into a proper Goblin King, from whom a strong world tree would sprout. A world tree with strong roots and stubborn branches that would refuse to sway no matter how hard the wind might blow.
There, there was my answer. A triumphant grin spread across my face, "tree." I whispered.
Athane's brow quirked at me. "Did you say something?" She claimed not to have heard, but a smirk slowly formed on her wrinkly face.
"The answer is a tree." I gave force to my voice, announcing the answer like a royal decree.
Athane's smirk grew until it seemed to take up her entire face. She clapped her hands together in a slow, mocking sort of way that left me unsettled. My smile faded with each meeting of her hands.
"You've guessed correctly, but are you sure you're ready to hear the truth of my riddle?"
I nodded my head numbly, inwardly wondering if I really did want to know. She leaned in closer. A gnarled hand rested on my neck, pulling my cheek flush to hers.
She whispered her truth into my ear and I felt the world I'd been trying to build come crumbling down around me.
"You lie!" I shrieked, reeling away for her so fast that I sent the chair flying across the room. Tears were instantly in my eyes, spilling over my cheeks. My chest was tight. I couldn't breathe. The world spun. I was going to be sick again, yet words of denial kept tumbling from my mouth. I roared and hissed them as if that by saying them louder, they would turn her truths into lies.
"You know I am not." She sighed. She rose to her feet, growing in height and girth while I shrank and shrank and shrank. Her voice was booming but soft in tone. "If I were lying about this, then that would also bring into question everything else I've shown you. You do not question any of the others, do you?"
Despite myself, I shook my head. I could not say she was wrong about the others, not even my father. Yet this, her final truth, I wished desperately was just a cruel joke.
Athane flicked her wrist and I was lifted from the floor and plopped into a gilded birdcage. It swayed to and fro from its stand at the sudden weight within. Athane peered inside at me, one large dark eye filling the entire wall of the cage. "Think about it." She said. "You'll realize I speak the truth." She stared at me. Her smirk was gone, replaced by a small frown, her brow pinched with concern. "Matilda, for what it is worth, I am sorry." With that, she took the form of a brown owl and left her nest, souring out into the chilly air of The Autumn Branches.
The fire dimmed within its hearth. Darkness and cold crept in. I lost myself to its comforting embrace as every awful emotion I felt in that moment exploded outwards and I allowed myself the peace of falling apart.