*There's something in the atmosphere, a billion stars never felt so clear*
Soft skin placed against dark lace--her pale skin in high contrast to the fabric. She's no longer tan as she'd been as a child. No, now she's pale enough it seems the sun never touched her face. Light blush is applied to her face high up on her cheekbones, lipstick pressed up against her lips. Why does this always take so damn long?Rigid, she sits, calming her mind with the knowledge that she'll get her drugs soon. Soon.Mascara is applied carefully, along with dark eye shadow that feels heavy on her eyelids.
"There. Perfect." He finishes up with her eye shadow, giving her a look with no smiles. "You look great. Perfect," he reiterates himself, though she doubts he notices it. What a liar, she thinks. Neither correct it. The man knows the truth as well as she does. She nods, her voice hoarse from the other night. I'll have to force my words out today.
"Here."
A small pill is placed into her hand. A small cup of water placed into the other. She swallows the water and then the pill.
"It's pretty heavy, though. Careful, Tyler, you may get addicted one of these days," the woman adds, glancing over to the guy then back to Tyler. A humorous look passes over her face, letting Tyler know that she's only joking around.
"Yeah." A hoarse voice, like she suspected, sounds from her. Absentmindedly, she licks her teeth, hating how slimy they feel. Her hair is just as bad. Underneath the pretty makeup, her face is still filthy, no part of her right and clean. Tyler doubts that anyone would notice though, not with the lighting. Dark enough to be hard to recognize anyone clearly, and yet light enough to see everything they'd want to see. "How long?"
"Long night?" the woman who handed her the water asks, shaking her head slightly. "Two minutes until start. You know what to do?" Though she's asking, it's not a question. No reply is given, either. "Good luck." No actual luck is meant. There's never luck involved.
Only five people are in the living room, but it feels like thousands to her. The woman's actually an old friend, Suzy; the man her brother's best friend, Tristen. Only three people remain: her brother, the girl she'll be stripping with, and herself.
"Tyler! You and Alise get on the couch," her brother instructs, his voice a harsh bark. The two girls follow his instructions, both placing smiles on their faces. Tyler closes her eyes and picks up a book, starting to thumb through the pages. Someone throws glasses at her. She puts them on without even having to think about it. The other girl is painting her toe nails, as natural as she can be.
Perfectly calm. Perfectly normal.
"Action!" her brother shouts, clicking his camera on. Tyler pretends to read, acting completely engaged as the other girl slowly starts to remove clothing, acting like the room is too hot to stand. She keeps her bra and shorts on, starting to yawn a bit, mocking boredom as she picks up a dirty magazine and flicks through it, stopping and looking at various pictures of naked women in compromising positions. Her tongue lightly snakes out of her mouth, wetting her lips several times. A yawn stretches from her lips, covering a fake moan.
"Tired?" Tyler asks, glancing over. She stares for a moment, before setting down the book. Swallowing, as if engaged by the lack of clothing, Tyler glances around the room, playing the perfect model of someone who's thinking dirty thoughts about someone they're not supposed to. As she does this, her cheeks blush, and Tyler can't help but wonder how much of it is really true.
"No, just hot."
"As always." So casual, the conversation. So...everyday.What starts to happen isn't everyday though, and soon enough both girls are well into the act. Their tongues dance in each others mouth, the two holding each other close. Tyler runs her hands sensually through Alise's hair, each strand silky and soft. Each moment seems to build and build as they both moan.
All an act, yet it feels so real to her. For a moment, everything is real. Then, Tyler remembers that it's all fake. She remembers that she's supposed to make this go a little faster. That it's not supposed to be this...fun.
With that knowledge, Tyler presses her under Alise's bra. She looks at the other girl, blushing, then continues. Clothing slowly gets peeled away. Her mind goes blank, everything slowly disappearing. Her body loses all feeling, yet she's moaning and calling out as if it does. By the time break is called they're both sweating, clothing strung all throughout the room with little care. The couch has several wet spots, though neither girl will talk about it later. They never do.
Once finished with picking up the clothes, Tyler leaves the couch, not even bothering with putting on anything. Her brother follows her, a sly grin on his face as he smacks her ass. "Great job," he congratulates her, his voice near as smug as his face. "Alise really seemed to enjoy you. You two will do this more often, okay? Popular girl, nerdy girl! People eat it up-never as much as you do, though." He laughs as if in good humor. Tyler keeps her mouth shut tightly. "Aw, what's wrong, Tyler? Why the sour pussy?"
"Don," she whispers through her teeth, eyes set in a grim line. "I'm tired. Let me rest." His joking face turns to stone, and he grips her right arm tightly. "Please, brother?" Tyler puts her voice the sweetest it can be, trying her hardest not to think about what could happen if she disobeyed him. He's her brother, she's supposed to adore him. He's supposed to care for her.
Tyler can't help but feel like she's betrayed him every time she asks for a break, like she's going to hurt his business somehow. But after not sleeping for so long weariness has taken her over, and she knows that if she doesn't get rest soon she won't be able to act at all--even for the simple scenes.
"Tyler..." Despite his grip, and his look, he sounds completely rational, "you had a break last night. Mom and dad don't get back until next week. You're getting a dollar an hour per bought video, can't you get a few more shots in?" His voice starts to sound sweeter, more kind. "Could you possibly? For me?" Dollar an hour...two percent. More than before.
It's poised as a question, but there's no way he'd let her say no. Slowly, Tyler nods, wishing that she could close her eyes forever and escape all this. "Yes, brother."
"Good job, now, I'll get you a glass of water. Get back on the couch with Alise, I think we need to do a few more shots before releasing this video. Couple edits, and it'll all look nice." He pats her shoulder, before letting go of her and going to get some water from the sink. Sighing softly to herself, Tyler walks back to the couch, helping the darker skinned girl clean up the mess. Alise doesn't look her in the eye, and Tyler knows that she's having as much 'fun' as herself. It doesn't matter though, both are in this business for the money.
I shouldn't like this, Tyler thinks to herself. At the same time, she knows she's supposed to like it. She's made for this. Women are sexual, expressing themselves because they have to. I'm supposed to be sexual, so I am. I do this. It's a good thing.Yet, even thinking that, the feeling that it's something wrong hits her hard.
Don comes back with two glasses of water, one for her and the other for Alise. Both of them gladly drink it up.
"See? Isn't that better. Gotta keep you two hydrated, otherwise you'll get sick. Wouldn't want that."
"Thanks, Don." Alise tells him, batting her eyelashes before taking another long, slow drink of her water. Tyler simply nods, downing the rest of the glass and enjoying the feel of cool, fresh liquid rushing down her throat, easing the roughness, if only for a moment. She lives for the rare times like this, when her brother's in a good mood and he's doing what he can to take care of them. If Alise and her do a good job, she knows he'll probably order a pizza or something, good food for once. Perhaps they'll even get the rest of the night off. The thought alone brings a smile to her face.
"Alright, now hurry up!" Don's voice starts to get excited, as it always does. It surprises Tyler that she hasn't looked up before to find him with his hands in his pants, rather, Don's professional about how he views them. At least she can respect that. "We don't have long before it's seven, and I'd like to be able to watch the game tonight!"
The two girls laugh a bit, quickly finishing the rest of their drinks. Don's friend takes their glasses, giving each girl a kind smile. "Good luck," he tells them. They nod. Once again, she can't help but think to herself that they only lie about luck. It doesn't exist. You do things, something happens or it doesn't. Nothing changes that.
"Ready?" Alise asks Tyler softly, her voice shy and reserved before the camera starts. Tyler shrugs, but gives the girl a half-smile, trying to think of something good to say about the situation.
"Sure. You?"
Alise smiles a little more, "Yeah. You're not half bad, you know." She nods, tilting her head towards Tyler's body. Tyler nods as well, but doesn't say anything. She's used to the comments. Besides, her brother's already settling down in his chair with the camera, there's no use saying anything else.
Both girls start to wrap each other up, already used to second scenes. It's all simple, and Tyler knows the routine well. Get in the most vulnerable position possible, and exploit the other(s) as long as possible, or until time is called.Even before Don is shouting "Action!" again they're in position, moaning and touching each other like they're supposed to.
For the next thirty minutes they do everything to the extreme, even going so far as to cause each other to look like they're tipping off the edge. Tyler plays her part as well as she can, and despite everything that's going on, she feels like a real actor in these moments. Taking in second shots, doing things over and over until they're perfect, going so into the role that she can hardly remember her own name. Only her exhaustion causes her to keep herself going.
"Cut! That's looking good, girls!"
He laughs a bit, giving them a thumbs up. Tyler can't help but look at her brother for a moment, wondering how he can look so innocent, his dimples pressed firmly into his cheeks. She's always found it strange how different they look from one another, but there's no chance that their parents are anything but the same. His blonde hair comes from their mom, his blue eyes from his grandfather. His dimples are still a mystery though, and every time he actually smiles Tyler can't help but feel the want to smile as well, loving her brother despite everything.
"We done for tonight?" Alise asks, her voice carrying the last remains of the louder, brasher voice it had before. Tyler can't help but tear her gaze from Don to look at her, feeling as if she's stuck in honey.
"Yeah, just 'bout." Don calls back, giving his friend the thumbs up. "It shouldn't take Tristen too long to fix these videos up, and then we can upload and call it a night, girls!"
Everyone raises a hand, calling out a weak cheer to one another. Alise giggles, and Tyler finds herself doing the same, a buzz in the atmosphere.
"Suzy, could you help me find a towel?" Tyler asks the woman who helped her earlier. Suzy jumps up, brushing long strands of yellow hair out of her face. The short walk to the closet is quick, and soon enough Suzy is pulling open the door and grabbing one of the soft colored strips of cloth inside.
"Here," Suzy tells her, pressing the rough towel into her outstretched hand. "Don't use up all the hot water before Alise can get a bath."
"I won't," she assures her, yawning a bit.
Tyler quickly walks into the shower, tired and feeling the overwhelming urge to go to sleep right there and then. But she can't, and she knows it. "La..." A song forms on her lips as she steps into the shower, hanging up the towel on a rack before turning on the water and closing the glass door so the water doesn't escape. It hits her skin like a bullet, and she quickly lets out a gasp before turning it to hot. She doesn't think about anything, grabbing a shampoo bottle off of the floor and quickly pouring some out into her hands, starting to lather up her hair while she hums random notes. Her entire body moves with her as she pushes against the skin at her scalp, loving the feel of hands in her hair. All her life she's been obsessed with her hair, with how it reaches near her waist. The harsh feeling of her dark, dark brown hair reminded her of dead grass, but it's smooth and silky underneath the water. Tyler can feel every strand of hair, so perfect, for one moment.
She's always known herself to be sexy. It's a common thing. She's got a nice face, easily washable and makeup looks natural on it. She's got a nice body, all the right curves and a nearly flat stomach. But that's never really hit her, it's always been understood.
In this moment though, while she's in the shower, combing through her hair with eyes firmly pressed closed, Tyler feels beautiful.
The sensation never lasts long, always ending moments after, but for this moment...she captures the feeling, and holds it into her heart. Then, she shuts off the hot water, leaving only cold water to brush away all the dirt from her skin. Keeping her hair out, covering her face, she begins to violently scrub at her body with a loofah sponge and the soap. It's harsh, leaving her skin red, but the feeling is something she's come to enjoy.
The feeling of being new, if only for a moment.
Her face is the last part of her she washes, and Tyler makes sure not to miss a single bit of it. Her lips quickly turn a harsh red, and her eyes seem to bleed black as she washes the heavy makeup off of her. Feeling completely clean and rinsed, not to mention cold, she finally turns off the water and slides open the door.
A rush of cold air swings up to her, mingling with her already frozen body as she reaches over for her towel, eyes still closed. The towel is rough on her skin, but she loves the feeling of it. Everything, the sensation, it wraps up her body and makes her feel alive again.
"Hurry up, Tyler! Pizza's here!" Tristen knocks on the door, his voice soothing to her ears.
"Alright! I'll be out in a moment!" Tyler calls back to him, laughing a bit at herself. She throws on her bra and underwear before hurriedly pulling on her white nightgown, sleep wear that she's always left in the corner. "What type?"
The door closes behind her, and Tyler can't help but look over the house again, losing the feeling of newness and wholeness she had moments before. The house is the same as always, never-changing, never moving.
"Meat lovers. Eat up!" A slice is passed to her, and her stomach growls in response to the food. Shrugging her skinny shoulders, Tyler takes a bite, knowing to enjoy the food when she gets it. "Finished the video a few moments ago, looks pretty good. Great job, Tyler."
She nods, giving him a little half-smile and slapping his outstretched hand with hers. "Sounds pretty good."
"Yeah. Look, I've gotta go meet up with my girl, but I'll see you later, okay?" Nodding, she watches as he leaves. Don is in the corner, making out with Alise, and Suzy sits watching TV on the couch. The pizza feels hot against her hands, her entire body heating and getting cold all at the same time as she takes bite after bite, until the slice is gone. Though she wishes she could have more, Tyler knows she can't eat too much.
So, instead, she goes to the kitchen, sitting down in one of the chairs and taking out some pills from the dark orange bottle that lies there. Popping them all at once, she takes a large drink out of the closet cup of water next to her, not really caring who's it is. As the familiar signs of high start to take over her body, she starts to forget so much about what's going on, how everything is. She stops thinking of her family, her job, her life. Nothing means anything to her anymore, though she knows that tomorrow she'll hate thinking it.
Like always.