It was hard to concentrate on anything. Math class seemed to go by incredibly fast though, she was so lost in her thoughts for the entire thing. Then it was on to English, where she was only jerked out of her daze long enough to realize everyone was staring at her. She'd been asked a question. Thankfully Sera leaned over and said in a whisper loud enough for everyone to hear, "What was the message behind Animal Farm?" and the teacher rolled her eyes and said, "Thank you Ms. Wilson. Perhaps you can answer for her instead?" and Natalie was thankful to find the classes' attention diverted to her friend, who didn't seem to mind in the least.
In the hallway at lunch she was still just as distracted. She checked her phone, but there were no text messages from her father. She wasn't sure why she expected one. Maybe he would realize how weird she'd been this morning, that her pale face and heavy silence couldn't possibly be over a math test. But there was nothing.
Her fingers hovered over the smooth, blank screen for a second. She had an hour. Maybe she should call him.
Then again, demanding answers in the middle of the hall over the phone seemed like a bad idea.
All day she'd been trying not to think about it too hard. It didn't do any good to worry about what she might find out, there was no way of knowing until she could get into the library. Until she could get in front of a computer. She could look on her phone of course, searching her mother's full name and the date of the newspaper article, like she planned to do later... but here in the hall there was a good chance someone would look over her shoulder and see what she was researching. And the last thing she wanted was to be the subject of the rumour mill. In a school this small, gossip traveled at roughly the speed of light. Up until now she hadn't been interesting enough to be in the middle of any of it, but a missing, possibly murdered mother was certainly enough to be the main subject of interest for a few weeks at least.
In light of this, she should really just put her phone away and go sit with Sera, quit worrying about it until she could actually do something.
But of course, Natalie had never been able to logic herself out of worrying, it didn't seem to be how worrying worked.
She seemed to be remembering every episode of that one murder show she'd watched. All those women. Gone. They'd been missing people at first, and then they'd found them in fields and rivers and on beaches, and then somehow things had changed and they were just "the body". The body was found here. They examined the body.
What if her mother had been reduced like that? What if she had become just one more statistic? A police file sitting in some dusty folder in the NYPD's evidence room?
What if her body hadn't been found, was that worse? If she was still out there somewhere? Natalie wasn't sure. And she wasn't sure she wanted to know either. But the idea had lodged in her brain, and even though it made her chest tight and her breathing shallow every time the thought popped into her head, she had to know. She would never sleep again if she didn't, she'd just lie awake every night for the rest of her life, wondering what had happened.
Of course, she could demand answers from her father. She could confront him. But somehow she knew he would hold back, even if he did tell her some of it. She wouldn't get all the facts, because she was seventeen, still his little girl. And little girls had to be protected.
Natalie shoved her lunch bag under her arm and slammed her locker shut. Turning on her heel, she slammed straight into someone who'd been walking behind her. Her phone hit the ground with a sharp crack, and her lunch hit the ground a second later, the brown paper back splitting to spill its plastic wrapped sandwich and the brown-spotted banana onto the dirty tiles.
"Crap, sorry!" She dove for her phone and came back up a second later, groaning at the hairline crack that ran through the screen. "Shit, dad is going to kill me."
"Maybe you should work on being more coordinated then."
Natalie's stomach dropped and she finally looked up. The girl she'd knocked into was Melanie Brook, who was well known for her mane of coppery hair—colored, everyone was fairly certain—and her expensive clothing. She was, in Natalie's opinion, far worse than the group of art girls that Sera was always complaining about. Melanie's father ran the big factory up on Worth Hill in the center of town, which was responsible for employing the majority of residents in one way or another. The factory produced some kind of tile as far as Natalie knew. Though Melanie didn't seem interested in it enough to know more than that. The only thing the other girl cared about was that she held the factory over people's heads. Most people, that was. Natalie's father had nothing to do with the factory on Worth Hill, he was an engineer who worked remotely most of the time, and Natalie had always been secretly relieved. Melanie had never openly threatened anyone's jobs, but the way she strutted around made it clear that she could. If she wanted to.
Melanie flipped her copper colored hair over one shoulder and frowned. "What's the matter with you, Porter? You look pale, are you sick?"
"No. I'm fine, thanks." She narrowed her eyes at Melanie, unsure how she should take this apparent concern. Melanie had never spoken two words to her.
"Well, you're lucky you didn't scuff the new shoes." Melanie gestured at the black Mary Jane pumps she was wearing. "These just came in from Japan and they were expensive." She stressed the last word, drawing out the E.
Natalie stared at her. She wasn't sure what Melanie's deal was, but she didn't have time for it. "They look uncomfortable."
She stooped to pick her sandwhich and the banana off the ground. The banana was even browner now, and slightly dented. Natalie sighed, trying to shove it back into the mangled paperbag.
Melanie made an indignant noise as she turned away, and she ignored her, moving to join Sera at the end of the hall, where her friend was leaning against the wall, apparently talking Lucas Watson's ear off.
"What was that about?" Sera raised her brows, before biting into her own sandwhich. "Did she push you over and steal your lunch?"
"No, I knocked into her." Natalie shrugged, grimacing at her dented banana again.
"What is with you today?' Sera frowned. "You've been a serious space case all day."
Natalie didn't answer, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She supposed she would have to tell her at some point, but in the middle of the school hall in front of Lucas Watson, who was watching the conversation with apparent interest, was completely out of the question.
"I'll tell you later," she said pointedly, "at the library."
Thankfully Sera seemed to understand she should drop it, and she moved on to complaining about how small their class was, and the fact that their grad trip was going to be "so totally lame".
"Other people go to Paris," she groaned, "and where do we go? Staten Island. Seriously? I want European culture, I want croissants." She pronounced it like "qwasoints", and Lucas rolled his eyes.
"I think they kick you out of France if you pronounce it that way."
Natalie only half listened to them. Her thoughts had drifted right back to her mother. To the search she'd be attempting as soon as they hit the library. She checked the clock again. Three more hours to go.
As soon as the bell rang she was at her locker collecting her books, shoving everything she'd need for homework that night into her knapsack. She had to get to the computers before the good ones were taken. And she didn't want the usual ones, the ones that worked faster. No, she needed privacy this time. It was probably impossible to keep this from Sera, but she didn't intend to broadcast what she was looking at to the rest of the library. There was one in the corner, facing away from the rest of the library. Of course, there was a block on all the computers, it wasn't like you could access nasty sites, but a lot of the students still drifted to that computer to look at facebook or twitter, if they didn't want people to look over their shoulder.
Natalie slung the strap of her bag over her shoulder and made for the door. There were lots of blocked sites, but what if she started looking up murder stories? Would those be blocked? She was suddenly anxious all over again, nearly running for the door.
Sera was right behind her, struggling to get her arms into her knapsack straps while she hurried to catch up. "Oh my god, slow down, woman. What is your malfunction today? Why is the library suddenly so damn exciting? Wait, are you reading another thriller series? You know we talked about how into those you get."
Natalie didn't answer. She took the stairs two at a time and hit the bottom still moving. She could hear Sera panting indignantly behind her.
The library was just past the hallway to the gym, through a pair of swinging double doors. When they entered it was mostly quiet, only the odd cough and shuffle of papers punctuating the silence. There were a few students there already, getting homework done, or slouching on the couches, thumbs moving over their phone screens. Waiting for their parents to pick them up.
Natalie made her way into the computer lab, an off shoot of the library that still had shelves of books on either side. The science, math and computer sections. Only a few of the other computers were taken, and she made a beeline for the tables, relieved to see the one in the corner hadn't been claimed yet. Sera was still complaining behind her, though she dropped her voice several decibels as the man behind the desk glared at them as they went past. Mr. Neilson was a tall, spindly man, all arms and legs and wild gray hair. He was fairly new. He'd arrived at the school a few weeks ago, but he'd already established himself as guardian of the books, a kind of grouchy gargoyle that stood century at the front of the library. He would shush you unreservedly if you dared raise your voice just a bit too high. He was also rumoured to hand out punishments freely if you dared to mistreat his library books.
She slid into the rolling chair at the desk, which squeaked in protest, grabbing the edge of the desk to pull herself closer. "I'll tell you, but you have to swear you won't say anything. To anyone."
Sera's eyes went wide. "Oooh, you're intriguing me. Hold on." She reached over to the next desk and grabbed the rolling chair beside them, yanking it over beside Natalie's. "Okay spill."
Natalie gave her a stern look, and Sera rolled her eyes, holding her right hand up like she was in court. "I solemnly swear I will tell no one whatever big secret you're about to reveal."
Natalie pressed her lips together hard. She still wasn't sure how wise it would be to tell her. Sera wouldn't tell anyone, not if she'd promised. But she didn't take anything seriously. And if she made light of this...
"This is serious," she said. And then, not sure how to start, she pulled the necklace out of her shirt and let it dangle between them. The fairy pendant twisted in circles, the electric lights glittering off the silver surface.
To her relief, Sera didn't laugh. She only stared at the pendant, nose crinkled.
"I don't get it."
"It was my mother's." It felt strange saying those words. When had she even talked to Sera about her mother? At some point the subject must have come up, because Sera knew that her mother was dead. But she couldn't remember ever talking about it when they were younger.
"Oh wow." Sera's face was grave suddenly, and Natalie felt a surge of relief, immediately followed by a prickle of guilt. Sera might be goofy but she wasn't a bad person. She shouldn't have been so worried.
"How'd you get it?" Sera rolled her chair closer, reaching out to catch the pendant between her thumb and finger. For a moment, Natalie had the strange urge to jerk it back. She repressed it, forcing herself to stay still. This was her best friend. But still, it felt strange to have someone else touch it. To share this part of her mother with someone.
"I was in the attic and I found it." She took a deep breath, and when Sera released the pendant she tucked it back into her collar, feeling a little relieved. "And that's not all."
Sera's eyes went wide. "Oh my god, did you find more of her stuff? Did you find out..." she let the question trail off, but they both knew what she was asking. Did you find out how she died?
Natalie smoothed one hand over the keyboard, not looking at her friend as she spoke. "I found this." Her breath seemed to catch in her throat, and she took a quick look around before pulling the article out of her pocket. The nearest person, Melanie, was all the way at the other end of the computer station. No one was even looking over here. She unfolded the thin slip of newspaper on the desk, and Sera's mouth dropped open. "Wait. She was missing. Not—ah, not, you know?"
"Dead?" Natalie said flatly, and shrugged. "Yeah. That's what it says." She quickly recapped the rest of the article so Sera didn't have to sit and read it. The fact that her mother hadn't taken anything with her. The quote from her father about his wife just...vanishing.
Her mouth tasted sour saying the words, and she folded the slip of paper back up and put it in her pocket, out of sight.