Chapter 11: What do you know about love?
Charles’ POV:
As I’m driving back to my apartment, all my thoughts focused on that moment when we’re in front of their house and she asked me that one simple question.
Is she right? Did we really… --- No. I know we did not.
I shook my head and heaved a sigh as I pulled back to my garage. I’m not really good with these relationship stuffs. Well I’ve never been into a real one before. Maybe I’ll call Erick or Dominic or Nicole to ask for help.
As I’m fetching my keys to my front door… “Hey…” a female’s voice startled me. I looked around to find where that voice came from. Then I saw a silhouette approaching me from the darkness. The moment the light on my front door touches her face and shows her identity, my jaw dropped.
“What are you doing here?”
She’s wearing PJ’s while holding this little bunny stuff toy in her hands.
“Blame your girlfriend.” She said with a hint of hatred in her eyes, looking like a pissed off kid that was just left outside the house of her parents.
I’ve never seen her this way before. “What are you doing outside my house Cassy??”
The wind blew and I felt the coldness of the night touched my skin. And then I saw her shiver. How long have she been here?
“Damn it!” then she snatch the keys out from my hands and started opening the door with her hands shaking.
“You can’t open that with your shaky little hand.” I said. Then she looked at me. No. She glares at me, and then pushes the keys hard on my chest. “Then OPEN IT ASSHOLE!!”
“Ouch. That hurts.” I said as I touch my chest.
“You know I don’t care Charles. Just open the freaking door!!”
“Fine.” I yield to her request and the moment she heard the door unlocked, she rushed inside.
“Well. You’re welcome. Feel at home.” I said as I just looked at her barged into my house.
She’s standing in the middle of the receiving area as if looking for something.
“Where’s the other room?” she asked.
“What other room?” I asked back as I enter my house.
She spun around and faced me. Now with a warm environment with my heater on which she managed to find and adjust to her liking, she looks compose and her old Cassandra-self again even with that bunny and what she’s wearing now.
“A guest room? Haven’t heard of that little brother.”
“I only have my room.”
Then she gave me that disgusted face of hers again. “I don’t do sleep-over Cassandra.” I said trying to explain myself, which I don’t know why I have to explain myself, but I still did. Crap!
“Whatever. I sleep in your room. You sleep in the couch.” She said then walks towards my room.
“What is wrong with you? You come into my house then take my room without explaining to me why exactly you’re here??”
She stopped then looked back at me. “I told you. Blame your girlfriend.” Then she shut the door, and inside she yelled with a hint of chuckle in her voice. “Goodnight little brother.”
I can’t be pissed. Why? Because it’s Cassandra. Yes she might be annoying sometimes, or bitchy all the time. But it’s the first time that we have this moment. I mean this moment of being siblings.
Without a word, I flicked off the light and I just let myself be comfortable on my couch. I thought maybe because of the exhaustion I’d be able to sleep right away. But every time I close my eyes, it’s RB’s face I see. That face full of doubt, full of second thought.
All I’m thinking is why? Then I remembered what happened in front of their house.
**flash back**
She still has that look in her eyes as she looked outside the window car. Bothered. Thinking hard, digging deep into her thoughts. I’ve asked her so many times what’s wrong but she’s still denying it and saying that she’s fine.
She looked at me for a while then I heard her sigh. And for the nth time I asked. “Sigurado ka bang you’re okay? You’re starting to worry me.”
Then she pulled this smile of hers then started saying in a higher-pitch voice… “Ano ka ba? Okay lang ako no. Medyo tahimik lang.. Pansin mo??”
“Yeah. ‘coz you’re not talking.”
She smiled again and then turns on the player in my car. Then music started to occupy the vacant noise… it’s in the second verse if I remember it right.
♪♫
…
I know that if we give this a little time
It’ll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find.
Its never felt so real.
No its never felt so right
♫♪
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Then she immediately turns off the music.
After that she never did looked at me throughout the whole ride back home. She just stares outside being consumed to whatever it is in her mind.
The moment we reached her house, without a word she got out of my car then rushed for their gate. I got out of the car as fast as I can to stop her. I called out her name. She paused. Then looked back at me with those smile again, this time I know she’s having a hard time. “Ah.. Nakalimutan ko. Ingat ka pauwi ah. Salamat sa dinner tsaka sa paghatid.”
I walked towards her then grab her both hands and looked straight into her eyes. “I know there’s something bothering you. Why don’t you tell me? If it’s about us. I think I deserve to know.”
“English na naman.” She said then sighed. I know she’s sidetracking me. I apologized but I still waited for her to tell me what’s wrong.
She avoided my eyes, then as if looking for the answers, she closed her eyes then sighed again.
She looked straight into me then asked, “Hindi ba parang nagmadali tayo masyado?”
I creased my forehead trying to figure out what she’s referring to.
“Kailan lang tayo nagkakilala Charles. One.. Two months ago?”
“So?”
“Hindi mo nakukuha eh. Hindi pa natin kilala ang isa’t isa. Oo alam ko nakita ko na parents mo at ganun ka rin sa’kin. Pero wala tayong alam sa kung sino ba ikaw o ako.”
“So you’re asking me to court you?” I asked, being totally puzzled on what she’s trying to say.
She closes her eyes as if trying to control her temper, then she shook her head. “Goodnight Charles.” She took her hand from me then started her way to their house.
“Tell me what you want me to do. Ano ba talagang gusto mong gawin ko RB?”
She stopped then faced me. “Kahit sabihin ko hindi mo maiintindihan.”
“Try me.” I told her.
“Charles…”
“You’re asking me to stay away from you again, don’t you?” as I let out those words, I felt as if something punched me straight to my chest. I clutched my fist to hide the pain. “Alam mo ba kung anong hinihiling mo sa’kin?”
“Hindi ko sinabing umalis ka. O iwan mo ko….”
“Then what?!” some of the pain just slipped out of my grasp raising my voice higher than what I intended to.
“*sighs* Oras lang.. Oras lang para sa’ting dalawa… Oras para pag-isipan to. Oras para mag-isip ka. At mag-isip ako. Yun lang.”
Then another punch. This time it’s harder and I felt a lot of pain. Trying to compose myself, I tried to look at her but she’s already at her back and walking away from me…
**end of flash back**
I got up from the couch. I sat on the corner and put my head on my hands. That punch in my chest. That pain.
Should I give her that time? Should we give us that time to think about us? If I did, will she realize that this… what we have now, is right? That we didn’t rush things? Will she realize that she have feelings for me too? Will she?
“Damn it!” I hissed in the darkness. I got up. I don’t know what time it is, but I badly need a drink now. I walked towards my fridge and got cans of beer.
As I sipped those beers, I can feel it run through my throat down to my chest, where the pain is, lessening the throbbing that I feel. I drank more, hoping the pain would go away. The throbbing will stop then all I can feel is nothing. Then I would be able to think.
I’m at my fourth can when the lights flicked on and I saw Cassandra looking a bit shocked to see me drinking. She looked at the clock at the left side of my kitchen wall then looked back at me with one raised eyebrow.
“Partying solo?” she asked as she sat on one of the stools beside me.
I pushed one of the cans that I haven’t opened yet towards her.
She popped it open and sipped the beer. She puts down the can and stares at me.
“What?” I asked when I can take it no more.
“Are you happy?” she asked without breaking her stare.
I chuckled with the vagueness of her question. She broke off my laughter with her punch on the chest… again. “Just answer it idiot.” She said sounding impatient.
“What do you mean I’m happy?”
“If you’re happy with her? RB?”
I sipped another beer and took a second to answer.. “Ofcourse…”
“Well..” she took another sip of her beer. “That took you awhile.”
“If you’re trying to talk me out Cass--”
“I’m not trying to talk you out. I just want to know if you’re happy.” Then she smiled at me. One of the most genuine smiles I saw from her.
The way she looked at me now, I can see that four-minute gap that we have. That she’s being a sister this time. That she’s trying to really know if I’m happy. That she wanted to know if I am. And that she’s willing to kill someone if I’m not.
“Seriously Cass. I’m fine.”
She just nodded and patted my shoulder. “I can see that you’re loving too much again Charles. You know what happened the last ti---”
“I know.”
She drank again then opened another can and started drinking again. “I like her… RB.” She looked at me then looked back at the can she’s holding and started playing with it. “She’s charming. *chuckles* and noisy.”
She pushes the can down and beer spills at the table. “But I don’t think she loves you the same way as you do.”
Why is she saying this? Why does she have to tell me this? What is it that she wants from me this time?
What she said… What she said just now is… true. And I don’t want to hear the truth. I stood up and started walking back to my couch. “Just leave everything there Cass, I’ll clean it up tomorrow.”
“I saw it. In her eyes. And everytime you look into those eyes, I know you can see the same thing.”
“Stop it!” I yelled back and spun around to face her. “What do you know about love Cass? You think you know everything? Huh?” The pain, it’s coming back again. This time it’s deeper, I can feel it in my whole body. I can feel it in me.
“I know a lot about love Charles. I’ve been consumed by it. I’ve been crazy about it. I’ve been by hurt by it. I just---”
“You just what??! Want me to be miserable like you? To hate? To be alone JUST LIKE YOU?!”
Then tears started flowing down her eyes. She’s not sobbing. The tears just kept running down her cheeks, and I saw her clutch her fist. “I just don’t want you to be like me.” Her voice broke as she said those words.
“I don’t want you to be miserable. I don’t want you to hate. I don’t want you to be alone. I don’t want someone making you feel like you need to force yourself into your sibling’s house just to not feel the emptiness. That’s all I want for you Charles.”
For a moment, we just stand there. Looking at each other, both our hands clutched. Both trying to hold the pain. The anger.
Then she wipes away her tears and walks towards the room. As she shut the door close, I’m left there alone.
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Otor's Nowt:
poor cassy...
niweis.
will Charles give RB the time she said they both needed??
and if ever, what will RB do with that time???