LOL. Oops.
TW: homophobic language used
//
The following week, Harry felt like his head was going to explode. He had so much going on in his mind. After his somewhat date with Nick on Saturday, followed by his stupid sex phone calls with Louis and his run-in with the cheerleaders, he really felt like he had a lot on his plate right now. Every day, he reminded himself how weak he was. He was too weak to stand up for himself in front of Cara and the girls. He was too weak to let Nick know that the kiss and the date meant nothing. He was too weak to resist Louis, and he was too weak to talk to him about their relationship. He was a downright mess.
So as it goes, when he pulled into the school parking lot Monday morning, he was exhausted - mentally exhausted. He sat in his car and let some time pass, watching out the front window of all the students filtering around the area. He could see friend groups meeting up by the steps before they headed inside together. He saw a few couples leaning against the wall of the staircase, kissing. He saw some football players out on the field finishing up their morning practice.
For a moment, everything felt sane as he watched everyone outside the school building. It was refreshing to take a brief pause from the mess going on to focus on other people.
But, he knew he had to get a move on. He knew class was starting soon. He knew that meant getting out of the safety of his car and walking into the reality of his school.
Harry pulled down his overhead mirror and took a quick look at himself. He had bags under his eyes, and his skin was pretty pale. He looked tired, and like he once said, exhausted. His hair was a mess on top of his head - he hadn't even bothered to wash it last night, so it was greasy. He decided to pull it back into a bun on top of his head. After he fixed himself up, he finally exited the car.
There was something strange lingering in the air when Harry walked into the school. It kind of reminded him of how he felt the Monday following the party at the start of school. It seemed like something was going on, something that involved him, and it created this nauseating feeling in the pit of his stomach. He noticed a few people staring at him, unusually. He couldn't tell if it was because something happened that he was unaware of or if he just looked that terrible. He also swore he heard people gossiping about him. He wasn't sure what the gossip would be about, but as he walked towards his locker, he could hear his name in the passing.
Again, it made him feel sick. He hated that his day was starting out like this. He was already dreading to see Nick, and he was dreading to see Louis, and the last thing he needed was for his name to be whispered behind his back.
On his way to his locker, Harry caught sight of Louis. He was frantically moving around at the other end of the hall like he was searching for someone. His hair was a mess, too, like he had been yanking on it in frustration. His eyes were wide and surveying through all the people in the room. His head jerked from side to side, and the anxious expression on his face continued to grow. However, once his eyes landed on Harry, he visibly relaxed. A deep breath pressed past his nose, and Harry stopped walking when he saw that Louis was now heading in his direction.
A brief moment of panic rose up inside of him at the thought of having to face him after this weekend. Still, thankfully, someone else stepped up in front, effectively blocking Louis from approaching him.
It was Nick.
"Hey, you," he greeted, instinctively pulling him in for a hug. Harry tensed up a little when Nick's arms wrapped around his body, caught by surprise that he was doing this in front of all these people. Of course, Louis saw the hug, and his expression morphed into anger. He walked away before Nick even pulled away. "How's your morning so far?"
Harry let out a breath of his own, trying to push away this unsettling feeling he currently had. "It's been alright. Bit weird, I suppose."
"Better now, though, right?"
No.
"It's getting there," he settled with.
Nick smiled and reached for Harry's hand, lacing their fingers together and swaying it softly between their bodies. "I have training this afternoon, but do you want to meet for dinner later?"
No.
"I-I - Sure." Harry swallowed. His heart was now beating uncontrollably against his chest.
It was just dinner. Friends can have dinner together and not have it mean anything. Harry used to have dinner and lunch with his friends all the time. There was no harm in it. It wasn't like Harry was going to have sex with Louis later, and it wasn't like he should prioritize his plans just on the potential of them meeting up.
"Perfect, I'll text you when I am done."
Harry nodded his head, and then Nick was leaning in for a quick kiss. It was completely unexpected, as was the hug, and he was stunned to his spot when they separated, Nick turning to leave. They kissed once on Saturday, and he didn't think that qualified for more kissing. It wasn't even a good kiss - or for Harry, it wasn't.
It was startling, and for a brief moment, he was scared that people would see him and start talking even more. He already felt weird when he walked into the school, and now his paranoia had skyrocketed after Nick kissed him in front of wondering eyes. No one around was really paying attention to him. The students were walking along their merry way, not glancing or speaking his way.
Unfortunately, Harry did notice something. As he turned around to take a look behind him, solely because he was so paranoid about something, he caught a small group of cheerleaders in the corner looking his way. They were all giggling, staring directly at him. One of the girls pretended to choke on air while bobbing her head before they all broke into a fit of laughter.
Harry didn't know what it meant, and he didn't want to. However, the nauseating feeling returned, and he honestly thought he could get sick right now.
He quickly rushed out of that hallway so he could make it to his locker. He really needed some air. The class was about to start shortly, and Harry didn't have much time to actually calm down. The best he could do was open his locker door and shove his head inside, taking this small moment to close his eyes and settle his racing heart. There was still something in the back of his mind that kept his paranoia present, but he was able to switch out his bags for his folders and get on his way to class.
Sadly, he was stopped. He got trapped by Stan, Oli, and Calvin, not even taking a few steps from his locker.
"You really are a cock sucker, aren't you?" Stan questioned grimly, his voice icy, cold, sending shivers down Harry's spine.
"What?" he swallowed, confused.
Oli made a fist in front of his face and mimicked a blowjob. Harry's heart fucking dropped to his stomach.
"The video you made," Stan explained, trying to hold back his laugh when Oli faked a gag. "You're a fucking slag."
Tears started brimming the edge of Harry's eyes, and he tried his hardest to fight against them. He couldn't believe what he was hearing right now.
"Did you spit or swallow?" Calvin snickered.
Harry quickly pushed past the three of them when the tears could no longer be held back. He could hear their lingering laughter behind him as he ran down the hallway to make his escape. He knew something was wrong this morning when he walked into the school. He knew he wasn't going crazy when he noticed people looking and talking about him. He couldn't fucking believe Louis let the video get out. He couldn't believe Louis, of all people, showed the team and the cheerleaders of him giving a blowjob. It was fucking humiliating, and he couldn't stand any longer to be in this building when knowing that people saw him like that.
As he took off down the hall, he turned a corner and ran right into someone else.
"Harry?" Louis voiced, arms quickly reaching out for his waist so he didn't trip over his feet.
Harry jumped back once he realized who was holding him, and he quickly slapped his hands off his body. "You're a dick," he then growled, pushing at Louis' chest.
Louis quickly grabbed a hold of both Harry's arms and yanked him close. He walked the two of them out from the middle of the hallway and towards the nearest restroom. Once he made sure no one was hidden in the stalls, he let go of the boy.
"I could kill you right now." Harry pushed Louis again, this time, with more force, causing him to stumble back on his feet and landed against the wall. "I made that video for you, and you humiliated me." He shoved him once again, and Louis grabbed his hands.
"Will you let me speak?" Louis finally commented, grip tight on Harry's wrists. He yanked him closer until their bodies were pressed together and then wrapped both arms around his waist. "I didn't show them the video. Just - hear me out."
Harry deflated and slowly wriggled himself free from Louis' hold. To keep himself from getting close again, he wrapped his arms protectively around his chest. He stepped back, raising an eyebrow for him to continue. He tried his best to fight back the tears again. He was so fucking embarrassed right now, but most of all, he felt so betrayed.
"It happened on Sunday, right before we were leaving the hotel. I was rooming with Stan for the weekend, and he told me that he was going downstairs to eat breakfast. I thought I was alone." Louis swallowed, sighing breathily. "So I pulled up the video and was about to ... you know ... but then he barged right into the room. I wasn't like doing anything - I was just sitting on the bed, and he saw that I had you on my screen. Of course, he started asking questions about why I had this video of you and then asked who sent it to me - so I played it off. I said it was someone from West Point's football team trying to have a laugh or something."
Harry's features harden. "How did everyone see the video, Louis?"
"Stan took the phone out of my hand and started watching it. Oli and Calvin were with him, too. I tried to get my phone back, and I told them off for watching it. I deleted it right away, completely off my phone. I think they were just having a laugh with the rest of the team and cheerleaders. I'm pretty sure he told them about the video."
"You told them someone sent it to you?" Harry asked, to which Louis nodded his head. "And they believed you?" He nodded again. Harry laughed bitterly. "Unbelievable. You covered yourself up."
Louis groaned. "I can't exactly tell them that I am the one who filmed the video," he reminded. Harry rolled his eyes. "I had to play it off."
"Yeah, and you made it seem like I'm the team's slag. Nice plan, Louis."
"The video is gone."
Harry scoffed loudly. "That doesn't mean anything. You implied that I made a sex video with someone from West Point and that it was just getting sent around. My gosh, Louis, what if your Coach or the teachers found out about this? Fuck, what if my mother found out?"
"There's no video for them to find out about. No one else knows about it."
Harry pushed Louis again, this time for his stupidity. "People talk, Louis. This could easily get around." He covered his face with his hands and groaned pitifully. "You're such an idiot. I'm not even a slag."
Louis sighed as he reached for Harry again, gently pulling his hands away from his face and guiding him closer. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say, and I had been so careful about it when I watched the video. I didn't think any of them would see it." Harry pouted. "I'll also talk to them. I'll make sure that it doesn't get around. As of now, it was just a few football players and a few cheerleaders, and Stan only saw a little bit of the video."
"What a fucking weekend," Harry huffed, sounding bitter. "You should have been more careful."
"I'm sorry. Really. It will never happen again, I swear."
Harry rolled his eyes. "You embarrassed me, and all you thought to save was yourself."
Louis made no comment, and Harry snorted.
"See," he replied, jerking his hands out of Louis' hold. "I want to forget this ever happened. I just want to forget that a lot of things happened."
"Like you kissing Nick?"
Harry cocked his head back at the comment, and Louis lifted an eyebrow.
"I saw this morning," he explained. "Was he the reason why you weren't answering my calls on Saturday?"
So. It looked like they were talking about this now. Might as well talk it all out.
"We were on a date," Harry answered.
Louis had to audacity to look offended. "Were you guys really on a date?" Harry nodded. "Why?"
He asked with such distaste, and Harry felt himself getting defensive.
"Last time I checked, I am single. I can do whatever I want without your concern."
Louis rolled his eyes, and Harry smirked. Ha, using his words against him.
"You're single then?" Louis followed up with. His eyes narrowed a little, and Harry felt his body shiver. Louis took a step closer and reached for his waist, gripping onto him tightly, shifting their positions to now press him up against the wall.
Harry gulped, his heart rabbiting in his chest. This conversation was now taking a turn.
"I am."
Louis hummed thoughtfully, trailing his finger lightly across Harry's chest. "What if I say you're mine?"
"But I'm not," Harry frowned.
Louis' brow raised, and he cupped the back of Harry's neck. "I say ... behind closed doors, you're pretty mine. Remember that."
Lips instantly pressed against Harry's, and he quickly melted into the kiss. His body sunk against the wall, and he pulled Louis forward against him, feeling arms wrap around his waist, hands going up and down his spine. Harry hummed when Louis' tongue wedged in between his lips, licking his way into his mouth and feeling an eruption of butterflies in his stomach. Kissing Louis was always so easy and so refreshing. No matter how many problems they had, and no matter how mad Harry was, he couldn't resist the kiss.
"He's not good enough for you, you know that, right?" Louis said once he pulled back. One hand on Harry's hip and the other cupping his jaw.
When Louis tried to lean in for another kiss, Harry deflected it. "Why?"
"Because he's not."
"He's not my boyfriend, Louis," Harry corrected, hands moving down Louis' arms. "I'm not sleeping with him."
Louis scoffed, rolling his eyes and letting go. "That's all he ever wants."
"That's all that you want."
Louis stiffened at the comment and diverted his eyes away. He didn't say anything, just remained silent. That only frustrated Harry even more . He wanted Louis to say something. He wanted him to get mad or jealous. He just wanted Louis to do something . He could tell it bothered him. Could tell that there were a million things to say, but it was like he was actively trying to keep himself quiet. It didn't make fucking sense.
Harry wasn't going to let Louis get away so easily, not when he was standing right there in front of him, and not when they had been talking so much.
"You don't like Nick," he started with, hearing Louis snort in response. That much had been obvious. "You don't like me with Nick. I can see it. I can feel it." Louis blinked, and Harry stepped closer. "It makes you angry - jealous - upset. I know that feeling. I get the same way when you're with Eleanor."
"Harry," Louis sighed, sounding so defeated.
"Just let me talk," he begged, placing a hand on his chest. "It's not fair what you've been doing to me. If you are allowed to be with other people, then I should be able to as well. I just - I'm not going to keep myself available for you. I'm not going to keep waiting for you to figure it out." Harry swallowed, breathing out a deep breath through his nose. "Unless, it does truly bother you when I'm with someone else - the same way it bothers me, then we can talk about it instead of jumping around it."
"What are you getting at?"
And this was it. This was Harry's chance to finally bring up the conversation. It was time for him to get a definite answer and know officially what Louis wanted for them.
"What I'm saying is that ... I wouldn't mind if it was just you and I ... like, if we were only seeing each other ... not seeing other people."
Louis' eyes shut momentarily, and a deep sigh escaped. Harry could visibly see him starting to pull away, and it was so heartbreaking to watch. He could tell that there was a part of Louis that wanted it - it was evident in the way he tried so hard to resist. When Louis opened his eyes, they were glossy, like he was doing his best not to get emotional or teary-eyed.
"No," he said softly, blinking up towards the ceiling.
Harry's heart broke. "No?"
"I can't do that."
Harry's features hardened, and he pushed Louis off of him. "What more do you want from me?" he nearly shouted. "You can't tell me that I'm yours only when it's convenient for you. That's not fair, Louis."
"It's complicated."
Harry wiped underneath his eyes. Fuck, he was starting to cry.
"Uncomplicate it for me," he begged as he stepped closer to cup his face. "I don't like this. I don't like the way this is making me feel. I'm offering myself to you - all of me - and that still doesn't seem to be enough for you. I'm not asking for us to go public. I just want it to be us. Why don't you want that with me?"
Louis blinked, and he moved Harry's hands off his face. "I can't do this right now."
Harry's jaw tightened. "Of course you can't." He moved away from the wall and walked around him. "Since you don't want me, I guess I don't have to keep waiting for you."
"So you'll date Nick?" Louis crossed his arms over his chest.
"I don't know," Harry whined, frustrated beyond words. "I'm just saying, if he wants to date, then I might give him a chance. He likes me, and he wants to do all the boyfriend things that I want as well. He's not ashamed of me."
"I'm not ashamed of you," Louis said instantly, straightening up. "I'm just going through a lot right now, okay? It's very complicated, and I can't give you what you want ... at least not yet."
Harry's heart fluttered a little. "What does that mean?"
"I just need you to trust me when I say that, please?."