" Untangled Strings "
Have you ever woken up one morning drenched in sweat, shaking and you know that something's off about everything not in its rightful place or time?
That lingering feeling in your stomach that sends shivers to your spine? That warm feeling you feel only when you're dreaming? The warmth of love, coldness of hate, blood red anger and the bitterness of sadness that overflows with great intensity you just can't help but to sit on your bed staring on your empty room; as beads of tears slowly traverse your cheeks.
But every time, your mind fails to give answers on what unexplainable tragedy can cause all those feelings, like a void that's longing to be filled, with something or someone; God knows that you tried everything in your power to convince yourself that it was all a crazy feeling that everyone who dreams feels.
And the best part of it is, try as you might but no matter how hard you bang your head on the wall, you just can't remember anything, and yet it felt like heaven and earth switched places, like fish suddenly learned to fly and butterflies, well they are still lovely as they always are, but the thing is, you woke up and you feel like you're not the same person as before; as if you lived on a different world you just can't remember; but your soul aches deep inside it pains you, as if something should be done but you failed to do it.
And after minutes pass you just tell yourself that it is just a dream, as loud as you like; fooling yourself that this time you just might believe it.
Sometimes it's easy to be torn between dreams and reality, but in our world it those two just won't touch, want to why it won't touch? I can give you a reason why; bills, projects that needed to be rushed, appointments that cannot be missed, jobs that we're trying hard to cling into; well that's four actually
But my point is, life hinder us to do things that we used to do all the time when we are still a child;
That is to let ourselves go, let our mind fly wander through the vastness of the sky, feel the soft blades of grass on the field, smell the intoxicating scent of all the flowers we don't know ever existed back then,
As if life plucked our feather one by one as we grew older, the feathers that gives us freedom to be whoever we want to be, wherever we want and whenever we want; the moment our feathers are gone;
The void in our chest starts to grow, little by little it grew, every sadness, heart breaks, lie's and almost everything that sorrows us no matter how little we might think it is; it feeds the small blackness in our chest until we can no longer feel anything; until it is too late, we are no more; no more than a living cadaver waiting for its destined moment to be celebrated and led six feet under.
Only a handful of people understands, only a handful accepts and only a handful person can endure,
Now let me tell you a story that made me tear that very thin fabric of dream and reality;
As they touch it led me to believe that I can still live with this; that like birds feathers grow,
That it is never too late to fly again
this the story of Jack and Lucille tethered by the invisible thread of fate.
Atop of a rocky mountains surrounded by a handful of grass and tree line, and a magnificent view of a once great lake that almost everyone that see it for the first time left them in awe, this rocky monolith is located on top of a mountain that is very well know at that time for its great views and ethereal ambiance almost it was almost like once a paradise, littered with people climbing to and fro; trails not that recognizable anymore, and once grasslands is now a dusty place where hikers pitched their portable homes ( tent ).
It was a cold November afternoon the cool breeze that everyone loves this season can now be felt,
As he rose from his tent pitched on the far side of the dusty campsite where people doesn't usually go, he fixed his gears; tied his shoes two knots just to be secured because it'll be a tough climb if someone going to watch the sunset on top of the monolith; he packed his worn out sketchbook and tucked it securely in his backpack; after a minute or two of preparations he now started the short but stiff ascend to the said monolith.
The smell of the grass; the perfume of the mountain breeze as he calls it, calms him; as he took his last step on the rocky side of the monolith; he then reached the top, gasping for air on his knees; he smiled as if it was a great accomplishment what he did,
Although there were lots of hikers on the campsite that afternoon, he found himself alone on top of the monolith, which is quite odd; he just shrugged and said " more for me then " he doesn't like the company of noisy strangers anyways, and would like to alone if he were to paint the scenery that he is eagerly waiting to unfold, so he walked a while looking for his spot, the same old spot; he used to go
A place where you can sit and face the great lake and watch the sunset to come,
As he sat on that boulder that almost resembles an ancient sacrificial stone because of its almost perfectly flat surface on top, he lay his pack in his side, and gently caress the smooth surface he is sitting on, it felt warm; a perfect afternoon he said, he now grabbed his rugged sketchpad and as he turned page after page he found a blank textured page; a perfect surface to paint the beauty of everything.
He waited and waited, minute after minute he glance to his watch; time goes so slow when you're waiting for something beautiful " he said ",
He closed his eyes for a second, left all his senses to wander but his sight,
Feeling every breeze, savoring the smell of the air, touching the smoothness of the stone around him;
He felt free for a minute in his entire life; free from the vast exploits of the modern civilization he lives on as if he's one with the mountain.
Moment passed that he never realized the cool gentle breeze becoming more fierce by the second, and beads of water coming from the air blew in his face, the smile on his face started to fade and as he opened his eyes he just cant believe what he see as he looked around him.
The nearly crimson tint of the afternoon skies is now black as if no light can get through,
The magnificent clouds that he loves to look at because of the random shapes that it makes; was nowhere to be found, might be blown the harsh wind; as if a storm suddenly appeared before him, caught him off guard, he was bewildered by what he saw; the joy and excitement melted away like a candle, as fear and panic took over his body, he know not what to do; he does not even sure if he is still in the same place he is when he closed his eyes; if not from the smooth stone that now is drenched with cold rain;
He stood up knowing not what to do he grabbed his pack, shaken by panic he just couldn't find his headlamp, because of the darkness there is no way he can go back without proper illumination,
The weather is only becoming worse, winds circling around the monolith all he can see is the vague light that the moon provides aside from that it is pitch black; he slowly walked back from he thinks he came from, tripping every step of the way; crawling on the sharp stones but he doesn't care all he wish for that moment is to get back home as he started to lose hope he heard a sound;
vague for a moment but he can tell that it is not the wind, then it calls again, gradually audible every second until like it was just a whisper into his ears, calling his name " Jack " softly, the voice is comforting and warm so as he lay there helpless he looked up, can never really see anything in the darkness but he recognize a black figure, almost like a haze slowly walking towards him, every step it calls his name " Jack ", he know that he should be scared but he's not, he felt like if he would to survive he must reach whatever it is that is calling his name.
Bruised and helpless he reached out his hand as if calling for " It's" help,
" it " is now a foot closer to him but he still can't see it clearly, all he knew that time it's silhouette of a woman, a woman he does not recognize but knew his name, as he stretched his arms further to the woman's direction, they're hand touched, her hand was surprisingly warm and dry, and all the fear and panic that he felt was completely washed away, as he gently stood on his feet, he is now face to face with the woman, confused by what is happening he gently pull her closer to him see the woman's face.
Every inch closer and closer, he felt the harsh winds became more manageable and light began to penetrate the unforgiving void that envelops his line of sight;
Face to face, as the last remnant of the darkness subsides; the light softly illuminated the woman's face;
Her flowing long black hair gently flows to the wind swaying like grass on the river.
A smile on her lips welcomed him, her smiling eyes greeted him as if it was to be expected; as if she knew him very well;
Jack knew very well what the word " beauty " stands for in his own standards, but this woman in front of him took him by surprise, a woman in her mid 20's mestiza with a hint of Filipina heritage; her pouty red lips, light brown eyes that ever since he saw her; her did not even for a second took his glance from, and her glowing soft skin that glows into the moonlight; as it was like a scene from a fantasy movies.
And once again she whispered "Jack", woken in his trace like state by that sweet voice;
He gathered his depleting energy and with his low voice he replied, " who are you?"
The woman still smiling replied, " I promised you I would come "
He didn't know what she meant by that; his confused expression says it all,
But just kept on smiling as she got closer to me, the scent of the flowers he knew very well but just cannot recall envelop his nostril as her hair touched his face, she whispered into his ear " Que, Sera Sera (what will be, will be) "
And followed by " Jack, you can wake up now " as the clear image of her slowly turns into a misty visage and the darkness slowly follows.
He was overwhelmed by confusion but he had no time to ask what was the woman was talking about nor he didn't have the time to ask for her name because after her words pass through his ears he felt hazy, vision becomes blurry; the sound of the wind at the top of the monolith started to fade, before Jack knew it; he blacked out, but before that he remembered hearing her last words
"You promised".
Like a bolt of lightning he jerked up screaming like he had the most terrifying dream he ever had in his entire existence; scanning his surrounding it was cold and dark and the smell only made it worse, the scent of chemicals he was very familiar with, panic and fear strikes him, he thought that he was still in a dream, he remembered something someone told him that if he's stuck in a nightmare he should try to move his toe for him to wake up; try as he might he's moving both his feet now but still it's pitch black, the only thing that was misplaced in his dream was the soft ground he is laying into, but it he was so focus on the fact that he needed to wake up;
A cold hand then touched his should, he was shocked and shrugged the hands off her shoulder then as he struggled to break free he fell from the soft ground he was laying into a cold and hard surface, pain coursed into his back as he let out a slight gasp; then he heard a clicking sound and light illuminated the dark void he's into; both eyes wide open still figuring out what the hell is happening, then he heard a familiar voice; a concerned voice, still shocked and cannot think clearly he prepared himself for what will happen next;
A silhouette peered down to where he fell, a face of a woman met his terrified eyes and she spoke to him " Jack, Jack are you alright?."
As soon as he regained his composure he realized that the voice was from his fiancée " Lily "the woman he met a few years back in college, though she's not his classmate he and her met on an art exhibit, Jack's first local art exhibit in a small space rented by their university for their aspiring art students back then; he remembered that she's the only one in the crowd who told him that his works are very powerful and emotional but it lacks something vital; Jack did not take it as an insult but rather a very important criticism to further better his craft, and he did what every artist would do after someone just pointed out something lacking to their work; he asked her out for a date and the rest smoothly follows.
Are you alright Jack? She said; still partly shaken he answered, " I think "
Was it that dream again? She asked again;
He just nodded in confusion and gathered his strength to stand up, he scan the room where he is; Jack was in their apartments bedroom after all, technically it was more of an art studio than a bedroom paintings after paintings hang in the wall, easel loaded with a canvass with unfinished paintings that explain the weird smell as paintbrush and paint tubes were just on the side table a couple of feet from where he's sitting.
Lily gently grabbed Jacks arm and encouraging him to sit on the bed for a moment,
She then asked " was it the same dream again?."
Jack nodded and a fake smile formed into his lips, just to make her fiancée calm down,
You're dreaming of it more and more this past few months now Jack, I don't think that's normal " Lily said with a hint of concern on her soft voice"
When are you going to tell me about it? Or do you want to talk about it? You know you can tell me everything right? Lily's concerned voice now drenched with a little sadness;
It was nothing Jack said; just another inspiration for my new art; I guess, really it was nothing; fooling himself to believe that it was just nothing but a dream, a very detailed and reoccurring dream.
Lily, still drowsy and slightly annoyed for the fact that she's just concerned for him but he just don't want to talk about it; so she just let it go, she laid gently and tucked herself into bed covered her face with a soft pillow and faced the wall as if she doesn't want to face Jack.
Jack knew that she'll understand, she always do; as he sat on his corner of the bed thinking; his eyes met a particular painting partially illuminated by their poorly lighted lamp, an unfinished portrait of a lady, he recalled a month worth of work but still he just finished the eyes; everything else was a raw brush stroke waiting to be refined by him, not only on that particular painting but in his sketches, random pencil strokes he always ends up with that same image of that particular lady he never ever saw in his whole life but only in his dreams; still exhausted he lay down to bed and whispered "Goodnight" to Lily.
"One half of me is yours, the other half yours,
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,
And so all yours."
In a partially dark classroom illuminated only by the light of the projector on the screen , A sturdy yet soothing voice of a man quoted , a merchant of Venice by Shakespeare he said,
Now as part of your homework please read the "A midsummer night's dream"; that will be the next topic we will discuss next week.
As he's spoke in front of a room full of students; he heard a giggling on the second row of his class, and his sturdy but now loud voice filled the four corners of the dimly lit room.
Jane! Can you enlighten us a little about a passage from any William Shakespeare's masterpiece? If I am not bothering you and your friend that is.
No sir! I mean no sir you're not bothering us, we just.. Jane said.
Just what? Stuttering of words are we now? You can't recall anything, anything at all about the things I taught these past few months? The professor bolted.
Maybe you're friend over there can help you out since you've been talking to her for over an hour now while I was reading a masterpiece, what do you say Lucille?.
A woman in her her mid 20's stood up gracefully as the giggling smile on her face becomes more serious and she spoke with all confidence; and she said "Mr.Robert, this is my favorite passage from his masterpiece".
"Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs; being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes; being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears; what is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall, and a preserving sweet."
The professor Mr. Robert then glanced at her with amazement for a while and said, I hope that your performance on our coming exam won't suffer the same fate as Romeo and Juliet.
As usual Jane; Lucille once again saved you; the professor said.
Alright kindly turn the light on class and you may be dismissed see you all next week.
Walking down the sunlit old hallway of a well known university Jane asked Lucille about where she's at her book,
Lucille carrying all her books hoping to get home as fast as she can, answered with a bit of sarcasm on her voice; if I could only count how many times you've asked me how my story is going, I might filled all the blank pages of my book by now.
Jane giggled and said; don't get me wrong I'm not a bookworm like you but I honestly love that particular story of yours, it somehow touched my inner romantic in me.
Lucille answered, you know that those stories only comes from my dreams, it's not like I can just sit on my desk and write anything I want in it, and besides it's only a side project of mine you know that I am busy as it is, I rarely seen my family because of all the deadline my boss gave me, it's like a never ending work; no matter what I do, how I do it there still work to be done; you know how it is working in a publishing firm.
Jane sighed and replied sarcastically; hey I just only asked about the story not your whole life you know, and I know how busy your whole world is, remember? I am your best friend? And your right even for me I have to make an appointment just to see you, you know I took this literature class just to see you every week right? So please, please finish the book for me please; Jane begged.
Lucille and Jane knew each other for a long time, they went through the same high school together and like a typical teenagers they shared a lot of things in common that's why they feel comfortable with each other and became the best of friends since then.
With all the chit chat jane and Lucille had, they were shocked that they are now standing outside by the gate of the university time goes by so quickly when we're having fun aren't we? Asked Jane.
Jane said with a bit of sadness on her voice, so we'll be apart again, I will miss you bestie and don't you forget you owe me a cup of coffee one of these days.
As the two nearly approaching the main exit gate of the University Jane saw someone.
By the gate there is a blue sedan parked just outside standing beside is a familiar face waiting for someone.
Jane commented; hey Lucille!; your Romeo is here with his shining blue horse, then she laughed mockingly.
Lucille noticed his presence before Jane and just shrugged it as if she doesn't acknowledge his presence.
That all Shakespeare's work worth for you, you always use it as a joke; if Mr. Robert heard you you'll be in a lot of trouble next week you know.
Jane giggled once more and bid her farewell to Lucille, as she watched jane slowly walked away to the gate a brief moment passed and she's out of her sight, leaving her standing there as if the only person she can talked to honestly just left her; and there is this guy 20 yards from her waiting outside patiently; she orchestrated a smile before she walked towards the gate and to him.
Hello beautiful, the guy said; smiling and loosen his posture a bit as if anticipating a hug of some sort.
Lucille walked towards him with a smile but still avoiding meeting his glancing eyes; but before he can even say a word the man hugged him tight; as if her lungs will soon collapse and hugged him momentarily then like it was a friendly greeting just hoping that he would let go.
Hey why so cold? The guy asked; are you well? You're not yourself recently.
Lucille answered no "Rick" I am just tired, can you just take me home? I have some things to do; you know deadlines and stuff.
Rick is the guy he met in her college days, though relationship is not one of her top priority back then; she did everything she can to tell Rick that she's just not interested ,but Rick's persistent behavior won her over; she just told herself that there's nothing wrong if she accepts rick; he's a good man after all but relationships are things we can offer to everyone, but love can only be given to someone; that is her belief.
Rick nodded but still with a smile " whatever you say my princess and opened the door of his car for Lucille and signaled her to get inside.
DO NOT CLOSE
DO NOT SHUTDOWN