I've got a seriously bad feeling about Tuesday's concert. For the past few week everything's been going superbly, minimal screw ups on mine and the rest of the lads parts as well as a clean sweep with audio and lighting. Our luck has to run out at some point and I'm terrified it'll be on the one night my family will be in the audience. What if the lights fall? What if I fall, like right off the side of the stage? Anything could happen, the bad luck has to have piled up pretty high by now. Earthquakes, hostage situations, fires, the list grew longer and longer. What if this, what if that, there were so many things that could go wrong.
I didn't notice the door creaking open and I didn't see Louis standing there either until he spoke up, half confused and half irritated, "I've been listening to you pace around for the past forty five minutes Ni. It's almost one a clock, what are you even doing apart from keeping me up?"
"Sorry, I just- I can't- I'm stressing-"
"Okay, slow down," Louis stopped me with a frown. He yawned as he sat down on my bed and patted the spot beside him. I let out a long breath and took a seat, unable to keep my hands still. They tugged at my shirt, tangled in my hair, and clenched over and over into tight fists.
"Now try again," Louis prompted, rubbing at his eyes. I felt bad for being the reason he couldn't sleep, we had a bit of a lengthy day tomorrow and it was going to be on me when he was struggling to keep his eyes open.
"The next concert," I blurted, "I'm really frickin nervous about it and I can't help it! My family's gonna be there Lou and I'm terrified that everything's going to go wrong."
Louis took a moment to reply. I figured it was probably because I'd spoken so fast and he needed a minute to translate the garbled mess of conjoined syllables.
"We all get nervous sometimes Ni, and I know it's not as easy as telling you the reasons why you shouldn't be, but we've done this a thousand times over. It's our job, I like to think we're pretty good at it. So what if shit goes wrong? The fans seem to enjoy it anyway."
"It's...different," I exhaled with a shake of my head, "my mum will be there."
"It's not like it's the first time that's ever happened Ni," Louis pointed out with a raised eyebrow. I knew what he was thinking, that I was being stupid. I probably was, but I truly couldn't stop the paranoid thoughts racing through my mind. I would in the snap of a finger if I could.
"I know," I said simply. Then I sighed, "I'll stop pacing around, you can go back to bed."
I needed to try sleep again, and Louis did too. I wouldn't be able to function tomorrow if I didn't. It had already been a pretty crappy few nights sleep wise and I would be lying if I said I wasn't feeling the effects. I couldn't afford to be groggy and absent.
Louis cracked a tired smile and got back to his feet, stretching his arms up towards the ceiling with another wide yawn, "alrighty Mate. Honestly, try not to stress. Distract yourself with something else or something because there's a ninety nine percent chance that this upcoming concert is going to go great."
I nodded as he shuffled out into the hallway. He shot me another smile before closing the door quietly.
As I turned off the light and got into bed only one thing was repetitively flashing through my mind, what about the other one percent?
***
Monday night felt like the exact opposite of Christmas Eve. I had that same buzzing of anticipation flooding through me but it wasn't at all pleasant or full of holiday spirit. Rather than being excited and unable to wait for morning I was dreading it and wishing with all my heart that it just never come.
I felt like total hell, laying in bed staring at the ceiling as the seconds ticked by like decades. The nerves were regular in the beginning when I was fully rested but now after at least six nights of three or less hours of sleep they were charging on at a much heightened level that I could hardly bear. Days went by in a flash so quick that I could blink and miss the entire thing while the nights dragged on seemingly endlessly.
The stupidest part of all was that I knew how unreasonable I was being, I knew that the concert would most likely pass just like any other concert did but my brain just wouldn't let go of that tiny slither of doubt and it was killing me.
My head rolled lazily to the side to see the numbers glowing on the clock, 5:14. Two hours before I had to get out of bed and start the day. My eyes widened as bile filled my mouth and instinctively I swallowed, gagging quietly on the acidic taste. It was yuck and it turned my stomach sour almost instantly. I whimpered involuntarily and took a moment to assess the strange swirling sensation. My stomach had been unsettled and anxious for the entire day due to the concert looming closer and closer but I hadn't felt this nauseous. I hadn't thought I was actually going to be sick though, now suddenly I wasn't sure.
I was far too exhausted to even think about how awful it would be to throw up right then without tears building in my eyes. It was too much to handle and soon a sob tore from my throat before I could stop it. It was like a powerful hit to the already weak barrier in my head and instantly the wall crumbled to dust, leaving me crying loudly and disgustingly about everything that had built up. Maybe I wouldn't've had such a reaction if I'd been getting enough sleep but at at this point even my fumes were running low and all I could do was continue sobbing despite each gasping breath stirring up my stomach even further.
"Hey! Shhhh, Ni, come here. Shhhhh..."
A pair of gentle hands guided me against a warm chest that smelled fresh out of the washing machine. It was some weird scented stuff that we'd picked up from some gas station sometime on our way. It'd been around long enough for me to recognise it as a familiar and safe smell, since it clung to the whole band.
Still barely short of wailing I butted pathetically into whoever had come to comfort me, burying my face in the soft cotton of their shirt. It quickly became damp and when I had to come up for fresh air I recognised Harry's wide green eyes crinkled in concern. He didn't say anything, instead just tugged me into a more comfortable hug where I could breathe the air over his shoulder.
It took a while for the tears to slow and even then with Harry's comforting arms wrapped around me I still felt sick to my stomach.
"This is really eating at you, isn't it?" Harry's quiet voice slit through the silence. Too tired to speak I nodded weakly, hoping that he'd feel the movement of my head.
"The waiting is the worst part, I promise you, and it's so close to being over. You're going to get up on that stage and start singing this afternoon and all this fear is just going to disappear."
My stomach lurched.
I scrambled out of Harry's lap but my legs wouldn't do what I asked them to so rather than run to the en suite I could do nothing but squirm on the mattress helplessly, hand over mouth.
Harry was only bewildered for a split second before his eyes lit up in understanding and he shot to his feet, "alright, it's okay Ni."
I gagged as he darted for the bin under the sink in the en suite, "hang on, I'll be right there. One second!"
I hadn't exactly had the largest appetite recently so the amount that actually came up into the bin when it was placed in front of me was quite feeble. That didn't mean it hurt any less, or that it was any less uncomfortable. My throat burned and my stomach felt just as mixed up as it had before the whole event.
When Harry tried to take the bin away I shook my head and weakly hit his hand away, "no."
"No better after that?" He pulled a pitying face, eyebrows cinched together and eyes soft around the edges.
I shook my head again and shuddered as another wild spasm of my stomach almost made me heave a second time. I'd only vomited once but it felt like I'd expelled every ounce of energy I might've had in the first place. Already I felt kind of light headed and woozy.
Harry fetched a glass of water and after a few sips I threw up again and almost passed out against his shoulder. I was aware I was being laid down, and then the blankets were pulled up over top of me. My body must've taken over control, rather than my over active mind, and finally I just shut down and fell into a dreamless sleep .
By the time I came around again it was long into the morning and I knew immediately Harry had let the others know about the breakdown I'd had earlier. Judging by the daylight pouring in through the en suite it was well past seven thirty and they wouldn't have let me sleep in this long otherwise.
Unfortunately, things weren't feeling a heck of a lot better than they had been before I'd gotten a few life saving hours of sleep. My thoughts thought went straight to the concert I had to perform for my family later on and much to my dismay I felt almost queasy enough to be sick all over again.
Groggy and unbalanced I forced myself out of bed, deciding that maybe if I just did it fast it would be easier. Harry said the waiting was the worst part, and it would only be even worse if I laid in bed and stared at the walls all day.
Upon reaching my feet I came to the conclusion that I'd rather stare at still walls than ones that spun around dizzily and sickeningly. I dropped back onto the edge of the bed and dropped my head into my hands for a moment. I'd gotten up too fast and apparently an extra four hours sleep wasn't quite enough to make up for the deprivation.
The second attempt went a little smoother and I made it all the way out to the lounge where I promptly stretched out across the pile of bean bags on the floor.. Eyes half shut I didn't even notice that the others were all huddled in the same room until they started whispering as if I'd already fallen asleep.
Blearily I opened my eyes and looked at them until they realised I was listening, not even bothering to make sense of what they were saying to each other.
"He's probably gonna be fine come concer- oh, Nialler, hey man..." Louis greeted with a thin lipped smile, "you look, uh, better, this morning."
He cringed along with Liam and Harry and I didn't have to be a genius to know that he was lying. I knew I looked dreadful anyway.
With all of their gazes trained on me it all of a sudden felt stifling hot. My stomach protested harshly and I ducked my face away.
"Come sit with me Ni," Liam said with a nod, gesturing at the empty spot next to him on the couch. He smiled encouragingly, "and Louis and Harry can go whip up something to eat. It's just about lunch."
Louis looked about to complain but Harry just took him by the upper arm and dragged him away with a sweet smile in my direction.
I didn't even know where to start when it came to moving. My muscles all ached and throbbed unhappily whenever I so much as shifted and honestly it felt like way too much effort. The couch was hardly two metres away but it was easily the most difficult two metres of my life. Excuse the dramatics, but it was one hundred percent true. I could've blinked and fallen asleep on my feet.
"You've been quite strange this week Ni, I haven't known what to make of you," Liam frowned as I plopped heavily down beside him, almost on top of him. Lazily I pulled a cushion toward me and dumped it on top of Liam's legs before resting my head on it.
"I know, neither have I. I never get like this," I replied. My voice sounded foreign to my ears, quiet and weirdly unrecognisable.
Liam cocked his head, thinking. He looked as if he was about to say something but in the end he just sighed and patted my shoulder. My stomach whirled dangerously, causing me to stiffen. Liam shifted and questioned me, "something wrong?"
The nausea only strengthened so I nodded my head and struggled to get up, "gonna be sick!"
Liam hurried me back on to my feet and I didn't have time to whine about it before he took me by the shoulders and we rushed to the the bathroom, making it just in time for me to spew up a lot less than elegantly into the toilet. Panting over the bowl almost made me start crying again.
Liam rubbed my back comfortingly from next to me and handed me a piece of toilet paper to clean myself up with. Shaking like a frail elderly person I wiped my lips dry and slouched pathetically on the floor. I didn't know why I was feeling so sick. At this point my stomach wasn't even just queasy, it hurt, like cramps and stuff. My nerves must've really been screwing with my systems.
"Since when do you let nerves get to you like this Mate?" Liam questioned softly, but it was fairly obvious the question wasn't meant to be answered.
"He get sick again?" Harry asked from the doorway with a sigh.
"Yeah," Liam replied, "I don't think any of us have ever been this bad before a concert, ever. Not even you Haz."
"I know, he looks awful..." Harry sucked in a breath and then shook his head. "Maybe we should cancel the show."
My head snapped up and my eyes widened.
Cancel the show? We'd never cancelled a show before. I wasn't sure how I felt about he idea. On one hand it was the best thing that could possibly happen, I could finally relax and forget the whole situation ever happened. On the other hand, my family was coming to watch, and I didn't want to cancel on them. They were flying in and everything.
Liam and Harry talked for a few more minutes and then I was back over the toilet, my body trying to get rid of more fluid that I didn't really have in the first place. Liam did the soothing a calming routine again and then nodded at Harry, "have Lou call. They generally listen to him. Just ask him to see what they reckon we should do, there could be a fix to this that we haven't thought of."
"Okay, will do."
I cuddled closely into Liam while we waited for the information. The bathroom floor was cold and the lighting was starting to make my head pound but I didn't have the energy to go someplace else. Besides, the toilet may be needed again soon anyway by the feels of things.
Louis' voice was only a hum from where we sat in the bathroom as he spoke on the phone. As I tried to listen I realised that I couldn't possibly waste my families time like this.
"We can't cancel Li."
"You can't perform in this way Niall, what else do you suggest we do?" Liam replied.
"I don't know, but, you know that my family is coming, mum's coming, and I don't want to let them down, you know?" I rambled raspily, fast paced and panicked. Liam squeezed my shoulder, "just try to relax for now. Maybe you'll feel better."
I sniffled miserably and choked back the tears threatening to spill over. My stupid malfunctioning body was making the day go a thousand times worse than I ever thought it was, and they'd been low expectations.
Harry beat Louis to the back to the bathroom, clutching a continuously dinging cellphone in his grip. Upon further inspection I recognised my case. He raised his hand and spoke quickly, "I don't know if this counts as good or bad news but Ni, your families' flight's been delayed 12 hours, they're not going to get here in time for the show."
"Wh-what?" I blurted, instantly overwhelmed. My chest felt lighter. They weren't going to make it. I didn't have to worry about cancelling the concert on them, hell, I didn't even have to worry about the concert at all. The stress just evaporated, leaving me feeling like I had just dodged a bullet. I never thought I'd be so relieved to miss my family.
My phone binged again and Harry glanced at the screen, "make that 22 hours," he shrugged.
Liam squeezed my shoulder again, "how's that for you?"
A rush of air flew from my lips and I smiled a bit dopily, "like a weight's just been lifted off my shoulders." Liam sighed in relief and grinned back, "I'm glad."
Louis poked his head into the bathroom, "well, the concert's postponed until later on in the tour, apparently we'll have to double back toward the end."
Harry let him know about the recent developments and Liam helped me get back to my room, an arm hooked around my waist. I was so far past exhausted it was a struggle to get my feet to land in front of each other. I was a little confused about how ill I still felt but figured that once I caught up on some well needed sleep I'd be back to my usual self. Now I could look forward to seeing my family without having the fear of the show looming over.
Half aware of the covers being drawn up to my shoulders I shut my eyes and hugged a thick pillow tightly to my chest, clutching the cool material in my fists.
When I woke up some time later in some pretty advanced pain practically swimming in a pool of my own sweat it became clear that my earlier experience over the toilet was not in fact due to my nerves but more to do with my lack of substantial sleep over the last week. I staggered out to the lads and collapsed heavily on to the first person I stumbled upon, whimpering and whining. I didn't feel like explaining and thankfully the fever I was radiating was hot enough for Louis to get the point without any words.
"Oh... That makes so much sense..." He murmured, hands wandering over my flushed and warm skin. I groaned pathetically and allowed him to sit me down. Harry touched a gentle hand to my forehead too and winced, "ah, feel that fever."
"No wonder you were in such a state this morning." Liam shook his head, "I'll go see if I can find a thermometer."
Being stuck with the stomach flu after the week I'd had was no walk in the park but it did give me a good excuse to graze around in bed all day, sleep enough to replace all those hours I'd missed out on before. The delay in my families' flight meant they were only around for a day and even though I was still very much sweaty and woozy they hung around the hotel with us and joined in on our laziness. I doubted it was a whole lot of fun for them but they promised that they were just pleased to see me.
They left the next morning to catch their plane back home and I spent another two long days running back and forth between the bathroom and the couch, which had become home base.
The flu bug passed and everything resumed as normal quickly enough. A month later my family did appear in the crowd at a show and I got a hell of a fright when I caught sight of their familiar faces. It'd all been arranged without my knowledge so I didn't have anything to get nervous about. It went smoothly, amazingly, and I was so grateful for the lads having organised the whole thing.
Haha please excuse the crappy ending, I had no idea what to do and this mess was what came of it.
The holidays are coming up for me which means that I'll have a lot more free time on my hands and I'm hoping to get ahead of at least some of these requests I have piling up. I'm also hoping to study though and usually after I finish writing practice essays or biology answers I don't feel like writing more so we'll just have to see how things turn out. I am going to do my best though, promise:)
Next request for: Stylesbae2002