It was the fastest ride I had ever been in and I only breathed a sigh of relief seeing his car finally entering our gate, both of us sound and safe.
Bumaba ako ng sasakyan at umalis siya nang hindi na talaga ako kinausap pa. And maybe, I was really sick in the head that I would rather him showed me anger than gave me cold treatment.
Days bled into another and another more that he did not show up to me. Kaya naman noong bigla siyang nagpakita at sunduin ako sa school para daw doon sa interview na na-cancel dahil sa akin ay gulat na gulat na lamang ako.
“This is not going to be a simple sitdown interview, Lorin. They will also feature photos of us together. You have to be prepared for the camera,” paalala niya habang nasa loob kami ng elevator paakyat sa studio kung saan daw gaganapin ‘yong interview.
Dumoble ‘yong kaba ko. Unlike Loris, I was not comfortable around lights and cameras. Kaya naman labis ang pag-aalala ko ngayon na baka masira ko lang ‘yong interview at photoshoot na sinasabi niya.
When the elevator stopped at the right floor, Gottfred held my hand. Gusto ko sanang bawiin dahil ayokong masanay. Baka kasi dumating iyong araw na hanap-hanapin ko ito at mangulila lamang ako. I had already promised myself that after this whole fake arrangement, I would move-on from him and find someone else that would love me the I way I deserved to be loved.
“There you are!”
Sabay na napalingon kami sa babaeng nagsalita pagpasok namin sa studio. Gottfred pulled away from holding my hand to give her a kiss and a hug.
“Hey, hottie,” the woman greeted. “What’s up?”
“Hey yourself, Ingrid,” sagot ni Gottfred.
Napaayos ako sa kinatatayuan nang lumingon naman sa akin ‘yong babae.
“Is that her?” tanong niya kay Gottfred, tinutukoy ako.
He nodded and motioned me to join them, him quickly snaking an arm around my waist.
“Ingrid, this is Lorin,” Gottfred introduced. “And Lorin, this is Ingrid. She will do the interview.”
Nakangiting nakipagkamay ako roon sa babaeng tinawag niyang Ingrid.
“Hello, Miss Ingrid. Nice meeting you,” sabi ko.
“Nice to finally meet you, too, Lorin. Sa mga kuwento lang ni Gottfred kita kilala. Alam mo ba na parati ka niyang bukambibig?” she said with a giggle.
“Shut up,” nakangiwing tanggi ni Gottfred. “When did I talk about her?”
“Oh, here goes the great pretender again,” Miss Ingrid teased.
“Witch,” Gottfred murmured.
The woman chuckled, playfully rolled her eyes off him, and then hooked an arm on my arm. “Come with me, Lorin. Let’s get to know each other more,” sabi ng babae sabay hila sa akin.
Tinanaw ko si Gottfred at humingi ng tulong sa kaniya, but he just gave me a small nod like telling me that the woman who was tugging me away was no harm.
“Let me formally introduce myself to you, Lorin. I am Ingrid dela Cruz. Editor in chief of the country’s leading business magazine,” muling pakilala niya.
I smiled awkwardly.
“Come on, I don’t bite,” she giggled.
The anxiety I was feeling somehow lifted off my chest at that giggle.
“Gottfred is a dear friend,” kuwento pa niya. “And before you think of anything else, we are really just friends.”
I could only smile at her. Hindi ko pa rin talaga alam ang sasabihin at ikikilos sa harapan ng ibang tao.
“Lorin, you don’t have to be nervous around me. No need to pretend, too. Alam ko ang tungkol sa pekeng kasal ninyo,” sabi niya na nagpakurap naman sa akin sa kaniya.
Akala ko ba ay walang iba ang dapat na makaalam ng tungkol doon?
But again, I had also told about this to Mikel.
It was just fair.
“Lorin,” muling tawag niya.
“Hmm?” tugon ko naman.
“Believe me, there is a loving and caring man beneath his pretend heartless exterior,” she said while pointing Gottfred using her pouted lips, on the other hand, put so many question marks on top of my head.
What did she mean by that?
She said a lot more things to me, she talking in riddles. However, I was not getting anything.
Matapos ng usap na iyon ay may lumapit sa aking dalawang babae na tutulong daw sa akin na magbihis at mag-ayos. Then, everything was a blur to me. I just found myself the next moment staring back at my reflection in the full-length mirror, a strange feeling washing over me at how I looked so different with heavy makeup on. I meant, how I looked very much like my twin.
Mula sa mukha ay bumaba ang tingin ko sa suot kong wedding gown, a not so traditional white above the knee dress. It was a crop top which had me uneasy. Half of my upper body was exposed.
“All you have to do is wear it with confidence, Miss,” sabi noong nag-ayos sa akin, siguro’y napansin ‘yong alinlangan ko.
Ilang beses ko silang kinulit na baka maaaring iba na lang ang suotin ko pero ang sabi nila ay mas babagay daw ito roon sa suot ng groom at ito rin daw ‘yong bilin noong si Miss Ingrid na ipasuot sa akin.
The thought of Gottfred looking at me wearing this gown had my knees weakening into jellies.
“Get ready! We will start in a bit,” someone announced.
Inalalayan akong lumabas noong dalawang babae na nag-ayos sa akin. When finally I was outside, I saw Gottfred already in front of the camera with Miss Ingrid fixing the buttons of his longsleeves.
“The bride is here,” the woman that helped me announced.
Tila ba hindi na ako humihinga pa noong biglang magtinginan silang lahat sa direksyon ko.
“Oh, my God! You look stunning, Lorin!” puri ni Miss Ingrid.
I smiled awkwardly at her and sucked in a deep breath as I watched Gotffred slowly tilted his head to me and stared, his own expression unfathomable. However, I felt the air around suddenly seemed to crackle with an electric tension.
I swallowed nervously.
Was I the only one aware of that?
I was kind of expecting that Gottfred would like the gown I was wearing. After all, Loris liked revealing, sexy, enticing clothes like this. Pero kabaligtaran ang naging reaksyon niya na sumugat nang husto sa pagkatao ko.
“What the actual crap is she wearing, Ingrid? You didn’t mention it is going to be a Playboy magazine photoshoot. That gown doesn’t suit her!” he raged, spitting out each words furiously.
Sinuntok siya ni Miss Ingrid sa balikat. Samantalang ganoon na lamang ang panliliit ko sa sarili ko.
“It perfectly suit her, you meant. Sayang ang figure ng fiancée mo kung hindi isho-showcase. At ang sabihin mo lang ay ayaw mong may makakita sa kaniyang iba na ganito ang itsura niya. Darling, you got a lovely, sexy bride,” irap ni Miss Ingrid kay Gottfred.
“You are talking nonsense,” he frowned.
“Whatever! Let’s start!” pambabalewala ni Miss Ingrid.
Maluha-luha ako sa bawat flash ng camera, could not help but wonder how Loris could stay up long doing this. I worried that I probably looked constipated in every shots taken. Gottfred, on the other hand, was very professional. It was not his first time, anyway. Ilang issues na rin ng mga magazines na siya ang cover photo at nasa center fold.
“Will you stop trembling?” Gottfred whispered at me, annoyed at how I was behaving.
Napakagat na lang ako sa aking labi.
What could I do?
Hindi ako sanay sa mga ganito!
“You are getting married! Come on! You look like strangers in these shots than lovers! My God!” Miss Ingrid stressed out. “Let’s begin from the start!”
“It would have been easy if it’s Loris I’m with,” Gottfred whispered that did not miss my ears.
Napanguso ako.
Sino ba kasi ang may sabi sa kaniya na ako ang pakasalan niya?
“Face each other! Gottfred, humawak ka sa waist ni Lorin, okay? And you Lorin, you hold Gottfred’s tie. ‘Yong parang hinihila mo siya palapit sa mukha mo. Gets?” utos ni Miss Ingrid.
Despite the terrible shaking, I tried to do my best. I didn’t want to be a burden to everyone here, especially to Miss Ingrid and him.
I felt goosebumps trailed in every parts of my body when Gottfred held at my waist. Butas ang tela sa may tiyan kaya naman balat ko mismo ang nahahawakan niya.
Sinunod ko ang sinabi ni Miss Ingrid kahit pa halos mahimatay na ako sa gusto niyang posisyon namin. I believed that the sooner we got this done, the better for me.
Humarap ako kay Gottfred at humawak sa necktie niya habang ‘yong dibdib ko ay parang sasabog na sa paraan ng pagtitig niya.
God should help me because I was falling more in love with him.
“Good job, Lorin. Okay, next shot,” ani Miss Ingrid sabay biglang natawa noong tumingin sa computer screen sa tabi niya. “Gottfred, you look so in love here!”
“Shut the fuck up, Ingrid! You are so annoying!” galit na sabi ni Gottfred at siguro ay nababaliw na nga si Miss Ingrid. Or maybe, it was Loris in his mind while he was doing this.
Akala ko ay iyon na ang pinakamalalang pagdidikit naming dalawa ngunit nagkamali ako. What Miss Ingrid liked us to do in the next photo had my head spinning around.
“Pumuwesto ka sa likod ni Lorin, Gottfred,” utos niya.
Gottfred groaned in protest but when Miss Ingrid raised her eyebrow and gave him a summoning and warning look, he immediately gave up and obeyed.
“Good. Now, Lorin, just stand comfortable there, okay? Gottfred, you hug Lorin from behind,” Miss Ingrid instructed.
Like he could not do anything, Gottfred obeyed. However, I shivered all over when his palm finally connected to my exposed tummy, pressing there, pushing me more to his body.
“Fuck,” he cursed softly.
Naliyo ako sa biglang naramdaman. There was something poking at my back and I did not want to process what it was. That was too taboo to even think.
Wala lang ‘yon, Lorin!
It was probably just his belt!
Mabilis na tinapos namin ang ikalawang larawan at makahihinga na sana ako nang maluwag ngunit may isa pa palang shot ang kailangang makuhanan.
“For the last photo, I want it natural. I want to see both of you smiling. Para talaga kayong hindi magkakilala, e,” Miss Ingrid said.
Lumapit siya sa amin at saka may ibinulong kay Gottfred. I watched them and saw how his eyes widened.
“Are you crazy? No fucking way!” Gottfred protested.
“Why not? What is the problem with that? She is your fiancée, remember?” ani Miss Ingrid na tila ba sinasadyang bigkasin ng malakas iyong salitang fiancée.
Naagaw nila ang atensyon ng mga tao rito sa loob ng studio. Lahat tuloy sila ay napatingin na sa amin, pawang mga kuryoso sa nangyayari.
“Come on! You’ve done sensual poses before. It’s just a piggyback ride I’m asking. You are making a big deal out of it,” ani Miss Ingrid.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya.
Piggyback ride?
Iyon ba ang ibinulong niya kay Gottfred?
I opened my mouth to also protest, pero naunahan na niya akong magsalita.
“How will you convince the public that you are very much in love with each other, huh? Especially that engineer? Believe me, this is going to be so much worth it,” she told us.
Marahas na humugot ng hininga si Gottfred at sa huli ay pumayag din.
“Fine! But just one shot and we are done with this,” he warned her.
“Let’s proceed, then,” Miss Ingrid happily said and then walked back beside the photographer.
I began to panic. I was only wearing an above the knee gown. Kapag sumakay ako sa likod niya at ibuka ang mga binti ko para hawakan niya ay sigurado akong makikitaan na ako ng panloob.
“Let’s just get this done and satisfy that wicked witch,” Gottfred gritted.
“Pero ‘yong suot ko,” matinding pag-aalala ko.
And for heaven’s sake, I had never spread my legs so wide!
“Gottfred,” alinlangan ko.
“What? I used to give you piggyback rides before, remember?”
“Pero ‘yong suot ko,” I insisted and bit down on my lower lip as I looked at the gown I was wearing.
Lumapit siya sa akin at saka bumulong. “Sa tingin mo ba ay hahayaan kitang makitaan ng panloob? Lorin, you are for my eyes only.”
My eyes blinked heavily at him and at what he said, siguro’y nabingi lang ako sa sinabi niya.
“Hop in,” he commanded.
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at sa kabila ng matinding alinlangan ay sumampa na ako sa likod niya noong tumalikod siya. Naipon naman ang paghinga ko sa lalamunan nang humawak na siya sa mga binti ko.
“Good. Now, smile,” Miss Ingrid instructed again.
Para akong sinisilihan habang nakasampa sa likuran niya. This just felt so intimate, so bold, plus, this was bringing so many memories of us in the past.
“Will you stop struggling? Lorin, mabibitiwan kita,” he restlessly told me.
But I still struggled. Sa pagsisikap ko na huwag dumikit ‘yong dibdib ko sa likuran niya ay napabitiw tuloy ako ng hawak. Sa takot na mahulog, agad na napakapit ako sa braso niya dahilan naman kung bakit nawalan siya ng balanse at nahila ko siya pabagsak kasama ko.
I groaned in so much pain when my back hit the hard floor, mabuti na lang at carpeted kahit papaano. But the sound was not heard anymore because it was already muffled on his lips that was now on mine.
My eyes widened in horror and my cheeks surely were now drained in color realizing our position. Loud gasps followed, then a high pitch squeal from Miss Ingrid.
“Perfect! That is the pose I am looking for! Quick! Take a picture of that!” she said.
Miss Ingrid kept saying words but her voice already fell like a buzz in my ears. Right now, all I could hear was the loud beatings of my heart and all I could see was Gottfred on top of me, watching me through the darkest, warmest eyes I had ever seen while kissing me.
Yes. Kiss. Because instead of getting off me, his lips started to move.
I was so shocked, I felt paralyzed. Hindi ko na rin alam kung paano ako nakatagal na hindi humihinga habang hinahalikan niya.
“We are not shooting a porn! Save that kisses for your honeymoon, Gottfred!” sigaw ni Miss Ingrid na naging dahilan naman ng tawanan noong mga tao rito sa studio. Samantalang, doon lamang tila natauhan si Gottfred at doon lang din ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na itulak siya palayo sa akin.
Lorin, in-enjoy mo, e!
Miss Ingrid went to me and helped me to my feet, habang tawang-tawa sa nangyari.
“Are you okay, Lorin?” she asked.
Tumango ako.
“My, God! That was only a kiss yet you are already blushing like a ripe tomato. How much more when you two have sex?” aniya sabay baling ng tingin kay Gottfred. “I cannot believe that the great Gottfred Damien Figuerroa III got lost in a kiss!”
“Shut up, Ingrid,” he hissed. “Kung anu-ano ang sinasabi mo.”
“But we both know the real deal, Gottfred. You just wouldn’t admit it. And look! You are also blushing,” patuloy na panunukso pa niya.
Gottfred looked at her like he wanted to strangle her neck. Mas lalo namang tumawa si Miss Ingrid na tanging may lakas ng loob na biruin siya ng ganito.
“Can we proceed to the interview now?” pagbabago sa usapan ni Gottfred sa isang irita at inip na tinig.
Nilingon ko siya na niluluwagan na ang kaniyang necktie. He also looked tense or was it just my imagination? Napansin ko rin ‘yong mga butil ng pawis sa noo niya.
I jerked when he suddenly looked at me.
“Change that fucking dress,” he gritted out. Pagkatapos ay bumaling naman siya ng tingin kay Miss Ingrid na malaki pa rin ‘yong ngisi sa kaniya. “You’re such a witch!”
Kasama ‘yong mga babaeng nag-ayos sa akin kanina ay tinulungan nila ulit akong magpalit sa panibagong damit, thankful that this time, it was decent.
My eyes immediately flew to Gottfred when I came back, him also changed in a different suit, looking handsome as ever.
Lorin, you were really hopeless!
“Come in here, Lorin,” tawag ni Miss Ingrid, ngising-ngisi noong kuhanin ni Gottfred ang kamay ko at ipagsalikop sa kamay niya.
Pilit kong isiniksik sa utak ko na nagpapanggap lang kami kaya ganito ang inaasta niya. I couldn’t fall to all this fake romance act because I would just make myself hope for nothing. Most especially, it would only hurt to get disappointed.
“Shall we start, lovebirds?” Miss Ingrid asked, removing me from my musings.
“What are you waiting for?” pagsusungit ni Gottfred.
“Psh!” irap ni Miss Ingrid.
The first part of the interview went smoothly. Nasasagot ko naman ang mga tanong niya sa akin. Nabanggit din ang tungkol kay Daddy. Halos umurong ang dila ko roon, because when it came to family, I was always vulnerable.
“We all know that Gottfred is well-loved by the public. Since he started posing for business magazines, he became an instant celebrity. So, we asked netizens to drop their questions and here are some of them. Ah, is it okay to ask this?” biglang pabulong na tanong niya sabay senyas sa camera na tumigil muna saglit sa pagvi-video.
“What is it about?” Gottfred curiously asked.
“It’s for Lorin, actually,” sagot ni Miss Ingrid.
I swallowed hard and thickly.
“Go on, Miss Ingrid,” sabi ko.
“Are you sure? Oh, my God! Hindi ko kasi na-check ‘yong mga tanong,” alinlangan niya.
“Sige lang, Miss Ingrid,” sabi ko.
“Okay. A username from Twitter asked if it’s true that you are just using Gottfred and this marriage to save your family from bankruptcy? Now that the Vicencio Engineering is facing a big scandal? Some says that you only want his money and connection,” aniya.
Natutop ang bibig ko at tila ba pinutulan ako ng dila. I wanted to deny the claims, but then, wasn’t it true?
“You don’t have to answer that. We can skip that part and edit—”
We were both left stunned when Gottfred answered in behalf of me.
“We are marrying because we love each other. Simple as that. What’s currently happening in Vicencio Engineering is another thing,” he said as he squeezed my hand that he was holding. “And since we are marrying, I think it’s just right to help my in-law. Besides, everything I have, it is going to be soon hers.”
I gaped at him, my eyes unblinking, my mouth opening.
This was just acting, Lorin!
You couldn’t fall more for him!
Miss Ingrid seemed satisfied with his answer. Samantala, naiwan naman akong nakatulala.
Natapos nang maayos ang interview. I sat quietly on the passenger seat, my mind floating back to all that happened today. The kiss. What he said in the interview. Every little thing.
Napalingon ako sa kaniya nang bigla siyang lumiko sa direksyon na hindi patungo sa bahay.
“Dad invited us for dinner,” aniya na tahimik na tinanguhan ko naman. “Don’t tell him about what happened in Las Vegas.”
Bumuga ako ng malalim na hininga. When we arrived, he told me to go in first where I found Tito Damien already waiting in the dining room.
“Good evening, Tito,” bati ko habang umuupo sa silya na itinuro niya.
“It’s Daddy, Lorin. You’ll soon be a daughter to me,” pagtatama niya.
I got speechless at that.
“I hope you don’t think that we are taking advantage of the situation, hija, even though it looks like it,” ani Tito Damien.
Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at umiling. After all, we still held responsible. Had not Loris backout from their supposed wedding—
I sighed remembering about her. At kahit ganito ang ginawa niya sa amin, hindi ko pa rin maiwasan na mag-alala para sa kaniya. Kumusta na kaya siya? Nasaan na ba siya? Maayos lang ba siya? Papaano kung may nangyari na palang masama sa kaniya kaya hindi siya umuuwi sa amin?
I hoped not.
We ate dinner in silence until Gottfred said something that had me gaping at him.
He wanted me to quit teaching.
“But I have to work,” giit ko.
“I thought you’ll do everything for your father’s company? Besides, I can always provide for you,” sagot niya.
“But—”
“Lorin, believe me that this is for your family’s sake. While your father is still in the hospital, you will take over your company,” he explained further to me.
“But I don’t know anything about running a company!” giit ko.
“I’m here to teach you,” he replied like this was not a problem at all. Isipin ko pa lang na titigil ako sa pagtuturo ay sumasakit na ang ulo ko.
Iyon ang laman ng isipan ko buong gabi. Hating-hati ang puso ko at hirap na hirap magdesisyon. Teaching had been a big part of me already. And most of all, I had no knowledge about business.
“Have you slept?” Gottfred asked the next day when he fetch me to meet with the wedding organizers.
Iniwas ko ang aking mukha nang akma sanang hahawakan niya.
“I slept well,” sagot ko kahit pa ang totoo niyan ay wala talaga akong tulog.
He hissed and just drove off.
We met with a woman in her late thirties who was going to be the wedding planner. She was with two other staff that were busy showing us different brochures and anything about weddings.
Pansamantala ay nalimutan ko ‘yong mga iniisip at biglang na-excite roon sa mga ipinapakita nila sa amin, suddenly making all my fantasies coming true.
“What is your wedding budget? How much do you want to spend, Mr. Figuerroa?” the wedding planner asked.
“Money is not a problem. Sky is the limit,” sagot ni Gottfred.
“Okay, Sir. How about the theme?” the wedding planner asked again. “Ma’am?”
I opened my mouth to speak, very ready and excited to tell her that I wanted yellow, but Gottfred already had said purple.
Loris’s favorite color.
“Noted, Sir,” tango noong wedding planner sabay lingon sa akin. “Is purple also your choice, Ma’am?”
I faked a smile and nodded my head.
“Hmm. How about flower decorations? What do you want it to be, Ma’am?” muling tanong sa amin.
“Ah, I want Sunflower,” sabi ko.
Magiliw na tinanguhan ako ng wedding planner. Ita-type na sana niya iyon sa laptop niya nang biglang palitan iyon ni Gottfred.
“No. We’ll have Calla Lily. There’s a purple color, right? Sunflower wont match to the theme,” he said.
I blinked heavily and swallowed thickly.
Calla Lily.
Again, Loris’s favorite flower.
“Ah, Ma’am, are you okay with Calla Lily?” the wedding planner asked me again while looking awkwardly at me.
I gave him another fake smile and nodded my head in agreement.
Nanahimik na lamang ako nang tuluyan. Nawalan na ako ng gana. Malinaw naman na walang halaga ‘yong opinyon o gusto ko.
Bakit ko ba nalimutan na hindi naman dapat ako ‘yong bride?
I felt fat tears filmed my sight. Bago pa ako maiyak ay mabilis na umangat ako sa inuupuang silya at iniwan sila. Gottfred called me but I did not bother looking back anymore. Masama ang loob ko. Nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa niyang pambabalewala sa mga gusto at opinyon ko.
Para saan pala ako?
Bakit isinama pa niya ako rito?
“Lorin!” he called but I kept walking away. “Lorin Secilia!”
I tried my best to squeeze back the tears that were threatening to fall down my cheeks but they were stubborn and helpless. Using the back of my palms, I harshly wiped them dry but to no use.
You had cried an ocean of tears over him already and this had to stop, Lorin! You should not put yourself through the agony and humiliation again just because you were in love with him!
I jerked to a stop when a large hand that belonged to Gottfred grabbed my arm.
“Where is your manners, huh? You don’t just turn your back on me, Lorin!” he gritted out.
Buong lakas na hinaklit ko ang braso kong hinawakan niya.
“Uuwi na ako,” sabi ko.
“What? We are not done here, yet!” he fumed.
“Ikaw na lang,” tamad kong sagot.
Tinanaw ko ang malawak na kalsada sa harapan ng coffee shop kung saan kami nakipagkita sa wedding planner at naghanap ng taxi. Nang makakita ng papalapit na isa ay agad kong ikinumpas ang kamay ko para pumara.
“Goddamit! What the hell is wrong with you? What is your problem?” he asked me angrily.
Hindi ko pinansin ang galit niya. Patuloy kong kinaway ‘yong taxi, hindi na makapaghintay pa na makaalis dito at makauwi na.
“Lorin,” muling tawag niya at saka akmang hahawak sana sa akin pero mabilis kong tinabig ang kamay niya.
“Ano ba!” pagsabog ko. “Uuwi na sabi ako!”
“What is the fucking problem with you?!”
I stared at him in disbelief.
Tinatanong talaga niya ‘yon? Was he really clueless or just plain insensitive?
“Bakit isinama mo pa ako kung hindi naman pala mahalaga ang opinyon ko? Akala mo ba ay hindi ko napapansin na ang lahat ng mga desisyon mo ay may kinalaman sa kapatid ko?” I screamed across his face, and for heaven’s sake, wala pa akong tulog! Punung-puno na ako!
“Why it is not going to be about her? She is my supposed bride, remember?” he said with a mock in his voice.
Umurong ang dila ko at hindi ko na nagawa pa ang sumagot sa kaniya.
“She is the one I should be with right now. She is supposed to be the fiancée I am planning the wedding with. She is the woman I am supposed to marry,” he added.
A sob escaped my mouth as I tasted the salty tears on my lips.
“But you fucking messed up everything! Siya dapat ang kasama ko ngayon at hindi ikaw! Now Lorin, tell me, what are these complains all about?”
Muling hindi ako nakasagot. Tuluyang tinangay ng hangin ang pag-asa ko at dinala iyon sa malayong lugar na kailanman ay hindi ko na mababawi pa.