Onyxia
The wind blew as infuriated and roiled as my mood. It started a month ago, I noticed how Alex's camp moved further and further from the main city. At first I thought they were actually moving the camp, but then I started noticing the things that were being packed away and bundled together. They were preparing to leave. One month and no one mentioned it to me. Not even Alex, who had barely spoken a whole sentence to me since our daughters had been born. In fact, he was ignoring me. Even in bed he'd sleep with his back turned and not even a toe or fingertip touching me. It burned. I hated it. I hated it more when I started training again. I had every person trying to talk me out of it, all this sudden advice and opinions, but you know who didn't have one? My husband. All I got was a 'If you wish it.' when I announced that I was tired of resting from birth and wanted to train. I expected a fight. I expected feeling. Alex shared none with me, no emotion, no warmth, nothing.
It wasn't the children, he was with them every second of every day. Constantly. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough of a parent. That there must be talk that he cared for them more than I did. That wasn't true! I feed them. I bathed them. I held them. Sung them to sleep. I was their mother, they were my children too! I released a sharp breath of pent up anger and resentment. It wasn't just my husband that was treating me like a stranger. It was his men- our men- they could only spare glares and heated comments my way. I was their queen, yet they held no respect for me. I felt like I was back to the start of my marriage. The outsider. The invading insect. Viking scum. Cracking my bleeding and bruised knuckles, I marched into the camp. Anger heating the dripping sweat down my spine from training. I gritted my teeth as they sneered at me. I just needed to grab a change of clothes then leave, far away from these brutes, to bath in the lake. I needed to cool down. I needed to think. To process what happened this morning.
Alex strolled through the camp, unbothered, not correcting anyone's impertinence. He threw me a flat look of boredom, snacking on an apple. I halted, staring at him, further fuelling my fury. "You cut your hair!" I accused. His hair was cropped to a short fuzz around his sculpt. He had cut it off completely. I fisted my hands. "So when you want to cut your hair, you can do it freely, but when I was going to do it, it was an issue and I needed to ask your permission?" I snapped, knowing that I sounded like a fishwife, and that the surrounding men thought as much. Judgmental bastards. "You are a child, you know that? You are an insensitive, arrogant, bearded child!" I screamed, hearing our children cry in the distance as a result.
Alex rolled his eyes, "You had to wake them up." I threw a rock at his head, unfortunately missing. Infuriated tears burned my eyes.
This morning he played his cheerful, friendly façade with my mother, as he took it upon him to take and destroy my things. Burning most of my clothes. The hellish thing was that everything he destroyed was things from before we were married, so the only things I had were from after. Things from his people, his gifts, his choices, what he wanted from me. He ruined everything! I stormed towards our tent, not finding our children there because he limited my access to them to whenever they needed me. Letting out a scream to release my frustration, and anger, and just everything inside me. I couldn't take it anymore. What was his reasoning for doing what he did? Well, I was a Queen now, and so I simply didn't need them anymore. Since we were apparently leaving tonight to head west.
Logan snored on our bed, obviously exhausted from chasing the children in the village around all morning. I let him be whilst I collected a change of clothes – I only had a black tunic of Alex's and another pair of trousers- and anything I needed. I stared at Alex's knife imbedded into the wooden pillars. My own knife had been missing for a week now, I had a feeling he took it because it was next to me when I went to sleep and missing when I woke, but I haven't spotted it. Walking over I pried it out of the wood, and hid it amongst the ball of clothing. No one stopped me as I exited and moved towards the dense forest away from the camp and settlement.
The woods were silent. No birds, no wind, nothing but soft tickling of water. I disrobed quickly and made sure I stayed close to strong ground. Carefully piling everything within reach as I sank into the waist deep water near a small rocky waterfall. Something in my gut churned, and I couldn't stop my instincts from pricking. I felt like something was wrong, but every time I looked around I saw no signs of danger. Not even a rabbit in sight, let alone another person. I shook it off. Perhaps it was because this was the first time I've been alone since giving birth, or even being pregnant. There was always someone trailing behind me, crowding my space.
Out of unease, I pulled the knife out of its hiding spot and sat it on a rock in front of me. Within reach. Scowling I scrubbed at my sweaty body, removing the dirt, filth and body exhaustion spent from hitting things. It was the only thing that gave me relief, settling me from everything going on. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I knew why the children weren't allowed to be around me often, not that I heartedly minded. I was bitterly angry, and tired, and so exhausted from listening to crying and sobbing and constant screaming – I didn't know what they wanted, I just needed it to stop! So my mother and husband took over. I understood, that I couldn't sleep, I wasn't well. I just wanted them to notice that I was getting better.
Fear, I had fear. I didn't want to go back home – Our home- and have them taken away by maids and wet-nurses. I didn't want to feel out of control and powerless like I did giving birth to them. With what came after as well, even if everyone says that it was normal. That the women had to stich you up after, that it was better. It hurt though. I thought about it whilst washing my hair with perfumed oils and soaps. I mean, Alex has kept his distance, but when I felt comfortable, when I was alone, I'd try to... and it would hurt. I was tight again, but it didn't feel right. They did say that it was only for the husband. So Alex doesn't have to put up with a 'loose vessel'. I just wasn't sure. I felt dependent on him in these matters. Like I needed him there for everything, just in case I was being lied to. I didn't trust anyone. I didn't even talk to my handmaidens anymore. Isolating myself, I just didn't want anyone near me. Feeling betrayed by everyone.
Scrubbing myself angrily, I let the mud stains mask my skin. Shaking my head, I dunked my whole body into the water and back. Floating under the water, feeling its icy touch around me. It reminded me of swimming in the ocean just after winter. Or the snow, I used to love burying myself under the snow when I was a small child. I'd hide there. Hid from my life, just for a little while. I opened my eyes to see in the clear spring water, my hair floated around my like a pale halo of seaweed. Like a bird seen fleetingly in the wind, a shadow crossed the water's surface.
Bringing myself to the surface with a gasped, I wiped my face free of water before looking around at my isolated surroundings. There was no one around. My instincts were screaming at me, that I needed to get out of the water and get dressed and go. I didn't see any danger. I didn't hear anything that'd cause me to think I wasn't alone. I reached for the knife, keeping it close. As I held in in my hand, my gaze ventured to my wrists, the jagged scars there. If the god's wanted to take my life, they were more than able to take it when I was willing to give it. I had the urge to do it again, but my heart protested strongly. I was a mother, my children needed me. I needed to be stronger. I needed to get better. I was losing face here, Alex was right; it was about time we left. Who knows what chaos and stupidity Willow has been up to in her son's absence. An absence caused by me. Although, I couldn't be remorseful that she didn't witness her granddaughters' birth. Foul witch!
The snap of twigs was as loud as lightening in the silent woods. Scrabbling to reach the water's edge, heavy footsteps pounded the earth, and I saw the shadow of a man before I was yanked out of the water by my hair. A hard boot from a second assailant connected with my face, hot blood dripped from my nose and from the chatter of my teeth. "You stupid bitch!" One spat as they heaved me onto the hard ground, raining hard kicks to my stomach and back. I rummaged for my senses whilst my body screamed in pain. "He should have killed you when we found you." They gruffed, "We know what you really are, Viking scum, a witch!" A hard punch landed into the soft skin of my stomach, and another to my jaw. They kicked my knife away. "You put a hex on him. Our king is ruined. You've cursed the household." They accused. I clawed at the face of the one closest, pinning me down. Scratching at his face and eyes, as I tried to kick and punch my way away from them. "Vulgar bitch! We should drown those little bastards that you spawned out of you. We know that they're not the kings." I screamed, lashing out at them.
They hid their faces like the cowards they were. Alex's men, certainly. Their hatred became clear. I knew what was going to happen, even before the thinner one started to pull my legs open. The fatter, bulkier one was doing more of the taunting, but the stench of lust burned off him. They thought me an adulterating whore, why not treat me like one? I've never had a man inside me who wasn't Alex, nor would I honestly want anyone else in my lifetime, but they have heard the rumours and pieced together their own truth. Alex's jealousy may have sparked the flames, my leaving him may have added wood to turn it into a fire, but it was the evidence of distain and dispute that has caused it to burn rapidly and wild. I may have once been accepted as their queen, but now I was the enemy.
My body started shutting down. That was more terrifying than the thought of being raped or abused. Since the moment I entered this world, I've been in survivor mode. All I've been taught is to fight, fight, fight. I've taken punches, I've taken kicks. I've been spat at, bullied, disrespected. I've been stabbed, burned, had my life flash before my eyes in moments of danger more wouldn't be able to conquer. I've never shut down, I've never turned off. Against my will, I started to cry. In this moment, I cursed my stubborn stupidity. I shouldn't have gone anywhere alone. I should never have travelled so far. I screamed loud and as much as I could before a large meaty hand covered my mouth. I could barely breathe through the gaps of his fingers. I've never been alone in a fight, but I was now. I didn't want help, I needed it.
My screaming was muffled beneath the heavy hand, and my arms and legs were pinned down. Sharp teeth bit into the tender flesh of my breasts hard enough to bruise. The logical side of my mind whispered that to bite at least one of them had to take off their mask. I opened my eyes, brightness whirled before blurs became clear vision.
My ears rang and my head pulsed from the assault of punches. List what you can see, my mind murmured. I saw a mass of black hair as the bigger man kneeled on my arms as he was trying to get access to his cock as fast as possible. Black hair. Black shirt, dark green pants, mud splatters. Knife. My knife was within another arms reach. If I could flip over, I would be able to try and reach. I just needed a moment of them off me. I groaned loudly as teeth bit down on the core of my womanhood between my legs. I looked down. Blonde hair. Shirtless. Tattoos covering one arms, around his neck, on his hands. I repeated those details in my mind.
They mocked me and continued to throw slurs and insults my way. I bit down on the flesh of the palm holding me. As soon as it was gone, I took in a deep breath, breathing clearly for the first time for what seemed like an endless amount of time. I kicked my legs wildly, trying to get Blonde to stop his unwanted oral assault. I aimed at his face and chest, trying to wriggle away, my arms still pinned above me.
Blood was spat at me as I hit his nose, and it flooded his mouth. "Turn her over! If she wants to birth pups like a bitch, she won't have a problem getting fucked like a dog!" He lashed, the one pinning me laughed. I screamed out, hoping help will come soon. "Shut her up." The second man ordered, releasing my arms but quickly flipping me over and holding me down with his body.
The thinner one seemed suddenly hesitant, he didn't attempt to cover my mouth. He was holding his nose that was probably broken. Silencing me with a sharp kick to the face. In the distance, I imagined hearing a barking dog. My throat felt desiccated and stinging. The smell of my own blood filled my air, it still flowed warm from my mouth and nose. My limbs started to go heavy with numbness, even as I felt a disgusting tongue lap at my backside.
Glistening metal taunted me, it was the only thing I kept my mind focused on. Slowly, I slid my trembling arm across the harsh grass to try to reach out. The muscles in my body spasmed as I felt the foul, hot pressure as the heavier man pushed his way into my anus. He lubricated himself with spit and extracts of my blood. I couldn't breathe, my body froze. My eyes burned, and I imagined hearing a barking dog growing louder. I felt the thinner man grow restless. My body shook with the hard pumps of burning flesh forcing itself inside of me. Hot breaths of sour delight poisoned my air, as the man relished in his harm.
One man distracted, the other lost in raping me. I stretched out my arm, sobbing into the grass. My consciousness was fading, I needed to get him off me. I needed to get away. Fingertips brushing the knife, hope was so close in hand. With a loud grunt, my arm was torn back. I felt my shoulder pop out of its socket and dislocate, and my bones in my arm screech in pain.
I screamed.
This time I was sure the dog barking was real. I recognized my wolfhound charging over to me, Logan caught the arm of the thinner man, tearing into his skin, constantly biting and mauling at the man. "Nyx!" I heard an outraged scream. A female scream. Sabe. What was she doing here? The weight was lifted off me, leaving me riddled in pain. Carrying a mace, she swung it wildly at them. "Get away from her, you pigs! Swine!" The mace connected into them with a hard crack. The thin man kicked Logan off him and scurried off quickly, leaving the heavier man. He tried to tuck himself back into his clothing, Sabe looked wild with anger. My closest companion and confidant, looked livid. I hadn't spoken to her in a week, I haven't had the chance to reach out to her. Yet, she was here. Rescuing me. I tried to focus on the fight, but my energy was quickly sinking away, and I found myself growing tried rapidly. I couldn't stop my eyes from closing, as the world blurred again, I thought I heard the shout of my husband far in the distance.
Alexan
A month passes so tortuously in territory far from home. Even still my wife remains misconstrued about my distance. I admit it took her longer than I expected to leave me presence and fall back on her return to training and intense thrive to stay true to who she was in front of her family, her friends, her once people. Only, they weren't her people anymore. A thing easily caught in their eyes at times when her focus was turned away. The one vicious, dominated powerhouse warrior was now a mother. No longer a sixteen year old girl, but a seventeen year old queen. She stood straighter, breathed more regal air, but most importantly, no longer had the stench of Viking upon her skin. No, that was one of my greatest accomplishments in my withdrawn isolation. Now I can see that the men, and even most women, who would have looked at her once longingly, fought for her attention, could itch in repel at the thought that my rival body has pressed on hers, that her sweat had soaked into my skin, that Celtic seed filled her womb. Now, I had living proof of it in the faces of my daughters.
Although I might have built a wall parting my marriage under the temporary stir of biting mistrust and, dare I say it, pain and jealousy, over what part Luis still holds over her. The fact that she turned to him instead of running to me. Placing him above me. Giving my children cradles and toys, which was my right. I had stared at those two tiny faces endlessly as I refused to share the bed until Onyxia was fast asleep, trying to reassure myself that they were mine. But I saw my mother's chin, my nose, and my eyes. I saw nothing of him. Still, a whispering voice in my head accused her of the possibility of taking him inside her while my children grew. I was the first, her first. She was mine. Every part of her body was mine. My fists clenched until my knuckles cracked and popped.
My morning was already turning from a mow hill to a giant mountain. Of course it was going to get worse. I was in the middle of dealing with cleaning the bottom of one child when the other decided to piss herself, Rekker just watched and laughed at me. He's missed his fostering mother to extremes, whining to me all night to have Nyx. He wasn't the only one that craved her presence. I wanted her warmth by my side in painful yearning. Not only in a sexual way, but just the scene of her, the comfort of her body huddled close. I silently lavished in intimate moments when she was feeding our daughters from her breast or singing them to sleep. The presence of our current distance continued to flourish in my mind when I heard the screaming and Logan barking like a mad terror.
I wasn't prepared to see my warrior of a wife lying unconscious and viscously beaten on the floor. The feeling of her dangling limp in my arms as I took her to the healer. Once I returned to my children, I found them well attended by maids, and my men standing on high alert as I dragged Alec and Ry behind me in chains. My men have been waiting for punishments, but from the shocked looks on their faces they weren't expected it to fall on one of them. Nyx's punishment for her grievances will be dealt with at a later time. Sabe glared daggers at me, I nodded in acknowledgement. My wife needed to be tended to, I'd give them some space.
I left the two cowards sitting in a metal pen in the centre of camp. The full story hadn't been filled in yet, but I wasn't blind. It had been hours now, long enough for my children to wake from their slumber and grow hungry enough to be taken to their mother's breasts. I was told that she was sleeping, that the healer gave her something to sleep, but that was hours ago and she hadn't waken. That made my heart crawl with uneasy bravadoes. I knew head injuries. I knew that sometimes people never wake up. I needed to hear that she was awake, or at least moving. She hadn't even twitched a finger. I could lose her tonight. What on this green earth would I be able to do with three children without her? I could not live a day without knowing that she was with me on this planet. I couldn't live a second.
The men had become as gutless as broods. Not one of them meeting my gaze from the minute I carried my wife's bloodied body into camp. They all looked guilty. The all looked worried. Good. They should be very worried. I made sure they could all see me sitting in the head of the camp, watching them, just as I watched Sabe move restlessly in and out of the tent that held Nyx. Onyxia's worst fear, as I knew it, was me striking her, she never had to say it for me to know. I'd been a piss-poor husband. Since she had given birth, I could see that more clearly than ever. She hated me. Then again, she hasn't loved me in a long time. I was the reason she stopped loving me. What does a man do now? I didn't do what I vowed; I didn't protect her. She lay bruised and broken, and it was my fault.
When day became night, I couldn't handle the waiting any longer. I marched into the tent, finding a dimly lit room. I noticed the children first, sleeping like huddled up rabbits on the bed nearby their mother. My son was almost two years old. Rekker was an enigma to me. His skin was so soft, so flawless. I felt like a sin that something so pure and innocence came from me. He was undoubtedly mine, with his messy tuff of blonde hair. He was so full of love and acceptance, it was painful. He loved Nyx endlessly, enraptured by her. When he met his sisters he was over the moon with joy. I held the memory in my heart of the first night we were all together as a family. I remember my son just stayed up all night just staring at Nyx's face, as if she could disappear in an instant, as if she was the most otherworldly, magnificent thing alive. He kept telling me that she was so beautiful. Over and over. I cried the first time I was alone with my daughters, Imogen and Torvi. They were my perfect little girls. So heartbreakingly perfect. I couldn't stop thinking that I would never want them to marry a man like me. I was so ashamed of all the pain I've caused. I let all my children down before I even met them, how the hell am I going to repay for that? My wife's dog, Logan, carefully observed me in the corner. Her silent guardian.
Finally gathering the bravery, I looked at my wife. It was like an axe to the core of me, tearing my guts out. She was always beautiful to me. At night, when I spelt, I would often envision her face as perfection. I could still see that perfection, that heartbreaking beauty, it was just tainted in a way that made me sick to my stomach with anger and regret. I had taken my rage at the bad news I received out on her, if I hadn't she wouldn't be lying here like this now. She would have been safe. Protected, as she should have been. One side of her face and jaw was almost completely black with bruising, a large cut marred one side of her bottom lip, one eye swollen closed with stitches lining above her brow, and then was her head. They had cut her hair - short, shoulder length- but one side of her scalp just curving above her ear halfway to the back was angrily stitched and the area shaved. My eyes scanned down, she was naked to view up to her hips, bruising was splotched all over her. Her shoulder was strapped up and her arm tightly bonded against her body. Was it broken? Dislocated? I moved quietly to her side, gently touching her face with my fingertips.
The only movement was the flutter of her eyelashes and the twitching of her fingers. Groaning, she woke. "What are you doing?" Her voice was so raspy, dry and wheezy, I barely recognized it as my wife's. "It's late. They said I've been sleeping for a while." Turning her head slowly, Nyx's single working eye looked at me with visible effort through exhaustion. Her pupil was as black as night. "You won't believe me, but it doesn't feel as bad as I look." She whispered.
I grunted, watching her with vigilance. "You don't look your best, Nyx. You've looked better after fighting a bear." I murmured, pouring her a cup of water, and aiding her to drink. She gulped it down like a woman dying of thirst. She was alert. Awake. That was good. She didn't look like the head wound affected her. I eyed her shoulder. She wasn't moving her arm much at all. "Is it broken?" I enquired on a snap.
She frowned at me for a moment, trying to locate my tone. "No. It's not broken." She uttered, starting to emotionally withdrawal from me. "They popped it out of the socket." Dislocated, then. Some small part of me calmed. "You're angry with me, Alex." It wasn't a question. She was a smart girl. I didn't hide it. Why should I? I had a lot to be angry at. She left out a long sigh. "At least you'll get your wish for a while. A silent, subservient wife that's out of sight. I doubt this will heal fast, I'm sure you'll find a more... agreeable replacement by then." She turned away from me, glancing down at the children. "I am sorry, Alex. I haven't improved on my reputation of failing you. You wanted more boys. At least they all look like you, I barely see any of me." A strange look crossed her face. "The men made it clear that- Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter." She shook her head, and attempted to sit up. Her face lit with pain.
Wrapping an arm around her I pulled her up and sat her in the bed. Wrapping a white blanket around her, making her look like an angelic creature. "What are you talking about? What replacement?" I stood next to her, crossing my arms. "This isn't about you, Onyxia. It's not about your feelings. What you're going through." I snapped, continuing to lash out. "Are you trying to ask me if I'm upset that you were harmed today? Yes, of course I am. Don't be stupid enough to pretend I wouldn't be. But what happened today happened, because of you."
"Me? Are you insane-?"
My chested tightened up. My breathing quickened. Suddenly everything I've held in for the past month was unleashed out. "Are you?" I roared, suddenly all the talking outside went completely quiet. "Don't put this on me. This is on you. This is you being selfish. Being careless. Being a bloody child. You love to point out my faults as a husband, but you haven't been a wonder as a wife. Do you have any idea what I've gone through? At all? Do you know what happened this morning? No, you don't. You never know what's happening. You're too busy sulking about imagined slights that I've dealt. I don't hate having daughters, Nyx, you do. I didn't give two shits if you gave me a son or not, because I just wanted to have your baby. Something from you. I wasn't the disappointed one, you are." She recoiled, clearly at a loss. I could tell that for once in her life, she was speechless.
Anger fired through me, I couldn't stop myself from throwing something that broke with satisfaction on the floor. I didn't even care what it was. "You want to know why I burned all your shit this morning? You want to know why I did that? Because you are not a savage Viking anymore, Onyxia, you are my wife. You are the queen of my people. You don't get to pretend that part of your life doesn't exist. I didn't abandon you. You left me, you fucking bitch! I needed you. I needed you every damn day for months. I am so tired of trying to please you. I have given you everything, and you've just spat that back in my face. I could have locked you in my chambers and fucked you anytime that I wanted until I put a baby in you. I could have beaten you every day. I could have treated you like dirt. Do you understand that? I have to live with the fact that you tried to take your life. You are so selfish. You are so grasping and greedy." I screamed, waking the children, maid came in to try and take them away. "Do. Not Fucking. Touch. Them." I threatened, breathing hard. Nyx reached an arm over the crying children, trying to calm them. "You've taken from me something unforgivable. I should have been there when my father died. Instead, I had to go chasing after you. My father is dead, Nyx! He died without me there! Without me. You want to know what happened this morning? Hmm? Since you never ask. My brother is dead!"
"Alex...."
"My brother is dead!" I repeated, she flinched and looked away from me. "And where am I? Huh? Where am I when my brother has died? Where am I, Nyx? Stuck here dealing with a child." I sneered at her. She looked shattered, both at my words and at the sudden news of Jaymen's death. It was expected, he was sick from the day he was born, but I wasn't expecting a life without my twin in it. We came into the world together, I wanted to leave with as much time as I could together. I didn't even know that he was dying. He seemed fine, last I heard he stayed at the Viking camp with Nyx's brother. Now he's dead. In his sleep, they said, it looked like he had internal bleeding from his heart. "I loved my brother, Nyx, just as you loved yours. I would never have done anything to strip you of the right of seeing him before leaving this world." I lowered my voice drastically, obviously upsetting the children enough, but they seemed to calm. "Now, I have been telling you and telling you, we need to go. Now, we are bloody going. We need to go back home. This place is not your home any longer, and you've wasted enough time here."
"Alex, I don't mind going. That wasn't the problem.... I..." She responded, clearly at a loss. "I needed time alone." She attempted, no excuse would ever be enough. Nothing would be enough. "You didn't say anything about your brother. You haven't spoken to me often since the girls were born. We don't even share a bed anymore. I've obviously done a lot to make you upset, and it's never been my intention to hurt you." She whispered, looking tired and dismayed. "I'm so sorry. About Jay, about leaving, about everything. I am so sorry." I shook my head, rejecting her. "Alex, please... I'm sorry..."
"'One day you'll break every vow you gave to me', you said that to me, do you remember that?" I sat, arms still crossed, still edgy and angry to the core of me. "I'm not going to lie and say our marriage is perfect, it's very far from it, but at least I didn't go into it waiting for it to end." My eyes caught the sight of mu knife resting in the corner, Nyx followed my gaze. "Let me ask this; were you hoping I'd find you dead rather than beaten? Don't bother lying to me and stay that you didn't think of trying to open your wrists again." I continued when she opened her mouth to make some feeble justification. We sat in silence for a moment, before I broke it. "You know, I've been thinking about you a lot." I commented, honestly. "I've been trying to pin point exactly when you started to hate me."
She made a sound in her throat. "Alex, don't be stupid." Swaying with exhaustion and pain, I could tell she was fighting to stay conscious. I'll deal with that problem shortly too. "I love you. You know that." It was spoken with firmness, but it went straight through me.
I laughed without humour. "You don't love me." I alleged softly, "I could tell when you loved you me. You looked at me this way... you had a look to you... and that's how I knew." I swallowed hard, feeling like a rock was forming in my chest. My eyes burned, but I couldn't cry. "You haven't looked at me like that in months. I think you stopped loving me when you believed the words of idiots and fools over mine. When you put overs far above me." I looked at her straight in the eye. "You don't love me, Onyxia, you barely have." I grunted on a short huff of amusement. "But unfortunately, I do love you." I admitted, sadly. Pathetically. "I'd die because of it. I'd die for you, but you would rather just die than be with me." I rubbed my face, fatigued and heartbroken. "It would have been better if you'd died, and not left. The men aren't reasonless to hate you. While you've been gone the kingdom has gone to civil chaos, hunger and bitterness. A lot of people were angered by your actions and the wake you left behind. They were angrier to discover you've been hiding an heir from them. Or heirs, really." Acknowledging my two beautiful girls. "I've delayed your punishment, but it's clearly made the men restless, so when you are well again, I'll see to it." I stood, moving to collect my knife. "Until then, and from now on, it's best for you to stay in the safety of my shadow. Sabe can dress you and help you move into my tent." Nyx got up from the bed, I grabbed her good arm sharply to keep her up. To my shock, she kissed me hard, knocking our teeth together with her clumsiness. My brain screamed at me. She was badly injured, I shouldn't be letting her do this. I knew what she was doing, but sex doesn't fix everything. I pulled her away from me gently, frowning at her. "You don't have to do this. I'm not asking for you to do that." She tried a few more frantic attempts, before pulling away from me. Crying and visibly distraught. I cupped the back of her head, softly. She was so badly hurt, I was worried sick she might collapse. "We'll speak about this in the morning." I ordered, lifting her back onto the bed, and setting her down. Nyx clung onto me, pinning me into a hug as she balanced upright on her knees on the bed. "Nyx, stop." I beseeched.
Digging her nails into me harder, she started to shake hard with trembles. "Please, don't do this. Please don't leave me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can do better. I can be better, for you. I promise. Don't do this. I love you so much, don't-" I hugged her tightly, weary of her arm and shoulder. Closing my eyes and breathing her in for a moment. I knew exactly what this was, I understood it endlessly. I was not her father, and I will not let this marriage be filled with violence and chastisements. Plus, the last time there was a punishment, she lost our baby. In my mind, I honestly believed that it wasn't the punishment she was worked up about. It was that she felt like I had ended it. That I was once again bringing her to my home to leave her isolated and vulnerable. I let her hold onto me, partially because I missed her warmth so much. I needed to hold her, I needed to grieve together. She blocked me out last time. It'll kill me if she did again. "I love you, I swear on my life." I didn't believe her, and she knew that. Letting me pull away. "Alex they... they didn't... they'll be no chance of..." She took a large breath, clearly wearing herself out. A hard pit started pooling in my stomach. They healer had checked her for everything, but only reported injuries, but my entire body froze. I knew what she was trying to say, I could read it on her face. So, this was why she was so upset. I wanted to have her in my bed again, and she was afraid. "They didn't... Alex, it wasn't from the front..." She stopped, and I was already out of the tent.
I didn't bother asking which one it was, I already knew who it'd be out of the two of them. Ry was a skinny runt. He was the throwaway you put on the front lines. Alec, for Alec this was an issue we've discussed before, and clearly words won't be a deterrence any longer. Boiling rage seeped through me, obvious enough for everyone to scatter out of my way. They knew me, we've fought side by side. They all knew what I was capable of. Getting to Nyx I had been absolutely ruthless in my efforts. Defending her, I would be no less so.
Picking up a rope, the men started to get uneasy. So they should, they had a right to be angry, but the correction of Nyx's mistake and lack of ownership for responsibility was to be conducted be me, they overstepped by taking it in their own hands. They will share the sting of consequences dearly tonight.
Squirming like a gutless worm, Alec must have seen the murder reflecting in my eyes because he tried to make himself look small and feeble to gain my sympathy. Ripping open the cage, I yanked him out before slamming it shut behind me. Leaving Ry shitting himself, wondering if he was going to be next. No, I thought to myself, he will be dealt with at home. For any others who want to harm my family. Let him wait in anticipation and dread.
Facing me, Alec crawled along the dirt as I stalked his way. "You touched her? You beat her? You threatened my children? I am your king!" I spat out, clutching the knife hard. Latching onto one foot, I tied the rope tightly, looping the hard wrap over a strong tree branch then to a horse. That was for later, I grimly decided. "My children could have been there, and what would you have done? Beat them too? Raped them?" I tsked, "You're a dead man, you might as well take your death as the coward you are." I surmised. Anger ran hot flames in my blood. The thought that my wife had been violated. The imaginings that Torvi, or Imogen or even Rekker could have easily been with her. It made me sick beyond belief. I needed an outlet for my anger, fortunately, I had Alec's face.
I don't remember how long I hit him for, or how many times I laid punch after punch into the soft, fat flesh of his face before I decided to stomp on it. My mind went blank for murder. I had him pinned to the floor, my leg weighing him down from getting up. My knuckles spit after two hits, the skin breaking under the sheer force of my blow. With each hit I kept thinking; I could have lost her, I could have lost her. I've never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved her. It was unnatural. Perverse in its absolute anomalous. From the first second I saw her, I needed her to be mine. Not wanted, needed. She. Is. Mine. I thought I had taught Luis that, I scared him up pretty badly, but it was obvious that my message needed to be a lot louder. For everyone. Getting off the barely breathing man, I glorified at how unrecognizable his face was in all of his blood and brokenness. I whistled, the horse started moving.
The men around me looked sick with shock as the limp body was dragged along the ground until he was pulled up in the air by his foot. No one tried to stop me, they all knew they couldn't. "I will not tolerate treason." I called out. "No matter the form it comes in." I sounded the horse to stop once I was satisfied with the height he hung at. With the knife, I started tearing of the clothes he feebly managed to put on whilst getting off Nyx. My skin crawled. I couldn't think about someone else touching her. Knowing what her skin felt like. How she tasted. What she felt like inside. I just couldn't.
Letting out a roar of pent up rage and emotions that were too roiled to name, I stabbed the knife into the base of his stomach, then started serrating down. He screamed, even as his bowls came flooding out of him. My hands shook. My brain was static with dissociating. It still wasn't enough. He wasn't dead enough. Even as I was sure he was no longer breathing. I moved to stab again, but something clutched onto my arm. My fist balled to strike whoever dared to stop this, but as I whipped my head around, I found the bruised and blackened face of the only thing keeping my world from shattering. Losing her would kill me. "Alex, stop." She whispered. "He's dead, you need to stop." Tugging the knife out of my hand, she threw it a distance away. Gently pulling my head down, close to hers. My breaths came out in pants and my entire body was quivering on adrenaline. "Come here. It's ok. It's alright." She murmured, cooing to me like I was a child facing a nightmare. She had pulled a long black dress on, with her injured arm hiding underneath the material. "Come here. I've got you." When she moved to kiss me, I took full force of it. Kissing her deep and hard, closing my eyes tightly. I could have lost her today. She pulled away with a pained gasp, "Come on, let's go to bed, yeah? It's been a long day. Let's get you cleaned up." I looked down at myself, faced with all the blood that had been spilled on me. I allowed her to tug me to my tent. I allowed her to gently wash my body with a bowl of cold water and a soft towel. She put me to bed, but I couldn't fall asleep until she lied gingerly next to me. Leaning on her good side. Sleep came to me quicker than I deserved, I vaguely took note of my children being brought in, and Nyx speaking softly to Sabe. I was deaf to what they were saying as my eyes clothes and everything turned black in a dreamless state.