Everything seemed to freeze in the darkness, I could almost count the particles floating in the air. Swallowing a lump in my throat a sob struggled to break to the surface. It was like my reality warped into a scary movie, and I was the one who didn't survive.
My legs began to wobble as I grasped for support, through my struggles I found Christine's hand reminding me that she was here. The light flickered on, illuminating my father's drunken face. His shirtless chest heaved as he boiled in anger, nostrils flared, and spit flying for his gaping mouth. His gaze drifted from me, then morphed into a icy calmness as his eyes pondered onto christine.
"Chandler" Christine's whisper ripped through the air like a bullet "chandler!" her voice now cutting through my mind, severing the ties between reality and a dream.
"dad..." I mumbled "I missed you" I said ignoring Christine's pleas for closure. I smiled sheepishly trying to piece back together a broken night. But, to my avail, his glare remained the same.
Christine put a firm hand on my shoulder, recognizing that the situation just became very real to her. I felt a storm of guilt begin to claim my stomach, I should have warned her. I should have told her, my stupidity put her into danger.
My father's face seemed to be in a freeze frame, like he couldn't comprehend what was going on. And I knew the alcohol couldn't be helping.
I was ready to plead for mercy when finally my dad spoke "I see you have a friend Chandler" his voice drawled and snapped like a whip. He smiled, and I cringed.
"it's cold outside girl, why don't you invite her in?" he continued to grin. "I know with all that time away, you planned a nice dinner." he paused for a moment as if pondering his drunken thoughts "she should stay for dinner". His eyes glanced toward Christine. "come on in sweetheart, I don't bite"
She let go of my hand and stepped into the light. I could see the worry etched across her face, and the tension floating from her body.
"state your name" he continued to grin
"Christine" she mumbled.
"Welcome christine, join us for dinner?" he put on his most proper voice even though his tongue was swimming in alcohol.
"hope you been taking care of my babygirl" he put a limp arm around my shoulders, then squeezed until I flinched. Christine's gray eyes flinched over to where I was standing meekly, and her eyes narrowed.
"I would love to" she smiled bitterly.
His arm dropped from my throbbing shoulder and looked at her intently. As if sizing her up, I cleared my throat and they both looked at me.
"I'll get the pasta started..." I trailed off
My dad clapped his hands together and grinned even wider "great!" his voice boomed and slurred "you know chandler's a great cook" he enunciated every word. Assaulting the air with the whiskey on his breath.
Christine flinched "I did not" she glanced at me "chandler, why don't you show me some of your secrets?"
I nodded "okay" I smiled weakly.
I shrugged off my sweatshirt and stalked into the kitchen. My father slunk into his chair, and closed his eyes.
The lights flickered on, my eyes ached as the adjusted to it. I grabbed the knife, and chopping board.
Then fingers grazed my waist, my hand gripped around the knife.
"chandler.." Christine whispered "it's just me"
My hand tensed even tighter, her and wound to where my hands were beginning to bleed, she gently pulled the knife away and dropped it onto the sink.
She spun me around to face her, as always, her fingers pulled my chin to face her. I pulled away and glanced at the floor.
"chandler, you don't have to do this" she whispered fiercely
I nodded and sniffled "yeah, I do. I promised my mother I would take care of him"
Her eyes grew fierce again "I'm not leaving"
I smiled at her graciousness "that's not an option"
"babe..."
"please" I whispered "try to enjoy the dinner"
She nodded and pulled away from me.
I turned back to my work and continued to chop. The whole, house began to go at war with my cooking and the smell of whiskey. Finally my cooking over powered it, waking my father.
"Chandler!" he bellowed, stumbling into the kitchen. "that food better be ready! Shit, I'm hungry!"
"yes sir" I grumbled.
I set the table with a cloth we hadn't used since my mother passed. A tear dripped onto it, leaving a dark stain on the red, velvet fabric. My mother voice sauntered into my head, pulling me from my work, i glanced around the kitchen to make sure I hadn't lost my mind. But the kitchen remained empty. I was crazy.
"stay strong sweetie" the voice rang clear as day, warning me of something I knew was going to come.
"mama?" I whispered as
"it's going to be alright." her voice whispered again, dancing through the hollows of my mind. "I love you baby girl, stay strong"
Another tear dripped as her voice faded out of my head.
"Mama, please stay." I was defeated
"I love you' she whispered one last time
"Please-"
My father's heavy footsteps interrupted my thoughts and bringing me back to reality.
"hurry up Chandler!" he thundered "I ain't gettin any younger" with that he landed a hard slap across my butt, I yelped, and Christine took in a sharp breath. He didn't seem to notice, he plopped down at the seat at the head of the table, Christine awkwardly followed sitting at the other end. I fluttered around the kitchen preparing the food to serve.
I wasn't sure what he was planning, but I knew I was in shit deep. I knew he wasn't going to let it go, I was like a prisoner who escaped, and in this jail, no deed goes unpunished.
I pushed the thoughts out of my head swiftly, then returned to the table smiling. I served the food and sat down nervously. Christine kept her gaze locked on me, and I fought hard not to let my mask or calmness shatter into pieces.
I jumped as my father's voice boomed again "Great food, Chandler!" he smacked his lips and slammed down his fork. "don't you think she's great, Christine?" his fingers yanked a curl in my hair causing me to wince.
"yes sir" she muttered, not touching a bite of her food.
~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~*
After dinner I loaded the dishes into the dishwasher awaiting my father's wrath and Christine's probing stare. It all became too much to handle. My dad was a drunk but not stupid, he wouldn't touch me with Christine there. Which made me feel safe, but as all things go in my life, stability never lasts.
I shuffled into the living room, keeping my gaze low and respectful, knowing one wrong look could set my father off.
Sensing my distress Christine spoke up "maybe we can watch a movie" she chided with a smile plastered on her face.
My father looked at me, as if putting words into my brain.
"no" I whispered, finally "I think you should go"
My father nodded his approval, like i became his pride and joy all of the sudden, I felt like a bunch of broken pieces held together by flimsy masking tape.
Christine looked at me in utter shock. All i could do was nod my reassurance that was overflowing with bullshit and usher her out the door, she turned and looked me dead in the eye.
"text me if you need me." I nodded "I'm serious, chandler"
"yeah yeah yeah" my father grumbled shutting the door in her face.
He turned to face me, the room was dead silent, besides the ticking from the clock hanging on the wall. I began to count backwards in my head silently. Then a large hand struck me to the ground
"you goddamn bitch!" my father roared "parading yourself all over town, making me look like a goddamn whore!" he spit in my face.
I heard a car door slam outside the house and my father looked up, then stared back down at me relieved.
"you know" his grin made me cringe "it's time you were taught a lesson. But I don't have the honor of giving it to you."
I looked at him confused, and he chuckled "that's right, youre gonna learn to walk out on me"
With that the door swung open, it bounced off the wall with a bang.
"glad you could come." my father said gruffly "she's all yours"
He smiled at me, then spit in my direction. "knock on my door when you're done. "he said looking back at this bulk of a man "I'll pay you for a job well done" he smiled evilly at me. "have fun, you little bitch"
With that he stalked down the hallway and slammed his bed room door.
I turned to stare at the mystery before me, his lips were pulled back over his teeth in a snarl, I looked him over, grimacing as the sound of his zipper ripped through the air.
He looked at me as if I was a piece of meat then let out a harsh laugh "oh girl, we gon' have some fun tonight."
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