I WOKE up to Negan howling through the hallway and barging into my room.
"Wake up, sweetheart! We're going on a little field trip," He called out, ripping the comforter off of me. I glared at him, but he only grinned. "Get dressed, we're leaving in fifteen."
I slowly rose from bed as he left, shutting the door behind him. I pulled myself out of bed and headed for the bathroom before grabbing any clothes, my bladder feeling like it was going to explode. I quickly brushed my teeth and combed my hair, making my way to the dresser to sift through the maternity clothing Negan and I had found a month ago.
I settled for the gray lounge pants and an oversized navy blue long-sleeved shirt before slipping on Negan's extra pair of boots and making my way to the supply trucks. Negan's men were gathered around him as he spoke, naturally wielding Lucille on his dominant shoulder.
It was a little chilly as the oncoming spring brought a few gusts of wind, the newly growing leaves rustling as the birds sang their songs. I rubbed my arms, feeling the goosebumps underneath the thin fabric of clothing. Negan walked towards me as he finished his speech, sporting his usual leather jacket and red scarf.
"Little chilly, don't you think?" He asked, noticing the way I was trying to keep warm. I only nodded, realizing that I couldn't speak through chattering teeth. He whispered something to Simon as he walked by and told me to wait.
"Found this the other day when we went out, thought it would suit you," Negan said, handing me a leather jacket just like his own. I took the jacket and felt the interior, the lining was thick and suitable for the current weather. "Well, try it on."
I slipped my arms through the sleeves and pulled it around my body. It would've been a perfect fit had I not been six months pregnant, but I kept it on. It shielded the wind and kept my arms warm, plus I looked like a total badass.
"Thank you, Negan." I said sincerely. He opened the truck door and I hopped in, him shortly joining me in the driver's seat. Before we drove off, he opened the glove compartment by my feet and pulled out a towel that was wrapped around something.
"I also grabbed you some food," He handed me the towel and I unwrapped it; an apple, banana, and muffin sitting there waiting to be eaten. "I knew you'd be hungry when you woke up, but I didn't want to wake you up early so I figured I'd bring you some for the drive."
I was in shock. The man I feared mere months ago was grabbing me food and letting me sleep in. It was like a switch had flipped and all of a sudden, he had a heart. And his voice was kind. There was no sense of power or sensuality, just kindness.
"Negan, do you-" I asked, his head turning towards me as I called him. I wanted so desperately to know if, even the slightest bit, he cared for me. I didn't want to get my hopes up in case he denied it, but I felt it necessary to ask again. Even if it crushed me. "Do you care about me?"
I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see his character change in a negative way, but what if it changed in a positive way? I didn't want to miss that.
I looked at him.
But there was no positive change. The muscles in his face tensed and he kept his focus on the road. There was no emotion tied to him, it was like his soul had left his body and all that was left were his bones.
"There's only one thing I care about. And it ain't you, sweetheart." He said, keeping his eyes glued to the road. I turned away, facing the window and felt the tears cascade down my cheeks. His words stung, his words broke me.
And suddenly, I didn't want anything he had given me. But at the same time, I wanted to cherish what he had given me. I wanted to cherish the man he could be, the man he should be. If he couldn't keep that man alive, then I knew I had to. For my child's sake, for my own sake.
~
We pulled into the open gates of a familiar community and as we stepped out of the trucks, I pulled in some familiar faces. Enid was the first to see me, her arms outreached for a hug that I desperately needed.
"y/n! Wow, you're pregnant?" She asked, surprise overtaking her voice. I nodded my head and was caught off guard when I noticed Sasha rushing towards me. She pulled me in for an embrace, the same look Enid gave me was evident on her as well.
Before I could speak, Negan cleared his throat and I turned.
"Come on, darling. We have an appointment with the doctor." He said impatiently, waiting for me to follow him. I turned back to Sasha and Enid, giving them a small smile before tracing Negan's footprints.
We stepped into the main building, Negan's men scattering as we entered, leaving Negan and I. The leader of the Hilltop community, Gregory, greeted Negan, immediately offering him a scotch.
"Not today, Gregory. I've got an appointment to meet my unborn kid. Where's Carson's office?" Negan asked, his voice threatening and still impatient. Gregory simply nodded his head and lead the way to Carson's office.
Negan shooed Gregory away as soon as we got there, leaving me and Negan alone. I was undeniably excited as I knew we were here to get a sonogram and hopefully discover the sex of the baby.
The doctor walked in, sharing similar features with the Dr. Carson back at the Sanctuary, but admittedly younger looking. He saw Negan and I noticed the fear that crept onto his face, but he quickly regained composure.
"May I help you?" He asked, only glancing at me as I knew he felt he needed to only speak to Negan. Negan took Lucille off his shoulder and put his hand on the small of my back, guiding me further into the room.
"We need a checkup." Negan told Carson. Carson only nodded his head and guided us through his office and into a room that had his medical equipment. I was surprised to see they had scavenged such expensive and heavy equipment and that they were even able to use it.
I laid down on the green, bed-like chair and lifted my shirt, remembering the procedure like yesterday. Memories of my previous doctor visits crowded my mind, but I quickly pushed them away as I felt myself tearing up.
Negan pulled up a chair beside me and sat down, intently watching the screen as Carson moved the wand. It made my heart break as I watched Negan stare at the screen, but it healed it at the same time. He watched the screen like nothing else was going on, like nothing else mattered.
"Your baby is doing great, there are no problems and it's as healthy as can be. Would you like to know the sex?" Carson asked, looking down at me. I turned to Negan and he nodded. "Congratulations, you're having a baby boy."
I watched Negan as he told us the sex of the baby, his eyes grew soft and they flickered with happiness.
"I'll give you guys a few minutes." Carson left, closing the door behind him. I used a rag to wipe off the gel from my stomach and sat up, pulling my shirt down. I let my legs dangle off the end of the chair and just stared at Negan.
NEGAN
I sat in the chair, feeling too excited to move. I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream, I wanted to let the world know that I was having a son. The feelings that I had were unfamiliar, but they felt amazing. I could feel energy coursing through me, the adrenaline of excitement overwhelming me.
I looked over to y/n, her short, brown hair framing her glowing face. She stared at me, her sunken, beautiful gray eyes boring into me, as if she were trying to see what I was thinking.
I didn't know how to act around her. For some ungodly reason, I wanted to give her everything, I wanted to give her the fucking world. I want to be next to her, I want to raise our son together, I want to be the man she deserves, but how? How was I supposed to treat her like a queen, but uphold my reputation as a fearless leader?
She made me weak, and she made me strong. She made my heart stop, and she made it race. She made me feel. And I didn't know how to feel about that. I wanted it to stop, but it made me want her more. And suddenly, I realized.
Y/N
"Negan?" I asked, waving my arm in front of his face, trying to catch his attention. He had been spaced out for the past five minutes, but he suddenly moved, his eyes meeting mine.
I slid off the bed-like chair and struggled to keep my balance. Negan caught my arm and helped me maintain it as he stood.
"You alright?" He asked, keeping ahold of my elbow until I regained balance.
I nodded my head, "Yeah, I'm fine. Where's the bathroom?" I asked, feeling the pressure the baby was exerting on my bladder grow. He showed me to the bathroom, still hanging onto my elbow.
"I'll be outside." He told me, letting go of my arm after I told him I was fine. I walked down the hall towards the bathroom as fast as I could, immediately collapsing onto the toilet.
As I walked out of the bathroom, I collided into another figure. I looked up and recognized Maggie, alive. Tears begged to fall as they flooded my eyes and she embraced me.
"I thought you were dead." I cried, hugging her tightly.
"It was just to keep Negan off my trail," She said, pulling away and taking a long look at me. "y/n, you're pregnant?"
I nodded my head, running my hands over my stomach and smiling, "It's a boy." The tears that begged to fall, finally had.
"Is Negan the father?" She asked, brushing away my tears and looking at me sadly. I smiled again and nodded, "y/n, I'm so sorry."
"No, Maggie it's not like that, I-," I took her hands and looked down at them before catching her eyes. "I love him."