Ash's POV
Just after the fire...
Clint wraps his arms around me as Steve and I enter the jet. I flinch, not knowing if my skin is still hot enough to burn him.
"How are you, Ash?" Clint asks, disconnecting from the hug.
"I, uhh" I mumble. Thinking about everything that's happened, I'm really not in a good place. I nearly killed Peter, and I don't know if he's going to be okay. I'm such a terrible person for everything I've done to him, and the worst part is that he thinks I don't care. Soon enough he'll see the video and hear the things that Nat made me say, and hate me forever.
Only I know how I really feel, and it's a secret I'll have to take with me to the grave. This is what's best for both of us, Peter deserves the world and I can only give him the smallest piece of it. What hurts the most is knowing that he truly did love me and yet I was still able to walk away.
The love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest. It's the sad truth and we're bound to live by it.
"I'm fine." I answer, walking off to find a seat. Steve sits down beside me and Clint returns to fly the jet.
"Where's everyone else? Wanda? Bucky?" I look around the jet, finding it very much empty. I don't really care that no one came to rescue me, I'm really just trying to make conversation to distract myself from the wreck I've just caused.
"Waiting for us." Steve simply replies. We take off into the sky, leaving the Avengers facility and everyone behind.
-
A jolt startles me to wake, and I finally realize that I fell asleep. I lift my head from Steve's shoulder and yawn.
"Hey, sleepyhead." He chuckles. "Feeling any better?"
"Better?" I ask.
"After everything that happened. I know it was hard for you."
"I'm fine, Steve. Please don't ask about it." I sigh. I rub my eyes with my fists.
"Well, we're here. I guess this conversation is cut short anyways." Steve unbuckles his seatbelt and stands. He holds a hand out for me and I take it.
"Where are we anyway? Is this where we're staying?" I blink my eyes as the door opens, trying to adjust to the light.
"Yeah, we're staying here." Steve chuckles. He steps out the door and I follow him. "Welcome to Brooklyn." He exclaims, holding his hands up in the air.
-
The small apartment rooms that we all share are cold and unfinished. I know that we're all fugitives, on the run from the government, but with all of the lavish things I got from Stark I'm just stunned by the sudden change. I was living in a fairytale, but now I've been aggressively shoved back into reality.
Wanda has been very welcoming, but she knows that something is up with me. I'm not exactly good at hiding how distressed I am. I've been sitting in the room Wanda and I share for two days, and I've hardly moved or spoken.
"Ash?" Clint opens the door and raises his eyebrows at me. I'm sat on the floor in the corner of the room, under the only window in the apartment. The window is covered with blinds for our "safety", and it really has me missing the floor to ceiling windows in Stark's place.
I don't answer him, I just pull my knees closer to my chest.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, coming towards me and sitting down on the bed to my left. He leans his weight on his knees and tilts his head.
"No." I huff, rolling my eyes.
"Ash, talking about it is the only way to get past it. Tell me about Peter."
The moment his name slips through Clint's lips, I feel my stomach drop. A tingling sensation radiates through my face and my eyes water.
"I don't want to talk about him!" I raise my voice.
"Well you're going to!" He angrily responds. I widen my eyes and stare at Clint, who sighs.
"I'm sorry..." I apologize for raising my voice. "I'm just trying to figure things out."
"I can help you. Let me help you." He smiles.
"I just, I'm so confused. I know how I feel and I know how I'm supposed to feel, but they're two different things. Being at the facility with Peter changed everything for me. And now that I'm not there, I don't know who I am."
"You're who you've always been. You're smart and you're kind, and even though you have this destruction deep inside of you, all you want is to help people. You want to fight for what you believe in, and I'm so very proud of you for everything you've accomplished. Just because you've hit this bump in the road doesn't mean you're done helping people. Don't let anyone change who you are, Ashton."
"He's not just anyone..." I sigh.
"Listen, Ash, some will break you, some will destroy you, and some will leave you heartbroken. And still, you will love the next as if you've never been hurt. That's what makes you, you, despite the bullshit people bring, because you'll smile as if nothing ever happened. And I hope you never change, not because of anyone, not even him."
Clint's words resonate with me in a meaningful way. He trusts in me and who I am, he's not scared of the destruction I've caused or my lack of control. He swears by my sense of judgement and he truly believes that I'll get through this.
"Thank you, for everything." I smile through my tears. I stand up from the floor and hold my arms out, pulling Clint into a hug. He's a lot like a father to me, the father I never had.
"Of course, honey." He hugs me back.
"Do you think that being with Peter is bad for both of us?" I ask, pulling away from the hug. It feels nice to finally confide in someone.
"Bad? No. I think the two of you are great. If he had this much of an effect on you after such a short time then who am I and who is anyone to say that you guys didn't love each other?"
"I almost killed him, Clint. How can I trust myself to not hurt him?"
"With time and effort you'll figure out how to control your emotions, and you'll finally beat this. Once you know that you can love yourself, then you can go and love him, too."
"What was the point of all of this, then? Mr. Stark was trying to help me, he was training me to be an Avenger. Why take me away?"
"We came for you for the same reason I rescued Wanda. You may have been safe, but you were still locked away. You couldn't leave, you couldn't fight for what you believe in. What if Stark told you that you had to sign the accords? What would you have done?"
"I never would've signed." I sigh.
"Exactly," Clint raises his eyebrows, "and he would've had no choice but to lock you up for real."
"What about Peter? I broke his heart for no reason?" Realization finally washes over me and I feel absolutely terrible.
"Not for no reason, Ash. Do you think he would've let you go so easily if he knew you loved him?" Clint shakes his head, "no, no, no, he would've pined after you, even after the fire. We never would've been truly hidden from Stark. That boy would have secondary burns all over his body and still run after you, crying in pain."
"How would you know? You don't even know him." I laugh at Clint's imagery of Peter running and crying because of his burns.
"I know teenaged boys, and I know you." He chuckles, "He'd be stupid not to run after you. And I know, with all of his web get-up and everything, he's not stupid."
"So what do I do?" I ask.
"Learn to control your powers, try being as good as you can be. Peter started his career as a friendly-neighbourhood superhero. Maybe you can try the same thing?"
"You do realize that Peter actually lives here, right? He's going to see me and I don't know what'll happen. Do you think he'd try to fight me?" I try to imagine how Peter would react, and no doubt he would be angry. He would be confused, upset, angry, and maybe even lose it. Who knows if he'd be able to control himself from socking me in the face?
"Maybe wear a mask or something, I don't know." Clint chuckles, standing up from the bed. He makes his way towards the door and leaves without another word.