“Good morning, Mr. St James,” he said. “Rachel, this is Jesse St James, a senior and the male lead of Vocal Adrenaline. He will be your guide around campus for the next few weeks.”
“We’ve met,” Jesse said. Rachel finally turned around to look at him, her face as pale as paper. He was looking down at her, his green eyes gleaming and his mouth curved up to one side in a grin. Rachel felt a thousand emotions flowing through her: anger, sadness, panic, heartbreak, and, even though she wasn’t happy to admit it, she felt a twinge of excitement. Jesse had been her first real(ish) boyfriend and her first (very) real heartbreak. It took more than the few months since she’d last seen him to get over feelings like that.
“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Principal Howard exclaimed. “It will be much easier for you to adjust already knowing someone here.”
It took Rachel a second to regain her composure. She had come too far, disappointed too many people on her road to freedom to let someone like Jesse ruin it. She forced the smile back onto her face and nodded, afraid that if she tried to respond verbally her voice would give away the screaming in her head.
“Well, there’s still twenty minutes before first period,” Jesse said, his smooth voice like nails on a chalkboard in Rachel’s ears. “Why don’t I show Rachel around a bit?”
The last thing Rachel wanted to do was walk around campus with her ex-boyfriend and act like everything was fine, but staying in Principal Howard’s office waiting for the ticking time bomb that was the tension between her and Jesse to explode was a close second.
“That’s a great idea!” she said, her voice an octave higher than usual. She sprung up from the plush chair and stuck out her hand to Principal Howard. “Thank you for you help, Mr. Howard.”
“Of course,” he said, shaking her hand. His palm was rough and it matched his voice. “Come see me if you have any questions.”
Rachel barely waited long enough to nod in his direction before rushing out of the office and making her way to the parking lot. She didn’t bother to look behind her to see if Jesse was following her; she knew that he would be.
Striding back into the early January air sent a shiver down Rachel’s spine. She took a few steps before turning, and sure enough, Jesse was right behind her.
“What the hell?” she said. “Aren’t you supposed to be at the University of Los Angeles?”
“I flunked every class in the first semester,” he said, taking a step forward. Rachel immediately took a step back, almost stumbling over herself. “I didn’t learn anything in high school. I never went to any of my classes; the only thing I did was show choir. I came back to actually get an education.”
Rachel didn’t know what to say. She had been so ready to throw accusations and angry insults at him, but the look of shame on his face kept the words in her mouth. Rachel wasn’t a mean person; she didn’t care what he did to her, she wasn’t about to add insult to his injury. There was a long pause before a small smile began to form on Jesse’s lips.
“It’s good to see you again, Rachel,” he said. “I’ve really missed you.”
“Don’t,” she said, her heart twisting painfully in her chest. “You’re not allowed to miss me. Not after what you did.”
His smirk fell, and his playful expression turned into one of deep regret and pain. “Rachel, I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you, and I don’t expect you to, either,” he said. “I’ve done a lot of awful things in my life, but what I did in that parking lot was by far the worst. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret crushing that egg on your forehead. If it takes the rest of my life, I will make it up to you.”
“I...I just…” Rachel groped for the right words. “I don’t know, Jesse. You humiliated me in front of your whole team. You broke my heart. You made me think that you actually had feelings for me, and that wasn’t fair-”
“You think I didn’t actually care about you?” he asked as if it was the most ridiculous concept he had ever heard.
“Well, it sure didn’t seem that way when you were making an omelet on my face,” she said, the memory making her cringe.
“Rachel, I love you,” he said, his eyes boring into hers. He took a step towards her again, but this time she was too shocked to move back. He had used present tense.
“You...you love me?” she said, the words barely a whisper.
“Of course I do.” He reached out for her, putting his hand on her shoulder. Rachel winced at his touch as if it burned. “I hadn’t realized how deep my feelings were for you until it was too late.”
Rachel couldn’t help herself; she started to laugh. It was the most absurd thing in the world. Here was this handsome boy, standing in front of her and pouring his heart out, and she felt the need to laugh. A second ago she had felt like crying, which she had far exceeded her quota of in the past week, but that last line was just too much.
“I’m sorry,” Rachel said between giggles. This clearly wasn’t the reaction Jesse had been expecting. He was staring at her, looking bewildered. “This is just the most cliche thing that could’ve happened to me today. I transfer to a new school, only to find out that my ex-boyfriend, who should’ve graduated last year, is here, and instead of avoiding me like any normal ex-boyfriend would, he offers to show me around campus. And now, here he is, standing in front of me and professing his undying love for me. Excuse me, but can you tell me when I walked onto the set of one of my dad’s soap operas?” Rachel’s laughing turned hysterical.
Jesse continued to stare at her with complete disbelief. “Is this a joke to you, Rachel?”
“Well, call me crazy, but I find it hard to believe that you don’t have an ulterior motive here,” she said. “If my past experiences with you have taught me anything, it’s that you are not to be trusted. And this is all just too dramatic to be real. Let me ask, did you write this script yourself, or did one of your Vocal Adrenaline buddies write it for you?”
“Rachel, I’m being serious,” he said. His eyes darkened by about ten shades and looked on hers; his voice dropped dangerously low. For a terrible moment, Rachel actually believed him.
Breaking out of his temporary trance, Rachel scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. He put his hands on her shoulders and drew her close until she was just inches from his face. She tried to back away, but his grip was like iron.
“Rachel,” he repeated. “I’m being serious.”
Rachel felt her composure slipping again. He couldn’t mean it. Could he? No, he had treated her so terribly before. You don’t crush an egg on your loved one’s face. Rachel had to admit, his acting was convincing, but she wasn’t going to fall into his trap again.
“Nice try,” she said, ripping her arms from his grip and backing away from him. “But you aren’t going to trick me this time. You know, it’s funny how falling for someone who was only playing you the whole time can change a girl. No more desperation for male acceptance, thanks to you.”
Rachel knew that she wasn’t being one hundred percent honest; she hung all over Finn while they were dating and even after they broke up. It’s humiliating just to think about, and she knows that she must’ve looked like the most pathetic person on the planet.
“Rachel, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for everything I did, it was awful and unacceptable and I don’t blame you for not believing me, but I mean what I’m saying. I’m not-”
“Just stop,” Rachel said, closing her eyes and putting her hands up to silence him. “Let’s not talk about this. If I could, I would just avoid you for the rest of the year, but since you’re in Vocal Adrenaline, I can’t. It looks like we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, and I’d like it if we could just...not be awkward about it. We can start fresh, or at least pretend to. It’s going to be difficult to hate you if I’m always around you, but I think I can pull it off.”
“You’re joining Vocal Adrenaline?” he said, his voice lifting and his face brightening.
“Well, if they think I’m good enough. The competition is tough and….” She hadn’t told anybody, but Rachel had been doubting herself and her talent a lot lately. Maybe it was losing Finn to Quinn again; maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t gotten a solo at Sectionals, or a solo in the choir room in over a week, for that matter. Rachel had never been anything but confident in her star-power qualities. Everything was changing in her life, like someone had flipped a switch, and now she was in the dark. Lost in her own sudden inner torment, Rachel forgot she had company before his voice broke through her reverie.
“Are you kidding? Or course they’ll let you join!” he exclaimed. “They’d be idiots not to. You’re the most talented person I know.”
“Besides yourself of course.” A small smile played at Rachel’s lips, before she remembered that she is supposed to be upset with him. He was just too damn charming, with those soft green eyes and the way his cheeks dimple when he smiles. His adorableness was actually quite infuriating.
“Of course,” he said, his eyes full of humor and a huge grin plastered on his face. His bright smile truly was dazzling. God, he was annoying.
Rachel rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help the smile that broke out on her face.
Jesse’s eyebrows furrowed, and his face suddenly went from bright and excited to worried.
“What happened to your face?” His eyes locked on the cut on Rachel’s cheek. They flicker down to her bruised jaw and his expression becomes panicked. “Are you okay? Did someone hit you?”
“I’m fine.” Rachel’s hand flew up to cover her cut. “I just...fell.”
The excuse sounded lame, even to herself. Rachel didn’t know why she was lying. She supposed that it was because she didn’t want him to know that she was running from her demons instead of facing them. It was embarrassing. Finn’s face, disappointment and hurt carved into every inch, flashed in her mind, and the knife lodged in her chest twisted painfully.
Jesse raised his eyebrows, clearly not buying the story Rachel was telling. He didn’t push it, though.
“Okay, then,” he said, sighing. He forced a smile, sensing how uncomfortable Rachel was. “Well, I promised to show you around, didn’t I? Let’s go, before the bell rings.”
He offered Rachel his arm, but she walked right by him into the building. His smile faltered momentarily, but he keeps up his cheery expression as he follows her inside.