What was so great about birthdays? It was just another day, why do people have to make such a big fuss about it? Big celebrations and special gifts, what's the point in those?
When Kei was younger, he used to love his birthday. Akiteru would always play with him for the whole day and his parents would get him a small cake to celebrate. Slowly, those things came to a stop.
The years go by one by one. Days passing by one after the other. People growing older minute by minute, every second that passes. The spark of growing older stops being fun when life hits, for some people harder than others.
Happiness is an illusion created by humans. It's a useless feeling. Feelings themselves are useless. What's there to be sad about? What's there to be scared about? What's there to be angry about? But that is what makes humans human.
Ten year old Kei would still try his best to enjoy a day out with his brother at least on his birthday. His parents couldn't stand being in the same room as each other anymore, they started having financial problems. They begun not being able to afford luxuries that seemed so normal for them before. At least his brother remembered his love of strawberry shortcake.
When their family fell apart, every day was the same. No matter what day it was, Kei did the same thing over and over again. He met Yamaguchi and his school life changed little by little but life outside of school was still the same. After reaching home, go to his room and shut himself in until someone needed him. Which was a rare occurrence.
Just a few days in his time from the age of eleven to sixteen, things went differently. This was one of those days.
~
"Kei! Let's go and play!" 17-year old Akiteru pulled Kei out of his room. Honestly, Kei wondered how Akiteru was six years older than him with the way he acted.
Kei and Akiteru almost made it out the door when they heard a crash coming from the living room. Akiteru cursed under his breath and tried to shuffle Kei away but Kei insisted on finding out what happened.
They stood at the entrance of the living room, looking over the scene that was unfolding in front of them. Some of the ornaments in the living room was smashed onto the ground. They both stood there staring, both didn't have the courage to move in case they get the end of their mother's wrath.
Their mother, who took leave from work as she was running a slight fever, standing facing their father, who was leaned back on the sofa watching television as usual. Their mother had one hand on her hip and one hand pointing to their father.
"This is what you do all day when I'm at work? I work my ass off to make a living for us and this is what you do?" Their mother screamed.
"It's fine isn't it? I'll go do some work later." Their father replied nonchalantly.
"I'm here on my day off and I'm sick. The costs of the medicine wasn't cheap but at least I have a stable job to pay for it. What are you doing? You don't have a stable job, and you sit on your ass for half the day drinking whatever drinks you can get on your hands and eating the food I made for our children?" Their mother was at her wits end, you could tell she wanted to hit him, or smash everything in the house.
"I said I'll go later. There's still time. What's your hurry?" Their father took out a cigarette from it's packet and lit it.
"Do you think we're rich? You can think that all you want just as long as you have money to pay the bills this month okay? I'm not going to give you a cent."
"Fine I'll handle it. It's been fine so far hasn't it?" Their father was taking things too lightly. They had their electricity bills, water bills, phone bills, cable bills. Not to mention allowance for Kei and Akiteru.
Akiteru could handle not being given allowance since he has a part time job but Kei was still young. He couldn't legally get a job yet.
Their mother stomped away muttering to herself about all the housework that she still has to do and if she did not do it, the house is going to stay a pigsty. The only places she didn't have to clean was Kei's and Akiteru's rooms. They are already more responsible than their father.
Akiteru turned Kei around and led him out of the house.
"I'm sorry Kei. I tried to leave before it happened but I was too late." Akiteru apologised when they reached the playground. They both crawled under the playground into the tunnel. Well, Akiteru had his body sticking out the sides.
Kei shook his head. It wasn't Akiteru's fault. He was the one who wanted to check up on things.
"Are mum and dad okay? I don't like it when they shout." Kei said as he curled in on himself, using his hands to cover his ears.
"Yeah they're fine bud. Just a little stressed. They'll go back to normal tomorrow."
Kei nodded and leaned onto Akiteru. Kei wanted to cry, but he held it in. He hated shouting. Hearing people shout always made him really scared, like he did something wrong.
Akiteru held Kei tightly in his arms. Even if the position was a little awkward since he couldn't fit into the small tunnel made for kids.
Things weren't fine. Kei would find out eventually but Akiteru wanted to protect Kei for as long as he could.
For the next month, their mother refused to do anything for their father. She still gave Kei allowance whenever their father had no money to spare, she still cooked breakfast and dinner for them minus their father. She did their laundry and also took some time off for herself to relax, something she doesn't do often. She locked her bedroom door so their father couldn't sleep with her and was forced to sleep on the couch.
Soon, the date when payment was due came and went, they had no idea if their father had enough money to pay. Their electricity went off, their water supply dwindled. Everything was shut off.
Kei and Akiteru used candles and a handheld fan at night, luckily the hot days have yet to begin.
Their father couldn't take it and had begged their mother to help pay the bills. She made him beg for two days and she finally gave in, feeling sorry for her sons to be caught up in their fight.
Their father reverted back to his old habits the next day. Kei thinks that their mother had totally given up by then and had divorce already on her mind.
~
"Hey Kei. How are you? Are you free on September 27?" Kuroo's voice was loud and as obnoxious as ever.
"I'm fine. I'm free. Why are you asking?"
"Oh no reason. I just have a day off from school and I didn't take an extra shift at work, I thought we could meet up and just hang out?"
"Sure I don't mind." Kei replied indifferently. Kuroo wondered if Kei was having a bad day. Usually if Kei was feeling good, he would indulge Kuroo in his conversations... Well more than usual.
"I was actually thinking of going to the zoo with Bokuto and Akaashi... Won't you come too?"
"Whatever."
"And also there's a dinosaur event too. You'd like that right?"
"Hm." Kei was definitely interested in it now.
"Okay. I'll text you the details. I have to go. Class is going to start soon. I love you yeah?"
"Yeah. Love you too." Kei blushed at his own words. It was one thing hearing Kuroo say it, but saying it himself. He should be used to it, but he isn't.
Kei put down his phone. It has been months since their first and only date. Kuroo went back home, got an earful from his parents and teachers and everybody else that knew him, studied for his entrance exams, got accepted in a college an hour away from Kei. The college school year just started and kuroo was getting used to his lessons.
Surprisingly, Kuroo chose a literature course. He is going to major in English and he even had published a few novels during high school. Unknowingly, Kei had bought two of his works before he knew about it.
Kuroo called it fate. Not knowing that it was him but still drawn to it. Kei called him stupid for that nonsensical thought.
~
The 27th of September came around. Kuroo and Kei agreed to meet in front of the train station and they would walk to the zoo together.
Kei took about an hour to choose what clothes to wear for it. It was their second official date and he wanted to look nice. He looked into the mirror, wearing the forth outfit he tried on. He used to not care at all about how he looked but something made him want to try harder. Maybe it's the subconscious thought that Kuroo might think that Kei wasn't good enough for him. That Kuroo would leave him.
Kuroo on the other hand, he chose his clothes reasonably fast. What he was worried about was the present he bought for Kei and the schedule he had in his mind. They were going to the museum, stay for a few hours, he had to take pictures of the exhibits, and they were going to a cafe for dinner. Kuroo would present present after. Kuroo's mind filled with thoughts of how Kei would like his present.
After all their worrying which made Kei early by half an hour and Kuroo late by fifteen minutes, their double date begun. The entire time while waiting for Kuroo, Bokuto was complaining and Akaashi had to deal with his boyfriend's ranting on and on about how Kuroo was always late even though he was the one who planned everything.
"Let's go!" Kuroo shouted, grabbing Kei's hand and leading him to the direction of the zoo. They bought their tickets and took a map of the place.
"Hey hey hey! Akaashi! It's a T-rex! It's so big!" Bokuto shouted and ran towards the display. He started trying to climb the dinosaur.
Akaashi face-palmed and turned away from the child that was Bokuto. "I think you guys should go ahead without us. I doubt the idiot would give up climbing that. Unless someone scolds him or something."
Kei nodded and continued on walking on the trail, Kuroo not far behind him. Kuroo took the lead and brought Kei around looking at the different animals and dinosaur exhibits.
Kuroo loved seeing Kei's facial expressions when he thought no one was watching, when Kei totally let go of his mask. Kei caught him staring a few times and turned away flushing. Kei really looked beautiful today, Kuroo thought. How long did Kei get ready? He looked perfect. The sun hit Kei's hair and reflected the light, Kei looked like an angel.
Kuroo had been staring for a while. Kei suddenly felt really exposed. He felt uncomfortable. Did Kuroo finally realise how ugly he was? Had his scars become visible? Kei thought he hid it well. Isn't surprising that Kei failed at that too. He was never good enough.
"Can you stop staring at me already?" Kei didn't mean to sound rude or mean but he did.
"Ah... Sorry Tsukki." Kuroo looked away sheepishly.
From Kei's point of view, he had messed up big time. Kuroo stopped looking his way. Kei had done it now. He made Kuroo not want to look at him. Why did he always mess everything up? It was getting hard to breathe over the thoughts. Kei carried on, wearing the mask he was so used to.
The sky was grey, its' tears threatening to fall at any moment.
Kuroo stopped walking beside Kei and started walking slightly in front of him, walking his own way, Kei just mindlessly following.
The sound of soft rumbling broke through the crowd. Kei tensed up. He needed to go. Anywhere but here. The sounds were getting louder. The crowd around him seemed to eat at his personal space, getting closer than necessary. Kei seemed to be pushed further and further away from his lifeline. Kuroo was getting further. He didn't like it. He wanted everybody to disappear. He wanted to be alone. He wanted Kuroo.
"K-Kuroo." Kei whispered, reaching his hand out to try and grab and Kuroo's sleeve, when a particularly loud crash made him freeze. He could hear a scream in the distance. He saw a little girl covering her ears, scared of the thunder. Somehow, even though the girl was right there, it sounded like it was miles away.
Help. Kuroo.
Everybody had all escaped to nearby shelters but Kei was still rooted to the spot. His chest clenched, his hands tingled, his stomach felt like butterflies trying to escape.
Boom!
The next strike caused Kei to curl in on himself. He squat where he stood, hands over his ears. The crowd's talk still loud in his ears, yet everything was muffled.
Kei felt a hand touch his shoulders and he physically recoiled, not processing anything other than the burning sensation where he was touched. He rubbed at it furiously, trying to get the feeling off.
When his eyes finally focused on the figure in front of him, Kei was upset with himself. Kuroo looked so hurt. It was his fault.
"I'm sorry. Don't leave me. Please." Kei whispered, not knowing if Kuroo had heard him or not. The surroundings seemed quiet.
Finally getting the courage to look around, everybody was staring at him. He had caused a huge scene.
It was supposed to be a fun day out. Why did he have to ruin things? This was what he was good at after all. Ruining things.
He was acting so spoilt too. Begging Kuroo not to leave, when he knew that all Kuroo wanted to do was leave.
"Bokuto-san, help carry Tsukishima's things please." he vaguely heard Akaashi's voice.
Kuroo came closer to Kei, "Kei, I'm going to touch you okay? If you feel uncomfortable, tell me straight away alright?"
After Kei somehow managed a nod, Kuroo slowly crept closer. Kuroo brought Kei's arms up onto his shoulders and embraced him.
"It's alright now. I'm here. Don't worry about it. Just listen to my voice. There's nothing to be afraid of. Not anymore." Kuroo whispered into his ear.
After Kei's trembling stopped, Kuroo picked him up gently.
Since it began to rain, there was really no point in staying in the zoo. Kuroo and Kei parted ways with Bokuto and Akaashi and headed back to Kei's house.
"I'm sorry I ruined the day for you." Kei started to say once they were in the taxi.
"No, I'm sorry for not noticing how uncomfortable you felt. You did nothing wrong. Anyways, the rain would've ruined our day anyways." Kuroo put his hand on top of Kei's, squeezing to reassure him.
Kuroo lifted Kei's hand and lightly placed kisses on the back of Kei's hand. "I swear Kei. If anything is wrong, just tell me. Don't bottle everything up. I'm here now. You're not alone anymore."
With that, tears started pouring out of his eyes. "I'm sorry Kuroo. I'm sorry. I can't take thunderstorms, or any loud noises. It reminds me of the times when I had to go through ever storm alone. Not to mention when I got attacked. I don't like thunder, they scare me so much. No one ever stayed with me or told me it was okay. I know fearing thunder is meaningless but I can't stop. It just reminds me of the days my parents fight. Their explosive voices echoing through the house. I'm always alone though that, no one was there to tell me that they were fine. I knew they weren't.
I don't like how you stare at me. How you look like you're looking at every imperfection on my body. I don't like how ugly I am. I don't like how I can't ever say what I mean to say, how I always sound rude. I hate how I'm taking advantage of your kindness. I hate how I can't believe that you love someone as useless as I am. No matter how many times you tell me, I can't help the thought that you're only using me, that you'll abandon me someday. I'm sorry for being so reliant on you. I'm sorry for being broken. Sorry for trying. Sorry for being who I am."
Kuroo shushed Kei. "You're beautiful Kei. The way you speak, your mannerisms are all you. And I love every part of it. Who do you think I fell in love with? I didn't like you because of any superficial reasons, I love you cause you're you. Every scar on your body, the reason I don't like it is cause of the pain you went through, not because it's ugly. But I love it, because it shows how you survived through it all. Even though you were suffering so much, you survived. All alone. But now I'm here for you. You don't have to be alone again. You don't have to hurt so much anymore."
After a while, the tears stopped and Kei calmed down. Reaching Kei's house, they headed up to his room.
It was just starting to get dark, Kei might not be up to going out for dinner.
"Kei what do you want to eat for dinner? I'll make something simple."
"Anything."
"I'll head to the supermarket for a bit to get ingredients okay? You just rest okay?" Kei nodded, lazy to move from his place, faced down on the couch.
Kuroo went out to the nearest supermarket buying some ingredients and dessert. He might have taken too long, an hour has passed since he left. He was worried about Kei. The sky seemed dark. It might rain here too soon.
Kuroo hurriedly ran back to Kei's house with the groceries.
"I'm back Kei! I'm just going to make some omurice okay?" Kuroo put down the groceries onto the kitchen table and went to find Kei. Kuroo found him asleep on the couch, his boy face down and his head turned to one side. Kuroo gently moved Kei so he was face up with his head propped up on a pillow.
By the time Kei woke up, Kuroo had finished cooking dinner and had settled himself on the couch with Kei's head resting on his lap.
"Morning sleepy head." Kuroo bent down and kissed Kei on his forehead. "Come on, dinner is getting cold."
Kuroo helped Kei get up, taking their time, just enjoying each other's company. Kuroo left the kitchen to take something while Kei finished his dinner. Coming back from wherever he went, Kuroo switched off the lights and came in, in his hands was a cake with one lit candle on it.
"Kei. It's almost over, but happy birthday." Kuroo said with a smile. "Make a wish before the wax melts onto the cake."
Kei closed his eyes and took a breath. The fire was gone in a flash and Kuroo had went to switch the light back on.
"Here." Kuroo said as he handed Kei a paper bag.
Looking into it's contents, Kei found a stuffed toy of a dinosaur, probably purchased when they went to the zoo that morning. "I bet you don't even know what this dinosaur is right?" Kei said sarcastically.
"Yep. It just looked cool so I bought it."
"Deinonychus."
"What? Dy-in-" Kuroo tried a few times, but failed at pronouncing the name of the dinosaur. "Why not just call it Steve? Isn't it easier for people to say?"
Kuroo chuckled at his own joke.
"Di-no-ni-cus." Kei looked at it, it was a small toy that could fit in his hand. It was covered in a soft pelt and feathers. Kei couldn't describe it, but all he could say was that it is cute.
"I'll name it Kuroo." Kei said with a straight face.
"Ehhh. Why?"
"Cause Kuroo bought it for me."
"Couldn't you come up with a more original name? How would I know if you're calling me or the toy?" Kuroo pouted.
"I'll just have to call you Tetsu then won't I?" Kei said, his cheeks flushed.
"Kei!" Kuroo shouted as he dove into Kei, wrapping his arms around Kei's waist, giving him a big bear hug.
"Kuroo it hurts."
"It's Tetsu remember?" Kuroo looked up at Kei, their eyes locking. Kuroo's sparkled with anticipation as he waited for Kei to speak.
"T-Tetsu-rou-san please get off of me." Kei broke their eye contact and looked away, everywhere else but on Kuroo.
Kuroo giggled, "Well close enough."
Kuroo let go of Kei just to bring his hand up to Kei's face. He straightened his back from his previous position, one arm still wrapped around Kei's slender frame. His free hand went under Kei's chin and held it in place while Kuroo brought his lips to meet Kei's.
Kuroo pulled back a little and whispered, "Happy birthday."
~~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TSUKKI!!
I've been watching Haikyuu again and again these days. The stage play too. I keep rewatching. I can't stop. For some reason. Maybe I don't want to let it go just yet cause I know picking it up again after a while is hard for me to do since I got a short attention span.
And this marks the end of this fic. Hope you enjoyed it. Check me out on AO3 cause I post there first before posting here.
;)
See ya in the next one.