I did eventually find out what Keenan really was.
I’m not going to tell you if he actually had enough balls to say it to my face since I still value his pride, but I will tell you about the time I finally made my decision on whether he was human or not.
It all started a few minutes after my pre-blackout in the kitchen. Neither of us mentioned anything about what we had said to each other as I opened the fridge door and grabbed Cillian’s beer. Keenan was obviously carrying some baggage of his own, probably things I’d never understand. So I didn’t bother asking, because I knew he’d hate me if I ever lied and told him, I get it.
That was the exact reason why he never asked me anything either. We had a mutual understanding; a silent agreement to never say what shouldn’t be said. I broke that rule a few times, I will admit, but Keenan never hit me for it like Cillian did.
It’s not like I did it on purpose, though. I’m just a curious bastard. Most may think that I liked getting into trouble; as if I lived for the thrill of getting my face smashed every second of the day. But those people don’t know shit. I don't like trouble. I'm just good at finding it.
Keenan followed me all the way to Cillian’s room before grabbing the bottle from my hands. “I’ll give it to him,” he said. “You still look like crap; it’ll raise questions that you don’t want to answer.”
I opened my mouth to argue but thought better of it. I stood in the hall ineptly as Keenan opened the door and slipped through, shutting it as soon as he was in. I never actually went into Cillian’s room, you see. I wasn’t allowed. If Cillian needed something from me, he’d rather go to the door than have me walking into his room.
I wasn’t at all curious by what was in there, though. Hell, I was too scared to know.
It took Keenan a few minutes to come out again. After shutting the door, he gestured to my room.
“You need some rest,” was all he told me.
The awkwardness around us was sickening. It was laced with the oxygen, stinging my nostrils and tightening my lungs with each breath I took. I started feeling extremely uncomfortable around him and even in my own body, but I made sure not to let it show.
I followed Keenan’s instructions and lay down on the bed. He did exactly what I didn’t want him to do; he parked himself right beside me. My heart started beating as fast as a jackhammer and if you were there, you would have smelt the sweat that rolled off of me. But Keenan made no show of disgust or repugnance. Instead, he leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes, holding a smile so faint that I thought I imagined it.
“Relax, Jack. You’re making me tense.”
He didn’t look tense at all, but I dropped my shoulders anyway. I couldn’t get my hands to stop gripping the sheets, though. I was too afraid of what would happen if I did.
“D-do you want a drink?” I tried asking him. The scent of his skin was driving me crazy all of a sudden. Damn, what a rush.
“I don’t need one.”
I shot straight up from the pillow. “Well I’m kind of thirsty, so I’ll just—”
“I’m confused, Jack,” Keenan spoke up, making me freeze. “I’ve never been confused before. I’ve always known how things would go about and where I would be months from now. But lately, I find myself getting surprised every day. It’s pissing me off.”
I sighed and scratched the back of my neck; a nervous habit. “I don’t understand a word you’re saying, to tell you the truth.”
“I never planned for things to turn out this way,” Keenan continued as if I hadn’t said anything. “I never planned for you to show up.”
His self pity was really starting to get on my nerves. I stared at him for a while, watching the slight decline his lips made when he frowned and the furrow of his eyebrows as if he was about to cry. “Well then fix it, damn it,” I snapped, my mouth moving on its own. “Quit acting all goddamn depressed just because you didn’t get your way. You’re not a god, Keenan. You don’t control the universe.”
Keenan’s eyes met mine, wide in shock. I sniffed and scratched my chin, soon regretting everything I had just said. Will he get angry? I thought nervously. Keenan’s eyes narrowed and I couldn’t seem to look away. When I thought he was going to start yelling, he laughed.
It was a pure, genuine laugh, unlike those bullshit chuckles he fed me at times. Small dimples formed at his cheeks, his skin seeming to develop a more human glow. My mouth couldn’t help but hang open as I watched him. Keenan caught my eyes but he never did stop smiling. I didn’t want him to.
“You’re quite unpredictable at times, do you know that?” he said to me. “You don’t think like normal humans do. Hell, you don’t think at all.”
“I’ve learned not to.”
Keenan laughed again, but this time it faded into the air around us like dying rain. He touched my wrist lightly with one hand and put the other over his eyes.
“Just lie down with me, please,” he whispered, sounding more vulnerable than he should have. “The last thing I want right now is to be alone. Just stay here with me for a little while, okay? You don’t even have to say anything.”
I had to stop staring at him at that point. It made me sick looking at him so helpless. Nonetheless, I put my head back down on my pillow and stayed as still as a statue. The silence wasn’t awkward or unnerving. In fact, it was calm and peaceful. The soft sound of his breathing soothed my heart and relaxed my soul, as corny as that sounds. But I’m not making this up, I swear it. Keenan just had that kind of effect on people.
After a while of quiet, Keenan whispered, “I’m pathetic, aren’t I?”
“It’s not pathetic to want help.”
I felt his head shake behind closed eyes. “Not where I’m from. Someone like me can’t ask for help. Someone like me shouldn’t be shaken by a thing like you.”
I couldn’t help but smile. I knew it wasn’t a love confession or anything, so I wasn’t quite sure why it made me feel so damn good.
“I told you I was spectacular.”
Keenan smacked my head with his free hand, but I never stopped smiling even when he said, “Don’t push it.”
***
I remembered something.
I knew it was a memory because I was standing in a small room with blue walls, looking over at a petite boy tucked safe under green bed sheets. Miniature toy soldiers, trucks, and action figures lined the shelves on the walls and scattered about on the floor where I stood, but I didn’t pay much attention to them.
I could only look at him. I studied him the same way a palaeontologist studied fossils. His shaggy brown hair stood at obscure angles, some strands straight while others curled at the bottom. Ocean blue eyes shone under the lamp light with enthusiasm, but they didn’t see me.
They watched a woman sitting at the edge of the bed. I recognised her as my mother, since she had the same curly hair and slightly aging skin from the other memories I had. She rested one hand on the stomach of the boy, smiling as he whispered, what is Bás rí?
Their lips never moved, but I still heard every word she said. She explained the Bás rí—Death King—in lucid detail and a thick Irish accent.
He’s one of the most important of the Unseelie fae folk, she said. He wears glamour that makes him as beautiful as the sun, shining so brightly that you lose your breath. His beauty is what captures you. As soon as you fall for it, you can never say no to him.
He seeks out those with black hearts and makes a deal that they cannot pass. He will help them fulfill a wish such as revenge and they will have to give him their soul as payment. Most of them die from madness before the deal is finished, but he still gets the soul. An awful cheat, he is.
I don’t think I ever actually believed her. It all seems like a bunch of crap, doesn’t it? But I think my mom seriously believed in all that faerie bullshit. I kind of wish I didn’t take her for such a fool.
The memory faded and I woke up in a cornucopia of shadows. That’s all there was for a while; the sound of my heart pumping and the hollow feeling of pure terror. My initial reaction was to whisper Keenan’s name, feeling the spot beside me. My only answer was silence, and my hand never found another body.
My following reaction was to start panicking. My hands flew in the darkness, reaching for the lamp that didn’t seem to be there. In the gloom, I kept seeing my mother’s face and it scared the hell out of me. Love and be loved, she was saying. Love and be loved, so he won’t come after you.
“Keenan?” I whispered harshly in the darkness. I really wanted to scream, but I knew I’d get hit if I ever woke Cillian up. “Keenan, where the fuck are—”
Chizk, chizk, chizk.
I stopped short when I heard that sound. Chizk, chizk, chizk. It sounded like metal chains against hard leather, coming from outside of the room. I stopped breathing altogether when the sounds came to the stop right in front of my door.
Squeak.
The turn of boots.
Chizk, chizk, chizk, chizk...
The sounds soon regressed farther away, seeming to go down the stairs. I tripped over myself as I went for the door. I knew that I should have just stayed in bed and shut my eyes until I fell asleep again, but like I said, I’m not much of a listener.
Not much of a thinker, either.
Once I finally found the doorknob, I turned it slowly and crept out of the room, glad that the hall was dimly lit. I checked all corners, but found it empty. Get back in the room, Jack, I tried telling myself. Probably just your imagination.
The problem with lying to yourself is that you never really believe it.
I tiptoed my way towards the top of the stairs, holding my breath as I leaned over the edge.
And that was when I saw it.
At first, it was only a black silhouette against the dim light of the old lamp it stood by, but when it turned slightly, I got the opportunity to get a good look of it. A mane of black raven feathers drifted from its head and ended at the middle of its back, vibrant against pale skin decorated with Celtic tattoos. Twisting antlers protruded from its temples and wove their way to the ceiling, looking horrifically beautiful. Despite its mythical appearance, the thing wore modern black jeans tucked in black chained Doc Martens, chest concealed behind a black leather vest.
I knew that I should have screamed or something, but I seemed to have forgotten how to. I couldn’t even move as I saw the thing turn around to look at me with Keenan’s eyes, cocking its head slightly like he always did and gave me a questioning look.
I opened my mouth, but the only thing that escaped from my lips was a faint whining sound. The thing looked down at its awfully long fingers and travelled up its arm before looking back at me.
“You can see me?” he asked, holding Keenan’s voice. I swallowed the last of my breath and felt my body crash onto the hardwood floor, fear tightening around my throat and making it impossible to speak. The thing—Keenan—raced up the stairs in a blur and stopped right in front of me, his eyes brighter than they were before.
“You can see me, Jack? Right now? You can see and hear me?”
I think I only managed to nod once or twice, but I passed out before I could make sure. I still heard his voice though, drifting farther away as I lost consciousness.
“Hang in there, Jack. It's me. Don't worry, I've got you.”
It’s me.