*Bella*
I don't think a week had ever gone by so fast in my life.
Now I stood outside of NYU...looking at what remained of the building.
Justin came down for one day - and that was because we had that basketball game. He almost didn't come because of packing, but Pattie ended up convincing him, and it would be our last date in New York.
He seemed off, but I couldn't really ask why, I just wanted us to have a good time - we both just had so much on our minds I don't know if he did - I thought I did, I don't know.
What if we left everything behind and we ended up breaking up? What if he regretted it in the long run and blamed me for everything, or what if I did that to him?
He left in the morning...and then my dad, brother and I went right back to packing.
I didn't want to feel that distance again.
I just kept trying to tell myself it was because we were so busy, and we were both going through a pretty dramatic change.
I tried not to bother him, to prove that I trusted him again - yes it had been a little over two weeks, but I think he earned my trust back when he saved me, and when he sat in that chair beside me and cried. I'll never forget the things he said.
Looking at the school since the explosion happened...I didn't know what to think.
There were so many flowers that covered the sidewalks, pictures, notes.
And none of these people would have died if I wouldn't have gone to this school.
No one would ever know I was the one that was meant to die.
Was that selfish?
There was rubble everywhere - a window was broken off into the side, and I don't know if that was from the fire, or from firemen trying to get into the building.
I wonder how long it would take them to rebuild this place...
Dad and Josh had already started back for home with a bunch of my stuff and the U-haul, but I wanted to take a minute to stop here.
I hadn't been here since the day of the explosion, and then I was barely concious- I wasn't concious.
I turned around before I broke down in front of people, quickly piling into my car and drove away.
There was no way I could go back to school here and face everyone everyday.
Today I'd be home, I was spending most of it with Jackie, and then Justin and I left in the morning. Yesterday I had been with Jess and Rachel, which was full of lots of tears, and we know a lot of them were from me, but they both cried a lot too.
I told them everything yesterday - I couldn't keep the secret from them too, not when they had done so much for me, and I didn't want to lose the friendship I had with them. I'd stay in touch...I promised I would.
I knew this was going to be hard, but i never imagined it would be like this.
Now I had to go home, and leave all the good and bad memories behind.
_________________
*Justin*
7:49 PM
I sighed, looking around the apartment, the emptiness a foreign feeling - well not really I guess, it looked like it did when I got the place, although I had swapped out a lot of the furniture later when I had all that money.
Tomorrow Bella and I were leaving to make our way across the country. I had planned out some places for her and I to stop - because odds are we'd never get to do that again, and I know she wanted to travel, so that's exactly what we were going to do.
We'd talked a little bit this week, and I went with her to that basketball game, but honestly my mind was racing so much that I didn't pay much attention to it.
I knew she could tell, and I probably let her down that day too.
God, I never thought that all of my choices could have led up to this. I wish I could take it all away, I wish I could start over with her and do everything right.
I was so happy after I heard her say she trusted me again, but after thinking about it, I didn't deserve it.
I felt like I had barely earned it back, especially now with taking her away from her family. I couldn't believe both of us were starting over, let alone doing it together.
I was going to fix everything. I'd make her so happy. I wanted her to love it there, I wanted her to feel safe, and I really would protect her.
I missed her, but I had been trying to get everything together, to get everything in place for her.
I didn't want her to think of this as us leaving everything behind, I wanted her to think of it as us doing what we always said we would do, that we were going to have a safe place to live with our kids - that I could make her happy.
I wonder if she liked sailing, we could do that, or camping...there's so many things we could do.
And I was going to do everything I could with her...we left tomorrow.
__________________
*Bella*
"Bye." I hugged my Dad, pecking his cheek swiftly.
"Bye. Call me when you get there, and have fun on the way."
"I'm sure we will." I laughed, then looked at Josh, throwing myself in his arms. "I love you Josh."
"I love you too Bells. Send me pictures."
"I will." I laughed at him, kissing his cheek too before I pulled back.
I had already said goodbye to Justin's family, and my heart broke when Jazzy started crying, clutching onto Justin while asking him not to leave.
I felt so guilty.
He promised her she'd be up soon, and that he'd see her...He was leaving his family after all of this.
"I'm going to wait in the car. Benny's waiting, so I'll just tell him we're getting ready to leave." I said, giving a final wave.
"Bella, wait!" Jazzy ran up to me, hugging my legs before I could go any further. "Don't go."
"I'm sorry." I frowned, squatting down to her level and hugged her tightly. "We're going to see you very soon. I promise."
"I love you Bella."
"Aw, I love you too." I kissed her forehead, hugging her again. "Now no more crying ok? You don't want your big brother to be sad, do you? And I know he doesn't want to see you sad."
"I know." She nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands.
"You're gonna come over soon and we'll go out to the beach, how does that sound?"
"Good."
"Good." I laughed, pecking her nose and gave her another hug.
"We should get going." Justin said, softly smiling down at both of us.
"Ok." I nodded, standing up and crossed my arms over my chest.
I looked back again, trying to smile at our families one last time before Justin opened up the passenger side and helped me in.
I couldn't look up. If I did I knew I'd get upset. I was tired of getting upset.
"You ready?" Justin asked, glancing up at me in the rearview mirror.
"Yeah."
"Alright." He pulled away, my heart sinking a little as he kept his eyes forward.
I really hoped we weren't making a mistake.
____________________
*Justin*
2:39 PM
I reached my hand over to Bella's, letting my fingers fall through hers and brought her hand up to my lips.
"We have a little ways to go, we're stopping in Knoxville for the night."
"Ok." She said softly, nodding her head as she looked out the window.
"Or we can stop before that if you want - I just thought you'd want to get to Huntington as soon as possible, but if-"
"Are we ok?"
"What? Of course we are, why?"
"Nothing - it's nothing." She shook her head, trying to brush it off as nothing...but we both knew that wouldn't get past me.
"Hey, no, don't do that. Talk to me." I squeezed her hand, meeting her gaze in the rearview mirror.
"I guess it's just because we've been busy. I don't know. I thought maybe you were mad at me."
"And why in the world would I be mad at you?"
"Because we're leaving. Your sister - Jazzy was so upset."
"She's little, she doesn't understand. I'm not mad at you. Not at all...I know we haven't talked much this week, and I wanted to, but I'm not mad. Just busy, and I wanted to make sure everything was put together. I didn't want any problems."
"I thought so - I was just...worried."
"It's ok. We're fine. We're more than ok. Here," I let go of her hand, reaching into my pocket and pulled out the sheet of paper I had with the list of places on it. "I was going to wait until dinner to show you, but I don't think it would hurt to show you now."
"What is it?" She asked, taking it from my hand and started to unfold it.
"You'll see." I cheesed, only able to glance at her a couple of times while keeping my eyes on the road.
"Is this a list of places for us?"
"Yeah, I figured if we're making the trip all the way cross country we should see some places, and Nashville is pretty big in music, so I knew we had to stop here."
"Really?"
"Of course really. You didn't think we were going to drive straight across the country without traveling a little, did you? I mean, we have all this time until we start school again, they start later than we do in D.C., and we've always talked about traveling together. I really want to see the Grand Canyon, and that's on the way, plus tons of parks - I thought even one night we could camp at one if you wanted, then we are definitely stopping in Las Vegas, because how can you not stop there? There's tons of stuff for us to do."
"You thought a lot about this, didn't you?"
"I did. I want us to remember this."
"Oh, I don't think there is a chance we'll forget it." She mumbled, glancing back out the window.
"For good reasons." I frowned, holding in a sigh. "I'm sorry Bella."
"No, I'm sorry. I didn't have to say it like that, I know it's hard for both of us it's just - I'm sorry."
"Don't be." I brought her hand up to my lips, glancing at her again for a moment. "Are you getting hungry?"
"Kind of, are you?"
"Yeah, it'll give us some time to stretch too. I'm getting tired of sitting in this car."
"Me too. I can drive for a little if you want. You look tired." She let go of my hand, running the back of hers on my cheek.
"I am a little, that's just because we were up early."
"If you let me drive, you can sleep."
"Do you know where we're going?"
"It's on your phone right there - besides, if we got lost you wouldn't even know where we were."
"But I'd be able to figure it out."
She gave me one of those looks - the one that told me I was being stubborn, but I wasn't going to argue with her.
I loved that look.
"Alright, alright. After we eat you can drive."
"Thank you." She leaned over, pecking my cheek, then rested her hand on my leg.
"You're welcome." I chuckled a little, turning off onto the exit.
________________
*Bella*
I sat on the bed in our hotel room, curled up in the covers while Justin was in the shower, reading a book I had managed to get from home. It was a reread, but I didn't mind. It gave me something to do.
Justin came out then, a towel wrapped around his waist while he looked at me.
"You're not done with that yet?" He chuckled, walking over to his bag and pulled out a pair of his boxer briefs.
"No, I've only been reading it since you got in the shower, dork. I only tried to read it in the car, but that didn't happen."
"What a cutie." He pecked my nose, then slid on his boxers and crawled in beside me after shaking out his hair. "You should read it to me."
"You want me to read to you?"
"Yeah." Justin nodded, wrapping an arm around my waist and kissed my cheek.
"From where?" I bit down on my lip, trying not to laugh as he placed little pecks all over my face.
"Wherever you are."
"Alright..." I started reading, laughing here as there as he continued to place kisses all over my face. "Justin, I can't read if I can't see!"
"Oh hush, you can see just fine." He kissed my jaw, moving closer to my mouth with every kiss.
"No I can't!"
He met my lips, the book gently falling from my hands as he took one in his hand, chuckling against my own laughter.
"You never wanted me to read, did you?"
"No, I did, you're lips just kept moving and we know how tempting that is for me."
"You're a dork."
"I love you too." He kissed the tip of my nose again, hovering over me with my hands on his chest.
"Aren't you tired?"
"A little," He shrugged, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Not enough to go to bed and leave you awake all by yourself."
"You drove all day."
"Most of the day."
"Don't be stubborn." I tilted up my head just enough to peck his lips, moving my hands down to his abs. "I'm driving in the morning."
"Bella-"
"I'm driving."
"Alright," He sighed, his muscles relaxing underneath my touch. "You know I can't really say no to you anyway."
"I know." I giggled a little, running my hands back up his chest.
"Are you excited to see our house?" He smiled again, kissing my cheek. "It's going to be our house. Where I get to live, with you."
"Of course I'm excited. Really excited."
"We get to go to school together. I get to walk you to class, and sleep with you every night."
"You're so cute." I hugged him, burying my face in his neck. "You're going to walk me to class?"
"I'm going to do everything I didn't get to do before while I have the chance, yeah."
"Aw." The word escaped my lips, feeling Justin's lips along my neck. "That tickles!"
"You're quite ticklish."
"Justin, we need sleep." I reached up, running my fingers through the back of his hair as he let some of his weight rest on top of me. "Especially if we have to get up early in the morning."
"Fine." He mumbled, nestling his face farther into my neck. "But I'm comfortable here."
"Of course you are." I mumbled, reaching over and turned out the light. "I knew you were tired."
"I am sleepy. Really sleepy."
"Go to sleep." It came out as a whisper, my hand still runnning through his damp hair. "I set the alarm for the morning so we'll get up."
"Ok, good. I love you."
"I love you too."
"I love you a whole lot. Lots and lots and lots."
"I know," A giggle escaped my lips, my eyes fixed on his as he mumbled. "And I love you too."
"Night."
"Night."
_______________________________
*Justin*
12:39 PM
"Whoa there." I chuckled, grabbing Bella's waist and steadied her on the sidewalk. "Be careful."
"I'm sorry." She laughed, catching my hands. "I got excited."
"I see that. I'm glad you're excited though. That makes me happy." I kissed her cheek, hugging her against me from behind. "You look pretty."
"I think that's the fourth time you've said that today."
"Probably." With a nod, I kissed her cheek again, taking her hand and pulled her alond the sidewalk. "Look, there's a music store down the block."
"Can we go in it? Please? Please, please, please?"
"Of course. That's why we came down here. I wouldn't have heard the end of it if we just drove by."
"You should teach me how to play guitar."
"I can teach you. It's not that hard."
"That's because you play."
"I'll teach you. It's not that bad, I promise. You can use my guitar. We can start when we get settled in and stuff."
"And between homework, and actual work..."
"Yeah." A sigh escaped my lips, my hand going to the door to open it for her.
"This is so neat," She smiled, pulling me in behind her and started looking through all the music.
"I was hoping you'd like it. They have a ton of different guitars on the wall."
"Yeah, I saw that when we came in."
"One day I'm going to get another one. I just have to get back to playing again."
"You should play all the time. We've practically been together for a year and you've played for me once. There is something seriously wrong with that."
"Oh my gosh, it really has almost been a year, hasn't it?"
"Did you seriously forget?" She teased, but I quickly shook my head, pulling her back into my chest.
"No, no, no. I just can't believe it's already this close. Everything has gone by too fast."
"I completely agree with you there."
"I think I see vinyl's." I leaned down to her ear, a small chuckle escaping my lips.
"Really?! Where?"
"Over there." I nodded my head towards the direction they were in, following after her.
It was so nice to make her happy, even if it was just temporarily.
_________________________
*Bella*
One week later:
It took us about a week to get to California from Washington D.C., and the week had started out so perfect...especially in Nashville...but the next day I could tell by the way Justin was fidgeting that he was struggling. He was uncomfortable. He's trying not to show it, but I could tell from before.
He also gets more...irritated, and frustrated with himself - and obviously me...but he caught onto that quickly, and he'd apologize.
I felt terrible.
Then the next night I woke up from a terrible nightmare, one that kept me from going back to sleep after I woke up.
That left us both easy to irritate in the morning.
I felt awful. We fought a little bit, but I knew he couldn't help it, and he knew I couldn't either.
"I'm pretty sure it's a right up here." I told Justin, pointing up the road.
"I know."
"Ok." I said softly, leaning my head against the window.
I heard him sigh, but we both knew there wasn't any point in apologizing anymore.
I was just ready to get out of this car and finally stay in one place. Don't get me wrong, I loved us traveling and stuff...but at this point I was feeling really homesick...and I just needed to distract myself I guess, to slow down.
Another thought I had was maybe because we hadn't had sex in so long...but I don't know.
He was still trying to prove himself to me, and I wanted him to feel ready again just as much as I did.
"Is that it?" I smiled, sitting up as I read the number on an upcoming house. "I think that's it!"
"Yeah, it is." He softly smiled, looking up at me in the rearview mirror.
"Oh my gosh, the beach is right there! I didn't think we'd be this close!"
"Me neither honestly."
I flew out of the car before he put it in park all the way, taking my keys out of my pocket and went up to the house.
"Somebody's excited." Benny laughed, shutting the door to my car - which he had parked beside Justin's.
"Um, hell yes. I've been waiting for a week now."
"No, wait! Wait!" Justin got out of the car, running up beside me. "We have to walk in together. It's our first house."
"Oh, ok." I blushed, feeling his hands on my hips as I unlocked the door, then pushed it open, a giddy squeal escaping my lips. "This is so pretty."
"Yeah it is. It's a decent size for our first place." He pulled me inside farther, both of us eagerly walking through the house.
"It's bigger than my little apartment, that's for sure."
It only took us a couple of minutes to get upstairs, and there were three rooms not including a bathroom. One was set up more like an office, another was our room, and then the last one was a guest room.
"I like this a lot." He smirked, stepping into our room, laying back on the bed. "We should test this out."
"Shut up." I blushed again, covering my face with my palms as he pulled my down beside him. "Benny is downstairs. We need to help get stuff out of the car."
"Ugh, fine." He groaned, pushing himself up, and before leaving he helped me up with him, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry for being mean earlier."
"It's ok, don't worry about it."
"We get to have dinner in our own house tonight." He smiled, taking my hand as we went downstairs. "In the morning we can go to the grocery store and I'll make us dinner."
"Ok." I nodded quickly, laughing when he kissed my cheek and we went back outside.
Benny had already brought in the few boxes we had, now it was just our luggage and a few more bags.
We didn't really bring a lot. We couldn't. My dad was shipping more of my stuff later.
"Benny, you didn't have to do that." I told him, picking up one of the bags from the trunk as he got another.
"It's no big deal. I'm sure you guys are just ready to relax and have some alone time. It's no fun hanging around a government worker to keep an eye on things."
"Oh stop! It was a lot of fun!" I hugged him, hearing Justin laughing beside me.
"Good, I had fun too."
"Thank you so much for everything Benny. Really."
"No problem. It's my job. Let me know if you guys need anything. I'll be around for a few more days before I head back to base."
"Of course. I have to report that you guys made it ok. Remember, no phone calls until we give the ok. It's just you two right now. You can't have outside contact or it could give you away."
"Yup, just us." Justin said, snaking an arm around my waist as I bit down on my lip.
The fact that I hadn't been able to call anyone this past week was killing me...especially now that we were here...I missed my family.
"Take care, and you have my number."
We hugged him before he left, and then I turned going to take the bag in the house.
"You ok?" Justin asked, lightly catching my arm as I started up the driveway.
"What? Yeah, I'm ok...I just hope I can call my family soon."
"I'm sure it'll be soon."
"It might not be." I said softly, looking down at the ground.
"We'll get through it. Together."
"Yeah, we will." I nodded, leaning into his touch as he kissed my forehead again.
We had too.
_______________________________
I'm really sorry it took me so long to update...
One of my best friends brothers passed away in a car accident last week. I've been really busy being there for him and studying for AP tests. Now that the funeral has passed things are dying down a bit, but I'm going to be trying to spend more time with him, which is why I haven't had time to write because I've been with him a lot this week.
Thanks for understanding. I'm really trying to be a good friend to him.
ANYWAY - TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. Theyre officially in Huntington Beach :) Their new home :))))
How do you think it's going to go?