Present Time
I pulled out my journal deciding to write in it as the thoughts in my mind wouldn't stop
Today I went for a walk, that may seem like a little thing bu to me, it was a big step. I haven't went for a walk in the actual outside since about a year ago with Nicole. When I came home, I was drowned in the memories and thoughts all about her, like she's haunting me. I miss her. I miss her everyday. You never know how much you love someone until you lose them.
This reminds me of a quote I read once : "I was taught young to be stone-sold, self reliant, to hold myself high and poised, with a ready smile and a subtle charm ready to conquer the world. So I learned from early on to only cry behind closed doors, on dim lights with no sound, to howl in pain silently, to break down without anyone knowing, and to never ask for help. Because when no one sees you suffering, do you really suffer? Much like when a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? I can always pretend that whatever pains me never happened, and I can always go back and face the world, pretending I'm okay." - Cynthia Go // If A Tree Falls In The Forest
This reminds me of myself. I never cried in front of anyone, didn't want to look weak. I never asked for help, didn't want to sound desperate for attention
But now
Now I'm becoming the opposite of that quote. I asked for the therapist, I knew I needed help
I just hope that it works in time, before the thoughts completely drown me in my sorrow