Trigger Warning : Self Harm
Gwen's POV :
*beep... beep... beep... *
"Fuck.." I groaned, rolling over to silence my screaming alarm clock. It was 7 am, and time to get ready for work. I had to get up early because Trevor would be irate if I didn't make breakfast. He always needed something. I wish I had the courage to stand up to him. But he always took away what little I had...
I grabbed the skillet, cracked a few eggs, and just stared as they sizzled. I was 19, and i felt like a slave.
"Babe." my consentration was broken. Trevor walked out in his underwear. Yeah, he was attractive. But I couldn't stand looking at him, anymore.
"Yes?" I responded, not wanting to talk at that moment.
"Who is Andi. " It felt like more of a demand than a question.
"My cousin." I looked back down at the breakfast I was preparing. The oil popped in the pan and hit my skin, but I didn't even wince.
He advanced on me so quickly, I didn't have time to get out of the way. He pinned me against the fridge. "Don't you dare fucking lie to me." His hand had moved to my throat. I knew what was coming. But, I also knew there was nothing I could do to stop it. He made up his mind.
"You know who she is..." I stammered. He still thought that alex was some dude i was cheating on him with, though. He hit me in the ribs. I heard a sickening noise. Bones cracking. I let out a yelp. "Shut up. Just shut the fuck up!" He screamed in my face. "You have to go out and be a little fucking whore. You made me do this. You'e the reason your parents didn't love you. You drove them apart. I'm the only one who loves you, now. No one else will ever love you, you fat sack of shit." He threw me to the floor.
I tried to get up but winced. I was crying now, watching him walk away. Maybe he was right. I took a deep breath, instantly regreting it. Every breath was agony. I heard his foot steps coming back into the room. I wanted to die...
"Shit" I woke up to a thud. Someone had fallen out of their bunk. I sat up in my own, not really concerned about them, right now. Why do I have to keep remembering this stuff. My life sucked, yeah. But i don't want to have to think about it. I'm starting a new one. Why can't I forget my old? My chest began to tighten, and my breaths became short. Panic set over me. I quickly climbed out of my bunk and ran to the bathroom before it set in.
I locked the door behind me and climbed into the shower, sliding the glass door shut, but not turning it on. I curled into a ball, feeling the pain wash over me. I began to cry, but I held back screams. Why can't I just be okay?? I was getting warm. I ripped off the sweater that was concealing my small frame. And I saw them. A small portion of my arm where I battled my demons. I had been doing better, and they were all mostly scars, now. But they seemed so inviting... Thinking about them helped my panic subside. I sat up, just staring. I knew I shouldn't. But it's so calming. It's the only thing I have control over, somethimes... I knew there were hair scissors tucked away in the top right drawer. I went for retrieved them and sat back in the shower.
"I shoudln't... " I whispered to myself. It was too late, though. I felt the blade penetrate my flesh. More tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt worthless. I cut another line. "Pathetic." I whispered. I don't deserve this tour. I don't deserve their kindness. This whole thing feels like a big joke. I was so excited before, but now? Now, I don't know...
I was lost in my own dark thoughts when a gentle knock pulled me out.
"Hello?" I stammered. I wasn't expecting anyone to be up. My rm was warm. There were only three fresh lines. What a fucking idiot...
"Gwen? Are you okay?" It was Jake. "I heard you get up a while ago. But you never came back. I got up to check and I heard you crying. Are you okay." He seemed genuinely concerned.
"Yeah." I couldn't make myself say anything more.
"Are you sure? Do you want me to just sit with you for a little bit?" His voice was gentle. I couldn't send him away... I don't know why. I just couldn't.
"If it will make you feel better, you can sit with me." I turned it around on him, just to seem like I was okay. I don't think it worked. I pulled my baggy black sweater back over my head and unlocked the door. He opened it slowly, and shut it again, making sure to be as quiet as possible.
He stared intently at my face, studying it for a few seconds before commenting, "You lied. What's going on..." He gently brushed away a tear. I didn't even think about the puffiness of my eyes. It was a dead give away.
"Nothing." I whispered. "Just a bad dream."
"That must have been some dream." He just stared at me. I knwe he didn't know whawt to say. I didn't expect him to have anything. I didn't ask him to be here. But he was... I sat back down in the shower and just stared at the wall. He followed suit, sitting next to me. Then, I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me close to his chest. He turned me to face him, my legs ending up around his waist, my face burried in his strong, soft shoulder. "Tell me about it..." He whispered into my hair.
"I.. I don't know where to start." I sighed. He's here, and I owe him this much for trying. "I. I've been having bad dreams. Memories, really. They're insanely vivid. My life has ben the farthest thing from perfect. I was with this guy in highschool. We stayed together until I was 20. He was... Well." I didn't know what to say. "He hurt me. A lot. And it didn't even phase him. It was awful..." I began to cry again. I have never opened up about this. Why was I doing it now?? Why did it even matter?
"It's alright," He cooed. "It's over now. Whatever happened, it's over. You're here, and I'm here. And you're safe." He let me sit there, burrowed into him for a little while longer before speaking again. "Look at me," he said, gathering my hands in his and looking me in the eyes. "You will be okay. He can't get you here. And, if he ever finds you and tries, you're surrounded by people who will kick is ass." He smiled. All of a sudded, his smile faded. He looked down to where my hands rested in his. That's when I noticed there was blood on his hand. "What happened..." He looked me dead in the eyes. "Why are you bleeding."
I didn't answer. He leaned back and raised my arm. He looked at me like he was giving me one more chance to answer before he revealed the truth that we both knew.