"Well, I usually top but I'll let you top. I'm a switch. Whatever makes you comfortable." He smiled and kissed his nose and then lips.
"No." Phil said softly "I want you to take me, I trust you Alex." Phil explained as he began to avert his attention to on of Alex's buttons on the top of his polo neck shirt
"You sure you don't wanna after out dinner? Right now?" Alex asked gently. He didn't want Phil to rush. He wanted to be a 100% sure Phil was okay with this.
"You're too sweet for your own good you know that right?" Phil said with a sweet laugh "what did I do to deserve a guy like you?" Phil asked "but does this answer your question?" Phil said with a cheeky smile, spinning himself around, his back against the wall as he pulled Alex down to kiss him but the collar of his shirt
Alex gave in as he kissed Phil more dominantly. He groaned as he took Phil's arms and pinned them against the wall as he kissed him. "I'm gonna make you scream, Lester." He mumbled against his lips as he slowly began grinding their cocks together.
Something inside Phil squirmed, his head screaming no but he didn't care, he knew he wanted Alex "oh really?" Phil asked sceptically raising an eyebrow, pulling away of from the kiss "prove it to me Collins."
"You're gonna see. I'll make you feel so good." Alex grinned as he pecked his lips before grabbing Phil thighs, Phil jumped slightly to help with the lift as Alex began carrying him to the bedroom.
Phil kissed Alex more needy than before, he just wanted this whole thing to be over with, from the preparation he did this morning he should be all set for Alex and they'll have finally done it, 'maybe then he won't feel as uncomfortable' Phil thought, but was soon broken off by feeling his back being placed onto the bed swiftly
Alex got on top of him and kissed down his neck. But for some reason Phil wasn't moaning as much as from all the times Alex had sucked hickeys onto him. He pulled up and frowned as he cupped his cheek, "You sure you wanna do this?"
"Please keep going." Phil said with a desperate, breathy voice, trying to desperately reconnect his lips with Alex's and stop the small talk
"Phil, something's wrong and you're not telling me." Alex said as he shook his head and pulled away before Phil could kiss him.
"No Alex please I'm fine please." Phil begged trying to stop him self from crying, he needed someone to touch him to stop his mind running
"No, phil." Alex shook his head and got off him, buttoning his shirt back up, and attempting to fix his tousled hair.
Phil chest was now noticeably moving quicker, he moved his hands to cover his face as he felt tears prick his eyes as he swallowed deeply
Alex turned around and saw Phil covering his face. "Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" He said gently and sat down next to him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.
Phil quickly wiped his eyes as he removed his hands "I'm fine please Alex I want you so badly." Phil said trying desperately to let this happen. He needed to, he couldn't not let this happen
"You shouldn't feel pressured, Phil. I do want you. But I don't want you to do anything you regret. Even if you have the slightest doubt, I don't wanna do anything." He reassured Phil as he rubbed up and down his arm.
"I don't Alex, please I really want you." Phil said as he tried to straddle his legs either side of Alex
"Phil, youre acting weird." Alex mumbled and looked down, letting Phil straddle him, not wanting to push him away and appear hostile
Phil placed his hands on Alex's chest, his head facing down as he clenched his eyes shut trying to hold back the tears, his chest still rising and falling heavily. Phil tried to roll his hips against Alex, but as soon as the friction was there he felt the tears begin to fall
"P-Please stop, this isnt you." Alex swallowed thickly as he screwed his eyes shut. He didn't like this at all. He was the one now feeling uncomfortable. This wasn't the Phil he loved.
"I'm sorry." Phil broke down completely, his guards breaking as he swiftly moved off of Alex and headed towards the bathroom as quickly as he could before he let Alex see his tears
"Phil! Stop!" Alex immediately ran after him. He pushed into the bathroom before Phil could close the door and immediately wrapped his arms tightly around him, letting Phil cry into his chest.
Phil clung onto the security of someone's touch as he sobbed, "I'm sorry Alex, I'm so sorry." Phil cried almost inaudibly
"Shh, it's okay, I'm not mad at you." Alex cooed as he held him protectively like he had countless times before.
"I don't know why I'm like this?" Phil asked himself "I'm sorry I love you." Phil said a she calmed down his tears to light hiccups
"It's okay, I love you even more." He said as he wiped his tears and kissed his cheeks. "Come on, now tell me what's wrong?"
"I probably look so bad right now." Phil said laughing lightly as he met Alex's eyes, "I don't know what's wrong, I don't know why I but I felt so- so - I don't know?" Phil said confused
"It's alright, it's your first time with a guy. I understand." Alex smiled gently and cupped his cheek. "You don't have to feel like you need to have sex with me, okay? I promise it's alright. Please tell me when you feel like anythings wrong, okay?"
"But Alex it's not that I don't want to have sex with you, I mean I really want to but there's just something that's making me feel so insecure? I think that might be it?" Phil said letting out a shaky breath
"What's making you insecure?" He asked gently. He led Phil outside so they could sit on the couch and talk.
"I don't know." Phil said sighing heavily "it can't even be that I don't trust you or anything because I trust you with the world."
"It's okay, we'll figure it out, till then we can just cuddle and kiss, okay?" Alex smiled and hugged him close as they were lay on the couch
"Please." Phil said with a sleepy tone, wrapping his leg so that it was on top of Alex's torso
Alex smiled and pulled phil close against him, kissing his head as he held him close. He shut his eyes too and rubbed up and down his back gently.
Phil flicked his head up to check Alex was asleep before smiling softly "what did I do to deserve you?" Phil asked softly, going to stroke Alex's cheek before moving his hand away and placing his head back down
The next day, Dan was feeling a lot better in the hospital. He felt nice and he could actually talk after some water. And his doctor's had said Dan could finally have his first meal. But, dan insisted that they wait for Phil to get here first. He wanted to show Phil how much better he'd gotten! But for some reason, phil didn't show up. It was visiting hours and Phil was always here. Dan pouted and waited. Maybe he was just late? He waited and waited but he didn't come. Two hours more and visiting hours would end. Dan pushed his food away and curled up under his hospital blanket, feeling small and sad.
Alex had taken Phil out on a date which had turned into a movie, which had then turned into spending time in the city.
"Is it strange that I appreciate city's so much like- all the structures and people and atmosphere makes me so happy." Phil rambled as he held Alex's hand whilst they walked down the street
"I've always been in a city and I'm quite fond of it. I don't think i could've survived up north like you." Alex chuckled as he kept him close. Alex was so happy he had managed to have Phil all to himself today and make him forget about Dan.
"Hey what's the supposed to mean?" Phil mocked offence as he pushed Alex away playfully and then folded his arms and turned his head away to show his "anger"
"Did you grow wheat and rear sheep with your bear arms in the farm?" He exaggerated, giggling uncontrollably.
"Shut up." Phil whined and pouted, before stopping his walking and turning the opposite was from Alex, his arms still folded
"Hey, come on, I'm just joking!" Alex laughed and rushed after him, wrapping his arms around him and kissing all over his face.
"Noo you're mean you don't have the right to do that." Phil carried but broke into laughter at the kisses trying to keep his false annoyance
"So you don't want my kisses?" Alex pouted and made a sad face at Phil, trying to look adorable so Phil would give in.
"Never accuse me of such a terrible thing Alex." Phil jokingly gasped as he gave in to Alex's puppy dog eyes, he gently placed his fingers under Alex's chin and kissed him softly before pulling away "see all better."
"All better." Alex laughed and kissed back, smiling widely at Phil as he rubbed their noses together. He had made Phil miss the whole day of visiting hours with dan
Phil pulled away from the nose rubbing as he realised how gross their PDA display was in the middle of a near to empty pathway "Alex." Phil whined
"What?" Alex asked as he looked up at Phil with a smile.
"We are literally that gross couple." Phil said laughing as he looked at Alex's eyes before hiding his head in the crook of Alex's neck
"I don't care. I love you and everyone needs to know it." He giggled and held him tightly. He rubbed his back gently.
"Sush sush sush!" Phil exclaimed as his face went bright red as he tried to hide his blushing face further
"Adorable." Alex chuckled and pulled him up to kiss his cheeks gently. They were rosy and adorable. "Come on now, let's go homes. It's so late."
"Late? How late?" Phil asked, panic rising in this throat "It's like 10." Alex said with a shrug. Visiting hours had ended two hours ago.
"Shit Alex I totally forgot to see Dan today!" Phil said as he felt his heart drop, how could he have forgotten about his best friend who could be having the shittiest time in hospital right now "oh my god Alex I'm such a bad best friend, how am I going to explain to him why I didn't visit?" Phil said with a sad but rushed tone
"Oh my god, Phil." Alex pretended as he looked concerned. "Um, I think you should just tell him the truth. It'll cause a lot of drama if you lie. It's alright, he'll understand."
"Yeah because 'sorry I was out all day with my friend and I totally forgot you existed' is going to be so good, he'll never forgive me." Phil said, feeling more and more sick by the second
"You can't say anything else." Alex said. "I mean, what else can you say? Lie?" His face although scrunched when Phil called him a 'friend' and not boyfriend.
"Id rather lie than destroy his feelings Alex, he'll be gutted if he knows." Phil said with a soft tone
"Alright, you can say you were ill." Alex shrugged a little and tried to soothe Phil.
"I feel like such a shitty best friend Alex." Phil said with a gentle whisper, "im sorry for ruining our day, I really did have an amazing day with you." Phil said smiling "I mean at the end of the day I have gone almost everyday to see him." Phil tried to reason now his panic was over
"It's okay, it's good for your mental health to get away for a bit," He said gently and held him.
"Can we go back to yours?" Phil asked softly and quietly, his head over run with thoughts
Alex nodded wave they took the bus back to Alex's home. He made sure to keep him close and soothe him.
"It's alright. You didn't ruin anything." He reassured and kissed his head gently. "Let's go home and cuddle till we fall asleep. Make you feel better."
They immediately went to Alex's room and cuddled into each other under the covers. Alex played with Phil's hair as they lay. After some time he whispered, "Phil? You up?"
"Mhm." Phil said half sleepily, completely relaxed under the warm duvet and heat from Alex
"Will you be my boyfriend?" He asked softly and rubbed Phil's back gently. He wanted it to be official.
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A/N - Gabby: Holy shit this book went from like 10 views to nearly 1K in a week, I'm so so grateful for all your comments and reads thank you for reading the book! Feel free to message me what way you want the book to end and I'll be sure to inform my co-author - thank you guys