A broken home starts with a single event and then a domino effect comes into play. The event that changed my families entire life was the day I found my brother dead in his room.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, was my first thought when I found his lifeless body hanging from the beams in his room.
The very beams that were meant to support the house. To support our home, and yet they were the very things that broke it.
My parents weren’t the same after his death, and divorced soon after. Remember that domino effect I mentioned? Well that was just the tip of the iceberg.
First it was his death, then the divorce, next it was my nightmares. Almost every night my brother haunted my dreams. It wasn’t enough that he tormented my very existence when he was alive.
They say that life has a way of working itself out for the better. Sometimes it took longer than one would hope for but it happened. But nothing seemed to be getting better for me. I was locked in my own head for eight hours every night and yet never seemed to get enough sleep.
It was the summer after we had graduated. His heart set on attending UCLA. He was willing to do anything to get out of NYC. Personally I never got it. I didn’t see the differences between LA and NYC. They both were hyped to such an extent. But all the same he didn’t get accepted. Being accepted into NYU was his breaking point.
He started getting panic attacks and would feel claustrophobic in the most open spaces. He felt so caged in that it was driving him insane. Of course, he never let us see him that way. I being his twin sister could see the difference in him. He wasn’t being as playful as he used to be. He hated my boyfriend. He had lashed out on him when we talked about getting apartment together. He got worked up, saying that Josh was trying to tie me down, lock me up.
As much of a pain my brother had been, I just wanted him back the way he was. He was cold and distant but I never imagined that he would take his own life.
The day I decided I was going to get out of New York was the day we got the letter in the mail. The letter stating that UCLA had an opening for the fall semester. Turns out Cole had been on the waiting list.
***
Chloe.
Chloe.
Chloe.
I awoke to a voice calling my name. Opening my eyes was the hardest thing to do. I knew that voice. I loved that voice. I was afraid of that voice.
I knew what I would see if I opened my eyes but I couldn’t help it. I was laying on the floor of my brothers floor. Above me hanging from the ceiling was my brother.
Only he was very much alive and he was looking right at me.
“Chloe, I’ve missed you. It’s so cold without you.”
Tears sprung to my eyes as I tried to look away from his dark eyes that shined with humor. He thought this was funny. He got a kick out of my pain.
“Cole, why? Why did you do it?” I asked the same question every time. I never received an answer though.
“For you,” he answered.
My eyes shot up to his face. Ignoring the noose that was tied around his neck I stood.
“You what?” I cried out.
This was the first time he had stayed on subject. He was always one for games. He never let me win, I was after all his twin sister. He was born first.
“I win,” he sang. “I came into this world first, and left it first.”
“Shut up,” I wailed. “Shut up!”
“What? Don’t like the truth?”
“It isn’t the truth!” I said through clenched teeth.
A sickly sweet smile spread across his pale lips, “You know me so well.”
I finally looked over the brother I had lost two years ago. Two years that felt like a lifetime ago. His dark hair that resembled my own dark brown hung just below his ears and just over his eyes. His eyes twinkled with unshed tears. His skin was so pale compared to my own sun kissed skin.
“Don’t cry little sister. I have always been with you.”
I glared at him, “Don’t feed me that bull. You left. You were selfish and left.”
“That hurts,” he said as he lifted his hand to his chest.
For the first time in dozens of nightmares the noose grew longer until he was on the ground in front of me. I took a step back in fear. I couldn’t stand this close to someone I had lost long ago.
“I was never as strong as you. I know it was stupid of me to give up at such a young age. I just didn’t have the strength to go.”
“Cole-” he cut me off as he held a hand up for him to finish.
“You might not have had the courage to admit it. You too were suffocating just as much. But you had the distraction of your first love. Josh,” he spat out his name is if it were toxic. “He held you back, Double C. He wanted you to be inexperienced for the sake of keeping you to himself. He knew you were brilliant and beautiful. If you were to see what the world had to offer you would leave him in a heartbeat.”
My mind wondered to the day I had broken up with him. He had tried to forbid me from leaving even after I asked him to come along. He even tried to stop me from leaving his place. His grip on my arm that night hurt so bad that it gave me the strength to move on. He didn’t realize it then but he had lost me long ago. The day my brother passed was the day the world lost me.
It was then that I realized that I had to find myself in this screwed up world.
I started nodding like a bobble head as tears ran down my cheeks, “I-I-I,” I could barely breath to form a sentence.
“Chloe! Wake up!”
A voice was breaking through the dream. It was going to wake me up before I could say good bye. I knew from the looks of this conversation that this was the last time he would visit my dreams.
“Chloe, look at me!”
My head shot in the direction of Cole’s voice. I hadn’t realized I had been looking for the source of the voice.
Coles eyes shown with tears that looked to be flooding his face, “I’m so sorry. For leaving you. For giving up so easily. “
The voice on the inside of my head was getting louder as I tried to concentrate on Cole.
“Cole,” I heaved trying to gain control over my breathing. “I-I- forgive you!” I wailed out.
As soon as the words left my lips I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my heart. The next thing I knew a bright light had taken over the contents of the dream making it impossible for me to see my surroundings or Cole.
“Cole! Cole, where are you?”
The light finally dimmed enough for me to see the skin of a sun kissed boy with dark brown hair and humor filled eyes, and a bright smile.
“Cole,” I felt overwhelmed. “You’re…”
“Free,” he finished for me. “You have been so broken and scared ever since my passing that I couldn’t leave you behind until you gotten over it and forgave me. Of course, I never expected you to. What I did should be unforgivable. But it’s what we both need to move on.”
Before I knew what I was doing my arms flew around his neck, “I love you.” I could actually smell his familiar scent of peppermint and spice.
“Don’t be getting mushy on me now, little sister.”
I pulled away with a pout on my lips.
“Awe hell,” he said with a smile as he pulled me back into a hug. “I think I’m getting soft,” he whispered into my ear.
“Angelic,” I joked.
“Your angel,” I smiled at the thought of him being my guardian angel.
“CHLOE!” the voice shook the whole room this time.
“We both must go,” he whispered as he pulled me back. “You have to promise me something first.”
“Anything,” I said as I whipped the tears from my face.
“Live.”
I thought about it for a second, “How am I supposed to do that with that sexy of a beast Julian keeping me hostage?” I laughed at the thought of him being a sexy beast. How well it fit him.
As Cole started slipping away I heard his voice echo throughout the room, “Follow your heart, Chloe. It’ll take you further than any map will.”
As he disappeared completely my whole world shook, my eyes flew open to meet the familiar blue that I have grew to love way more than the blood tinged red ones of the man before.
“Chloe, can you hear me?”
I nodded slowly as I let the dream wash over me. The nightmares were over, and I finally had closure.
I tried to sit up but Julian stopped me, “Let me up,” I mumbled.
I didn’t realize that Julian was virtually laying right of me.
“What are you doing?” I said a lot clearer.
“You were going crazy. Scratching a flailing about. I had to restrain you,” slowly I realized my hand was under his shirt.
He moved over so he was lying on his side, beside me. I looked into his eyes as I lifted his shirt to expose his sculpted abs. Where my hand had been were fading scratch marks. No doubt they would have been deep if he wasn’t a fast healer.
A smile was spread against his lips as my eyes made their way back to his face,
“What?”
His smiled shrunk into a smirk, “Who’s this Sexy Beast you were referring to in your sleep?”
My jaw dropped before I could stop it as I realized I had talked in my sleep. That had heard me. But how much had he heard?
I slowly pulled myself across the bed as I readied myself to say what I was about to say, “Sexy Beast. Hmm… That’d have to be Trace, hands down.”
Instantly I shot up out of bed and made a run for it. Not making it far as he pinned me to the door, “Yea, you think?” he said dangerously close to my lips.
I smirked not giving up that easy, “He has abs and soft fur. Nothing could compete with that.”
I could see the jealousy rising in his eyes he was so close but before he could bite my head off some sort of alarm sounded in the distance.
That alarm meant one thing; there was an intruder.