8 and a half weeks ago
Ally's P.O.V
I am completely shocked that she would do something like this. I've hurt her so many times in the past that I can forgive her for this and I do want to make this relationship work. And now that she's pregnant, that's only more reason to stay with her. I can't let her deal with a pregnancy by herself.
After work, I honesty didn't want to go home. I didn't know where to go though. I just needed to talk to someone. Someone who would listen to me and try and comfort me. I'd never expected it to be Natalie and I never expected us to sleep together.
"That…was…"
"Mind blowing." She says finishing for me as she mindlessly plays with a strand of my hair as we lie next to each other in her bed.
"That, but…" I say
"But what?" she says and I sigh
"I wanted to stop doing this…"
"Why? You just said it was great and no one is going to find out."
"Because I wanted to change. I didn't want to do this anymore."
"Allyson, she won't know. Besides we both know you're not in love with her."
"I do love her…and she's pregnant."
"You say you love her but you're here and- she's pregnant?" Natalie says, gaping at me.
"Yeah she's almost 10 weeks pregnant with twins…but."
"But what?"
"They might not be mine." I say softly and she sits up on her elbow to look down at me.
"She cheated on you?" she asks.
"Cheating. I caught her earlier today."
"Cheating? I know I don't know her that well, but she didn't seem like the type to do that."
"Maybe I drove her to it…"
"Explain it to me Ally."
"I went to lunch with a few co-workers and I saw her and Normani kissing at a table."
"No, I meant how you drove her to it. And are you sure it wasn't just a friendly kiss? Some friends do that.
"Why do people keep saying that? You don't do that when you're in a relationship."
"Ally, girls will give other girls a friendly peck on the lips as a hello or a goodbye. I do it with my friends sometimes."
"It was not a peck! I saw tongue!" I say and huff frustrated.
"Oh. Well that's different then. And I'm sorry but you just look to cute when your doing that." She says and I can't help the small smile and blush that grace my face when she says that,
"Yes. And I found out it's been going on for months…"
"Look, it'll be okay. I know I'm not exactly your favorite person but if you need to talk I'm here. Maybe this is a sign."
"Why would you say that? I know we've had our problems in the past but…that's the past. And how can it be a sign?"
"Well, maybe she's meant to be with someone else and so are you. Or maybe you have issues and you should take a break and both work on them."
"But...she's pregnant...I can't just leave her."
"I didn't mean leave her for good. Just maybe a few weeks apart."
"No. she needs me. I have to be there."
"I meant romantically apart Allyson."
"Look, Natalie it...I can't."
"I'm just trying to help Ally!"
"I know but...I don't know. Forget it."
"You can tell me you know."
"No its fine. I'm fine"
"Ally, I know you and I know your lying. What's on your mind? If you don't tell me I have ways to make you talk."
"No." I say while shaking my head."
"You brought this on yourself than." She says and she straddles my leg and starts poking my sides. I swat her hand and say,
"Stop it."
"Stop what?" she says grinning innocently and keeps poking me.
"Stop it!" I say chuckling under her.
"Tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours and I will, but until then I won't stop."
"Nothing, honest." I say and she sighs says,
"Fine."
We sat in silence until I said.
"Can I ask you a question?" I say,
"Ask away." She says, getting off my leg. I look down and start to nervously play with my hands until I say,
"Why…why did you do it? ….back in college."
"I-I don't know. I was young and I guess…in the back of my head, I didn't want to be tied down. I'd have years before I wanted anything that serious."
"But…but why didn't you just say that? I could have handled it. You didn't have to cheat."
"I was scared Allyson! I mean I was so in love with you it scared me how much. I know I handled it wrong and I am deeply sorry. If I could go back and change things I would." She says and I nod.
Before I started seeing Lauren, Natalie and I were in a relationship. She was my first girlfriend. We were together most of freshman year but she cheated on me. I caught her in her dorm room with some guy. I was completely devastated because I was so in love with her I never thought that would ever happen.
In some ways you can say that's when I changed. I didn't care about other peoples feelings anymore. So any relationship I entered after being with Natalie I was unfaithful and I had no remorse for it. I figured they would eventually cheat as well so why risk getting hurt.
Then I got with Lauren and cheated. At first it was like every other person I dated and I didn't really care but… I fell in love. The one thing I didn't plan on doing. And when I realized I loved her I got scared. I was afraid she'd hurt me or she'd cheat on me.
But I only hurt her. It didn't matter if things were good or bad I would be unfaithful. Every time I promised to stop, I'd just do it again. I never wanted to hurt Lauren honestly. I guess my past just caused me a lot of issues.
Maybe Natalie is right and I should take a break to really do a self reflection and try to fix myself. I want my relationship with Lauren to work. She's the only woman I've been in love with since Natalie. But now with this Normani situation, it only makes it more difficult.
This relationship has had so many problems but I'm not ready to just give it up. And I'm lucky Lauren hasn't given up on me yet. I do love her. I never stopped but something inside of me…maybe there's just something inside of me that feels like I don't deserve happiness.
I don't know…and now Lauren is pregnant. And I want to be ecstatic and just happy because I've always wanted to be a mother. But knowing she's had sex with Normani breaks my heart. I really have been changing but it's pointless if she's just doing what I was. I guess karma really is a bitch.
"I should probably get going." I say,
"What? Why?" She asks.
"It's getting late…"
"Stay over. We haven't really caught up." She says.
"I know…I guess I could stay but I can't stay over. Lauren and I still need to talk." I say and she frowns and says.
"Fine. Go back to your girlfriend." She says and I furrow my eyebrows confusedly. Why does she sound…jealous?"
"I didn't mean it like I want to leave but…why are you so upset? I said I'd stay longer."
"No, you cant you have to get back to her."
"No it's fine if you want to catch up for a while."
"Another time."
"So you're kicking me out?" I say confusedly. She just wanted me to stay. Why is she acting this way?
"No you wanted to go back to your cheater." She says coldly,
"Seriously? What's wrong with you? What did I do?" I ask and she turns away and says.
"Nothing."
"Well I have obviously done something to offend you because you were fine a moment ago."
"It's not important." She says still looking away.
"Fine." I say and get up to get dressed and she watches me.
"See you later." I say and walk out.
Present time
Lauren is 18 weeks now. I've been pretty distant lately and I feel bad about it. I just have been a little stressed with the play and this situation and Natalie. I haven't talked to her since that day almost 9 weeks ago.
I haven't been home that much because of the play. And I know Lauren is still seeing Normani. And I know they slept together. As a cheater, I know what cheating looks like. I know Normani was there that day I came home early. I smelled sex as soon as I saw Lauren. But I didn't say anything.
I don't know what to do about this situation. I know Lauren wants to be with me or she wouldn't have begged me to stay with her, but I don't know if we're good for each other anymore. I know there's something more to her and Normani. They're in love with each other. Anyone with eyes can see that.
I wonder why Lauren hasn't left me for her by now. Does she not see Normani is in love with her as well? I honestly didn't notice it until that day I saw them in the restaurant. They were so close and comfortable. And the way they looked at each other…you can see the love.
I want to be angry and I want to leave Lauren but I can't do that. She's still my girlfriend and she's pregnant. If our relationship doesn't make it, I still want to be here for her with this. Because I think it would just avoid a lot of drama.
What if I leave Lauren and Normani doesn't step up? I would feel horrible knowing I left her. Or what if I'm wrong and they aren't in love with each other? I don't want to put any stress on Lauren. And what if the twins are mine? I'm just so confused.
I want to be with Lauren. There isn't a doubt in my mind about that. I love her and I always will but…I don't know.
Today is one of my, as of late, incredibly rare days off. I didn't have much to do today. I ran a few errands, had lunch with Lauren and now I'm pretty free. I'm just lounging around the house and my phone rings
"Hello." I answer
"Hey Ally."
"Hi Natalie. How are you?"
"I'm fine…um are you doing anything right now?" she asks,
"No. I'm free."
"Okay. Would you maybe want to meet for coffee? I…we need to talk."
"Sure." I say. She tells me where to meet her and hangs up. I'm incredibly nervous now. Every time someone says that It's bad news.
I get to the coffee shop Natalie wanted me to meet her in and I see her sitting at a table by a window. I wave at her and she gives me a small smile and waves back. I go to get a soy latte before walking over to her and sitting across from her.
"Hey Natalie. I say as I sit down. She looks up and says,
"Hey."
"So what did you want to talk about?" I ask and she looks down and plays with her fingers.
"Well…It's…I…Okay, how do I say this…" she says and now I'm nervous but I push through and say,
"Just take a few breaths and relax." She nods and takes a few breaths then says.
"Well…you know how Lauren is expecting?" she says and I furrow my eyebrows confusedly,
"Yes."
"Well…now you have two baby mamas." She says and I stare at her wide eyed.
"You're…You're pregnant?" she nods slightly and says,
"Yes…But unlike Lauren I'm sure it's yours."
"What are you going to do?" I ask.
"I'm not going to abort it if that's what you mean."
"No. I know you wouldn't do that. I meant adoption even though I personally don't prefer either option."
"Oh…I don't feel like I'm ready for it…but I don't want to give it up. I haven't decided yet…" She says and I bite the inside of my cheek and nod.
"What's wrong? And don't lie to me." she says and I sigh,
"I…it's just…I want to be happy that Lauren is pregnant…but knowing they might not be mine…I don't know…forget it." She frowns and say.
"So knowing mine is yours isn't good enough? Wait this isn't about me. Look Ally it's okay to be sad if they aren't yours."
"No. I just…I want the chance to be a mother and if you give it up and the twins aren't mine…I don't know if I'll get another chance." She puts her hand over mine, that's resting on the table and says,
"You'll have more chances." I shake my head and look away sadly.
"You don't no that...I've been with Lauren for six years and not 1 pregnancy. Then I find out she's been sleeping with Normani for months and she's pregnant..."
"Yet the first time we have sex I get pregnant."
"Still…"
"Still what? She might've been on the pill or something. You can have more I promise." Then she pauses and says,
"I…I'm going to keep it."
"She is. But plenty of people who still get pregnant on birth control and you don't have to because of me. If you're not ready...you're not ready."
"I want it. I don't feel ready but I'm sure lots of girls feel that way especially when they aren't sure what the...other parent will do."
"What do you mean? You don't think I'd be there for you?" I ask slightly hurt.
"Well...I...it's always about Lauren. She's your girlfriend yeah I know, but maybe other people like you. Erm...I mean you'll be to busy taking care of her to help me."
"I would always make time for you." I say.
"Not possible. What if we had appointments on the same day, the same time?"
"I'll…I'll alternate." She sighs and shakes her head.
"How? I mean I doubt you'll exactly tell her you got another girl pregnant."
"If you keep the baby I'll have no choice."
"If? You don't want it anymore?" she says frowning.
"No! I do. I want you to have the baby." She sighs and says,
"I'm sorry, I'm just…sensitive."
"It's okay."
"Whether you help or not I'm keeping it. If you want you don't have to tell her I can say it's some random guys.
"What? No. I have to accept the consequences of my actions and this is my child so I want to be there. And I'm not going to lie about getting you pregnant."
"She could leave you and you obviously don't want that..." She says and looks down.
"That doesn't matter."
"How does it not matter? You'll get dumped and you'll hurt and I don't want you hurting because of me again."
"I won't. I mean yes it will hurt but I don't know how Lauren will react and...I'd have you and the baby and I'm perfectly fine with that." I say. She smiles slightly and says,
"Are you sure?" I smile at her and say.
"Positive."
"You couldn't convince me otherwise because I want you and the baby."
"You want me?" she asks. Now I realized what I just said.
"I...yeah...I mean no... I uh. The weather is lovely today isn't it?
"You're deflecting."
"I don't know what you are talking about." I say and she shakes her head.
"Fine. Be that way." I sigh and say,
" I don't know…there are just a lot of things going on right now." I say and she nods her head.
"So what do we do?"
"I don't know…take it one day at a time." She nods her head again.
"How do you think she'll take it?"
"I have no idea…"
"Do you want me to be there?"
"No. Two pregnant hormone crazed women in the same room, while getting potentially upsetting news, not a good idea at all. So I'll pass."
"Yeah I thought so too but I had to offer."
"Yeah...really don't have a death wish." I say and she chuckles.
"Aw I would've protected you from the big bad pregnant girl."
"Yeah until you turn on me too." I say laughing.
"I wouldn't do that."
"You say that now...just wait until you're further along in your pregnancy. I'll be your nemesis." I say chuckling.
"Never."
"Okay. If you say so. I guess you just love me too much."
"Maybe I do." She says and I blush slightly.
"I love you too. I'm so happy we ran into each other. I did miss my friend." I say and take her hand and smile at her.
"How far along are you?"
"Almost 9 weeks." I smile and say.
"Its weird... in college I imagined we'd have a child by now."
"You did?"
"Yeah. I always thought you were it for me until…you know." I say and she frowns.
"I'm still sorry…"
"It's okay. I forgave you a long time ago...and I wish I could say I'm over it but I'm not." She looks at the floor sadly and I move to sit next to her and put my arm around her shoulders.
"Hey don't feel bad. We were young. And I'm not over it because when you love someone as much as I love you it's hard."
"But I could have handled it better! You didn't deserve that."
"It's in the past okay? So let it stay there. You can't change it."
"But…"
"But nothing. It's fine okay." She sighs and lays her head on my shoulder
"Okay." I kiss her forehead and she smiles.
Lauren's P.O.V
Today has been absolutely horrible. Work was horrible. My back hurts. My feet hurt. And I feel a migraine coming on. God, all I want to do is lie down and snuggle into Normani and I'm going to. I don't give a shit if Allyson finds out I did or not because she isn't here so…
I just got off the phone with Normani and she said she wasn't home but since I have a key I can go to her house anyway. I get in a cab and go to Normani's apartment. When I enter the kitchen light is on and that's weird. Normani always cuts this light out. Then I hear running water and I walk towards her bathroom.
The room is dim and lightly lit with candles that smell like vanilla. Oh god I love vanilla. There are rose pedals on the floor and I see Normani kneeling over the tub with millions of bubbles. She cuts the water off and picks up a bag. She sprinkles more rose pedals over the bubbles and then turns around.
"AH! The Hell Lauren? You scared the shit out of me!" She yells and I start to laugh.
"Now you know how I feel." I say once I stop laughing. She rolls her eyes and comes to hug me. She pulls back and cups my face.
"How you feeling?" She says and running a hand through my hair. I sigh contentedly and say.
"Horrible. I did not have a good day."
"Well it's a good thing you came here." she says and kisses my forehead.
"What are you doing here anyway? You said you weren't home."
"I lied. Well not technically. When I said I wasn't home, I wasn't. But I came home when you called and did this…" She says and gestures around the room. I smile and lean in to peck her lips.
"Thank you…" I whisper against her lips.
"No problem. I'll always take care of you. Now strip." She says grinning and I playfully roll my eyes.
"You only did this so you could see me naked."
"No. That was just a bonus." She says smirking.
I shake my head and start to take my clothes off. I walk over to the tub and she helps me in.
"Scoot up." She says and I move up from my spot and she stands to take off her pants and moves to get behind me in the tub. She sits on the back of it and I move back to rest between her legs. She pours water into my hair and then shampoo. She starts to gently massage my scalp with her finger tips and I sigh contentedly.
"So Lisa and Leslie have just been killing you today huh?" She says.
"What? Who are Lisa and Leslie?" I ask.
"Our twins. Who else?" she says and I shake my head.
"I didn't know that Michael and Jason were girls."
"Okay no. we are no naming them after serial killers."
"Those are not serial killer names! I like them."
"Well it doesn't matter anyway because we're having two green eyed baby GIRLS." I smile softly at that.
"Anyway to answer your question, yes." I say and she leans down to move her hand to my stomach.
"Aw mijas you have to easier on your mother." She says rubbing my stomach and – Ouch!
"What the hell was that?" She asks pulling her hand away from my stomach like she did something wrong.
"Relax. One of them just kicked." I say grabbing her hand and placing it back on my stomach. They kick again and I look over to see her smiling brightly. She rubs her thumb over the spot where the kick just was and now I can see the unshed tears in her eyes.
I gently place my hand over hers and intertwine our fingers. She gently squeezes my hand but doesn't take her eyes off of my stomach. I lean over and gently kiss her cheek and she turns to look at me. A tear rolling down her cheek and I move to wipe it away.
"Why are you crying?" she moves back to wipe her eyes and says.
"I don't know…can I get hormonal too?" she asks and I chuckle.
"No. I think they'd actually be in your body."
"Right…I don't know. It's just…I'm happy." I smile and lean in to kiss her. She kisses me back softly and I melt into kiss. We break apart and I look into her eyes and I feel like I'm in a trance.
"I love – uh…" I say trying to catch myself. I didn't mean to say that at all, I just got caught up in the moment.
"You love?" she says raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"I love…that you're so excited about this."
"Oh…okay." She says and moves back to wash my hair.
After a while we get out of her tub. I go to dry my hair and she goes to lie in her bed. I dry off and put on my clothes and go. I really just to crawl in bed with her and fall asleep in her arms…and I just might.
I grab my phone and send a text to Ally.
2 tired to come home. Spending the night at Mila's
Okay. Tell Joe and Camila I said hello
Luckily Camila and Joe live right by the law firm I work for and I did work there today. I quickly text Camila as well to ask her to cover for me and she says yes.
I walk back into Normani's room. And take my shirt and pants back off and crawl into bed with her.
"Shouldn't you be on your way home?" She asks. I move to cuddle into her side, my head resting on her shoulder and my belly pressing into her side.
"I didn't want to. I just told her I was over at Mila's." I say.
"And what if she calls Camila?"
"I asked her to cover for me." I say and she nods her head.
"Are you hungry? Because I could go cook. "
"No I don't want any take out." I say knowing that's what she meant by cooking.
"No I meant actually cook. I've been practicing. Are you sure?" She says and I nod.
"I just want you to hold me and go to sleep." She nods and pulls me closer to her and we eventually fall sleep together.
The next morning I wake up to the delicious, most mouth watering smell. Bacon. I get up and go to the kitchen and I see Normani standing over the stove cooking. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her shoulder.
"Morning." She says and turns around to kiss me.
"Good morning." I say and I walk over to her island. There are two empty plates and more with a whole lot of food. There's waffles, pancakes, muffin, hash browns, fruit, eggs, sausage links. God you would think she was cooking for a football team. I take a seat in one of the stools and grab a sausage link and take a bite.
"What's with all the food Mani?" I ask and she turns around and comes over to put the bacon on a plate.
"I didn't know what you'd want to eat so I cooked everything." She says
"So why is it so much?" I ask.
"Oh, well you're pregnant with twins so you need to eat like three times as much." She says and I look at her disbelievingly.
"Normani! I can't eat this much!"
"Why not?"
"I may be pregnant but I don't want to look like a beached whale by the end of it!"
"You won't. It'll go to the babies." She says moving to sit 3 waffles, 2 pancakes, some hash browns, eggs and 4 strips of bacon on a plate. Then she goes to get some syrup and comes back to sit the plate and syrup in front of me.
"Bon appétit." She says smiling and I shake my head while she goes to make herself a plate.
I took a bite of pancake and moan in delight.
"You cooked this?"
"Yes I cooked it. It's good right?" She says and I nod my head and get back to my food.
God this is amazing and I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant or because she really has been working on her culinary skills.
After we finish breakfast we both take a shower and head out the door. I have another doctor's appointment today and I think we might be able to find out the sex.
I find myself in that all too familiar position, with the doctor over me with the ultrasound machine and moving the wand on my stomach to see the babies.
"She's 18 weeks now so we can see the sex right?" Normani asks excitedly and the doctor chuckles.
"Yes, Ms. Hamilton you can. Ms. Jauregui, are you sure you want to no the sex of the baby?" She asks me and nod my head. The doctor goes back to the wand. She's been looking at my stomach for at least 10 minuets now.
"Why is this taking so long." Normani says impatiently.
"It looks like they don't want you to know what they are. They're both sitting back to back with their legs crossed." The doctor says.
She started to put pressure on my stomach, hoping the twins would move but they don't budge. After almost 20 minuets of this she finally says.
"I'm sorry but I don't think we'll be seeing the sex today."
"Ugh. Come on guys. Uncross your legs for mami." She says putting her hand on my belly.
Sadly they decided not to listen and we left the doctors office. Normani wasn't happy at all.
"Ugh. It's like they're purposely torturing me." Normani says as we get out from the cab, in front of my building. She gives me a hug, and an awkward one at that, with this belly. It's definitely bigger than my last pregnancy but that's probably because they're twins.
"I doubt it. They just don't want to be prodded and probed."
"Sure. That's why. I think the Jauregui just like to torture and tease me."
"When have I tortured you?"
"I don't know…maybe when you blue balled me a few weeks ago, or the other thousands of times you've done that or randomly left me to go to your leprechaun." She says rolling her eyes.
"Sorry but I had to."
"I'm sure. But whatever, I'll talk to you later." She says hugging me again and I quickly say good bye.