I had held her in my arms the entire night. Not once did she move and not once did I falter in my sombre vigil over her. By the time the sun crested the horizon my wolf and I were worn out. I hoped fervently and prayed to the moon a hundred thousand times that she would wake up and be there once more but her absence was still palpable to us. She had not returned in her sleep, she was still trapped where ever it was that her mind had her.
I ignored the sounds in the house as the rest of the pack members woke up. I ignored my hunger, my feelings did not matter as long as Maricella was stuck in within herself. I ignored Davin as he slowly rolled off of the cot, picking Bailey up in his arms. "I'll keep them out, Bennett. You try to get her to come back." He said it in a low voice as he shifted his sleeping mate and I said nothing as my hand slowly rubbed Maricella's back. I knew the action soothed me more than it did her but I couldn't stop it. It had almost become automatic, mechanical even. He left the room and I stared at the wall on the other side of the infirmary.
Maricella shifted slightly on my lap, her form straightening and I watched as her eyes opened. The eerie blankness was ever present and I simply wrapped her in my arms, whispering into her ear. I told her of my hopes and dreams for her, for us. Hours passed and no one entered the room as I spoke to her, my voice slowly going hoarse from the constant stream of words coming from my mouth. I was trying everything I could to reach her in a place I couldn't follow. It burned at me that she was with me but she wasn't truly there. I promised myself I would be there for her but now she was so far away. Her mind had escaped to a place I couldn't follow.
I bent ym head, pressing my lips to her hair before I stiffened and snarled as the door flew open to reveal a red faced doctor. Her eyes landed on Maricella and I shifted her, blocking the woman's gaze. She let out a threatening snarl as she advanced. I felt a red haze cover my entire being as the rage surged forward. She was a threat and would try to take our mate from us. I returned her snarl with one of my own.
"Bennett, calm down! She needs to see her pup!" Davin's voice was booming but I had my entire focus on the blond doctor who was growling just as violently as me. My wolf and I wanted her, and everyone else, far away from our mate.
"Mine!" Her voice was low and growed and I snarled at her as she took another step forwards. "My pup." Her blue eyes faded to pain filled confusion before she ran her hands through her hair bunching the blond strands in her fists. Her entire demeanour went defeated and she whimpered. "I failed her, my pup. I should have done more. I should have done something." Her voice cracked as she looked towards Maricella and I found the rage lessening as I watched her crumble with guilt and fear. "What would An-Andrew say?" She faltered on his name and tears filled her eyes.
"I couldn't protect our pup." She whispered it out and crouched down, tugging on her hair, sobbing harshly. I and my wolf were uncomfortable with how the interaction was going. We could sense the familial bond and we knew its importance and with a heavy and great reluctance I set Maricella on the cot before moving to the sobbing female. I said nothing as I picked her up, placing her on the cot beside Maricella. The sobbing did not stop but Amber wrapped her arms around my unresponsive mate and cried into her shoulder.
I didn't want to leave her alone, not with how she was but I knew how important the bond between her and Amber was. Amber needed to see to her child, her wolf demanded it of her intensely. I left the infirmary, ignoring Davin as I closed the door and stood guard beside it. It was a far as I was allowing myself to go.
Davin let out a sigh and leaned against the wall beside me. A thick silence fell as I tried my hardest to hear what was going on inside of the medical room. "It's past noon. Do you want anything to eat?" He asked it quietly and I shook my head, not trusting my voice to work. My throat was sore from the constant stream of pleas and hopes that I had spoken. I ran my hand over my face and tried to force myself to think of a solution that wasn't claiming our bond. "Just keep trying, Bennett. Something is bound to get through." He reached out before hesitating, his arm hanging in the air before he let out a sigh and patted my shoulder gently. I tensed at the contact but we could sense what he was doing, offering sympathy and friendship. "I don't know what I would do if it were Bailey. She's my everything." He sounded pained and I simply nodded.
"You are doing good with her. Maricella would be proud of how your bond has progressed." My voice was rough and hoarse but it was the truth. Bailey was timid and shy, as were all Omegas, but she was embracing her bond with Davin. He was good with her, he was what she needed to get better. I had wanted that for Maricella, I wanted to be that for her but I had no clue how. Not now. It was easy when she was with me, could communicate but having her simply gone, locked away in her own mind, prevented me from even knowing where to begin.
"It's okay to miss her. Whenever she got like this I always missed her. It was like a hole in my chest that wouldn't go away." He patted my shoulder again, ignoring how I stiffened. His words were true, despite everything. It felt like I had a giant hole punched into my chest somewhere in the vicinity of my heart. "I'm surprised you left her with Amber."
I pinched the bridge of my nose, I had a headache building deep in my skull but I knew it didn't matter. Not when Maricella was stuck how she was. "Amber is soon to be her mother. That bond is important." I honestly didn't want to talk anymore but Davin had extended several gestures of friendship towards me and I wasn't going to throw that back in his face. I owed him a lot when it came to Maricella.
"Your wolf must be going insane." He said it almost offhandedly and I shrugged.
"He understands." He understood but he didn't like it. He wanted us to be back where we could see our mate. I wanted to open the door and check in on them but I knew Amber needed time. Their bond was new and it was fragile. The strain of Maricella's condition would throw Amber's emotions into chaos. I wondered for a brief moment if Andrew could feel it. If he could feel his daughter's absence and his mate's chaotic emotional state. If it would show him just a fraction of the upheaval of their lives. He deserved to know, to see it himself.
"You should do something. Have a shower, eat something, go for a walk." He said it casually and I stiffened, a growl building in my throat.
"And give them an opportunity to keep me from her?" I leveled him with a deadly stare. There was no way I was going to leave her side and allow them a chance to bar me from seeing her, being with her. The thought made my wolf bristle as his teeth barred in a deadly warning.
Davin slowly shook his head, looking at the floor as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Amber isn't going to let anyone in and neither will I. No one is going to separate you two. I just need to make sure you are in top shape. Eat something, have a shower. Make sure you are healthy for her." He didn't command me, it was more of a suggestion but I didn't want to leave my position at the door. He glanced at me before he rolled his eyes. "There is a bathroom with a shower, literally right there." He pointed to a door part way down the hall. "I'll get someone to make you something to eat." He moved to the other side of the door and stood guard before waving me off. "I won't move. I promise." He looked at me, his expression was sombre but I could see the truth in his eyes.
I gave a slow nod before slowly moving towards the bathroom. Every fibre of my being was refusing me to move forward but I pushed through it. It did Maricella no good for me to let myself get into a state where I couldn't protect her. The thought was enough to enforce the strict control I had on myself. I moved to the bathroom and slipped inside, locking the door behind me. I ignored the mirror and slipped off the shorts and turned on the shower. I stepped into the freezing water. I hissed slightly, feeling instantly awake but I barely cared as I washed up. I was done everything before the water even had a chance to turn warm. My skin was covered in goosebumps but I ignored it as I grabbed a towel and dried off.
A knock sounded at the door and I couldn't help the snarl that escaped. "Easy, big boy. I have some clothes for you so either you open the door so I can hand them to you or I pop the lock and see you in all your naked glory." Angie's voice was taunting and I scowled at the wood of the door before walking over, unlocking it and opening the door a fraction. A pale hand reached into the crack with a set of clothes. "Shame. Not even allowed a peek." She muttered it as I took the clothes.
"Angela!" Seamus' voice was booming with anger and I hesitated in closing the door, wanting to hear their little fight. It was distracting and at the moment I needed something distracting.
"What, Seamus? I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life. I get sick and tired of your face sometimes okay! If I want to look, I'll take a peek now and then."
"Oh hell no, Angie." There was an edge of a snarl to his voice but there was no fear from his mate. I almost smiled at her attitude towards her mate. Despite her words there was a deep edge of affection for him. It was clear that she poked and prodded at him but she loved his deeply and truly.
"You look at other females." She said it like it was simple.
"What other female? There are like four females in this house and I'm mated to one of them! I only have eyes for you and I expect the same in return."
"Oh, did I hurt the poor baby's feelings? No worries, honey, you're all the male I can handle."
"Your condescending attitude is not helping. Time to show you just how much of a male I can be." His voice was low and growling and I could hear Angie squeak before she giggled. Seamuss heavy footsteps walked away and I pulled on the clothes as I opened the door wider and stepped out. I could faintly head Angie's laughter from somewhere in the house and I couldn't help it as my mouth twitched. She had gotten what she was wanted from her little display.
I ran my hand through my hair and looked towards the infirmary. True to his words, Davin was still standing where I had left him. I took my position back up and he shook his head. "You took like ten minutes. Your food isn't even ready." He stared at me and I grunted. A scowl deeply embedded on my face. My wolf was crawling up the walls of my mind, needing to see Maricella. "So talkative. I don't blame you. I want you to eat something before you go in there." Despite myself I was hungry and I just nodded, looking at my bare feet. I heaved out a sigh and rubbed at my temples."Shits tough, bro." Davin shoved his hands in his pockets and I nodded as I continued to rub my temples. Everything was fucking difficult but I would endure anything for Maricella.
We stood in silence for a few moments before Collin walked down the hall. "I didn't make anything fucking fancy." He scowled, his face was pale and he looked like he hadn't slept either. In fact nearly everyone looked like that. The situation must have been hard on the entire pack. He held out a bowl of mac and cheese and I took it with a small nod. I slowly ate, despite how my stomach seemed to want to rebel against the food. I forced myself to finish what was in the bowl before Davin nodded and jerked his head towards the door.
I held out the bowl towards Collin who grunted in annoyance but took it anyway. I pushed open the infirmary door. Amber was writing on a clipboard, all evidence of her meltdown gone as she slipped into her role as pack doctor. "No change in her but she is stable physically. However the fact she has been stuck in there for more than twelve hours isn't good, nor is it healthy. But the fact her mental stability has always been a little shaky, the emotional traumas she suffered means this is an expected reaction to it." Her voice was calm and even but I could almost hear it tremble. "There is little we can do but wait it out and hope for the best." I could hear her reluctance at the words and it matched the one in me. I couldn't wait it out. I didn't know if waiting it out would do anything for my mate. I moved towards the bed and once more wrapped her in my arms, setting her on my lap.
"Your touch and voice should help her find something to fight towards. That's all I can recommend as a doctor but as a mother. If drastic measures need to be taken, take them to bring her back." She lifted the slim box and I winced at the look of it before she set it on the cot beside me. I stared at it as she moved away. I shook my head slightly before looking at Maricella. She looked the same, her condition had not improved or changed in my short absence. I pressed my face into her hair and simply held her.
I had never felt more useless in my life. My mate was stuck in some hellish purgatory of her mind's creation and I had no ability to help her out of it. I rocked her back and forth, pressing my lips to her temple. I wished withal of my heart that she would snap out of the stupor she was in. That she would embrace me back.
Hours past and there were no changes in her condition. The blankness remained as the night descended and the moon rose into the sky. People came and went through the infirmary. I was too focused on Maricella to pay attention to who they were. My nerved were frayed as the house fell silent as the others collapsed into their beds. Everything was eerily quiet and I couldn't stand it. I looked at Maricella, taking in the ethereal beauty of her face. She was perfect in my eyes, she was my entire world. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her but I knew I had no other options left. I was on the edge with everything and there was no choice left.
The harsh truth was I was completely lost without her. I didn't know how I had managed without her at Tacita. She was my due north on my internal compass, I would always need her but now she was gone and I was left confused and lost. I closed my eyes and pressed my face into her hair, breathing in her scent. I didn't want to go through life without her. I refused to do that to myself and her.
I looked at the thin box that hadn't moved from where Amber had set it. A bitter taste coated my tongue at the thought of what I was going to do and tears filled my eyes. I never wanted to take the choice from her. What I was going to do needed to be discussed first, to be agreed upon and I was taking that away from my sweet one. My Maricella. I would carry that guilt as a heavy burden for the rest of my life. It would eat away at me and I knew it would but I had to bring her back, my wolf and I could not take any more of it. I reached out and picked up the box before standing on shaking legs and slipping it into my back pocket. I picked Maricella up and held her to my chest tightly as I left the infirmary and took her outside.
The moon hung, a waxing crescent hanging in the sky, as if waiting for what I was about to do. Her cold beauty made the front lawn glow slightly and I walked towards the center of it before setting Maricella down and sitting across from her. I grasped her hands in mine and kissed her knuckles reverently. "Forgive me, Maricella. Forgive me for taking this choice from you." I whispered the words before I looked up to the silver crescent. "Forgive me, Mene. Forgive me for this." Tears flooded my eyes once more as I pulled the box from my pocket. A lump formed in my throat as I set it down. I couldn't even look at it as rolling disgust filled me.
I turned my focus to Maricella and cupped her face in my hands. "I love you with all that I am and all that I will be and I am so sorry." I kissed her cheeks and her chin. I kissed her nose and her forehead, trying to remember the feeling of her skin on my lips because I knew that she might not let me touch her for a long time after my actions. I opened the box and grasped the dirk in my hand before placing it on my left palm. The silver burned my skin as I sliced open a large gash across my palm, following the lifeline.
My heart beat frantically in my chest as I watched the blood pool rapidly. I turned away and gently grasped Maricella's left hand and cut her lifeline with a wince. There was no reaction from her as the blade cut her skin. I threw the dirk away, unable to touch it anymore before I turned to Maricella. "Come back to me, my sweet one." I lifted her hand and lined it up with mine. Tears fell from my eyes unrestrained. I didn't want to do it but I knew it was the only way that we could guarantee to have her back. "Come back to me." I pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before I pressed our hands together.