American Authors
••• I Wanna Go Out •••
so enlightened but frightened and scared
so hypnotic and dazed
out of my mind, out of my mind
i wanna, i wanna feel like something is changing
some things need changing
•••••
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|| warning ||
the butterfly effect has mature themes such as gore, violence, toxic friendships, sexual themes (no smut) and cussing. the butterfly effect is not intended for younger viewers.
trigger warnings will be placed on chapters as they are needed. if you have any questions or issues please contact me.
TW: accidental harm, blood
claire bear:
be there in thirty
Sent 10.42am
Grinning giddily, I texted back a quick reply of affirmation. Excitement curled in my stomach and I could barely keep still - my shoes bounced on the warm concrete, mismatching the song I was currently listening to. I leant back into the park bench I was sitting on and tried to focus on the music pouring from my headphones, closing my eyes; and doing so made it feel like the world only consisted of me, the breeze, and the hot summer sun.
The cicadas chattered around me, piping through the lulls in the melodies. The idle murmuring of passersby joined them, each person as content as I was to soak in the vitamin D. It was one of those days where everyone was slow and happy and on the verge of wanting to nap, like we were all just lazy cats and the world was a massive sun spot.
Nothing but bliss surrounded me - the warm sun rays, the gentle breeze, the (now) tapping of my foot to the beat. Even the park bench, which was usually uncomfortable and made my backside ache, wasn't feeling too bad.
But who could blame me? It was the first day of the summer holidays as well as my first day of being an official Ninjago City resident since I was seven. We'd moved out to Jamanakai when my mother was promoted, and I'd missed the erratic city ever since.
More than the city, I'd missed my childhood friends; Aaliyah and Naomi. We met at kindergarten when we were only four and although our little group had grown from three to twelve over the years, nothing had come between us - we were still thick as thieves and joined at the hip whenever I visited the big city during the school holidays.
After a few minutes I opened my eyes again, having grown impatient by having to wait. I had escaped the house early that morning, still filled with boxes labeled in messy sharpie, so I could meet up with my friends for the first time in months.
And they were running late - we'd organised to meet at ten.
I didn't hold it against them, of course. We had all just came out of exams, so they probably spent the night scouring social media and watching YouTube compilations and then regretting it in the morning when they had to drag themselves out of bed. I was the same, but I had the added encouragement of my mum possibly yanking me back to help unpack which was something I could totally do that night instead of going to bed early (again).
I glanced at the time on my phone and grimaced at the fact that I still had another twenty-six minutes before they arrived. I may as well do something to pass the time if my mind was starting to decide that it was bored.
Sighing, I stood and stretched my arms above my head, staring at my fingertips touching the azure sky. Scrunching my nose up at the dirt that had somehow found its way under my nails, I was about to bring my hands back down to pick it out when a dragon darted across the sky and completely stole my attention.
I gasped, recoiling my arms to my chest in surprise and awe, wide eyes glued to the beast as it flew above the city. Green mist trailed behind it. A figure sat upon the creature. My heart was practically leaping out of my chest - I'd never seen one in real life before!
I blinked owlishly, watching the mystical beast and rider until they both disappeared from view. Standing still for a few more low, shocked breaths, I only released the spot from my locked vision when I shook my head and adjusted my headphones, which had slipped down to my neck in my own little kerfuffle.
The world around me continued in its playful, blissful, summer haze and the citizens continued to mill, unaware of the dragon that soared miles over their head like a carnivorous, fire-breathing airplane with very sharp teeth. Or maybe it was such a regular occurrence that they just didn't pay it any mind and I was the only one making a big deal out of it.
I turned to the park entrance, eyes scanning the sky.
But- but that was a dragon. That was a dragon. How was I not meant to make a big deal out of it?
The rider must've been one of the ninja.
Bursting out of nowhere and pushed into the paparazzi and social media's limelight like a newly debuted boyband, the group of heroes had appeared out of thin air. They certainly weren't around when I lived in the city before, but I'd heard about them during my early high school years when living in Jamanakai. I never got to see a sign of them whenever I visited the city, though, aside from magazine covers and news reports.
I couldn't even escape it on Twitter - the ninja stans were loud and they were everywhere, combatted only by the people who hated them. Even government didn't like the team of heroes. That, I knew about more than most.
But now that I was living in the city again, surely I'd get to see more of them? What were the chances of it happening on my first day back of living in the city? That was wild, and it left my head spinning with questions I knew I couldn't get answers to.
Speaking of living in the city - the streets of Ninjago City were as busy as usual, cars and taxis and busses zooming past, while the sidewalks were crammed with people in business suits and other students enjoying the first day of break. Like me, they were making the most of the pleasant morning.
As I wandered down the sidewalk, I spotted a bookshop café that had grabbed my interest the last time I had visited the city. A smile pulled across my lips - it was the perfect place to waste time in. Coffee and books; oh, be still my beating heart.
The sign above the door was ancient, a simple sun-faded wooden panel that hung from an ornate, iron railing that matched the barely illegible writing. Bukku Kafe - that meant book café in Old Ninjagoan, right? I was rusty on the unused language.
Subtly humming to the soft rhythm flooding from my headphones, I entered the café with a ding from the vintage bell that clanged above the frame. I was immediately hit with the cool waves of air con and sighed with bliss.
The place smelt like muffins, coffee and old books, which meant that I had immediately fallen in love and would die here. The tables had piles of well-nursed novels and mismatching, wooden seats that added a charm of cozy chaos. A massive grandfather clock sat flushed against the back wall, taking up the only space that didn't have a bookshelf overflowing with pieces of literature or potted plants or posters of the ninja. Dried daisies sat in a vintage vase on the counter.
I softened my tense shoulders and inhaled. Yeah. This is my kind of heaven.
I made my way up to the cashier; a girl with her hair dyed a pretty shade of blue and pulled back from her face in a bun that was coming loose - but my attention was truly snagged by the pile of worn books on the coffee machine. Jane Eyre, Rebecca, The Boy Who Steals Houses, A People's History of The Vampire Uprising, and ironically enough, The Book Ninja, among others.
I pushed my headphones back, dangling around my neck. The song that was playing weakly spilled from the speakers.
My gaze drifted to the menu, darting between the cold drink menu and the hot. I kind of felt like a hot chocolate, but would that be silly? It was the first day of summer. Maybe I should've just gone with the lemonade-
While I was tossing up my options, a person I didn't notice behind me cleared their throat. I jumped.
"Hot chocolate!" I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
The girl with the blue hair lazily scrawled out my order on a paper to-go cup.
"Will that be all?"
I quickly nodded my head.
"That'll be four-fifty."
I paid and anxiously shuffled away, claiming a seat by the window to wait. I cursed my awkwardness while settling in the booth with burning cheeks - I had panic ordered and began to regret my choice; I didn't even feel like a hot chocolate anymore.
I bit my lip in disappointment and absentmindedly tapped my fingers against the wooden table. Well. C'est la vie, right?
I gazed around the quaint café to settle my nerves and focus on something other than the sudden pit in my stomach. There was an old, torn poster of the green ninja behind the door. I dragged my eyes away from the masked face and pulled out my phone.
Me:
are you guys close?
Delivered
claire bear:
not yet
Sent 11:03am
I pursed my lips and placed my phone down onto the table. I got that I was overly excited to see my friends again, but couldn't they move a little bit faster?
They're moving as fast as they can, Y/n. Chill out.
I sighed through my nose and picked up a random book from the pile that shared the table with me. I had barely flipped to the first page when the bell above the door rang again.
"What are you doing here?"
My eyes lifted from the book at the venomous spit, and the hum of conversation within the little cafe died. The blue-haired girl was staring at the newest patron with a displeased curl of her lip. Interest piqued, I glanced to the boy in the doorway who was at the mercy of her sharp glare.
In front of the green ninja poster hesitantly hovered a boy my age with messy, blond hair that was slightly curled from the city's humidity. His expression was one of discomfort and he seriously looked like he'd rather be anywhere else. Subconsciously inching forward, I eyed the drama curiously.
I stuck my nose further into the book as I watched the boy tiredly blink and sigh and approach the counter. He wasn't looking her in the eyes, begrudged gaze drifting, but she seemed to be bold enough to stare him down with a scowl of sharpened steel. I wasn't the only one watching this sudden soap opera.
Are they exes? Old friends? I should've minded my own business but something made me keep watching. It was like a force outside of myself kept my focus on the boy in the green hoodie.
"A coke, two lemonades, a water, a ginger beer and an apple juice, please." His voice was one of the gentlest rasp, like a kind breeze through leaves. His knee bounced with the agitation of being in the centre of attention.
The girl licked her teeth and knotted her brow with fury. My eyes glanced between the two - it was a stand-off, and I waited on bated breath to see who'd cave first.
She finally relented, punching in the order and snatching his card to pay. The boy timidly took it back and recoiled in on himself, retreating to wait by the food cabinet. I watched as he tightly and awkwardly crossed his arms over his green hoodie.
My attention on him lingered with interest. Despite the whole 'I want the earth to swallow me whole' vibe the guy had going, he was cute - really cute, if I had to be honest. He looked like one of those young models in preteen magazines that students would swoon over - all mussed hair, clean skin and symmetrical features. He looked like a young Captain America.
His drifting gaze took in the café, just as mine had done not two minutes prior. I saw the corner of his peach-coloured lips lift when he spotted the green ninja poster, and then I quickly ducked my head back into the book when he looked out to the windows by which I sat.
I was deeply intrigued now, so I edged the corner of the book down just so to get another look. His sneakers were old and faded, clearly worn over and over and over again. His dark jeans had a rip in one of the knees, but not by design. A grey t-shirt peeked from under his green hoodie.
I glanced back up to his face and, to my immediate and all-consuming horror, found him watching me watch him.
He raised his brows and cocked his head to the side as I all but shoved my face back into the book with my cheeks on fire. I was filled with mortification that he caught me checking him out. Awkward awkward awkward.
I felt his stare leave me and I almost sighed in relief. What's wrong with me? It felt as if the entire world had shifted beneath my feet. My chest tugged with a foreign sensation - it was almost begging me to look at him some more.
So, against my better judgment, I did. I chanced a glance at him from over the edge of my book again. Pale skin, I noted this time. Really pale, almost unnaturally so.
And curses, as if he felt my stare, the boy turned his head and caught my gaze again. It was like a game - how many times could I look at him without being caught? - and I was failing miserably. I retreated back into my book with an ashamed scrunch of my forehead.
The boy got his six drinks with a scowl from the girl. He thanked her, got ignored, and left the café with a clang of the bell above the door.
That time as I glanced out the window, it was me who caught him staring - and he smiled. I stared back from over my book, frozen dumb.
He had freckles.
He's cute.
"Hot chocolate?"
I quickly put the book that had played as my temporary shield down and received my order, smiling in thanks to the girl as I left. Her face was now content - not pleasant, but not the same expression as if she had just stepped on a bug like she did before. People were so strange.
I was still reeling after my encounter with a really cute boy when I exited the small café. It was a moment, you know? A moment. I had a moment with a boy. I was having trouble convincing myself that it wasn't just my imagination.
And he really was a cute boy, one that I could take home and introduce to my parents, and he'd be able to charm their socks off. One that I would probably never see again, but alas, I shoved that thought aside and continued to ride the waves of having a moment with a really cute boy.
That never happened to me. That was stuff of romance novels and daydreaming. That was stuff that happened to special people, and I certainly wasn't a special person. But it happened still, and my heart was left fluttering.
While both baffled and giddy, I replayed the scene in my head as I set off towards the park again. I still hadn't received a text that my friends had arrived, so I spent the walk back to our meeting spot dawdling along the footpath, window shopping and waiting for my hot chocolate to cool enough for me to sip.
When it did, I sampled the pleasant treat in small swallows before finally deciding to head back. Maybe a hot chocolate wasn't the worst idea; it was chocolate, after all.
The entrance to the park loomed in front of me like a gateway to nature itself, offering a break from the city's towering buildings and concrete pavements. I inhaled deeply, smiling to myself. I loved the smell of nature and I didn't really like crowds, so the park offered a welcome sanctuary.
I plonked down on a nearby seat and placed my cup down next to me, waiting out while slipping my headphones back up and closing my eyes. The sun was warm on my face and the gentle breeze prevented the heat from becoming unbearable. I loved this part of summer, when it was taking its baby steps and wasn't quite the raging teenager of blistering heat just yet.
My phone buzzed with a text, so I embarked down the short concrete path to the halfpipe, where some other teenagers were hanging around and skateboarding.
Soon enough, my friends collected there like sharks to chowder, laughing and chatting the day away. I approached them with a bright grin.
"Hey, Y/n," the voice from my friend, Claire, greeted with her skateboard hoisted under her arm. Her long, black hair was tied up with a pink scrunchie and a collection of neon plasters decorated her legs, arms and one even sat on her cheek. "Where's your board?"
I stared at her for a few beats until something in my head clicked and I groaned. I slapped my hand against my forehead.
"Noooo," I grumbled, running the hand through my hair. I couldn't even remember when I'd last seen it. "Dumb, dumb, dumb."
Claire grinned in amusement.
"You're one ditzy girl," she chuckled, rolling her eyes and lifting her other hand, which held my old board. "You left it at my place last time you were here. I thought you would've noticed, but clearly not."
I giggled sheepishly and took my board back while my face flushed bright red. A few of the members in my group laughed. But they were laughing with me, so it was fine.
"Thanks, Claire."
"Y/n!" Naomi yelled as she appeared and took a running leap into me. I stumbled back at the force of her barging hug and laughed breathlessly, dropping my board so I could hug her back. "I missed you!"
"I missed you, too!" I beamed elatedly, squeezing my best friend. "It's been ages!"
Aaliyah appeared next, squishing us up in a small group hug. Always the strongest, she squeezed us until Naomi and I began to squeak in protest.
"Having you at school is actually making me look forward to next year!" Aaliyah chirped, tussling my hair with a hand. I swatted it away with a giggle.
"Alright, we gonna skate or what?" Claire drawled, already positioning her skateboard at the edge of the halfpipe. "I've been itching to try out a new trick."
Naomi rolled her eyes while Aaliyah tossed her long, curly brown hair into a ponytail and raced on over with her board.
"Always in a rush," Naomi said with a shake of her head. "Nothing's changed."
"I'm just going to put my phone down with your gear," I said, pointing to where the others have left their own belongings in huge pile.
"Okay," she chirped before yanking me into another tight hug. I smiled, content with the presence of my best friend of whom I'd missed fiercely. "It's so good to have you back!"
She bounced away to join the others. I watched them begin to skate with a happy smile - I'd been looking forward to this ever since I found out that I was moving back to the city. I had been counting down the days-
I felt a strange tug on my stomach before the hand touched my shoulder.
I tensed at the combined startle, bringing my board up to protect myself instinctively as I spun around while my skeleton jumped from my body. Every horror movie I had ever watched rushed behind my closed eyes, which was silly really, because it was broad daylight and I was in the middle of a populated park.
Still, my fight or flight instincts jumped into high gear. Unfortunately, my impromptu shield also swung a little high and a loud 'CRACK' made me grimace and squint open my eyes.
My 'assailant' was on his behind, looking absolutely perplexed and holding a hand to his forehead. My old skateboard was in two. A takeaway coffee cup was on its side, the contents soaking his green hoody a grungy, unappetising shade of brown.
He looked up at me with a bewildered expression. My face turned with mortification.
Oh no.
"Nice arm," he said.
OH NO.
Because I had just backhanded with my poor old skateboard the really cute boy I just had a moment with.
"Well, that's one way to meet a pretty girl," he joked when he realised that I wasn't about to break my horrified silence. He glanced to the empty, topless takeaway cup. "You left your drink on a bench."
I didn't even register the fact that he had called me pretty.
I gaped, mouth opening and closing as I reeled in shock. I was left staring wordlessly at the crumpled, empty cup and then glanced at his soaked hoody.
"I am so sorry!" I burst out in loud apology as I dropped my half of the board and brought my hands to my mouth in horror. I was suddenly struck with having no idea what to do, but the blond boy, who pinched the front of his hoodie and fluffed the sticky material away from his chest, was notably calm for having just been clobbered in the head.
"It's alright," he chuckled. He rose to his feet and, wow, he was actually kind of tall.
I stared up at him with worry (and way too much embarrassment) as he sent me a somewhat flustered smile. I watched in shock as a dribble of blood dropped from beneath his blond fringe.
"You're bleeding!" I exclaimed.
He touched his fingers to his forehead and looked at the blood on the tips of his fingers. His brows raised and he sent me a smile.
"Would you look at that?" he commented with an amused grin. "You should play baseball, skateboard girl."
"What?" I said in confusion. "Are you concussed?"
"I'm fine," he insisted, still fanning out his hoody. "I've been through worse. Trust me, this isn't anything new."
"But your head-" I tried, but the blond just cut me off again.
"Is fine," he reassured. His eyes began to twinkle in amusement, but I couldn't get the joke.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" I stressed before pulling out my phone. "Here, how much was that hoodie? I can pay for a new one, or-"
He held up a hand. Words died on my lips as I stared up at him owlishly.
"There's no need for that," he said. His eyes jumped over my shoulder to the group of my friends that had began snickering. His gaze then turned to the ground where he noticed my split skateboard.
"Oh, damn." He bent down to grab the two halves. He stared at it at the same amount of worry I held for him, as if I was the one bleeding from my forehead. "I'm sorry. I can get it fixed for you?"
I blinked, my mouth still wide open like a fish. Is this guy for real?
"Excuse me?" I asked. "I mean - what? This wasn't your fault!"
"I should've called for you before approaching," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "It's my fault as much as yours."
"Then- then I'll wash your hoodie!" I lamely bargained, cheeks now permanently stained red. "Otherwise this'll bug me for the rest of my life."
"That sounds like a fair trade," he agreed, tucking the two halves under his arm. Blood dribbled down his temple and he carelessly wiped it away. He continued before I could argue. "Otherwise it'll bug me."
I wanted to pull out my hair - why couldn't this guy get it in his head that this was entirely my fault! Maybe I'd hit him a bit too hard.
"Fine," I relented. "When should we meet?"
"I don't know how long it'll take to repair your board, so why don't we just exchange numbers?" he suggested with an innocent tilt of his head. I wordlessly opened a new contact and handed over my phone.
A small smile of success took over his face as he took my phone and typed in his number. I found myself suddenly shocked when I realised what he'd accomplished - did he just turn this situation into getting my number?
What the fuck?
I stared at him closer, because surely this was some kind of joke to get back at me for treating his head like a baseball. His eyes caught mine, and I noticed their colour for the first time; dark green, like the colour of jade, or the lushness of seaweed. They were pretty, just like the rest of his face.
I didn't see anything malicious in them. My confusion was insurmountable.
He handed it back with a sympathetic grin and then pulled off his hoodie and passed that over to me as well. I tried not to look at his bare arms as they held the two halves of my board. It was a challenge. He must've worked out. Those arms were sculpted like the damn Statue of David, my god.
Why did he have to have nice arms too? Unfair. This had to be some kind of 'welcome back to Ninjago City!' joke my friends pulled on me, but still, nobody came forth with a camera.
"Eye for an eye?" the blond boy grinned. I laughed weakly in response, nodding as I clutched his hoodie bewilderedly. I tried to slip my phone into my pocket, but in my frazzled state, I completely missed it. It started to fall to the ground and before I could even react, it was being held out in front of me.
The boy sent me a pointed smirk, as if I was the most hilarious thing he'd ever seen. Maybe I was.
"Careful," he said. "Don't want to break that, too."
In awe tenfold, I gently took my phone from his fingers and took greater care in making sure it slipped into my pocket safely. I didn't even care about how much I was blushing anymore. I felt like ascending - was there something in the hot chocolate? Was I drugged?
With a parting grin and a two fingered salute, mr. green eyes left the park with my old broken skateboard and my phone number in tow. My stomach did that weird twist again as I watched him leave - I was definitely drugged. I had to have been drugged.
I blinked, staring after him in flustered bafflement. I was having trouble making sense of the whole interaction we just had. What gives, fate?
Hold on, did he just call me pretty?
Oh my god, I think he did. My face burnt a thousand shades hotter. What a welcome back.
I jumped when Claire roughly dropped her arm onto my shoulder, and we watched the blond leave the park with my board. She blew a wad of pink gum into a bubble right next to my ear.
"Was that Lloyd Garmadon?" she asked.
I missed the indecipherable glint in her eyes and the downturn of her lips. I nodded absentmindedly, the hoodie loose in my grasp. I ran her sentence through my head again and pulled a confused face at her.
"Wait, who-?"
"Hey, since you've got no skateboard and it would be boring and awkward if you just sat and watched us, why don't you go home?" Claire cut me off with a frown. "You must be busy unpacking. You could get another hot chocolate on the way."
I blinked at her in shock and glanced at the others, who were all busy shredding on the half-bowl. My brows furrowed at her suggestion that didn't actually feel like a suggestion.
"Oh... okay, but-"
"Great to see you again, Y/n!" Claire hoisted herself off of me, kicked her skateboard to the ground and pushed off to join the others. I stared after her in desolate confusion, frowning softly.
"But I haven't seen you guys in months," I murmured. The flutter of my heart faded as it sunk with disappointment.
She's just excited to play on her skateboard, the voice inside me reasoned. She's just assuming that I'd get bored. Claire's a good friend like that.
I tried to smile to myself as she went off, laughing with our friends. I blinked a couple of times, trying to push down the slight ache of rejection that seemed to swell up in the bottom of my stomach and sting in my eyes.
I glanced down at the hoodie in my grasp and sighed through my nose. I didn't realise that my first day of summer was going to be spent doing laundry, but there I was.
"Well," I said to the hoodie. "It's just you and me."
I set off back home, bringing the headphones over my ears again and turning the music too loud. I left my friends, exited the park and tried not to let my thoughts get too depressing.
I exhaled an upset sigh before clutching the green hoodie closer to my chest. It wafted a smell of hot chocolate for obvious reasons, but underneath the stench, there was a soft mop underlying smell of men's cologne and... was that the cool, fresh scent of spring..?
I held the hoodie back up to get another whiff and be sure I wasn't making it up, but the overpowering smell of chocolate made me grimace, instead.
I left the park a little more downcast than which I arrived, but there was hope hidden within the folds and creases of the green, hot chocolate stained hoodie. I thought back to the cute boy who sneakily got my number (and who I probably concussed) and smiled softly.
At least one thing good came out of my first day back in Ninjago City.