Dear Future,
The days of April of 2012 were all the same story. Waking up frustrated because I wanted to sleep more. Going to school and taking notes on the way teachers spoke and moved so I could do their impressions. Laughing and talking loud with the gang. Going back home and calling Evelyn. Working out while catching up on TV series. Crying myself to sleep with sad music playing in my headphones.
There were, of course, little bumps on the road. Like the many times I had fights with Evelyn, and I would text her in bed but she wouldn't respond, and so I would cry myself to sleep without music.
– I'm really sorry, okay? I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. Please, forgive me.
That's what I texted her the day after we had that fight.
– see the thing is i really bought into that whole idea that u r different from all the others. so please don't turn me down.
And this was her reply. Unedited. As much as it pains me.
– That I can tell you. I am different from all the others.
– so what i tried to tell you yesterday is, why do you have 2 hang out with them? if u r not like them, and u don't like them. i mean, wouldn't you prefer to be alone instead of hanging out with them?
– Honestly... I don't know. I'm not a huge fan of hanging out with them, but then again, I hate being alone.
– but u r not alone, u have me
– Yeah, but you're 404 miles away.
– but u know that some day we'll meet and we'll hang out every day, and make everyone jealous and live happily ever after.
– I do know that. So does that mean that you forgive me?
– i do.
– I love you, Avsama, I really, really do.
– u know i love u more, avsam
– Is it just me, or every time we fight, I feel closer than ever to you when we make up?
– it's not just you. it's true. i love you more and more by the second.
– If only you could be right here, laying on this bed with me right now...
– what would u do?
– I'd make love to you.
As soon as I hit send to that text, my hand started to sweat and shake, and my heart started beating irregularly. Is that too much? I worried. Is it too soon to say something like that? Is that even the right way to say it? Should I have said something like "I'd bang you uh uh"? Oh, God, now she's gonna think I'm not different at all and I only think about sex and nothing else. What was I thinking when I hit SEND?
– oh my god avsam :$$$$$$$
And, just like that, all my worries disappeared. My heart slowed down. My hands stopped shaking. And a new found confidence built up inside me.
– I could really use having you around these days. I'm usually feeling down, you know.
– ohh stop whining. i gotta go now. talk to u later.
I don't know why she did that. Sometimes she would sit down and listen to me, but most times, she'd just dodge that bullet and leave.
Well, if there was one person who was always going to listen to me, it was Belle, and she was in Yellowstone Park that afternoon, ready to see me an hour before I'd meet with Andrew.
"How are you, Peter?" was the first thing she asked. All the gold in her hair had completely disappeared by that point. How it was getting white when she was a natural blonde was beyond me.
"I'm really worried about myself these days. I'm smiling a lot. I'm smiling all the time. But I'm not happy. I haven't been happy in a very long time. So why am I smiling? I should be crying all day, but I only cry at night. I kinda hate myself for smiling all the time, because this way I'm the only one who can worry about me. Everyone else will think I'm fine. But I'm not fine. And you're the only one I can openly tell this because—" I sighed.
"You know I'm not an expert, Pete, but Tyler died just recently. Maybe you're still mourning over that."
"I think it's more than that." I swung back and forth on my seat trying to fight the cold. "I've read online something like 'depression is faceless', and it said that the depressed are usually the ones who smile a lot and always crack jokes. Do you think I'm depressed?"
"Are you sure you're still looking for a friend here, Pete? Because it looks more to me like you need a therapist, you know? And don't take this the wrong way. I'm serious. If you think you're depressed, then you should tell your parents."
"You know damn well I can't tell my parents," I raised my voice a little, "they'd just have a good laugh out of it."
She sighed. "Pete, I can only do as much as tell you that you don't look depressed to me. You just look sad. And in need of love. It looks to me like you want to feel better, but you don't know how. Well, what do you know? Maybe a lovely hug is all you really need to feel better!"
"Then hug me," I said, staring into her big blue eyes, "Please. Give me this lovely hug that I so desperately need."
She stammered, looking down at her legs. "Pete, I—"
"Well, I have to go now," I interrupted her, standing up.
She stood up right after me. "Alright, uh..."
"Thank you as always, Belle," I said, "and sorry for what I said the last time. You know I didn't mean that."
She just stared at me, light coming out behind her.
"Well, see you," I said, and walked away.
• — • — • — • — • — • — • — • — • — • — •
Now, I finally got Andrew to hang out with me that day. I can't even describe to you the pleasant shock on my mom's face when I told her I was going out.
I met him on another side of Yellowstone Park, he was wearing a leather jacket over a plain white T-shirt and some really tight jeans. We started walking around as I asked him how he was doing.
"Just great," he announced, "I'm meeting Layla later."
"Oh, that's great," I said.
"What about you?" he promptly asked.
"I'm fine. I've been—"
"Captain Hook!" the loud voice of a guy greeting Andrew out of nowhere interrupted me.
"What's going on, my man Mike?" Andrew greeted the guy back in the worst attempt at being cool I'd ever seen since me.
They talked about something I didn't bother to listen to for a few minutes, as I awkwardly waited, then it was back to the two of us.
"How do you know that guy?" I asked him.
"Oh," he shrugged, "from another guy that knows another guy that knows Josh, you know?"
No, Andrew. I don't know.
"So is the whole One Direction thing still going?" I asked.
"Yeah, it is," he said, "but it's getting kind of old now. I want to tell her the truth, but I don't know if she'll be happy about it."
"Well, for what it's worth, the truth—"
"'Sup, Hook!" Another guy who quickly shook Andrew's hand in the youngster's way, before he stormed off, interrupted me.
"Well," I giggled, "I was saying... I know it's—"
"If it isn't Andrew Hook!" I was once again interrupted, this time by a black guy wearing all kinds of stereotypical clothes, from sunglasses to hat to chains.
He too shook Andrew's hand. "If it isn't Tyson!" Andrew replied.
"What's poppin' ma' man? Tell me somethin' good," Tyson said.
"Nothing much," said Andrew trying to look as chill as possible, "just hanging out, you know? Meeting the girlfriend later."
"Ohhh," Tyson said, throwing light punches at Andrew's stomach, "someone gettin' lucky tonight?"
Andrew laughed a little too loud. "I hope so!"
Tyson laughed too, and then he looked at me. "Yo, Andrew," he said, still looking at me, "who's this man you've got with you?"
Andrew glanced at me and promptly replied, "Oh, this is Peter. Peter meet Tyson," he pointed at me first, and then at him.
"Yo, 'sup Peter," Tyson extended a hand towards me. Again, not the traditional hand; the youngster type. I clumsily joined him in that handshake, and I felt pretty cool afterwards, though at the same time stupid.
"Hey there," I just said, heart beating a little faster.
"So," Tyson was now talking to both of us, gesticulating quite wildly, "this gurl, don't know her much yet, (we're getting to know each other and all that stuff) but dat ass... I mean DAYUM! Nevah seen anything like that. And I ain't lettin' that thing go anywhere, you feel me?"
I nervously laughed as Andrew nodded. "I feel you, I feel you."
Tyson came closer to me. "You don't feel me, dawg?"
"No, yeah," I stuttered, "I have a girlfriend, actually."
"Oh, aight," he said, "this one's a serious one. You're all about seriousness, ain't you? Respect," and he extended his fist for me to bump.
"Well, see you around, Tyson," Andrew said, and I followed him.
Is this what being popular means? I thought to myself. You can't even hang out with someone for more than one minute before someone you know interrupts you? Popular guys always seemed to have a great life to me, but now that I see it, well, I don't ever want to be popular.
And, indeed, after about one minute and a half, a girl came running towards us. I avoided the collision with her by almost jumping to the right, and she ended up in Andrew's arms.
He swung her around, lifting her from the ground, and then they kissed. So I guessed that was Layla, and she looked so short next to Andrew.
"Layla," he said after their mouths separated, "this is Peter."
"Hi, Peter," she said without looking too much into my eyes, extending a hand for a regular handshake. Her hands were warm, possibly thanks to the cozy grey jacket she was wearing and the beanie of the same color hiding most of her short black hair.
"Hi, nice to meet you," I said, and it was the last time we exchanged words.
From that moment on, they kept talking to themselves. I didn't care about their conversations. All I can recall is "Oh, today at school..." and "Stupid homework..." and "Have you heard the new single from One Direction..." and "Yeah! I loved it...".
At one point, we sat on a bench and they even started making out. That's the day I found out what it means to be a third wheel.
I took my phone and texted Evelyn. I thought, if that's the situation I'm stuck in, then I might as well make it some kind of double date.
– Hey Avsama, what are you doing?
– nuffin much. u?
– Out with Andrew <.<
– avsam can u tell your parents that u wanna come here?
I furrowed my brows reading that.
– You mean... to Cleveland?
– yeah. its been 4 months. I want you.
I sighed.
– They're never gonna let me.
– well at least try. please?
– Okay... I'll ask them.
***
Okay, guys, it is happening. In the NEXT CHAPTER, Peter is going to ask his parents if he can go to Cleveland and meet Evelyn. Are you looking forward to that?
Don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT! Until the next one, ta-ta for now!
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