Camila awoke on her side, her breasts pressed to Lauren's back, an arm around her waist, and Lauren's hips nestled into the curve of her belly. She cradled the heavy warmth of Lauren's breast and thrilled to the heartbeat beneath her palm. Lauren was everywhere, everything. Camila nestled her face in the curve of her lover's neck, nuzzling the soft skin just below her ear. She smiled to herself when Lauren murmured her pleasure and rocked her hips against Camila's pelvis. She couldn't think of a single thing that worried her and would be content never to move from that spot.
Close to drifting off to sleep once more in sated torpor, Camila groaned in near-ecstasy as the faint but exquisite aroma of coffee reached her. Oh God, yes. Coffee.
Coffee!
Camila's eyes flew open. "Holy Christ."
"What?" Lauren questioned, drowsy and slightly grumpy.
"Coffee. Phyllis is downstairs—-in the kitchen—making coffee."
Lauren grasped Camila's hand and held it tightly between her breasts, preventing the brunette from jumping up, "She always comes over in the morning around this time when I have to work."
"Yes," Camila whispered urgently. "But I'm not usually upstairs in bed with you."
"Mmm." Lauren worked her hips a little tighter into the bend of Camila's body, eliciting a startled but appreciative gasp from Camila. "Maybe we can work on that."
"And maybe I can make it down the maple tree outside your window, too."
"Well," Lauren muttered, pressing Camila's hand to her breast a second longer before releasing her hold, "I can see that you're immune to my charms this morning." Laughing, she turned onto her back and regarded Camila with lazy, satisfied eyes. "Phyllis is not going to care that you're here."
"Yes, but she'll know what we've been doing."
Lauren's lips curved into a full, ripe smile. "I very much doubt that she'll know that"
Camila grinned and couldn't resist kissing the beautiful mouth. When she drew away, Lauren's eyes were liquid and warm. "I meant in generic terms."
"Kiss me like that again, and she will have all the details."
"Oh no. Not on your life." Camila dipped her head, stole another kiss, and then slid from the bed. "I'm going to get dressed and try not to look like I spent the entire night reveling in your body."
Lauren sat up and pushed her hair back with both hands, her breasts lifting with the motion. "Did you?"
"What?" Camila asked, losing her train of thought as she followed the rise and sway of Lauren's breasts.
"Revel?"
"Oh yeah." Camila brushed her palm down the center of her own chest and abdomen, unconsciously trying to contain the sudden surge of arousal. "I feasted."
"You did, didn't you?" Lauren Lauren's voice was low, throaty. Her eyes followed the path of Camila's hand over the gentle swell of breast and taut muscles, imagining her own in its place. "Either get dressed or get back into this bed."
"Work. We gotta go to work." Camila tore her eyes away from Lauren's hungry gaze and found her jeans. She tugged them on and closed the fly with trembling hands. Her T-shirt lay by the side of the bed, and as she reached to get it, she felt Lauren's fingers drift along her spine. She shivered and stepped out of touching range. "Do you have any idea how much I want you? Any idea at all?"
Through the mind-blurring mists of arousal, Lauren heard the nearly agonized tone of Camila's voice. Her vision cleared instantly, and she searched Camila's face, startled to see a flicker of pain wash through her eyes. Without another thought, she slipped naked from the bed and quickly went to Camila. She framed the gorgeous face gently in her palms. "Camz." She tenderly kissed her lips. "I never want to hurt you. Am I?"
Camila closed her eyes and shook her head. She rested her hands on Lauren's waist. "No. Sometimes, I feel...so much, it hurts. But I don't mind." She opened her eyes, smiled faintly: "I wouldn't want it any other way."
"As long as you're sure." Lauren brushed the hair from Camila's forehead, then softly stroked her cheek. I want to give you more, I want to. I just...can't...yet.
"I'm sure." Camila grinned, stronger this time. "I have to go home and shower. I need to change for work."
"Yes, you do. You don't want to be late." Lauren raised her brows. "I've heard your chief is a ballbuster."
"Yeah." Camila shrugged into her T-shirt. "But I kinda like it."
Lauren's voice was honey warm. "Oh, really?"
The brunette didn't answer,glancing around the room in concentration. "Shit, I left my sneakers in Kyle's room." She glanced at Lauren in concern. "She shouldn't know I spent the night, right?"
"She'd probably be fine with it, but I'd rather tell her ahead of time if you're going to be here when she gets up. Plus, she's going to want you to stay for breakfast." Lauren gave Camila an affectionate pat on the rear. "I'll get your sneakers and bring them down to the kitchen for you. She won't wake up just yet."
"Great," Camila sighed.
While Lauren went to retrieve her Nikes, Camila pulled on her socks and headed downstairs. She hoped that Lauren was right about Phyllis. There was a big difference between knowing something in theory and being confronted with it in fact. Regardless of anything that Phyllis might have said, she was still Terry's mother, and Camila had taken Terry's place in Lauren's bed, if not her heart.
* * * * *
Phyllis , a cup of coffee in her hand and a smile on her face, turned at the sound of soft footsteps behind her. She blinked at the sight of Camila, shoeless and uneasy, framed in the kitchen doorway. Her untucked T-shirt was rumpled, her hair was mussed, and her eyes were apologetic. Camila. Lauren's new love.
For just an instant, Terry's face flashed into Phyllis's mind. That heart-melting grin that could charm the spots off a leopard. Oh, baby love. I miss you so much.
"Hi, Phyllis." Camila didn't move, watching Phyllis's face. "I'm sorry I took you by surprise."
"That's all right." Phyllis gestured to the coffee pot . "Do you want some?"
Camila shook her head. "I need to get home. I was just—"
Lauren appeared at Camila's side, sneakers in hand. "Here you go." She ran a hand down Camila's back, the gesture intimate but discreet, then stepped around her and into the kitchen. "Morning, Phyllis."
"Hi, sweetie."
While Camila leaned against the wall and tugged on her Nikes, Lauren poured coffee into a travel mug. She held out the mug to Camila. "If you're only going to have one cup today, it should be Phyllis's. Are you going to bike in, or do you want a ride?"
"I think I'll bike." Camila crossed the room and reached for the cup. Her eyes met Lauren's and; uncertain, she lifted a shoulder. "I'll talk to you later."
Leaning forward, Lauren kissed her lightly on the lips. "Be careful. See you soon."
Lauren waited until Camila had disappeared off the back porch. Then she turned to Phyllis and softly touched her arm. "Are you okay about Camila?"
"Yes." Phyllis rested her hips against the counter, sipped her coffee, and regarded Lauren thoughtfully. She'd seen her almost every morning for the last six years. This morning, Lauren looked different. Phyllis hadn't realized until just now that she had grown used to the hollowness in Lauren's eyes, the emptiness left in the wake of unrelenting pain. Now, something else had taken its place. Something that looked a great deal like happiness. "It wasn't as if I didn't expect it. In fact, I've rather been rooting for it."
"For Camila to spend the night?" Lauren's lips curled into a fond smile as she remembered the pleasure of waking in Camila's arms. She didn't realize how much that simple smile revealed.
"More than that," Phyllis murmured. I've been waiting for you to let someone into your heart.
Lauren blinked, caught in the memory. "What? I'm sorry..."
"Nothing." Phyllis laughed and handed Lauren an empty coffee mug. "Here. Pour your coffee and get going, or you'll be late. I'm going to make Kyle's lunch."
Dutifully, Lauren did as she was told. She stopped in the doorway on her way out and turned back, regarding Phyllis tenderly. "I don't know how I would have managed without you. I don't think I could have. I hope being with Camila doesn't hurt you."
Phyllis stood in front of the kitchen table with a jar of peanut butter in her hand. She met Lauren's gaze steadily. "Does she make you happy?"
For an instant, Lauren closed her eyes, afraid of the feelings. Then she opened them and nodded. "Yes. She does."
"Then I'm happy, too."
* * * * *
Ally frowned at the closed curtain in the last patient cubicle at the far end of the hall. She was certain that she hadn't put anyone in that one since it was too small to work in comfortably, and she usually reserved it for overflow or for boarders who were waiting for a bed to open up on a regular floor upstairs. Plus, there were no charts on the rack for that room. She reached for the curtain irritably. The last time she'd checked a supposedly unoccupied cubicle, she'd come upon one of the surgery residents bare-ass naked humping one of her nurses. At the last second, she decided not to fling the barrier open and risk giving the entire ER a show. Pulling the stiff blue material aside a few inches, she peeked into the room. What she saw had her stepping quickly all the way inside.
"Are you all right?"
Grimacing, Camila looked up from the treatment table upon which she was stretched out, shirtless, trying unsuccessfully to position a series of EKG pads across her own torso. Lauren was at an administrative meeting, and Camila had thought she'd have enough time and privacy to run a twelve-lead EKG and rhythm strip.
"Yes. Fine." Another lead fell off. "Fuck." Casting Ally a desperate glance, she pleaded, "Look, can you help me with this?"
Ally folded her arms over her chest and regarded Camila solemnly. "It depends."
"On what?"
"Are you going to tell Lauren what's going on?" '
"What makes you think anything is going on?" Camila sat up and strapped a leg lead around her ankle. When she did, another of the six pads on her chest became disconnected. She groaned.
"I thought we were friends," Ally said quietly.
"I'm sorry." Camila blushed. "I don't...want her to know."
"Know what?"
Camila gestured to her chest and the scar over the implanted defibrillator. "Did she tell you?"
Ally shook her head. "No ; But I saw your chest x-ray the day you injured your shoulder. It wasn't her fault. I just walked in on her."
"It doesn't matter. I don't mind that you know." Camila ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "I need to send a rhythm strip to my cardiologist in Manhattan. Could you help me, please?"
"Are you having any symptoms? Palpitations, lightheadedness, shortness of breath, chest pain?"
"No." Camila saw Ally's look of disbelief. "The defibrillator's been discharging too frequently lately. But I feel fine."
"We can run a diagnostic on the unit and check the settings and voltage levels."
"I already did that. It seems to be working all right. So I thought I'd run a rhythm strip and see if I'm having a lot of irregular beats."
Absently, Ally lifted Camila's wrist and felt her pulse. It was a maneuver so second-nature to her that she didn't even think about it. "Why don't you want Lauren to know?"
Camila hesitated. "She'll worry."
Ally's eyebrow lifted. "And that would be bad...why?"
"I want to make her happy. I want to put the light back in her eyes." Camila's expression darkened. "Worrying about my cardiac condition is not going to do that."
As Camila spoke, Ally lifted a stethoscope from around her neck and placed the auscultation diaphragm on Camila's chest. "Quiet for a second." After listening for half a minute, she swung her stethoscope back into its usual position and fixed Camila with an appraising glance. "If she finds out that you have a problem and that you kept it from her, she'll be hurt. That would make me very angry." She held up a hand when Camila started to protest. "Worse, she'll feel betrayed because she cares for you, and you didn't trust her. That's something you'll regret for the rest of your life. Don't be an asshole."
Camila tried to open her mouth, then clamped it shut again. "I'm a little out of my mind over her. Sometimes, I don't think too clearly, especially when I'm afraid I could blow it. Thanks." She took a long breath, let it out. "I'll tell her."
"Good." Briskly, Ally set about applying the extremity and chest leads with practiced efficiency. Then she turned on the power and watched the trace as the paper scrolled out of the electrocardiogram machine. "Lauren looks happy these days. I'd like to see her keep looking that way."
"So would I," Camila said as Ally pushed the off button.
Ally met Camila's eyes, and the expression in hers was tender. "Lauren is a very brave and very stubborn woman. She won't let you go just because you have a problem. Is that what you're afraid of?"
"She's already lost the woman she loved." Camila held Ally's gaze. "I wouldn't blame her for not wanting to risk something like that happening again."
"Lauren lost one woman she loved. This isn't about Terry. It's about you." Ally gave Camila an affectionate shake of her head. "Lauren's with you now, Mila."
"She hasn't said that," Camila murmured.
"Does she really have to?"
Camila thought of the myriad ways that Lauren touched her every day, physically and emotionally, tenderly and exuberantly and demandingly. With a sigh not of frustration but of peace this time, she said softly, "No. She doesn't."
"Amazing," Ally commented as she removed the leads and handed Camila her shirt. "A surgeon who is actually capable of listening to reason. We have to keep you."
* * * * *
Honor leaned in the doorway of her office while Camila used the phone to call her cardiologist. She held Camila's EKG tracing, the one they'd just transmitted to New York, in her hand. It looked normal this time, just as it had the previous ten times she'd studied it.
The minute Camila hung up, Lauren asked, "What did he say?" She kept her voice steady, but her stomach was clenched into a painful knot.
"He doesn't see any problem."
"What about the defibrillator discharges?" She'd been upset when Camila had told her about the most recent episodes, partly because Camila had not told her right away, but primarily because it frightened her to realize that Camila's cardiac condition was still not well stabilized.
"The same thing as he always does." Camila shrugged. "Could be the threshold setting on the defibrillator is still too low. Could be that I'm having short runs of tachycardia that I'm not aware of."
"You need to go up there to be examined, or you need to get a cardiologist down here." Lauren's tone was harsher than she'd intended, but she couldn't seem to maintain her usual professional equanimity.
"I have an appointment with him in three weeks."
Lauren's jaw tensed. "Three weeks is a long—"
"He said he thought that would be fine."
"Oh, what the hell does he know? He can't even get your goddamned medication straightened out!"
Camila heard the sharp edge of fear beneath the anger. Quickly, she crossed the room, took Lauren's hand and drew her inside the office, and then closed the door. She gently clasped Lauren's waist beneath the white lab coat she wore in the ER. "I'm not having any symptoms. I feel great. And in case you haven't noticed, my heart's been stressed quite a bit lately, and it's held up just fine."
Lauren rested her palm over Camila's heart. Her voice was thick when she answered. "I've noticed. I love the way your heart pounds when I make love to you." She raised her eyes to Camila's. "I don't want to be afraid when I feel that. I don't want..." She looked away, swallowed hard. "I don't want to lose you."
"You won't." Camila pressed her lips to Lauren's forehead. "People live normal lives with this condition. I will, too."
"I know." Lauren took a deep breath, consciously stilling the dread that threatened to rise from the shadows of her darkest nightmares and choke her. She drew her fingers down Camila's face, then kissed her lightly on the lips. "I know."
"I'm sorry, I'd better get back to work," Camila said with regret. "I'm waiting on labs for a patient."
"You go ahead. I'll be right out."
"You okay?" Camila's brown eyes were dark with concern.
Lauren forced a smile and nodded. "Fine. I just have to return a couple of calls."
"I'll see you later, then."
"Yes."
When Lauren was alone, she leaned back against her office door and closed her eyes. She knew without doubt that she couldn't survive the loss of another lover. Given the choice, she might choose not to care for Camila. The problem was, she wasn't certain any longer that she still had a choice.
Oh, Camila. Baby. Do you know what you mean to me?
AN: What do you think guys? It's my day off today so I might actually post everything today since I'm too lazy to do anything and I don't like my readers waiting long cause I don't like waiting as well. LOL.