"Well...there c..could be 8" Bella spoke bravely and I took my head from my hands to look to her
"Bella that's not the answer" Rosalie snapped venomously "You don't want this"
"Alice?" Bella asked turning to me
I avoided her eye contact to look down at my feet.
I had fallen in love with Bella the human, I knew I would love Bella the vampire, probably more than when she was human but in all my visions there was never a clear cut decision of what she wanted.
I had thought about it constantly and I wanted her forever but for some reason I couldn't seem to swallow the huge lump that was developing in my throat.
"Bella right now I don't really know what I want okay?" I said in a strained voice before I could meet my eyes with hers again
"What do you mean; you don't know what you want?" Bella asked furrowing her eyebrows, she sounded like I was slowly ripping her heart from her chest
"I do want you forever, believe me because I want that more than anything but I don't want to make that decision by force like what happened to me. I don't want him to get his way and have you changed because we're scared of him. I don't want this life altering decision to be made on the basis of a vampire chasing you, it's not going to happen like that" I said firmly while I shook my head "I just think this conversation would be more appropriate at a later date and between the two of us"
"Well it does concern the rest of us as well" Edward said regretfully "We would be dealing with a newborn and a nomad all at once. That's twice the work, sure you'd be strong but you would be a handful"
"We don't know that" I defended "The experience is different for everyone"
"You're both right" Jazz interrupted "From experience, newborns are a lot of trouble but Bella could be different seeing as she is willing to take this on"
"And it's not about the workload for me Edward, it's the principal. James forced the doctor to change me because he was scared. I do want Bella to be changed but I don't want it to be under this circumstance" I glared over at my brother who quickly looked away from the daggers I was sending him. I turned to look to my love, my gaze softening immediately "Does any of this make sense?"
"I agree with what you're saying Pixie" Emmett interrupted with a smirk "Besides I kind of want to fight this guy, seeing as he has managed to get away a few times, I want to see what he's got once we actually catch him"
"But Alice I want to be like you; what difference does the time that I'm changed make?" Bella asked "What difference does the situation make when the end result with both being the same?"
"It makes a lot to me Bella. I want you to have some experiences while you are human and while you still can. I don't want this to happen to you too soon, you wouldn't have even thought about this if James wasn't around" I nodded "I know this is selfish of me as well Bells but he can't have you, he can't add you to his collection of winnings. If we do change you, what's to stop him from killing you anyway?"
"Nothing" Carlisle replied
"But you'll have one more person to fight him" Bella said
"If we can't beat them with the 7 of us already, then I deserve to be hunted down" I growled "We can stop him"
"And how do you plan on doing that exactly?" Jazz asked
"I don't know yet but I'll figure it out" I grumbled "He's found a loop hole in my abilities so I'm going to have to work around that somehow"
"I think this decision needs to be made between Alice and Bella. Whatever is decided we will cooperate with because Bella is Alice's mate and Bella is now a part of this family as well" Carlisle said calmly "Bella, would you mind if we spoke for a moment in the study?"
"Alice?" Bella asked
I sighed; feeling really guilty that I got so possessive before that she felt she had to ask my permission to leave
"You don't have to ask"
"I know" She said as she rested her hand my knee
"Of course" I replied nodding
I felt her press a kiss into the top of my head and with that she walked into Carlisle's office and closed the door behind him.
The tension grew even thicker when Bella was gone though I could feel Jazz trying to keep everything under control
"So what do we do?" Rosalie asked folding her arms across her chest "You can't possibly think that changing her will solve any problems. Do you not remember what happened to the doctor once he changed you? Do you not remember how he ended up dead for turning you? Changing Bella is the easy fix, the easy option just for a moment until he focuses his rage on someone else"
"She's right. It may stop him from drinking her blood but he'll just come after you or even her anyway. He won't want to lose twice against you Alice" Jazz said sympathetically "If you change her than she'll be a target anyway. She'll be a newborn and have lots of strength yes but James has experience and experience always beats strength"
"So either way I can't possibly make a good decision in this situation" I hissed before I groaned quietly "This isn't a game to me, this is her life we're talking about here. I don't understand how he could see my Bella's life as some kind of game to get revenge against me for something that was completely out of my control. It doesn't make sense"
"No, you're wrong. You can make a good decision here Alice" Edward said honestly "The only good decision we can make is to kill James before it gets so bad that you have to change Bella. I know she wants this but she doesn't know yet what she has to go through. To be this forever...She doesn't know all that she is going to lose"
"But Edward it's already at that point. What happens when she dies and I'm left here by myself? I don't know what else to do because I can't bear the thought of losing her" I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair "Even if I don't change her now, she's going to die somehow down the track so what am I supposed to do when that happens eventually? I'm not going to be able to survive"
"She is not ready" Edward warned hastily
"Well easy for you to continue saying when your mate is a vampire and you get to spend the rest of forever with her and I have to watch the one I love die?" I said heatedly, bearing my sharp teeth to my brother "How is that fair?"
"Life isn't fair" Edward snapped
"But I'm not even alive!" I exclaimed standing from the couch
"She isn't ready yet" Edward repeated through gritted teeth "She won't be able to handle it yet"
"I know that but at some point it's going to happen. We all know it" I said looking around the room "You all know that one day, Bella is going to be like us"
"She shouldn't be" Edward scowled "You shouldn't be putting her through this if she really means that much to you. If she means that much to you then you should be fighting to keep her an innocent human"
"An innocent human who is in love with a vampire, Edward" I replied shaking my head "An innocent human who knows too much already and who is willing to give up everything just to be with me"
"She shouldn't have to change for you Alice" Edward replied "This isn't something you can ask of a person just because you're going to miss them"
"Just shut up Edward!" I yelled loudly before I looked down to my feet and mumbled "You're not telling me anything that I haven't already thought about"
"If you really love her as much as you say you do, then you'll leave her how she is. Allow her to grow old and experience everything that we never could" Rosalie pleaded
"But Bella wants this and honestly so do I"
"Don't be selfish about her soul" Rosalie snapped
"No do not get started on this!" Jazz growled loudly, pointing towards me "You're not going to push her into a guilt trip about Bella's soul. Her soul will be just fine thank you very much"
"Alice deep down, what do you believe happens to your soul when you turn?" Rosalie questioned "What do you really think is going to happen to her soul? What do you think happened to yours?"
"Stop that!" Jazz exclaimed glaring at Rosalie
"This isn't helping anyone" Esme soothed, trying to defuse the situation as best as she could manage "We just need to be constructive about this"
"How on earth is there anything constructive about a situation like this?" I asked quietly
"We'll figure it out Ali" Jazz said calmly, placing a hand on my shoulder "Everything will be alright"
"Don't!" I snapped harshly as I looked up at her "I know you mean well but please don't try and change my mood"
"I wasn't going too" She shook her head slowly
"This isn't even my decision to make" I furrowed my eyebrows, looking to the floor again "It's her life. It's her existence. She should be able to choose"
"So let her" Jazz replied "But make sure she knows everything that comes with being one of us before she makes a decision"
"Alice he's just trying to toy with us. He wants to cause as much anger and distress about this situation as he can" Edward replied
"Yeah well he's succeeding" I said
"You do realize that you made it worse for everyone when you tried attacking him at her house because he was threatening Bella right?" Edward asked taking a step forward "All you did was encourage him"
"You think that I wanted to encourage him?" I asked incredulously
"I know you didn't want too but you did"
"What was I supposed to do?" I hissed "Was I supposed to just let him go through Bella's house?"
"Yes" Edward replied raising his voice
"Well what would you have done?" I took a step into my brother, my lip curling back slightly "Tell me in your infinite wisdom what you would have done"
I glared up at my brother while he stood over the top of me. He wasn't looking angry so much as he was looking sad, his eyes were full of pity
"I don't know what I would have done. I do not envy your position Alice" His voice became very quiet; somber even "I don't envy what you're going to have to go through"
"Well we have to think of something" Jazz said "Because what we're doing now isn't working and we have to make this work so we will find something"
"I don't know how much longer we can guard her like we have been doing" Rosalie said
"Rose" Esme warned raising her eyebrows
"No she's right" I sighed as I looked back to Rosalie "It's not fair on you. This is my fault so I should deal with it and not you"
"Nothing is your fault Alice. This is no one's fault and she's your mate. If Emmett was in danger Rose, you'd want Alice to protect him right?" Jazz asked
"Emmett doesn't need protecting" Rosalie huffed
Jazz sighed loudly and she took a few steps towards me
"Whatever you need Ali" Jazz nodded
"I need a plan" I said looking in the direction of Carlisle's office "And not a plan to just keep her safe but I need a plan to kill him. To make sure he can't come after any of us"
The office door opened and Bella walked out cautiously followed by Carlisle who had his hand on her shoulder which thankfully didn't cause me to growl at him or overreact like I had with Esme.
"I think that Alice and Bella should talk" Carlisle said quietly
I walked towards Bella who also took a few steps into me; she held her hand out with a small smile on her face. I couldn't help but smile back at her.
"Want to go somewhere?" I asked hopefully
"Alice, maybe not a good idea" Edward mumbled
"This needs to be a private talk I think Edward" I turned to face my brother, feeling Bella squeeze my hand in support
"And what happens if James comes while it's just you and Bella?" Edward asked
"You don't think I can protect her?" I challenged as I raised my eyebrow "I have my phone on me. If I need to call then I will but until then we need some privacy. Do you all understand?"
I heard nothing from my family and saw only reluctant nods. I looked up to Carlisle and he smiled as if to tell me that I was doing the right thing
"While I'm gone; think of a plan about what we were talking about" I said looking to my siblings "We'll figure it out when I get back"
I walked Bella out to the garage and opened the door to my Porsche for her but she just looked at me
"What's wrong?" I asked
"Where are we going?" Bella asked
"To my spot in the woods" I shrugged "You'll be safe with me, I promise. I just...our plans were kind of ruined for tonight but we should at least be able to go there sometime today. We need to speak about this and you need to be able to say whatever you want without feeling like you have to hold back. This is extremely important"
"You know what Carlisle was talking to me about right?" Bella asked
"About what happens when you're changed into a vampire; we all heard" I nodded "We can talk about it when we get there"
We made our way to the opening in the woods that I had first exposed the results of sunlight on my skin to Bella in no time. Mostly due to the obscene amounts of speeding I was doing, the look on Bella's face told me that it may have been just a little too fast for her liking but she didn't mention anything about it.
Bella hadn't spoken since we left the garage. The sun was moving out from the clouds; the rays catching me slightly and I saw Bella's expression soften
"You are so beautiful" Bella murmured
"Thank you" I smiled sadly "I just figured that you would want some privacy and honestly I wanted it too. I know how it can get; believe me. At night I used to just come out here by myself before you came. I always had a spot that I could just call mine and be able to go and just relax"
"How did you not go searching for me though? I mean if I were you I wouldn't have patients like you did" Bella admitted shrugging
"Believe me, I was halfway out the door a few times but Carlisle always pulled me back and warned me that if I went any earlier than what I was supposed to, then I would risk ruining everything" I shrugged, my thumbs twiddling together "And looking back I totally agree. It was worth the decade of waiting, you're worth a century"
"Well things worked out" Bella said nodded
"You know what the really sad thing about this entire situation is?" I asked; it was more of a question to myself "That by other vampires standards, we are the ones that are in the wrong in this situation by defending you. We would be the ones being frowned upon for trying to save your life"
"So vampires play these sorts of games with humans all the time?" She asked furrowing her eyebrows
"We're predators by nature Bells. James is different though, he enjoys his games more than other vampires who are just after the blood" I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts "I mean my family and I are fighting our true natures to be able to be what we are now, to be able to resist human blood"
"You seem to do it well" Bella encouraged
"I will admit that it has gotten a lot easier with time but it was so difficult when I first spotted you. I just wanted your blood so much. More than I have ever wanted anyone's blood before"
I let out a shaky breath as I finished my sentence. I of course didn't need to breathe but it had become a habit being around Bella constantly and it kind of helped me look a little bit more human than dead.
"Well how do other vampire's get over that with their human mates?" Bella asked curiously
I strolled over to the edge of the clearing to sit on the ground, leaning my back against a large old tree. Bella followed me immediately to sit next to me against the tree and she leaned her head on my shoulder; looping her arm around mine
"Bella I've never really heard of a human, vampire relationship before, I'm sure there are some in other area's that we've never come across but no one ever shares that kind of information" I admitted
"What do you mean?" Bella asked
"If a vampire were to tell others that they were with a human, things would become very...complicated. I mean its fine with my family because they would never betray me and they aren't a threat to you so I can have them around you. Other vampires would get very curious about the vampire human relationship, like James is and they would probably try and kill the human or they would tell the Volturi" I said before I paused "The problem with the Volturi finding out is that they would try and kill us both if they ever found out about our relationship. You're a threat to vampires' existence because you are a human who knows entirely too much"
"They wouldn't kill you though, would they?" Bella asked, fear coating her words "I mean they want you to join them so why would they kill you?"
"I believe the theory would be that if they can't have me then no one can" I shrugged as I looked around slowly
"That's really scary Alice" Bella replied
"Which is why it really surprised me when I realized I was going to fall in love with a human" I said with a small smile as Bella nuzzled affectionately into my shoulder
"Did you know that I was your mate when you had your first vision or did you take a while to figure it out?"
"Are you doubting me?" I asked playfully before I smiled adoringly "I just knew. How could I mistake you for just some human? You're my Bella, you're my true love and I just knew that you were going to be mine as soon as I saw you"
"I am your Bella" She responded quietly
"I have heard of vampires thinking they were in love with humans but in the end, they just wanted their blood so the human ends up getting killed" I mumbled as a thought crossed my mind "It's more like blood lust for them than anything close to love. I knew I loved you in my visions you were human and you were still alive. If it was simply bloodlust than you would have been killed"
"Can I ask you something?"
"You know you can sweetie" I nodded
"You never gave me a real answer when I asked you why you thought you didn't have a soul" Bella said cautiously before she continued on "And I may or may not have over heard Jazz and Rosalie fighting"
"They get loud sometimes when they both think that they're right" I sighed and I looked up at the sky to see a ray of sunlight hit me directly which made me feel like I was being bathed in warmth, like what I assumed humans felt like every day "I'm not too sure why I feel like the way I do. I just think that there has to be a price to pay for having this life. Everything comes with a price doesn't it? I have killed people and I know that either way; just for that I should be going to hell for it. I've learnt to accept that so I just try and live in the now rather than let my mind focus on what might happen later"
"But Alice you're doing the right thing by people and drinking animal blood" Bella protested again "I mean that has to count for something right?"
"Jazz still thinks that we have souls; that being changed couldn't force us to lose our souls because you lose your soul when you die" I said as Bella lifted her head from my shoulder to crawl over my legs and kneel in front of me
"Alice" Bella said trying to coax me to look her in the eyes "Al"
She placed her hands on both sides of my head, resting her forehead against mine
"You're very much alive" She whispered
"I could easily dispute that one Bells" I breathed
"Well don't" She said simply "You're alive. You're here with me aren't you? You're better than most humans in this world because of what you go through and what you resist"
"Vampirism isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Sure it has some advantages that I do love but it's always a struggle when you first start out" I paused and nodded "Much like everything in life though I suppose"
"Can we talk about that?" Bella asked cautiously
"Of course, that is why we are here isn't it?" I nodded and I moved from her grip very quickly; releasing myself to stand a few feet away from a still kneeling Bella "I kind of want to have a clear head for this conversation; I can't have that if you're too close to me"
"Have you seen this conversation?" Bella asked
"No" I furrowed my eyebrows, looking to the ground between us both "No, Not yet because you haven't exactly decided what to say but it'll come as you make your decisions"
"Carlisle spoke to me about his experiences and about how guilty he felt when he changed Esme, Edward and Rosalie" Bella sat properly as she brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs tightly
"Carlisle doesn't believe that we have a soul either" I mumbled truthfully
"But this reluctance doesn't just come from the whole soul issue for you, does it?" Bella asked raising her eyebrows
"No" I admitted with a small nodded and I waited for the words to come to me before I opened my mouth again, I didn't want to say anything I would regret later "The circumstance is the issue for me right now"
"The circumstance?" She asked shaking her head in confusion
"Bella I do want you forever. I want that more than you know, I've been waiting for you for a decade and I never want to be apart from you ever again. I don't ever want to be without you because my life wouldn't be worth living... but I don't want this to be forced upon you like it was me. I don't want to be selfish and have this happen to you just because I wanted you forever. I want this decision to be made naturally. I don't want you to be like me and then regret all of the things you couldn't do as a human" I confessed quietly
"I can do everything I do now but as a Vampire" Bella protested
"You're not going to be able to see your parents again for one. They'll notice a difference in you and when you're a newborn you won't be able to be around them because you'll kill them. I can see how much Charlie and Renee mean to you, it would crush you not to be able to see them again. You won't be able to go to school for a few years for the same reasons, you wouldn't be able to resist the blood. You can't have normal friends like Angela or Jessica because they'll be scared of you. Their natural instincts will kick in, just like ours would and it would tell them to stay away. You're going to have to train for decades to be able to understand your abilities and to control your thirst properly" My eyes focused to the floor again for a moment before I looked to Bella's face and she looked a little hurt which made me feel even worse
"Do...do you not want me to be like you?" Bella asked almost painfully "Is that what this is about?"
"No Bella, no! Don't be silly. You have no idea how many hours, days, months and years I thought about you and the possibility of being a vampire so I could have you forever and I want that. Believe me I want that more than I want anything else but I don't want this to be forced upon you now just because there is a nomad out there who can't handle losing" I said taking a few steps towards where she was sitting "Love; my hand is being forced here to do something about him. This is like some kind of nightmare because I feel as if my life has just come around into one big circle. I'm in the shoes of the man who created me and I can sympathize with what he went through now. I want this for you in a few years maybe; after you graduate but I don't want this for you now. Not right now. I don't want you to end up hating me or resenting me after realizing the experiences you missed when you were a human"
"It's not like we have a choice about the timing though Alice" Bella said shaking her head furiously
"There's always a choice" I mumbled "I want this for you when you're ready. You aren't ready now because you aren't ready to let go of your life yet. I understand; you need more time and if I were you I would want more time too"
"Alice someday, something is going to tear us apart anyway. Whether that be sickness or old age" Bella objected
"Bella listen to me" I said calmly "I'm not saying no because selfishly I can't ever let go of you now that I have found you but I just don't know if right now if a good time for you. I'm not saying no at all, I just need you to consider what I'm saying to you"
"A good time? Saving me from a crazy vampire who is hunting me for my blood is a pretty good time to me" My mate replied with just a touch of attitude
"I'll work harder Bella, he's not going to get you" I said shaking my head, my fists clenching at my sides "We'll all work harder"
"You're working hard enough now though" Bella replied "You're already doing too much and you're giving up too much time to guard me, you all are"
"Time is all we have Bella, it doesn't matter how much time we spend on you because it is all we have" I said "You have to understand though Bella that even if we change you, he'll come after us again and again until we're dead or he is. If I turn you than he's going to come after me, which honestly I prefer because this is all my fault but after he has killed me then who is going to protect you? After he has killed me, who is to stop him from coming after you when you're just starting to be a newborn and you're only getting used to the changes you're experiencing. That in itself is terrifying, let alone having someone trying to kill you"
"He'll come after you if I'm changed?" Bella asked with a shocked look on his face
"He thinks that if he kills me you'll want revenge and that will just make everything so much sweeter to him"
"Do you really want me to wait?" Bella asked almost silently
"When the time is right, I will convince everyone what a great little vampire you're going to make but right now you're so young and you have so much to experience as a human. When the time is right...when you're completely ready then I want this for you because I can't stand life without you anymore. I can't stand to think of existing without you by my side forever and the only thing that I can think of that is worse than not having you forever is knowing that this decision was made hastily, was forced upon you. I don't want this decision to be forced upon you"I explained to my mate and I took a deep breath to calm myself
"I refuse to make your decision for you though Bells. I want to give you something that no one in my family had gotten and that was a choice. I want you to have the best gift that I can ever give you and that's choice. If you want to be turned then we will do that for you, if that is honestly what you want deep down inside but I want you to choose a time when you think you'll be ready to take this on board. I am just suggesting that you let my family and I handle it like I know we can and stay human for just a little bit longer"
"I want you to look inside of you and decide what you think is best for Bella Swan though I need you to look past what you want to see what is necessary for you. I need you to look past the excitement to see the responsibility and commitment to change you are going to have to make when you are turned. You're not going to want to drink animal blood when you wake but you're going to have to make that sacrifice to be with the family and to be with me. You have to understand that you being changed into a vampire will not just be an easy fix in the James situation, he's still going to come after us both even if you are changed"
"Are you serious?" Bella asked with wide eyes "You want me to choose?"
"I trust you Bella" I said nodding truthfully "I want you to have the options that we never had because you deserve that. You don't deserve to be hunted down because of me. You deserve the right to be human for as long as you want to be. Don't let anyone influence your decision, including me. Don't let my opinions get into your head when you make this decision, I mean consider them but only as a suggestion. Make sure you think about it all for yourself"
She stood from the tree that she was leaning against to stand just inches from me. She had a slight smile on her face and I could only smile back sadly.
I loved her so I didn't want to lose her but the amount of guilt I felt at that moment was sickening.
I was making her choose between everyone else in her life and me with this option.
"I don't want you to make a decision yet either Bella. I want you to think about everything and what you want before you are changed" I mumbled "Maybe you should speak to my family about their experiences as well, I know that will help you make a decision. Maybe sleep on it just for tonight if you cannot wait longer than that to announce your decision"
"What if I decide to be changed next week?" Bella asked raising an eyebrow
"Then we will change you next week" I sighed "I want you to have more time with your family but if you want to do this then I will support you and I'll love you"
"I'll think about this on one condition"
"You want me to change you" I replied furrowing my eyebrows
"I really should stop being surprised when you do that" Bella said with a smirk
"You really should" I nodded simply
"So? Will you?" Bella asked