Before I entered the shower I turned on the radio. Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars erupted from the speakers. The first strums of the guitar set my pace for the walk to the shower.
I let the water cascade over my hand. The icy water stung but soon started to numb. When the sharp drops touched my body it shuddered.
The pain subsided after a few minutes. I cup my hands under the shower head making some of the water collect in my palms. Right before it ran over my fingers I pulled my hands apart. All the pooled waters made a smacking noise against the wet tiles.
After that I got out. I didn't feel like washing my hair.
When it gets to a part I know I sing along
"Those three words are said to much, or not enough."
The song should've been over by now but it still vibrates through my speakers.
If I just lay here, would you li-
My fingers flip off the song. I didn't want to listen to the bitter sweet lyrics anymore, they made me think about the boy. Harry.
I met my eyes in the mirror, all I wanted was to see green. His green, the only color that can describe his irises. I saw no green just brown, my eyes not Harry's.
****
I've been dressed for about two seconds when my eyes catch my alarm clock. The blue numbers read 4:56. My appointment is in four minutes. Shit.
By the time I brush my teeth and attempted to do my makeup it was 5:04.
I was already late so I decided not to rush.
The walk to Dr. Greens apartment was a short one. I pass the houses and mail bed I always do. Surnames and numbers shrink as walk away from them.
The door is blue but has a slate name plate with gold letters Everett Green. He opens the door before I knock.
"Why are you late Cassandra?" His blue eyes search mine. He's the only person I let call me that.
I shrug and shift my eyes down to the welcome mat. He will be able to tell I have something to talk about. I want to tell him about the boy, but I also don't. If I tell him he will make me think more in depth about the boy and I don't think I can handle it.
Now that I know his name I should probably call him Harry. It's rude calling him boy over and over even when I was calling him a boy I should've been calling him a man. His eyes had the experience of a man but all I could see in his face was a boy.
"Have a lot to talk about?" He asks as he leads me to his office.
"I don't know if I want to talk about it today." I say quietly taking my usual seat on his soft brown leather couch.
The couch was only one of the few items in his office that wasn't blue. During my first appointment with him he explained how he loves blue and how everyone wanted him to have green as his favorite color because of his name. So he rebelled, he only wears blue shirts and socks, all of his walls are a shade of blue and Dr.Green even put blue carpet in his office and living room.
Dr. Green was my third psychologist. I've been coming to him for almost 7 years. The two I went to before him didn't make me feel the he does. They didn't really care about what I would've said to them, so I didn't speak at all. His blue eyes reflect his character, they are clear and sparkly near the outer parts of his iris but if you study them carefully you can see the dark almost black blue by his pupil. He understands.
I start of by telling Dr. Green about the garbage and crow I saw on my walk. He asks what they mean to me and why I told him about it.
A few minutes go by before I answer. "I feel they are under appreciated, I guess."
"Do you feel under appreciated?"
"I feel..." I couldn't continue my sentence no feeling could come to mind.
"Nothing." My voice sounded tired.
Dr. Green doesn't say anything for a while.
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