As time passed at Nemroy's estate Jade developed a semblance of a schedule for herself. In the mornings she rose early and trained in the garden behind the estate while the air was still cold. Jade could smell the coming spring on the breeze and knew it would only be a matter of time before the rains came with warmer temperatures and longer days.
Many highborn came and called on Jade. Now that she wasn't an apprentice, the ladies of Felkor all wanted to come pay their good wishes. With each visit Jade's old lessons in etiquette and manners came back to her, much to her disappointment. She wore dresses and drank tea in a way that would have made her mother proud and she hated every second.
In the evenings Jade rode to clear her head. Nemroy had a small stable and his horses were all trained to fit a Protector's needs. The stableman, Ben, was happy to let her exercise the creatures and the horses also seemed to enjoy the change of scenery since Nemroy was rarely home to take them out himself. Weeks passed with this routine and each day something inside Jade's soul grew restless.
"Jade." Darlene knocked at her door early one evening.
"Yes?" she called.
"There is a visitor here to see you," she said through the door.
Jade frowned, she was about to go for a ride and had just changed into her riding clothes. "Can you tell them that I am unavailable?" she asked.
"I'm afraid I already showed them into the parlor," Darlene explained.
Jade stared at the ceiling with a prick of annoyance, counted to five to control her temper, and then opened her door. "I'm about to go for my ride, so they will have to be fine with me accepting them in my riding clothes." She didn't wait for a response. She knew Darlene would have argued if she had paused to let her.
The visitor was not another highborn lady like Jade expected. It was a Protector, in full Protector garb. He wore all black with dark leather. His long cloak bunched at his collarbones and fell across one shoulder. The cloak was held in place by a plain black leather clasp. The gold wolf emblem of the Protectors was stitched over his heart. He stood when Jade entered the study as did his wolf. "Lady Dryden," he bowed formally.
Jade recovered from her surprise and bowed in return. "I'm afraid I don't know your name," she said honestly. She didn't recognize him and was sure she'd never met him before. He had brown hair that held hints of grey hairs near his ears, but his face was shaved and his smile made him look younger. Though Jade assumed he was past thirty.
"I am Lewis Greenhill," he said, still smiling. "You would not remember me, I believe. I graduated from the academy some time before you started your training and we've never formally met." She recognized the name, in fact Jade seemed to remember Lady Greenhill being among the first to visit after she left the Academy.
"It's an honor to meet you," she said. Indeed, it wasn't every day Jade had the pleasure of speaking to a Protector who was still actively serving. Then she wondered why he was in Felkor away from his Sworn. He must have business with the Elders.
"I'm afraid my uncle is not at home. He spends most of his time at the Academy where his duties as an Elder keep him occupied," she explained.
Lewis shook his head. "I'm not here for Elder Nemroy, though I did get the pleasure of seeing your uncle earlier today. I am in fact here to visit you, Miss Dryden," he said. "But, it seems I have come at a bad hour." His eyes regarded her riding clothes.
"Not a bad hour," Jade corrected. "You simply caught me as I was about to go for a ride."
"Ah, well in that case, may I have the honor in accompanying you?" he asked. "There is no reason to change your plans on my account."
Jade hesitated, taken off guard by the situation. She took in his appearance, his clothes were pristine and sharp, freshly washed if she had to guess. His brown and tan colored Guardian stood by his side, standing as tall as his waist. "You may," she heard herself say.
"Excellent," he said. "Please, lead the way."
Lewis shadowed Jade out of the house and to the stable. She noticed his horse, a black mare, in the open stall still saddled and waiting patiently. Jade saddled her own horse, picking her favorite of Nemroy's stock; a young white gelding with plenty of spirit.
"Is there no one to do this work for you?" Lewis asked when she started pulling down tack.
"There is," Jade nodded. "But I told Ben that I prefer to do this work myself so he's learned it's better to leave me alone."
"I see," was the only response Lewis gave.
When Jade finished they led their horses out of the stable and mounted. "Where would you like to ride?" Jade asked.
"Please, go where you would normally ride. I'm just along for the company," Lewis offered another smile.
Jade offered a hesitant smile in return, still feeling odd about the whole situation. "Very well."
Despite Lewis's urging to ride her normal route, Jade decided that perhaps the Protector would not be so accommodating when she rode flat out across the countryside at a pace that would otherwise be frowned upon. So she stuck to the road and remained at a gentle pace that allowed for conversation. That was the polite thing to do and again her mother would have been proud. She noted that Lewis's Guardian stayed close to his side and did not stray or go ahead. She was used to Protectors being more relaxed and lenient with their Guardians, but she respected the wolf's obedience and composure.
"So tell me, Lewis," she said to him. "Where do you serve?"
"I serve a nobleman in Fishburn," he responded. "I am lucky enough to be able to come home on occasion since the journey is not far."
"Have you seen many fights?" Jade asked curiously, wanting more details. She was just torturing herself hearing about a life she'd never have, but she still couldn't stop herself from asking.
"I've seen a few." He nodded. "Though, I've been blessed with a quiet life so far." Jade tried to hide her disappointment at his lack of detail.
"And your Guardian's name?" she inquired.
"Her name is Dust," he answered. His Guardian looked up to him upon hearing her name. "How would you feel about a race, Miss Dryden? If the rumors are true then I'd dare to assume that you aren't very pleased with this pace."
Jade couldn't keep the smirk from her lips. "All right, Mr. Greenhill," she said accommodatingly. "Name the mark."
They pulled their horses to a stop in the middle of the road and his eyes scanned the horizon, then he pointed. "There," he said. "The lone tree on the far hillside do you see it?"
Jade found it easily. "I do," she said. The road curved to the right around the sheep fields before turning back toward the hillside on which the tree stood; it was at least a half mile.
"What shall we stake?" he asked. "A good race is always better when there's some risk involved."
Jade laughed. "Very well, you can buy me a mug of spiced ale at the tavern should I win."
Lewis nodded once. "And if I win I'd like to call on you again tomorrow and take you on a picnic."
Jade's hands stiffened instinctively around the reigns.
The reality was like a slap in the face. She took a moment to look at Lewis one more time in a new light. Idiot! Jade thought to herself. She should have known better. Lewis hadn't come because he was just interested in riding with Jade. He had come because she was a highborn lady, a Dryden. She wondered how many other Protectors were riding toward Felkor at this very moment with hopes of gaining her favor. How many mothers had sent letters to their sons on the day Jade left the academy? She was a new prospect, a catch for other highborn men.
Jade felt a bitter taste spread over her tongue and realized that she had bitten down on her cheek hard enough to bleed. "My Lady?" Lewis asked. She swallowed hard and nodded, trying to regain composure and not let her emotion show.
"On the count?" she asked, adjusting her grip on the reigns. She knew nothing of Lewis's horse. She didn't care if he was a Protector. She didn't care how many years more he'd been riding than her.
I cannot lose.
"Very good," he said. Lewis started counting down from ten and Jade leaned forward and tightened her legs. Her horse felt her tension change and tossed his head with a snort. "Two. One!"
The horses bolted forward and Jade knew almost immediately that she was at a disadvantage. The horses were both trained for Protectors, but Nemroy did not tend to his horses as he should. Lewis's mare however, was in pristine condition, and pulled ahead after only a few paces. Jade knew if she wanted to beat Lewis she would have to find another way. In a straight race the gelding simply did not have the speed or stamina.
She pulled her horse off the road and spurred the gelding across the fields, heading straight for the mark instead of using the road that curved around. The gelding tried to hesitate at the first wall but Jade did not let him. He cleared the rocks with room to spare and Jade leaned over his neck in encouragement as the sheep scattered in different directions, frightened by their sudden and unexpected visitors.
The next wall was a smoother jump than the first and Jade took a moment to glance at Lewis. He was still slightly ahead. Jade turned her attention back to the tree on the hillside. All that mattered was that she got there first. The last wall was taller and the gelding clipped his hoof on the top layer of rock, causing him to stumble on his landing. But Jade had been riding since she was able to walk.
She gave the gelding his head and kept her balance as he found his footing. Jade didn't look for Lewis again. She just focused on the tree at the top of the hillside. She knew it would be a close race. The gelding was breathing hard when they reach the tree. They ran past it and then circled back around at a trot. Sweat lathered the gelding's neck but his ears were forward and he danced with pleasure from the race. Lewis was waiting for Jade when she returned.
Despite losing, he had a small smile on his face. She noted that his mare was not nearly as breathless as the gelding. "Not only do you ride well, you're also quite resourceful. That was smart of you to cut across the field like that."
"The last wall almost cost me," Jade admitted, feeling pleased that she had beaten him. It was a small victory, but it meant something to her.
"It seems I owe you a drink," Lewis conceded.
"You do." Jade wasn't sure she wanted the drink though, now that she knew why he was here. But she couldn't back down now. They rode the horses at a gentle pace to allow them to recover from the run. The sun set and the sky darkened as the last rays of light disappeared over the horizon.
"Will your housekeeper worry if you're gone for too long?" Lewis asked.
"I doubt it," Jade said honestly. "She knows we rode out together."
The tavern was crowded but when the villagers saw Lewis and his Guardian enter with Jade some of them stood and offered their table. "Thank you," Lewis said to them and pulled a chair out for her. She sat and he waved his hand to catch the attention of one of the barkeepers before he took his own seat.
"I forget how crowded it can be here," he said to Jade, leaning forward so she could hear him above the noise. She gave him a half smile and said nothing, still brewing over her thoughts and feeling slightly cheated and tricked by his appearance. Her eyes caught the golden emblem on his chest and she stared at it, lost in thought.
I should be wearing that mark.
"Jade?"
She blinked and looked up. "Sorry?"
"Do you still want spiced ale?" he asked, motioning to the barkeeper who was standing at their table.
"Please," she nodded and the man walked away to get their drinks.
"I'm surprised you would prefer that drink," Lewis said. "Most ladies I've met cannot stomach it and prefer a glass of wine instead."
"It was my father's drink," Jade explained as if it was an adequate enough reason. She wasn't sure why she said it but it came out of her mouth before she could take it back. They sat in silence until their drinks came a moment later.
Lewis lifted his mug. "To your father?"
Jade tapped her drink to his with a thankful smile for his show of respect and understanding. "To my father," she confirmed.
Despite Jade's reserves about the situation she could not bring herself to dislike Lewis, as hard as she might try. For all that he was, he was nothing if not a kind man with a good spirit. He was proud to be a Protector, but his pride did not bleed out of him like so many she had met in her lifetime. He obliged her with a few more stories of his time serving and offered her adequate descriptions of the lands he had visited. They stayed later than Jade expected and when she yawned, Lewis offered to walk her home.
She accepted out of politeness and instead of riding they walked and led their horses down the road. The moon had risen and offered a little light to see by. "I thoroughly enjoyed spending this evening with you," he said to her.
She could lie to him and say she did not. But, Jade knew Lewis was not the cause of her turmoil, it wasn't his fault she felt the way she did about her situation in life and taking her feelings out on him would be unfair. "I enjoyed it more than I expected to," she admitted honestly. "Thank you, it was good for me to get out of the house and have a change of company. I'm afraid I've been under a bad habit of keeping to myself these days."
Lewis was silent and Jade could feel his tension grow as they walked. She knew what was coming before he opened his mouth. She had been caught off guard once, but it would not happen again. "I know my visit must seem rather abrupt Miss Jade," he said. "But, I hope that my intentions have not been masked, you must know why I am here."
Jade stared ahead down the dark road, refusing to meet Lewis's gaze. "I had my suspicion," she admitted, but did not clarify that the suspicion came much later that she would have liked.
"Then you will not mind me being so bold as to say that I have come to ask you to join hands and marry me," he said.
Jade had not been expecting that.
She stopped walking and Lewis did the same. "What?" she asked, her voice low. She felt oddly disconnected, as though her spirit were pulling away from her body.
"I came to Felkor with this sole intention," he said. "and in speaking with your uncle earlier today he showed no reserves to my intentions, indeed he seemed rather pleased."
Roy knew about this?!
"You don't even know me," Jade said, confused.
"I know enough," he said.
"But you don't love me..."
"What role does love play? We are both highborn and we have a duty to ourselves and this country. Besides, we could continue to learn about each other once we were married, love could be grown later.
"I told you before that I am lucky to live close to Felkor. You won't have to wait to be married or be forced to choose among those who are here. We got along this evening and it has shown me that we have kindred spirits. I would be kind to you and you could still do what you love, I would not place restrictions on our household like most and I would come home as often as I could manage."
Jade couldn't find her voice and even if it was there she doubted she would have any words. It was clear that Lewis had planned what he wanted to say, had perhaps even practiced it on his ride home. Or maybe he was just able to express his thoughts eloquently. She turned away from him and continued walking without saying a word. Lewis walked with her and remained silent. Jade was grateful he did not pressure her for an immediate answer.
Never in Jade's imaginations had she thought she would be in this situation so soon. Marriage was the last thing on her mind and yet...what else what she going to do? What else had she really expected? She was a highborn and highborn Felkorian's became Protectors or got married and continued their bloodline in hopes of their children becoming Protectors. She should have seen this coming and yet, it hadn't even crossed her mind. It should have crossed her mind.
They reach her home before Jade realized. "I'll leave you," Lewis said when she remained silent. "Please think about what I've said. I will wait with anticipation for your answer." He bowed to Jade and his black cloak tumbled over his shoulder, covering the golden wolf emblem from her sight. Then he reached out and took her hand to kiss it. She watched him ride away until he disappeared into the darkness.
Sleep evaded Jade that night. She tossed and turned and stared at the darkened ceiling. Eventually she gave up and quietly made her way down to the study and built a fire. She poured herself a glass of wine from Nemroy's stash and stared at the flames until the night gave way to morning.
Nemroy tried to act like he didn't know why Jade was in his office. As soon as the sun began to lighten the sky Jade dressed and walked to the academy. She was here before the first bell, so none of the apprentices were even up yet. Nemroy shuffled a few papers in front of him and glanced up at Jade who sat across his desk, failing miserably to keep the emotions off his face.
"Well?" Jade finally asked.
"Well, what?" Nemroy responded. "You're the one who came here and asked for a meeting."
"There isn't some news you'd like to share with me?" Jade asked. "Some bit of information that I might be grateful to know?"
"I assumed you would be the one to have news to share this morning," he said, sounding hopeful.
"Why didn't you tell me that Lewis Greenhill would show up asking for my hand in marriage?" she demanded, louder than she meant.
Nemroy smiled. "So he did ask! This is wonderful news, Jade. I'm so happy."
"I haven't given my answer." Jade snuffed his enthusiasm before it grew to large.
"Why not?" Nemroy hesitated. Maybe he finally sensed her mood. "He's a good man and a fine Protector. He would make a good husband. You must think of these things now."
After being alone with her thoughts all night there was a seed in Jade's mind—a wild, dangerous thing that was threatening to consume her. But she gave no outward hints that anything was wrong. She had her secrets and she would keep them buried as she always did.
"I don't have to do anything," Jade reminded him firmly. "I may never become a Protector but there are other options."
"Like what?" Nemroy asked skeptically. "You have your family's wealth but if you truly want to raise your family name then you will need to take a husband and pray that your children bond to a Guardian."
Jade felt heat prickle the back of her neck. They never saw Jade for what she was, even Nemroy, the only thing they ever saw was the lack of wolf at her side. I am more. I will make them see.
"I could become a Ranger," Jade challenged.
Nemroy went still and studied Jade, looking for hints of a joke. She could see the insult clearly on his face. "You can't be serious," he said finally.
Jade shrugged. "Why not?"
"You're a highborn," Nemroy said, as if she had forgotten, as if that was all the explanation that was needed.
"I'm well trained. I would be better qualified than any of them. With time I could even become a Master." Jade wasn't entirely wrong. Rangers gave their lives to guard the Felkorian forest. They lived in the woods, remaining invisible but watchful of the packs. They made sure that forest fires never got out of hand, and if men from the village came for lumber with the permission of the Elders they went to the Rangers to be told which tree's could be cut. They were in charge of introducing and regulating herd to make sure the wolves never starved or disease didn't spread. They made sure the forest and the wolves and anyone else who entered were in unity. No highborn ever became a ranger, it wasn't forbidden, it was simply unheard of. It was seen as beneath their abilities and rank.
Despite seeing signs of the Ranger's existence when she went into the forests all those years Jade never actually saw them. They were forbidden to interact with the apprentices unless they were badly injured, so they tended to keep to the outskirts of the forest. Their job was only to ensure the safety of the wolves and the forest. It was rumored that the Rangers had their own small settlement at the far northern reaches, but Jade had never seen anything.
"You would throw your life away?" Nemroy asked, pulling her from her thoughts. "You would rather spend your life in the woods than marry?"
"I could do both."
"A husband would expect his wife to be home and to bear and raise his children. Jade, think. You would be throwing your life away. You'd be throwing your family and your name away. Think of your parents," he urged.
"I do," Jade retorted. "I think about them every day. I think about how I've never been good enough. I think about how they would be disappointed. I think about how maybe it would be better that their name die with them because I'm not good enough to carry it." Jade took a breath. "I want to honor them with a sword in my hand, Nemroy. I want to honor them with my actions and all of my passion behind it."
"There are other ways to honor your family than wielding a sword," he reminded her softly. "You must let go and look to your future now."
Jade leaned all the way back in her chair. "You would wish me to marry Greenhill?" she asked.
Nemroy sighed. "I think he's a good man but only you can answer that question. I'm sure he will not be the first to ask for your hand in any case if you do not think he'll be a good match."
There was a war inside of Jade's heart. She wanted to blame someone for her situation, wanted to complain and cry that it wasn't fair. But, there was the other side of Jade that was fighting even harder and growing louder each day.
What frightened Jade was that she was beginning to listen.
She walked away from Nemroy's office feeling worse than when she arrived. Lost in her thoughts, she did not notice the group of apprentices until she nearly ran into them. Jade cursed silently. Of course Hevic had to be there at that moment.
They stared at each other. Jade felt startled by their sudden appearance and the group seemed unsure how to act at seeing her wear a dress. Then finally, they bowed to her and muttered, "Lady Dryden." Hevic didn't say a word, he bowed with the rest, but his eyes remained on Jade and his wolf lowered his head as if he still wanted to attack her.
Jade walked away, feeling as though she were fleeing. It was painful to return to the academy, knowing she'd never be accepted again as she once had. It was a beautiful morning, despite her mood. The breeze was fresh and the sun was warm. She decided she would take the day to herself.
"I'm not taking visitors today," she told Darlene when she returned. "I'm going out for a ride and I won't be back until late. Please pack me a sufficient lunch." There was no time wasted. Jade changed as quickly as she could and then went out to the stable and saddled the white gelding again. Ben brought Jade a saddlebag when she asked for one.
"Will you be home for supper?" Darlene asked when Jade brought the horse around to the front of the house. She handed Jade her lunch and Jade packed it away. She could feel the warmth of the bread through the cloth.
"I think so," Jade said.
"If anyone calls where should I tell them you went?" Darlene asked.
"Tell them the truth." Jade mounted and gathered the reins in her hands. "That you don't know." She rode away and when she got to the main road she let the horse run. While she rode she observed the mountains in the distance and the rough land that stretched out around her. Herders waved to Jade as she passed on the road. She lifted a hand but did not stop.
It wasn't until she came to the crossroads that she finally realized where she was going. She pulled the reins and the horse stopped immediately. Jade looked down the forgotten road. It branched away and curved north. It was abandoned, overgrown, and barely recognizable. Grass had taken root in the old wheel tracks and the trees had grown and stretched their branches low over the road as if they were trying to consume the free space.
When did I make the decision to come here?
Jade hadn't realized what she was doing when she had left Nemroy's. She had only known she wanted to get away and had acted on that feeling. A wind came from the north, pushing through the trees and grass. It whispered to Jade, called her name. She took a small shaky breath and dismounted. She gathered the reins in her hand and made her way down the overgrown road. Ducking and pushing branches aside so the horse could make his way behind her.
Jade remembered when she used to play in the woods and watch visitor's pass by. She used to hide in the brush and make up stories about why they had come to see her father. Jade shivered from the old memories, they clung to her like spider's silk.
As the road curved for the final time the trees fell away and revealed an open field that once used to be trimmed and cared for. The road curved up the small hill where it ended at the ruins of her home. Forgotten and abandoned; trees had grown around the yard and ivy snaked over the fallen and crumbled stones. Jade took another breath and walked the old path. She could still remember the sounds of the crunching gravel as carriages and wagons approached the house.
Every scent and sound brought back the memories that Jade had tried so hard to push down and forget. When she closed her eyes she could still feel the heat of the fire seeping from the stone. When she took a breath could still taste the smoke and ash in the back of her mouth.
Jade unsaddled the horse and set him loose to graze. He snorted and chewed on the grass that had grown to heights that would have been, at one time, completely unacceptable. Jade laid out on one of the larger remaining stones of the house. The world turned around her and continued to pulse with life. But Jade closed her eyes and did not stir. She allowed the memories to play and built in her mind like a crescendo from a piano.
When she finally opened her eyes, Jade had her answer. She knew what had been stirring and growing inside her, causing her restlessness.
Jade had her father's name and wealth. Tomorrow, if she wished, she could set plans into motion and the woods would be cut back and the road restored. A team of men and women could begin to rebuild her home in the glory it had once been known for. She had the means to marry a wealthy highborn and pass her family blood onto her children in hopes that they might become Protectors and continue the honor of her family.
But Jade hadn't come back to envision life here. She had come to say goodbye.