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Despite the conversation taking a rather dark turn, Remus was thankful that Elspeth shared something personal with him. In a way, it was reassurance that she wouldn't go telling his secret and at least, felt comfortable enough to share something like that. She did tell him before their walk came to an end that his secret would always be safe, no matter what happened between her and Sirius. He thanked her profusely before she smiled and excused herself to find her friend, Penelope. Aware that the boys were waiting for him back in the dorms, Remus headed inside the castle back to the Gryffindor Tower. The smile on his face remained as he entered the dorms and found Peter, James, and of course, Sirius, anxiously waiting on his word.
"So...," Sirius said from his bed, watching as Remus walked in and sat on his own. He could see the hopeful look on Sirius' face, mixed with the nerves, just internally praying that everything had gone well between the two. Fortunately, Remus was able to nod his head in confirmation that all was well. With the smile and nod, Sirius was able to sigh in relief as he fell back onto his bed with a giddy grin.
"She took it all fairly well," Remus informed the other three, " granted, I don't think she's going to be joining any of us on the nights of the full moon. I could see that she was still a bit fearful about the whole thing as I would expect people to be at least. But she was really sweet about the whole matter, so I think everything will be fine for now. She promised that no matter what happened between you two..."
He glanced over in Sirius' direction."... that it wouldn't change anything and my secret was safe with her."
"Did she mention anything about how you weren't able to detect her?" James asked. "I mean, she was practically invisible to you-"
"James!" Peter called from his bed before Sirius and Remus could. "Let it go, she's already expressed that she doesn't want to tell us. If she plans on keeping our secrets, we should be thankful. Leave it be before you push her too far and something bad happens."
James made a face. "You know, I'm only doing this for the protection of this group," he said, " maybe at first I was just trying to figure it out to get back at her but it's become a bit more personal now. She knows a lot about us and even though Sirius and she are dating, we still don't know that much about her. I don't want anyone getting hurt. I know you say she isn't like that but how can we know that for sure, before this year we hardly spent any time around her."
Remus cleared his throat and looked at the boys. "She told me something while we were walking outside, you can't say anything because I honestly had no intentions of sharing it with any of you seeing as it's her business. But she shared something personal with me, I guess her way of making things even in her mind. Her cousin had a run-in back some time with Greyback and unfortunately, due to the Lycanthropy she wasn't able to find any work...and she ended up killing herself."
"Merlin!" Peter's eyes widened. "She killed herself, but why?"
"Lycanthropy doesn't only have its physical effects, Peter," Remus told him, " it also has plenty of mental trials to face. Unfortunately, she didn't wish to fight them any longer. She figured her best option at the time was to just end it. "
It grew quiet for a few moments as Remus looked out the window that was closest to his bed. Sirius and James exchanged looks while Peter was busy chewing on his nails, his nerves rattled just from the mere thought of the news that Remus had presented them with.
"Have you ever considered it?" James suddenly asked, bringing Remus' attention back to them. All three were waiting for his answer as he scanned their faces and then looked down at his hands. He swallowed hard as he was left unable to face them as he gave his answer.
"Once or twice," he admitted, " not recently if that's what you were getting at. But yes, the thought of it has crossed my mind. Simply because during those nights just before the transformation happens, all you can think of is how to make it stop. What is there that you can do to make the pain stop permanently? Of course, one answer always comes to mind and when you've gone through that pain and wake up the next morning to see the damage you've caused, it definitely puts you in the mindset to consider it."
He wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers before running one of his hands through his hair to push it back out of his eyes.
"I don't consider it anymore, I don't even think of it as an option. Since you three learned about it, all those thoughts disappeared because I realised I had support no matter what. I know I had it from my parents but I always assumed that their love was unconditional because they're my parents, but for people that didn't give birth to me and raise me to actually still stand beside me after learning what happens to me...well, that gives me hope that others will as well later on in life. That other will give me the chance. I don't think Elspeth's cousin was given that opportunity and she certainly didn't have you three there."
Just as he sat there sitting by himself on his bed with a smile on his face, Peter called out for a group hug and suddenly, Remus was tackled back, encased in hugs by the three.
"Hugs for Moony!"
"Moonpie!"
"Moonbeam!"
"Okay, you three promised about those nicknames!"
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Elspeth sat outside after splitting time between her work load and with Penelope. She was simply enjoying the afternoon as she sat on the wall outside in the courtyard, swinging her legs slightly from side to side. She had a small smile on her face although she wasn't sure what had brought her such happiness in the moment. Perhaps because she was doing well to stay on top of her classes that term or maybe it was the fact that she had reassured Remus that his secret would be safe with her until death. She saw how much it meant to him when he smiled and it made her feel good because Remus was the type of person that deserved happiness.
In fact, all four boys deserved happiness as she learned more about them. Of course, her initial attraction to Sirius had merely been physical along with his humour. She enjoyed looking at him and laughing at his antics, but learning about his home life and how he was willing to put his prejudice family behind him to support his friends, it was beautiful. Remus always so kind with the exception of his pranking moments, how he was battling a demon much darker than what most teenagers dealt with. Peter not being the most secure with himself but willing to do anything to help his friends and James, the boy who had everything and was willing to give everything to those he cared about.
They all had their moments where they could be complete gits but Elspeth was finally able to see past those moments and see what the four truly were. Brothers on a mission to help each other maintain their happiness.
"You're turning into a sap, El," she told herself, " get it together."
However, the smile didn't fade and she was going to have to accept fate that she was a total sap when it came to the four boys. Lily couldn't stand them, even on a good day, mainly James, but Elspeth was sure if the girl knew what the four boys were like outside of their pranks and foolish antics that she would probably decide to give James a chance. Of course, with the constant battle between Severus and James, it didn't seem very likely. She always found herself curious as to what started the feud between Severus and James, she didn't think it solely had to do with Lily since it had started from their first year.
It seemed she was about to get the opportunity to ask her question as she was greeted with a kiss on the cheek. Turning her head as her cheeks flushed a faint red, she saw Sirius climbing up the wall to sit beside her.
"Hello, Beautiful," Sirius said bringing her small smile to turn into a goofy grin. She decided to hide it as she turned her head and hid behind her hair. "Oh, it's too late for that now, I saw you smile!"
He went to poke her cheek but she quickly whipped her head back in attempts to bite him. He waggled his brow at her, bringing the two of them to laugh before she leaned into him.
"Hello to you too."
"Hey, where's my compliment?!" Sirius said in a playful, yet offended tone. He placed his hand to his chest and shook his head with hurt.
"I said hi to you, that's a compliment in itself," Elspeth told him before whispering, " you're welcome."
He snorted before making a biting motion back at her face causing her to squeal and nearly fall back. Sirius grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit close to him on the wall as they settled back into their original spots.
"So have you been out here since you and Remus spoke this morning?"
"What? No," Elspeth said, " I spent the day with Penelope and then finished up some work for classes so I don't fall behind. I'm telling you, if I don't do well on my O.W.L.s, I'm killing someone."
Sirius scooted slightly to the right to make it a point that he didn't want to be on the receiving end of her wrath if the time came.
"I just decided to come out here and think about other things so I don't drive myself completely mad."
"Oh no, you should allow yourself to go mad," Sirius told her, " it's so much fun to live life that way."
"Oh, I'm sure," She said with an eye roll.
It was quiet for a few seconds before Sirius nudged her shoulder. "So when you say you were thinking about things earlier, did I happen to be one of those things or at least involved in one of those things?"
She ran her hand through his hair for a moment, stopping midway as she gave her answer. "Actually, I was thinking about James and Severus."
Sirius nearly fell off the wall backwards, a disturbed look sweeping across his features as he stared at her. "But why?!"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I was just wondering what had caused the two to become enemies, you know? I highly doubt it had to be about Lily in the beginning."
"In some ways it was, but no that's not what started it," Sirius said.
She nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. "Spill."
Allowing her fingers to continue through his hair, her hand came to rest on shoulder, but he made a motion that she was not allowed to stop touching his hair. "Well, it actually started on the train honestly," he said, settling his head on her lap and laying the rest of his body out on the wall.
"Really? On the train?"
"Well, you know James, he can be a bit of...of...an..."
"Lily has taken to calling him an arrogant toe rag," Elspeth informed him. Sirius nodded his head, muttering to himself that it was a new one to add to the books.
"That works I suppose, but we were all on the train and I just asked innocently, of course, what house everyone thought they were getting into, if they had the choice. Well, James said he was going to get into Gryffindor just like his dad, asking if anyone had a problem with it and then here comes Snivellus...saying that if you wanted to be in Gryffindor is was because you wanted to brawny rather than brainy. He said that he and Lily would be sorted into Slytherin...."
"Goodness, even then he was pretty possessive over their friendship, wasn't he?"
Sirius nodded his head. "And of course, you know everyone focuses on what James does or what we do, they act like Snivellus is some sort of saint. But you should see how he follows us around constantly like he's trying to get something on us. Always trying to find a way to get us expelled. Granted, I think he's always been jealous of James, you hear how he talks about James and his quidditch. No one can deny that James has talent, except him. Then, of course, he hangs out with gits like Avery and Mulciber. Trust me, I grew up around that lot and they're nowhere near good news. They're all into the Dark Arts..."
"Yeah, Lily was telling me that she was concerned about Severus because of that," she suddenly turned to Sirius realising that she probably wasn't supposed to say that. "If you tell anyone I said that or make any mention of it again, I'll destroy you."
"Yeah well, the same goes to you," Sirius chuckled, " don't go telling the boys especially James that I told you any of this. I think it's just safe to say that they will always hate each other and I'm with James on all of it. It's only made matters worse that James has practically been in love with Lily since the beginning and Severus know that and uses it against him plenty of times."
Elspeth was silent for a moment registering everything she had just been told. Finally, she knew exactly what to say.
"Hogwarts needs a good counsellor. There are way too many students that need therapy in this castle."
"I know a good kind of therapy!"
"Sirius!"
She knocked him off the wall until she realised that she had actually knocked the boy off the wall. She quickly jumped down to the other side to stand beside him. "Are you okay?"
"My body!"