Chapter 5
Repeat
*Derek*
I wipe the tears from my eyes as I try to compose myself. I take a few deep breaths until I finally relax. I pull my phone from my pocket to see it's already after midnight. There are also three missed calls and a few unanswered texts from Arabella. I put the phone away, not ready to lie to her just yet, and get up. I leave the abandoned shop and head home.
Instead of getting a cab, I walk home to give me extra time to think. What am I going to tell Arabella? I'd planned on being home before she got back, but unfortunately this night had other plans. Perhaps saying I went for a walk would work, but if not I'd need a backup lie.
I wish I could just tell her the truth and save myself the worry. I wish I could tell her everything from the very beginning, but that would only put her in even greater danger. Gavin already hates her and would prefer if she was out of the picture. If I told her the truth she'd go straight to the police, despite my protests, and it would only piss Gavin off and put an even bigger target on her back. I can't bear to lose her. The only way I can guarantee her safety is if I find a way out of Gavin's grip.
Some time later I finally arrive home. I open the door quietly as I sneak inside. If I'm lucky, Arabella will already be in bed and I won't have to explain until tomorrow.
"Thank God!" Arabella exclaims, my hope immediately disappearing. I release a soft sigh before walking inside and pushing the door shut behind me. Arabella stands in the living room wearing pink pajama shorts and one of my t-shirts, her brows are furrowed with concern.
"Hey." I greet her casually, avoiding her eyes as she approaches me.
"Hey? Do you know what time it is? I've been calling and texting you for the past two hours. I was worried something happened to you." She tilts my head to the side as she looks me over for any scratches or bruises.
"I'm sorry." I say, letting her examine me. "I know I should have responded. I have no excuse."
"Where were you?" She finishes her examination. "I don't see any cuts or bruises. You're okay, right?"
"I'm fine." I reassure her, finally looking her in the eyes. The worry that's still in them makes my stomach clench. I really don't want to lie to her. I want more than anything to spill the truth right here and now, but I can't. Not if I want to keep her out of this mess. "I went for a walk." I lie smoothly. "It's late so I figured there'd be less people around."
Her brows furrow as she looks into my eyes searching for a tell. My heart races as I try not to crack. It's easy to lie to everyone but her. "Okay." She says with a slight nod of her head. "Just, please respond back to me next time. I worry about you, you know that."
"Yes, I know." I smile, running my fingers through her hair. A small smile finally appears, the worry finally passing. "Even though you shouldn't. You know I can take care of myself."
"I know." She takes my hand in hers as she suddenly avoids eye contact, and begins to play with my fingers. "I just don't want to lose you after just getting you back. I don't think I could handle that. Actually, I know that I can't handle that. Just the thought makes me anxious."
"Hey." I lift her chin so she'll look at me. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise. It's you and me forever, baby." The smile returns to her face as a small laugh escapes her lips. "Come on. Let's go to bed. You have work in a few hours." I intertwine our fingers before leading her to our room.
***
The sudden blaring of my phone wakes me. With a groan, I reach over to the nightstand and grab my phone. Too tired to open my eyes and check the caller ID, I simply answer to shut up the constant ringing.
"Hm?" I answer, too tired to form any other response.
"Derek? What's with that voice? You can't possibly still be asleep." Christine says, her tone instantly taking on the sound of a mother's. "It's a quarter to twelve. You'll sleep the day away."
"Well, last I checked I'm an adult and can sleep how ever long I want." I release a sigh as I roll over onto my back and finally open my eyes. I squint as the invading sunlight makes them burn. "Why are you calling?" I ask a bit harshly, as my eyes adjust to the light.
"Oh, right." She mumbles, her motherly tone dropping away. "I thought we could meet for lunch. I've only had the chance to see you once since you've been back."
My first instinct is to say no and go back to sleep. Having a lunch date with her isn't something I've been meaning to plan or ever wanted to do. Seeing her hasn't even made my list of priorities. I said I'd give our relationship a chance, but I have so much on my mind right now that she's the least of my worries.
"It's my treat." She adds when I don't answer.
As much as I want to refuse, I can't. There's no doubt she'd call Arabella and tell her my response. I'd get in trouble with Arabella and I'd have to listen to her lecture me about how important this relationship is and how I should work through my feelings. I'm feeling annoyed just thinking about it.
"Okay, fine." I answer. "Just give me a couple minutes to get ready, okay?"
"O-okay." She stammers. "I'll be there in thirty. How does that sound?"
"Yeah, sure. See you in thirty." I hang up and toss my phone beside me on the bed. I stare up at the ceiling as I try to come up with the strength to get out of bed. If my mind wasn't so filled with thoughts of working for Gavin and keeping up this lie with Arabella, I'd have been able to sleep last night. The last thing I need is Christine wanting to work on our relationship.
I roll out of bed and start on my daily routine. I move through the steps slowly, everything seeming to take up too much of my energy. I pick out a pair of ripped jeans and a white t-shirt to wear. The buzzer sounds as I slip on the clothes. I slip on my shoes and grab my phone before heading outside.
Christine waits by the door. She wears a blue dress that stops just above her knees. Her black heels put her almost at my height. A pair of sunglasses serves as a temporary headband for her long brown hair. This must be her lunch break.
"Hi." She says with a large smile. She hesitates as she wraps her arms around me in a hug. I stand stiffly trying to fight the urge to push her away as my skin crawls. This is what mothers do when they see their children, right? I should try to get used to it. "How are you?" She asks as she finally releases me. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.
"I'm tired." I answer honestly. "Can we go? The faster we get this done, the faster I can go back to sleep." I don't wait for her response as I head to her silver Ford. I hear the faint sound of a sigh before the click of her heels follow me.
After a quiet drive, we arrive at a small diner. The parking lot is surprisingly crowded, despite it being the middle of a week day. We head inside and I keep my head low as we follow the hostess towards the back of the diner.
"Here you go." The hostess says, stopping at a booth. "Enjoy." As she leaves, I notice a man already sitting at the booth looking through the menu. He wears a grey suit that makes the grey in his dark hair more noticeable. He sets the menu aside and looks at us. Realization hits me as his green eyes lock with mine. His face has thickened and aged slightly over the years, creating more wrinkles around his eyes.
"Hi Derek." Charles greets me with a smile. "It's been a while. Nice to see you again."
I don't respond as I watch Christine take the spot beside him. She gives me a small smile as she taps the opposite side of the table, asking for me to sit.
"What the hell is going on?" I ask, ignoring her request. "He's not my probation officer anymore. Why is he here?"
"Sit down and I'll tell you." She replies.
I hesitantly take my seat on the opposite side of the booth. I look between Charles and Christine, feeling more confused by the second.
"You look well." Charles comments. "I don't see any scars or gang tattoos. I'm glad you survived in there, but I'm curious to how."
Gavin is the only reason I was able to get out of there unscathed. If I hadn't used his name, no matter how hard I fought, I know I wouldn't have made it out alive. I hated to use his name, but it was the only option I had to stay with Arabella. "Well one thing I know how to do is survive." I answer. "But you already know that. Why are you here, Charles? Have you been obsessed with me or something?"
He lets out a small chuckle. "Well, I see you haven't changed one bit." He says. "I'm here because," He pauses as he adjusts in his seat. "Your mother wants to tell you some news."
"You're here because she wants to tell me some news?" I repeat, confused to what he has to do with any of this. It's been five years. Why do they still keep in contact anyway? I thought I was done with Charles.
"Yes." Charles nods. He and Christine share a look and my stomach begins to turn as I anticipate his next words.
"Charles and I..." Christine trails off. She takes a deep breath and clears her throat. "We're together." She finishes.
"It's been three years." Charles adds, smiling as he intertwines his fingers with hers.
I stare at them, looking between their faces and intertwined fingers. How do they want me to respond? Do they expect me to give my approval? Christine and I are far from close, and I see Charles as nothing more than my old probation officer. Is this the reason she invited me to lunch?
"Derek?" Christine says, grabbing my attention. "Please say something. I have to know that you're okay with this."
"Why do you care what I think?" I ask, truly curious. Her life and decisions are her own. Why should my opinion matter?
"Why wouldn't I care? You're my son. And if Charles and I decide to take the next step, that would make him your step-father. Is that something you're okay with?"
"I know I was your probation officer." Charles says. "But that doesn't mean I didn't care about you Derek. You were a kid from a bad background who needed guidance. You thought I was annoying and nosy, but I just wanted to help you get back on the right path. Though, I guess if I'd done my job you wouldn't have ended up in prison."
"I would have ended up in prison whether you were there or not." I shrug. "Frank would have seen to that. Besides, you're not my father so it's never been your job to look out for me. As for your relationship, it's weird, but fine with me. Now I know why he showed up at our house so much back then. But get married, have another kid if you want. I really don't care. Nothing will change for me. You'll still be Christine, and you'll still be Charles."
They stare at me for a moment, taking in everything I've said, before sharing a look between themselves. Is that not the answer they wanted? Did they expect me to throw a tantrum like a child? Did they want me to rant and rave about how Charles isn't my dad and never will be? Christine is far from being considered my mother, so I'm not sure why she cares about my opinion. It's the same as a stranger walking up to me and suddenly announcing their relationship.
"Well, this is great." Charles finally breaks the silence. "This was a lot easier than we thought." He smiles. "So Derek, I heard you got your GED and was given the opportunity to get a degree. That's pretty amazing for someone who hated going school."
"Well, Arabella would have been disappointed if I didn't at least get my GED while in there. As for the college thing, I figured I should probably make sure I have a chance at getting a decent job. That way she won't be the only one providing for us. I've always been interested in machines and it's rare for engineering courses to be offered to inmates. They were trying something new so I jumped on the opportunity the first chance I had."
"I'm proud of you." His smile grows. "It's obvious you've changed a lot from that stubborn kid you were before. You've matured into a man."
"I guess you can thank Arabella for that. Without her who knows where I'd be right now."
*Arabella*
I arrive home to a quiet apartment. The familiar feeling makes me feel strange as I expected Derek to be using the TV or making dinner. It makes me feel like him being here was all a dream. Since this morning I can't help but wonder if thinks I'm being clingy. Waiting up for him until nearly two in the morning, and calling him constantly probably looked bad on my part. He's an adult and do whatever he likes. There's just this uneasy feeling stuck with me that makes me feel like he's going to disappear.
"Derek?" I call. No answer.
I start to head back to our room, but before I can get too far, my phone begins to ring. I pull it from my pocket and smile at John's name on my screen. This kid rarely calls me. Usually when he does it's so I can somehow convince our parents to do something for him. I wonder what it is this time.
"Hey John." I answer. "What are you trying to get this time?"
"So, you know how mom and dad are still at work by the time I get home, right?"
"Mhm." I respond. My smile grows larger as I wait for his request.
"Well, it kind of gets boring here sometimes, since you have the best video games and all." I laugh. "So I asked mom and dad if I could catch the bus to your place after school sometimes instead of coming home. That way I could hang out with Derek and play your videogames. I Even promised not do anything fun 'til I finish my homework, but Dad said no as soon as I said anything."
Of course Dad said no. He doesn't like Derek and I doubt he ever will. He's grateful for Derek saving my life more than once, but he's never been able to overlook Derek's reputation.
"So, you want me to somehow convince dad that this is a good idea?"
"Yeah, he listens to you more than me."
"And what about mom? What does she think about this idea?"
"She says it's a good idea, as usual. But dad won't give. I don't know why he's always so mean. Can you please talk to him?"
"Okay, but you have to promise me you'll do your school work. I'll have Derek make sure."
"I promise."
"And you have to help keep the apartment clean. No trash, school work, or game controls laying around. Deal?"
"Yes, yes. Deal." He laughs with excitement. "This is gonna be awesome! You're the best sister ever! Hold on, I'll go get dad." There's a faint crackle at the other end of the phone before complete silence.
It's adorable how much John likes Derek. When he was younger, Derek was still a bit cold towards everyone, so John could get close to him even if he wanted to. The older John got and the more questions he asked me about Derek, the more he seemed to like him. He's always been interested in heroes, villains, and crime. In a way, Derek fits into each of those categories. Derek is John's idol.
A minute passes before there's another crackle and I'm met with John's voice again. "He says he's busy." All excitement has left his voice and it makes my heart sink. "I know he's lying. He always does that when he doesn't wanna talk about stuff."
"Hey, it's not nice to call dad a liar. If he's says he's busy, then he's busy. I'll call him later, okay?"
"You promise?"
"I promise. Now go do your homework. I know you haven't yet."
He laughs. "Okay. I love you."
"I love you too."
The call ends as I hear footsteps from the hallway. I look up to see Derek who seems to be only halfway awake. He gives me a small smile as he comes over to sit beside me.
"Hey." He says, leaning over to place a kiss on my cheek. "How long have you been here?"
"Only a few minutes. I was about to check the bedroom for you, but then John called."
"John? Why?"
"He wants to start coming over after school. He says it's to play our videogames, but I really think he just wants to hangout with you. I told him it's okay, but I have to convince our dad. Is it okay with you if he comes over?"
"Uh, sure?" His brows furrow slightly as his tone forms a question.
"If you don't want him over, you can say so. He's only ten, he'll get over it."
"I'm just not good with kids. What if I say something inappropriate, or make him cry or something?"
"He's ten, Derek. Not a toddler. Talk to him like anyone else. Besides, he idolizes you. No matter what you do, you can do no wrong in his eyes."
"He idolizes me? Why? I'm only 23 and have killed two people, been to juvie for three years, prison for five, and have a record that's a mile long. How could he possibly idolize me?"
"I could go on and on about how none of those things matter, but that's a question you'll have to ask him yourself." I give him a quick kiss before getting up. "I'm going to start dinner."
I really wish Derek didn't let those things define who he is. He has a habit of holding himself back because of all the things he did in the past. Sure most of John's interest comes from what he's learned about Derek's past, but if Derek was really as bad as he thinks he is, John would be too afraid to go near him. Despite what is said about Derek, there are many people who can see who he is through all of that. I just hope he'll see it too someday.