Chapter 16. Red Balloons and Nightmares
(Danielle)
Thanksgiving was over and I was really, really grateful that Aaron had come back for me. No one had ever done that for me and I was surprised it was Aaron.
Being there with him in my usually empty dorm, it made me feel less alone and more hopeful. Like finally I belonged somewhere, even if it was only in that dorm room. Like finally I had someone... but I didn't trust it, not fully. Because... I knew. And my brain kept warning me about it.
It was a constant buzz.
He made me feel like I was... Like...
I really didn't want to fall too deep in to it, because my brain was still buzzing --on red alert-- but I couldn't help it.
He made me feel all kinds of wonderful, the way I hadn't felt in so, so long.
Maybe that was what made me slowly, slowly slipping back in to an old habit. Easy but exciting habit.
Aaron McCarter.
Maybe Aaron was really, truly trying. And I don't know, it was getting harder to keep him at a distance after yesterday, after what he had done for me yesterday.
And the kiss, of course, it shifted my already upending world, but yes, we never talked about that kiss again.
It was as if Aaron had sensed my discomfort and was giving me a way out, like he knew that I didn't want to talk about it, or discuss it. So, I gladly took it.
Though it was a very nice kiss --more than nice, it was like universe expanding and exploding -- I still didn't want to mess my life with more unwanted problems. More Aaron. There was already enough if him everywhere. Everywhere.
I couldn't afford that. There were only five more months left for school to be over and I could not wait to get away from this place. This life. I had to get away, or I would simply get lost in the overwhelming feelings of abandonment and betrayal. I had to.
I am going to get away, I thought as I walked to my first class.
I had already applied to the Fashion Institute of Technology under early admissions and had also applied to Parsons School of Design.
Those two were like a paradise for people looking to make a name in the field of fashion and it had been my dream since I could remember. Daisy knew that dream, too and she promised she would come along with me, to New York. We had talked about renting a small room and living together. We had all these big plans and they all made total sense even when we were just fifteen. Staying together with Daisy had always made sense. She was my best friend. My sister.
Now Daisy was in NY and she didn't even know she was in NY. This must be what they called fate.
I sighed and stopped when I heard someone calling my name.
"Hey Danielle."
"Hey," I said as Kayla waved at me.
"Did you have any sample for us?" She asked, her voice enthusiastic and that was when I realized Marcus was also with her. He gave me a hesitant wave when I looked at him and I had this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach when he looked at me. Like... I didn't exactly know what that feeling was, but it was not a nice feeling.
"I am sorry, give me two more days." I said and Kayla shrugged.
"It is alright." She said and walked away and Marcus dutifully followed her. I didn't know what the deal with the two, but they looked like they were joined at the hips or something.
"You-" I turned away and came face to face with Ashley.
"What?"
She was too close, uncomfortably close. "Personal space, remember?" I said with a frown and she took a step back.
"Do you know where Liam is?" She asked as she glared at me.
"Liam? How do I know that? I am not his keeper." I said.
"He keeps hanging out in your room, no?" Ashley gave me a look that was totally on the top of 'snobbiest look of the century'.
"That doesn't mean I keep track of Liam or have a leash on him or something." I said with a frown. "What do you want with him?" I asked.
Liam had already told me the unfortunate story of kissing Ashley Merrick and it really was unfortunate.
"One boyfriend is not enough for you?" Her eyes were in slits as she looked at me.
"Nah. I like more than one. That way, I would always have a choice." I said with a chuckle. "Now if we are done talking, I need to go."
"I am not done talking."
"You are going to continue this mind-numbingly boring conversation?" I asked with a deep sigh.
She gave me a scowl.
"If you see him-"
"Ashley, look at me. Do I look like your mailman, or a pigeon?"
"Pigeon?"
"Nothing. I really have to go, okay? Bye, bye."
***
I walked inside world history class with Mr. Jones and was immediately greeted by two guys glaring at each other. Of course, it was Aaron and Damien. Damien smiled when he noticed me and waved at me.
"I saved you a seat." He said and I shook my head.
"Thanks." I said as I sat next to him and Aaron kept shooting glares in my direction. He was on my other side.
"What?" I hissed, bothered.
"Nothing. I know my boundaries."
"Are you going to keep pestering me about-"
"Oh, I am sorry. Am I bothering you? I can find another seat."
"Aaron, what is your-"
"Ms. Landon, do you have any doubts?" I blinked when Mr. Jones walked up to me. "Am I not clear?"
"You are?"
"Are you asking me?"
"I- I didn't, Mr. Jones."
"You can ask me if you want to." He gave me a sarcastic look before he went back to the board.
When there was only fifteen minutes left for class, Mr. Jones had an idea. A terrible idea.
A project on world War II and the consequences of it.
It might not have been a problem, had it not involved the two guys who were constantly in the state of combustion, but it did. Even then it would have been, like manageable.
"And Ms. Landon..." He said and that was when I realized my life was officially shit. Like totally, ridiculously high pile of shit.
And from the look it, neither of them liked it, as well.
God. Kill me.
***
After lunch, I walked to my locker and as soon as I opened it, I had this feeling, the dark sense of growing trepidation. I saw it. The note.
There was a picture of balloons on the note. Red balloons. Drawn and coloured.
'Next time, we can paint them with yours!' It read.
I touched the red painted balloons and took my hand back with a wince. It was sticky, and it smelled... That slightly tangy smell of old blood. I placed my hand over my mouth as the note slipped off my fingers.
Blood. This was real blood.
My heart hitched as I tried to do something I could normally do without any effort- breathing. But it was hard. It was as if my lungs had collapsed in on itself and didn't have a way to breath.
My heart felt like it wanted to break out of my ribcage.
A whimper left my lips as I looked around myself. No one was looking at me. No one was even giving me a second look. Everyone was in their own locker, doing their business.
And I, I knew I had to find a way to bring myself to breath. I knew.
I closed my eyes as I tried to count backwards. 10, 9, 8. Sometimes it helped. Not this time. I tried to think about scientific facts as my therapist had taught me. My breathing was still fast. I felt like I was going to faint.
I am not safe here.
I grabbed my throat and slumped down. My fingers clawed against my throat as if they wanted to make a new airway, but I knew it wasn't helping. I knew it wouldn't go away anytime soon, I knew...
And still I was helpless. I didn't like to be helpless.
I clutched my chest and groaned. It hurt. Everything hurt.
"Danie, Danielle..." I knew someone was calling me, but I was lost.
My breath come in broken whisper and...
"Danielle. Danie. Please, open your eyes." Someone grabbed my face.
I didn't want to open my eyes. I wanted to get lost in this darkness. It was almost comfortable, more comfortable than the light. I could hide in the darkness, until everything and everyone disappeared.
"Danie..." This person was utterly irritating. I wanted peace. I wanted to just...
"Stop." I whispered.
"You are okay."
"I am." I said as I finally pried my eyes open. It felt hard, prickly. And the light was so agonizingly bright on my eyes. I closed my eyes with a sigh.
"What the hell happened?"
"Nothi-"
"It is panic attack. You were having a panic attack." It was Shayla, one of Samantha's friends. She looked like she was actually concerned for me. "You okay?" She asked.
"I am, thanks Shayla."
"No problem." She said as she walked away.
"Is that it?" Aaron asked and I shrugged. I didn't want him to know. I didn't want anyone to know.
After that night, I had frequent attacks, but it stopped after a year of Daisy's attack. And now it was starting again...
And I couldn't do anything about it.
I was truly, really helpless and that made me feel vulnerable. I didn't like feeling vulnerable. Not at all.
"Get up." Aaron said as he gave me his hand. "We are going to see Ms. Sheena."
"She can't do anything about it." I said.
"Why not?"
"Because I am all right, right now. I just wanna-"
"You need to lie down." Aaron said as he pulled me up and then he saw the crumpled paper on the side. He picked it up and cursed.
"Shit, Danie. This is not-" He wrapped his arm around me. "We are- we have to go to cops. This doesn't feel like- this isn't-"
"I know." I said. "Just give me some time." I said, thinking about Mr. Felix.
"Soon, Danielle. You should not ignore this..."
"I do know that. And I am really scared, but-" I sighed.
"You wait here. I will ask for a permission slip from Mr. Alexander."
"He is going to faint." I said, smiling.
Everyone knew about our feud, especially Mr. Alexander, who had always been stuck in the middle. Teachers usually sent us to Mr. Alexander. So...
"He is not that weak, I mean, he always knows how to handle us."
"That he does." I said as I sat down and Aaron walked away. I stared at him back until he disappeared from my sight.
He came back after ten minutes with a permission slip. We walked to the dorm.
"Did Mr. Alexander faint?" I said as Aaron opened the door.
"He looked almost close to fainting." Aaron said as he grabbed my hand.
"I can walk, Aaron." I said with a grunt.
"I know... I just- go in." He said with a smile and a curtsy.
I walked inside and sat down on my bed with a sigh. I finally felt like I could breath properly.
"Wait here." Aaron said as he walked towards the kitchen. I sat there, thinking about all the notes I had gotten from the stalker and I was once again so afraid for my life. I didn't want to be, I didn't want to be afraid. For once, I wanted to be a normal teenager, with issues that were no bigger than getting a D grade in Chemistry, or fighting with my best Friend, or just talking about cute guys and jerks. Things like that. Normal teenage stuff.
I didn't want to stand behind the glass walls to point out the guys that had assaulted Daisy and me. I didn't want to open my locker every day with fear and anxiety. I didn't want to walk along the corridor, always looking behind my shoulder. I didn't want any of that. I didn't.
But here I was once again, forced to feel not normal.
"Here. Drink this. You will feel better." Aaron handed me a cup of hot chocolate and I sighed.
"I don't think this is going to make me feel better. But thank you, anyways."
"I am so sorry, Danielle."
I took a sip of his hot chocolate. It was warm and sweet and delicious. It actually made me feel a little bit better.
"This actually made me a little bit better. Thank you." I said as I grabbed my blanket. "I want to sleep."
"Sleep. I will be right here." Strangely, it was the only thing I needed to here right now.
I closed my eyes. And the sleep was fast to come.
***
(Flashback)
"Don't go."
"It is my birthday, tomorrow and I want to feel like I am growing up." Daisy looked stubborn.
"You are growing up, but that is not- I don't think that place is even safe for like actual grown ups." I said.
Daisy looked irritated. Samantha scoffed.
"Danielle, you are very boring."
"After you become friends with Aaron." Daisy said, a bit rudely.
"I am not, I just think this is a bad, bad idea."
"You don't have to come. Just don't go running to Aaron and tell him all about this. Okay?" Daisy glared at me as she pulled out a dress from her closet.
"I don't like it." I said as she came out wearing a beautiful dress. She looked grown up, she looked great.
"You can stay here and keep disliking it." She said as we walked out of her house. The sun was setting and it was already getting dark.
It was a rave in some underground, secret club or something and it was supposed to be awesome. DJ Zero was some sort of legend or so Samantha and Daisy told.
"But you are still underage."
"It is for everyone, Danielle. Even for losers like us. And I am not going to be drinking." Daisy said as she turned away from me and looked at Samantha.
"You ready to rock the club, S?"
"Yes." Samantha said.
"No, please don't go."
I should have just told her mom, or Aaron, but knowing that Daisy would absolutely hate me if I spoiled her day, I just prayed she would stay safe and walked to my home.
She didn't.
***
Someone was running. There were sirens everywhere, and someone was grabbing me. My head hurt. My hair... Someone was pulling.
I tried to run.
"Don't try anything stupid." A cold voice said closer to my ears.
"Let her go, let her go."
It was so dark. I was so cold.
"I am sorry. Sorry. Sorry." Daisy kept chanting. "My fault."
"Ssh, bitch, shut up." The guy, the one with cold, cold eyes, slapped her across her face.
"You are surrounded." A loud voice said.
Maybe this voice could help us.
"No, no, no. No..."
Someone shook me hard, harder.
"Danielle, Danielle, it is just a dream. It is just a dream." I sat up.
My eyes were wet with tears. I was shaking. "It is just a nightmare." He said again as he sat next to me.
He was wrong.
It is not just a nightmare. It is real.
___