# pic on the side is Luca, Jasmine's baby brother.
25 December 2010
"Je sais maman, je le ferai..... Quand allez-vous revenir?.... Oui hahaha... E vous ai manquestrop maman. Et dire papa me manque... Joyeux Noel, maman. Je T'aime.... Oui. Au revoir" I smiled and hung up.
Maman. She called from New York to ask is everything alright. And of course, saying merry Christmas. Maman and papa lives in New York with my litte brother. I'd rather call him baby brother, it would make him upset.
He's taking a college there. Whilst me, deciding to live on my own here, in Paris. They insist me to come along, or one of them live with me. But I told them it's alright and Luca needs them more.
I miss Luca and his funny attitude. I would ruffled his dirty blond hair and kissed his cheek. He would scowled at me and avoid my hand. He's only one year younger before me but I always play the protective big sister on him. Even he's trying to look 'all grown up' but he's a softie inside.
*Flashback*
Once, I had a really bad day. Everything is a mess. I was really upset and tired. And people has been bugging me out. I was lying in my bed. Then he knocked the door and asked me in a small voice could he come in. I said yes and he and his boyish smile came in.
"What do you want, Luca" I snapped angrily at him He would just come in and borrowed something for me and never give it back. "Please just get out"
He sat and gave me a hurtful look. I felt guilty. How could I be so rude. I bit my lips and I felt tears pricking in my eyes. I can't believe I was so rude to my baby brother.
He sat down there, on my chair fiddling with his fingers. He was nervous, I could tell. He always do that when he's nervous. Or embarrassed. And he would flick his head up and down- just like what he just did now.
"Uhhh I j-just want t-to make sure you're okay" He muttered in french. "I thought something- uh bothering you"
My heart melt. I smiled and lifted myself up. "Did you eat something wrong today, baby brother?" I teased him. He scowled at me and got up. "No- wait! Sit down" I laughed.
"You're a really mean sister" He sighed and rolled himself to my guitar. "I was about to cheer you up"
"You were?" I asked him, feeling surprised. He grinned at me and strum the guitar. It was out of tune. He frowned and tuned the guitar. "Why?" I asked softly.
He shrugged. "You're my big sister" He said as if it solves all the problems. I smiled at him. He got the tune right and cried in delight. He started playing the guitar and he sang out.
"I wanna know who ever told you I was letting go? The only joy that I have ever known, girl they're lying. Just look around and all of the people that we used to know-
I sang out with him, smiling.
"Have given out they wanna, let it go but we're still trying"
He stopped singing and let me sing the next verse.
"So you should know this love we share was never made to die I'm glad we're on this one way street, just you and I-
He sang in.
"Just you and I. I'm never gonna say goodbye Cause I never wanna see you cry"
At the word cry he looked at me and smiled. I know what's his pointed look means.
"I swear to you my love would remain and I swear it all over again and I, I'm never gonna treat you bad cause I never wanna see you sad I swear to share your joy and your pain and I swear it all over again"
He stopped singing, so did I. Then he played the tunes of the song. I sat there listening. Swear It All Over Again is our favorite song. When I was 6 and he was 5 we learnt the song by heart. We always love Westlife. And their songs.
"Thank you, Luca" I smiled.
"Are you okay now?" He asked hopefully.
"Oui. Better than ever" I whispered. He grinned and put my guitar down. He hugged me and I kissed his cheek. "Thank you baby brother" I ruffled his hair. And like always, he scowled at me.
*End of Flashback*
Maman was calling to check if everything okay with me and of course, saying merry christmas. Christmas. The word tug something sensitive in my heart. Two years ago just like today, I lose Josh.
Two years.
Forget it, Jas. I told myself. "Music music music.." I mumbled to myself. I put my iPod on the dock and started playing Michael Buble. I need a little.. Jazz. I sang my heart out to his song L.O.V.E. This is my papa's favorite song!
"L is for the way you look at me O is for the only one I see V is very very extraordinary E is even more than anyone that you ado-"
Just then my phone decided to ring. I sighed and let Michael continue the song without me. It's Luca! How sweet! I turned the volume down.
"....is more than just a game or two.. two in love can make it.."
"Luca?" I grinned happily. I missed him so much. He didn't call me since 5 days ago and I missed him tons. I wished he's still here but he decided to take college in New York. We see each other rarely but he always call me. At least once a week.
I heard him chuckled and I could imagine his smile. How I love my baby brother. "Hi sis how are you?" He asked me in English.
"I'm good. Tu me mannques tellement" I answered softly.
"Tu me manques trop, ma sœur" He added. I could hear someone shuffled in the background.
"... is for the only one I see.. V is very very extraordinary.."
"How have you been?" I switched into English again. "How' college? Any new girlfriend? Anyone bullying you?"
He grunted. I bit my lips. I know he hates my 'big sister' sh*t. "Sis I'm not 13 anymore. I'm 18. I'm an adult now"
"I know" I whispered sadly. He grown up so much.
"..is more than just a game or two, two in love can make it take my heart but please don't break it.."
"Uhh but just so you know I'm still you baby brother, sis" I grinned at this.
"Of course! So tell me everything I've missed!"
*
Ding dong! I was just finished showering and was about to make some tea when someone rang the bell. God can't I have one day without people bugging me?
I opened the door. And attacked by a big bear hug. "Oompfh!"
"I've missed you! Merry Christmas!" My big cousin, Henri laughed out loud.
"Auntie Jas!" Oliver giggled and hugged my leg.
"Merry Christmas, Jasmine" Jeanne hugged me and kissed both of my cheeks.
"You guys! Merry Christmas!" I grinned happily. Didn't expected them to come here. I picked up Oliver, an adorable 4 years old child of Henri and Jeanne. He's the cutest boy I've ever seen. He would be a nice boy and say hi to people he met. "How's my favorite boy doing?"
He giggled and began to tell me about his friends and school as we walk inside. Jeanne smiled and told me things too. We talk for hours that Oliver fell asleep on my bed. "I think we have to go" Henri pick up Oliver. "Bye Jas" He kissed me on the cheek.
"Goodbye. Merry Christmas!" I hugged Jeanne and kissed both of her cheek.
"Visit us sometimes" Jeanne winked and walked out of my apartment.
"Of course. Au revoir" I grinned. Just then my phone beeped.
Hailey Young calling...
"Hailey?"
"Girl! Have you dressed up yet?" She shrieked into the phone.
"No.. I thought it would be 7 o'clock.. Hailey it's still 3!"
"Yes but you need to look hot tonight!" I could totally imagine her squealing.
"Why so?" I chuckled and close my door.
"Well there will be Austin" I rolled my eyes. This girl and her matchmaking effort.
"Hailey- I don't...."
The line crackled. "Jasmine he's hot and he's head over heels with you. Just give him a chance" I know I can't argue. And she's right. No- not about Austin but about Josh. She wants me to move on. Then this is what I should do, right?
"Alright alright you win. But at least let me sleep, okay?"
She hissed 'yes' "Okay! I'll be there at 5 you better be up, missy"
"Yes ma'am" She hung up on me. I walked to the bed and sleep.
*
"Haileeeeeeeeeeeey" I whinned.
"Jasmine" She said, mocking me. She straighten up my hair.
"You know how much I despise make up" I pouted.
"Yes" She sighed. "With or without it you look stunning, sweetheart. But this is a special occasion"
"Okay" I scowled defeated. She grinned and put up some make up. I had some glitters right under my eyes. Blue. My favorite.
"See you look stunning!"
"At least I have some glitters" I laughed half-heartedly.
"Let's roll!" She stormed out of my room leaving me alone.
"Wait up!" I took mu purse and my high heels, running after her. She's gone to her car already. So mature. So mature. I locked my door and running downstairs earning a funny look from a middle-aged woman that I passed.
"Thank you very much, Hailey. I feel the love" I muttered annoyedly in french as I got into her car. She laughed out loud.
"You're welcome" She grinned wickedly. God. Remind me why do I have her as a best friend? We ride in silence. It's almost 7 now. I can't believe I spent Christmas sleeping in bed.
We came into a redlight. Hailey tapped her finger impaitently and eyeing the red light. Along the pavement I could see a bunch of teenagers running along with some flowers in their hands. Are they selling it?
"Bonjour mesdames. Souhaitez-vous acheter ma fleur?" A cute looking girl grinned to us.
"Non merci" Hailey smiled half-heartedly to the girl. The girl smiled and skipped away.
"You're so mean" I struggled to use my high heels. "You could've buy one"
"I could've" She smirked. I rolled my eyes at my stupid best friend. When it's green, she stepped on the gas making me jerked off my seat.
"Hailey!" I gasped, holding tightly to my seat "Calm down!"
"I want to get there as fast as I could" She said carelessly. I sighed and looking around the downtown of Paris, the dim light and faint sound of people.
She turned for a few times until she stopped in front of a house I remember clearly. Austin's. "Now..." She looked around and tapped her finger "Where should we parked my baby?"
I helped her looking around. I think she spotted one. When she parked the car I spotted Josh's car... Wait a minute... "Hailey!"
"Yes, Jas?" She's busy looking at the mirror.
"Why's Josh here?"
"It's for all of us, Jas. Don't you remember what I said?" She frowned and parked the car.
She's right. "True.. but you could've told me he's coming!"
"I could've" She gave me her sly smirk. God. I banged my head against the door. Stupid me.
"I'll wait for you here" I decided and shuffled into a comfortable position.
"For hours" She raised her eyebrow at me and checked her reflection at the mirror.
"Yes" I snapped stubbornly.
She sighed. "Jasmine don't be difficult. We've come this far!"
I scowled at her. Where did my best friend go?
"Aw c'mon" She turned to me "It's going to be fine! Listen, Austin's mansion is so big. You probably won't meet him tonight"
"But stil..."
"Please? Just this once? For me?" She gave me a big goo-goo eyes.
"Fine... b-but just this once" I sigh defeated. She grinned happily and clapped her hand.
We got out of the car and she locked it. "As I said, Austin fancies you"
"I know" I kicked a pebble outta my way with my high heels.
"You could forget Josh and your little fiasco back there" She said excitedly. I know she wants the best for me but I just can't tell her I don't wanna try right?
"I will" I said in a strained voice. As we approach the mansion, I could hear music playing. It was so loud that I could feel the bass in my heart. Thump. Thump. Thump.
We went inside and suddenly someone bumped into me. It was Josh.
"Oomph" I gasped. He's so strong that I fell down. My butt hurts.
"I'm so so sorry" He said and offered me a hand. He didn't see my face yet. I took his hand and he gasped. "J-jasmine? Is that you?"
"Yeah" I replied quietly. I couldn't find Hailey anywhere. She ditched me for some hot guys to flirt?
"You're beautiful" He said in a daze. We both surprised then. "I-I'm s-sorry. It's not that- But you're still- gah-" He reddened a little. Then he make a funny gesture with his head and turn away.
I smiled sadly. He don't want to meet me then. My chest felt heavy.
"Hi you're okay?" A masculine voice said right beside my ear.
"Y-yeah" I startled. It's Austin. "Oh Austin! Hi!" I smiled kindly. I don't want this boy got the wrong message.
"How's my favorite lady doing? I haven't see you since summer!"
"Yeah you know I've been busy and all.." I laugh hesitantly.
"I see" He simply smiled. "Want a drink? You could wait on the couch and I'll bring it up to you"
"Okay" I went to the couch and plopped myself down. I keep my eyes open for Hailey. Damn this girl. Once you took your eyes off her, then poof! She's gone flirting her head off.
God. I took one step inside and the boy appeared in front of me. I sighed and rubbed my temple. I hope I won't be seeing him again. My heart tugged painfully.
Lie.
I decided to leave Josh and our 'fiasco' in the back of my head. What takes Austin so long? Speak of the devil here he come. I tried to look happy to meet him.
"Here you go beautiful" I feel disgusted, he's calling me like that.
"Err.. thanks" I smiled half heartedly. But I guess he can't tell. He just starred at me and I looked away. Trying to notice something interesting.. something interesting. I caught Josh's black hair outside. With Michelle.
Thump.
"Are you going to drink that or not?" Ausin looked annoyed. What's up with his butt?
"Yeah I was going to" I snapped. I look at the red liquid in front of me. It smells funny. I shook that feeling and brought the glass to my mouth when someone suddenly slapped the glass away.
It shattered to the floor and spilled red liquid everywhere. "What?" I look up only to find my fummed best friend glaring at Austin. Everybody stopped. Even the music stopped. "Er.. Hailey?"
In a split second she slapped Autin. Everybody gasped. There's murmur everywhere. "How dare you!" Venom coated her voice.
"What are you talking about?!" Austin yelled. I could saw that black hair moving to the front of the crowd. The red haired Michelle still clinging onto him. I sighed and turned away.
"YOU PUT SOME DRUG INTO HER DRINK, YOU BASTARD!" She punched Austin in the face. I gasped and stood up.
"You did?" I let out a shaky voice.
"Of course he did! I saw it with my own eyes!" Hailey spat and trying to strangled Austin. I have to hold her back.
"Is it true?"
"Well.. you never want to be my girlfriend" He shrugged and getting up. "And I love you. Why don't you want to be with me?"
I scoffed. I can't believe this big head bastard. Tears threatened to spill. Was that how cheap I am? To win over with drugs? My grip on Hailey's hand loosened as wiped the tears from my eyes.
"You made her cry you f*cking bastard!" This time Hailey punch Austin so hard that he collapsed on the floor. There's some of his friends gathering around him. Hailey disappeared fastly. I'm sure she's trying to knock some sense into that bastard's thick head.
"Hi are you okay?" Brianna asked me. She was one of the cheerleader. She's not a stuck-up and a helpful person. We get along just fine, but we're not on a best friend term.
"I-I don't..." I croaked. I'm scared. What would happen if Hailey didn't come in time? Brianna smiled sadly and give me a hug.
"Shh it's okay. He won't hurt you. Hailey's already take care of him" I chuckled sadly between tears.
Josh. Why would he appear in a time like this?
He used to be your knight, isn't he? Yes, but he's not my knight now. I hate how cheesy and pathetic I sound.
I always look pathetic without him.
I pulled away from Brianna. "Thanks Bree. I think I need to use the toilet" I know she know I'm lying but she let it go with a sad frown on her face. I caught the boy boy with black hair walking to the crowd.
Sigh. How could I live without you, Josh?
I wasn't really looking where I'm going. But what I know is I found myself on the glass balcony. I slumped myself on the door and sighed heavily. I hope no ones gonna find me here.
With a steady breeze and a cool night, I started to fall asleep.
~Josh's P.O.V~
I saw her walking upstairs. I want to hold her close. Saying that it's all gonna be okay. But there's someone I need to kill first.
I was fummed with rage when I found his friends kicking out Hailey and he's laughing his ass of on the bar. He noticed me and I read fear written in his eyes.
"Having a little fun, bastard?" I said. All of the guys fell in silent.
"Of course. I was about to make her my wife before that little friend of her come an-"
He stumbled and fell to the floor after I punch him hard. I gripped his shirt and punch him repeatedly. "Don't. You. Dare. Try. To. Touch. Her"
His friend watched me in shocked. No one tried to help him. Such some friends he got there. I scoffed. He was bleeding a lot by now. I never realize I pack such some strong punches. Or maybe it was because of her.
For her. I used to be her knight, did I?
But you lost her already. I know.
"Man what's wrong with you!!" Austin shrieked. He tried to block my punch.
I laughed bitterly. "What's wrong with me?!" I punch his stomach. He let out an oomph. "You should've asked yourself the same question" I got up and kick his side. I heard a painful groan.
"Learn. Your Lesson. Asshole" I kick his side, his stomach, his back and his head. "Got it?"
He grunted and trying to get up. I yanked his hair. "I said, got it?"
"Yes" He whimpered. Baby. Big bulky outside, but a baby inside. I breathed heavily. People has been starring.
"What?" I snapped. I turned around just to found a pissed looking Michelle.
"You're sticking up for that slut?" She asked in disbelief.
"She's not a slut. You are. She's the love of my life. Now get out of my way" I said. She look surprised. No wonder. I never acted this way before.
"But I AM the love of your life baby!" She whined and tried to glue herself to me. I walked to the stairs, completely ignoring him.
"Keep teeling yourself that" I muttered. She gasped and stomped away. I could guess she would fin another boy to hook up with. Now the most important thing is Jasmine.
I searched everywhere. Every single room. Bedrooms, bathrooms, toilets, game room, gym, everywhere- unless..
She always like a night like this. Full of cool breeze. My guess is right. I found her asleep cutely on the door to the balcony. She look so calm. Like nothing in this world could tear her apart.
Her divine beauty. her beautiful eyelashes. Soft lips. Tender skin... If only-
She shifted in her sleep. "Josh"
I gasped. She's dreaming about me? I frowned- happily this time. Why would this angel dreaming about his foolish knight? The one who let her lost from his sight? I put a stray of her hair behind her ear.
That woke her up. Her eyes were covered with fear. I felt my heart tug painfully. I hate seeing her hurt, or scared. "Josh?" She trailed "I was- Austin- I..."
"Ssshh calm down" I grinned. "Everything's okay"
She smiled faintly. We fell into silence. I scooted closer to her. Aware of her sweet scent. It's already making me dizzy. I kissed her lips.
That made her realized what's happening. She blushed brightly and stoop up. "You- I- .. Wasn't suppose to-.."
I scratched my head. Of course. My world crashed down. She wouldn't like it if I kiss her. "I'm sorry. I was just cheking if you're okay"
All the life of her suddenly sucked out and she started to bawl. My eyes widened.
"Please Josh please don't look at me like that. This is all my fault" She choked. "All my fault"
"Jasmine I-"
"Josh you don't know how it felt like, to be so guilty. To be so, so regretful. And the person you've hurt so deep is standing in front of you. Smiling, asking you for a dance. For something nice. He would even hang out with you. Even if he knows the pain. He feels it right there.
Silence hang upon us. I don't dare to break it. She sobbed uncontrollably and hugged herself tighter.
"Josh I'm so s-sorry. I left you" She gasped between her cries. She doesn't know how much I want to scoop her and hug her. But I don't think that's the best idea right now. She doesn't like to be interrupted.
"I was so dumb Josh. I hate myself for everything I've done. I made it so complicated. I thought.. when you appeared that one night" She hiccuped "I thought.. I was hoping that there's a chance for me to say I'm sorry
"I never know it was that hard. I never know that to say something out loud, honest, truthful, is a hard thing. I was holding back too long. Two years Josh"
She cried painfully again. God. Please, please help her. Oh God. Every sound she made, every gesture- she's in pain, And it's because of me. I feel like my heart being ripped out.
It was my fault. Never calling her again. It was my fault. Didn't chase after her. It was my fault. I let her go.
I was hurt. And she was too. Why didn't I be a man and take her back long ago?
Why?
I carefully walk to her. Eyeing every appearance of her. When she look up, everything around me is frozen. She caught my breath. I feel like it's hard to breathe.
She was crying. Her make up ruined. But she looks like a goddess. The most beautiful creature that walk on this earth.
And she loves me still.
She loves me.
She look down again and closed her eyes. I caressed her beautiful blond hair. And her cheek. She still closed her eyes. Sparks.
Sparks.
I could feel her shivering- no trembling. With fear? I can't take it anymore. I hug her. I hug her tight. I kissed the top of her head. Hoping, wishing, she would get the message that I love her and I still want her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry Jasmine" I replied that for hundreds of time. She was stiffened, but then relaxed. I could feel her head popped up.
She gasped in amusement. "J-josh y-you're crying!"
I frowned. I brought my hand to my cheek and it felt wet. Ah. I don't feel like a man right now. "I'm sorry" I wiped my tears away. She hold my hand.
"What for" She whispered.
I opened my mouth to say something but she cutted me off. "Will you forgive me? I know I was a jerk. I was harsh and unforgivable. But p-please? You don't have to see me or anything else. You don't have to be my friend. I just want to hear that you forgive-"
I brought my hand to her mouth. "Listen closely. I'm sorry I didn't chase after you. I was hurt, I won't deny it. I was confused. And I was scared, Jas. I was so in love with you. I didn't know what to do without you. I was so in shock"
I sighed. "I tried to move on off you, Jas. I tried with Michelle, even with Tasya. And bunch of another girls. I can't. I j-just c-can't move on. I hate it when we're not talking at all. It's killing me.
"I was a coward. I didn't brave enough to talk to you- until this week. I missed you so bad. I wanted to see you. And I want to know if you've move on" I scratched his neck sheepishly.
"In fact you haven't. I was so happy. So happy. But then when you saw Tanya and I. I blew it up. And then I knew my chance with you has blew up. Gone.
"I swear she came to my house uninvited. I didn't know she's coming. Then she just kissed me. Right when you came. I don't know what to do, Jas. You were always there" I felt my eyes burnt.
She looked down. "I hope I can turn back the time and make it perfect for you" She whispered. "I don't think anyone wants a broken, lying, selfish girl like me"
She laughed bitterly and wiped some tears. I brought her face up gently. "Je t'aime, Jasmine. You're already, and always be perfect for me. I don't think you want a coward gentleman like me" I smiled bitterly.
Then it all broke down. She kissed me. Hard. I responded quickly. Everthing's gone. It was just me, her, our lips, bodies, passionate, and love. I felt the bastard butterflies in my stomach. Sparks everywhere she touched me.
I've missed her. I've missed her so much. Her touch, her face, her smooth skin, her soft hair, her bright eyes, her kisses, her love. God. Words can't explain how much I missed her.
I didn't know I have her up against the wall then but it's not important. I put my forehead against her. We were panting, gasping for air. I don't know how long did we kiss. "Please come back to me, princess. I'll do a better training"
She blushed. I feel a tug at my heart. Beautiful. Oh God. She's beautiful and she's all mine. "Of course" She said with a small voice and a smile.
"Je t'aime"
"Je t'aime trop"
I don't need to mention the rest. But what's important is, what's supposed to be mine has come back. And this love, grew stronger that it has ever been.
There. Finish. Whoo.(: Do you guys want an epilogue?