<<ANTHONY>>
It was several weeks away until the big race was here when I hopefully would get offers from big well known sponsors.
After returning back from the cabins, I knew I was going to see Mel at school. But I also knew that I could just avoid her also.
It was hard for me to practice racing and everything because I couldn't stop thinking about her.
Yes, I still loved her but wasn't sure I could forgive her. It just hurt too much.
It's been a week in a half since we were back at school again.
In the classes Mel and I had together, I avoided her. I sat away from her and didn't pay any attention to her.
I noticed though too that at lunch time, she wasn't really eating. She started eventually, coming to school looking pale and had bags under eyes as though she hasn't been sleeping.
I also notice her wearing more hoodies to school. Though it wasn't even cold anymore.
Then, a week after going back to school from Winter break, I noticed she stopped coming to school.
I began to ask Ray if she was okay and all he would do was nod and not say anything but had a worried look on his face.
Finally, after not seeing her around her house or coming outside, I finally go up to Ray after school.
"Dude, I need to know. Is she alright? Truthfully?" I asked him feeling really worried.
He took in a deep breath before letting it out.
"Honestly, I don't know. But I know something is wrong with her. She seems deeply depressed. I see her everyday after school, to bring her her homework, and it just....I don't see Mel. The girl I know. I'm worried man. And I promised her I wouldn't say anything to you. But I can tell, you really do love her. So, if you want, I was gonna head over to her place, wanna come with me?" He asks with pleading eyes.
I nod. "Yeah. Thanks." I replied.
We head back towards her place.
As we pulled up and then walked inside, I noticed the place was a mess and as Ray and I began heading upstairs towards her room, he started calling out her name to let him know he was here. Except, she didn't answer.
"I bet she fell asleep with her headphones on again." He rolls his eyes playfully.
As he opens up the door and says her name again, we don't see her. But then I see her feet peeking out the corner of the bed on the floor.
I quickly push Ray to the side and immediately run to her and instantly drop to my knees as I see her pale and lying there. With her wrist cut deeply as it is in a puddle of blood.
I begin crying the hardest I ever cried and yelled out to Ray who gasped as he ran to me and Mel whom I now had her in my arms.
Ray started to scream and cry. Then he checked her pulse on the opposite wrist and found that she had a little bit of a pulse.
He immediately takes out his phone and starts quickly dialing 911.
I'm just holding Mel in my arms. I feel just as Jax did in SOA when he held Tera's lifeless body in his.
"I love you baby. I'm so fucking sorry. Please. Please stay with me. Please come back to me." I kiss her forehead and in less than fifteen minutes, the ambulance comes and takes her away, I ride with her in the ambulance.
Once we get there, she immediately goes to have her wrist stitched and cleaned up.
Meanwhile, I'm pacing back and forth. Praying that she doesn't die.
Ray is trying to keep me calm and Ray had just called her mom to let her know what happened and that she told him that she will be here as soon as she can.
My god, I fucked up bad. It's all my fault I begin telling myself as I lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, with my face in my hands. Trying not to cry, but yet, can't seem to stop or hide them.
Ray sits next to me against the wall and puts his arm around me.
"It's okay. She's gonna be alright. I promise." Ray says.
"What if she doesn't?" I look at him with tears rolling down my face. "I love her so much. I don't know what to do without her. I mean, I don't even wanna think about the big race that's coming up next month. That's how much I love her. I need her." I tell him.
"I know..." Ray get's cut off as he see's the doctor come walking up to us.
Both Ray and I stand up and I don't even bother to try and wipe the tears away.
"She's ok. She lost a lot of blood, but luckily, we were able to give her more. She is now stabilized and is in the room, 205. She will need to be here so we can monitor her to make sure she is stable both physically and mentally, before we can release her. She is very lucky and it's very rare that someone that had a deep cut like hers was able to survive."
"Can we see her?" I asked as I swallowed a painful hard lump in my throat.
"Yes. But she is resting. So I'm sure she will wake up tomorrow. But you guys can still see her. Just remember that after 9 PM, you have to leave cause only immediate family can stay the night with her." The doctor says.
"I'm her boyfriend." I blurt out.
"Very well, then you can stay. But, anyways, I'm gonna check on her tomorrow."
I shake his hand. "Thanks so much doctor."
"Of course." He smirks then walks away.
We get to the room and slowly open the door and start to quietly walk inside.
Just seeing her on the bed makes me instantly feel pain. Why would she try to kill herself? Was it because of me? Gosh, just seeing her lay there, sleeping peacefully while hooked up to an I.V. in her arm along with her wrists both strapped down as well as her ankles. I wanted to erase this image from my memory right away. But I couldn't help but slowly walk up beside her, kiss her forehead and take a seat down in the chair that's right next to her bed, holding her hand and telling her I love her and am sorry and to forgive me for fucking up as well as pleading for her to wake up. Then tell her I am not going anywhere.
I just hoped she heard me.
*****************************************
The next morning, I had woken up and I found that when I fell asleep last night, that I was still holding her hand as I then laid my head down onto the bed.
As I opened my eyes and rubbed them a little to wake up more, I looked at Mel, hoping that everything was just a nightmare. But suddenly the image in front of me quickly snapped me back to reality and reminded me that the most beautiful girl I have EVER seen and that I love, is lying in a hospital bed all because she wanted to end her life.
I had hoped by now that she'd be awake by now, but she wasn't.
I heard the door open up and noticed her mom and Ray come walking in.
I quickly stood up as I'm sure that Ray told her everything. And how I fucked up. I was prepared to hear her yell at me and or hit me. But surprisingly, she didn't. She looked at her daughter and immediately hugged Mel.
"My angel. Why did you do this again? I'm so sorry I wasn't there. Please wake up sweetie. I love you." She cried as she stroked the top of Mel's head and then kissed Mel on the top of her head.
"Come on. We should leave her alone with Mel." Ray said while escorting me out with his arm over my shoulder as I just looked down at the ground.
After almost an hour of sitting outside of the room in the chairs against the wall to her room, Ray and I heard the door open up.
Mel's mom walked out. And her eyes were all puffy from crying.
She looked over at me and Ray.
"Ray, sweetie? Could you please go get us some snacks and drinks? So that when she wakes up, she can have something other than hospital food.?"
"Of course. I'll be right back." Ray stands up and starts heading to the elevator to head down to the cafeteria.
I was scared. What was she going to do to me? I hope she knows there are witnesses here. Though it probably wouldn't matter anyways, since she works here and practically knows everybody.
She takes a seat next to me and I start becoming nervous. I feel myself getting naseous from the panic I'm feeling.
"Look. Ms...." before I could finish, she cut me off.
"Please. There's something I want to discuss with you." We both take in a breath as she continues. "My daughter I know, seems like she doesn't like herself. Mostly, her appearance. She wasn't always big and curvy. She actually used to be active and really skinny, up until her father died. He was killed in an accident. She was nine. That's when she started eating her feelings, I guess is what you call it. Anyways, when she returned to school, for some reason, maybe people didn't know how to react, I don't know, but her friends and many others started making jokes about her fathers death. Then started calling her fat and hurting her. Not just mentally, but also physically. She didn't even really get big until she was in middle school. We ended moving away so that she could go to a different school and start anew. And when I thought this new school district was better? I found out, not until high school, that the bullying was still just as bad. She had tried to kill herself many times, but luckily didn't succeed. Then she found a boyfriend in her Sophomore year. He was a Junior and he took her to places, took her out as well and treated her good. Or so she made me believe. That was until I found out that he really had been hitting her, bullying her in front of his friends, hid their relationship, then one night, after she got the courage to break up with him, she did it and then later on that night, I was at work when he somehow, broke into her room, beat and anally raped her badly. Then, told everyone at her school that she had sex with him and that she even had a gang bang with him and his friends. So of course, more rumors were spread and again, she tried to down a bottle of vicodin. But I rushed into her room after she sent me a text, telling me goodbye and that she was sorry and that she loved me." Tears start rolling down her cheeks as she can no longer keep them from falling anymore. Then she continues. "So I decided, to return back here. To where I grew up. I know that she was still being bullied here. But, she told me it wasn't as bad. Wasn't as physical and that she could tolerate it more. And then one day, I noticed a difference in her mood. Her looks. For the first time, since my ex husband died, I saw my baby girl smile and feel happy. I wasn't sure why, though I had an idea. But then a couple weeks later, she tells me that she has a boyfriend, someone who for the first time, made her feel confident, beautiful, safe. Then the next day, after she told me, she had you come over for Christmas dinner. And I knew then. You were the reason. You were the reason she no longer had pain or sadness anymore. She was happy." She chokes a little bit.
Great, now that I've heard that, she's going to for sure kill me when I tell her that I hurt her.
Though, as I started to try and tell her about what happened, I stop as I look up and see Chelsea holding flowers and walking towards me and Mel's mom. I glare at her and begin to clench my jaw and fists.
"Will you excuse me for a second? I'm sorry, I just need to....to go to the bathroom." I tell her.
"Of course." She smiles.
I get up and begin to walk up towards Chelsea, while still glaring at her. I can see the terrifying look she has on her face as she's standing still and looking at me.